When Good Gilmores Go Bad
by rachor
Summary: Lorelei gets her mini me. WARNING! This story is about Rory's day to day life and is pretty much plotless. It's a crack fic pure and simple. Some of my family are sadly still being stupid.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to The Gilmore Girls and if I did that show would have been canceled the first season.

Summary: Everything has become to much for our heroine so with a wanna-be controlling weirdo boyfriend who has bad hair and a job bagging groceries(bet he always puts the bread on the bottom)being the straw that broke the camel's back, Lorelei gets her wish for a mini-me in spades.

One could almost hear the sounds of the emotional bindings breaking and falling to the floor at her feet as she strode after him not caring who was watching because enough was enough, not caring that the dress her mother had spent hours altering was dragging the ground ready to trip her at any moment, not caring because the beast that all named Lorelei in the Gilmore family possessed had finally broken loose and as the only Lorelei to not embrace it's insanity it felt long over do for a good romp, "Tristan DuGrey get your ass back here or I am going to kick it so hard you'll be shades of blue never seen by science before!" sweet, innocent, the voice of reason Rory Gilmore threatened loudly while debating wither or not to go ahead and tackle the bane of her existence to the ground or try and take him down with a couple of rabbit punches to the kidneys.

Freezing mid step Tristan looked over his shoulder at the enraged female coming straight towards him, his fight or flight instinct had, well...fled leaving him standing there like a deer in headlights because not only had "Mary" raised her voice in a true show of anger but had also threatened bodily harm with the clear conviction of using it if she wasn't obeyed. Reaching him she placed herself between him and the man that had called out to him that it was time to go. Both males watched her wearily like one would watch an angered snake. Between on breath and the next she'd reached up grabbed Tristan by the shirt collar and jerked him down till they were eye to eye. "Listen to me you worm, if you think your leaving me after all the hell you've put me through you have another thing coming." she snarled.

A few feet away Alistair DuGrey's shock at what he was seeing was fading fast and was becoming replaced by amusement causing him to make snorting noises as he tried not to chuckle at the scene playing out in front of him. 'Tristan hadn't even looked that scared when the police had brought him home earlier.'

"You owe me for every minute of misery you've given me from the moment I met you and I demand payment in full, until then I OWN YOU! So fix this! I don't care if you have to beg, plead, offer to father the first born child of Bowman's heifer of a sister you will not leave me. If you do I will hunt you to the ends of the earth and make your life a living hell." Releasing her hold on his shirt she pointed to the dressing room "Now get your ass into your costume get on stage and lets get this thing over with because I am not facing Paris without you just because you decided to hang out with that pair of morons who couldn't even plan a snack run in their own house let alone an safe heist. I mean my god who doesn't do recon when planning something like that. A 7-11 has silent alarms so why wouldn't a billionaires' safe, dumbass. Bunch of inbred blue blooded amateurs."

Seeing him still standing there staring at her like she had grown a third eye and not doing what she'd told him had her narrowing her eyes at him causing him to stumble back, "I said GIT!" she snapped and pointed towards the dressing room again. He backed away a few feet before turning and running to do as she had said his body wanting to live to see another day and fearing that it wouldn't if it listened to his mind when the ability to think returned and he decided to disobey her.

When the door had slammed shut behind him she closed her eyes and rubbed her temples hoping to cause the pressure she was feeling to ease up some, "I am to young and cute for this." she gripped. "Yes you are." a deep amuse sounding voice agreed. Looking over her shoulder she found a very handsome older man smiling warmly at her, the resemblance between Tristan and him was undeniable,

"And your are Bible-Boy's...uncle?" she asked not really caring.   
"Father"  
"I feel your pain." she told him dryly.  
"Thanks." Alistair grinned, "And you would be?"  
" Rory Gilmore." she answered and held her hand out.  
"I don't think he's ever mentioned a Rory before." he told her as he shook her offered hand.

Rolling her eyes heavenward and wondering for the fifth time that day why she hadn't been struck by lightening and have her miseries end in one fell swoop she answered through gritted her teeth, "You might know me as Mary."  
Now the elder DuGrey really looked amused "I see. Gilmore you say, any relation to Richard and Emily Gilmore"  
"Grandparents. I'm Lorelai's daughter."

It took a good five minutes after that before he could catch his breath having burst into uncontrollable laughter. In that time Paris had shown back up demanding to know where Rory's Romeo was even having phrased it just like that in her rant. "Getting dressed," Rory shrugged, "though Tris did look a little scared. I figure it might be a case of stage fright I heard that it can spring up in the most confident of people without warning." "Not on my watch it won't!" Paris snapped and having ignored the laughing presence of a man she'd known all her life because of tunnel vision she made a bee-line for the dressing room at a brisk pace.

A very unmanly sounding yell of the blond terror's name filled the air a moment later when the glorified closet's door was flung open. "Oh stuff it; mom's got pictures of you wearing less in at least three of my baby albums." Paris informed him in a tone which clearly stated that she thought him to be an idiot, she then proceeded to read her one-time crush the riot act for being late and daring to have stage fright. Alistair had gotten his composure back just in time to witness his son being drug from the dressing room by and angry red faced blond by the frills on his costume's shirt.

"Dad military school...please? Now?" Tristan called out in a loud whimper as he was being led away. "WE as in me and you have already talked about this Tristan, remember eight minutes ago right here where I'm standing, remember how WE discussed you staying right here with me in hell at Chilton until I graduate or longer because I OWN YOU." Rory growled clutching her fists at her sides. Alistair looked down at the angry brunette and then at his very "un-nerved" son.

Seeing his father's Cheshire Cat like grin did nothing for Tristan's piece of mind, "What she said." his old man smirked nodding his head in Rory's direction and then turning on his heel walked away whistling a jaunty tune, leaving his oldest child and heir to his fate knowing he'd learn his lesson better and/or get paid back for every aggravation that the boy had ever caused his parents (whichever came first) if Tristan was left to Rory Gilmore's wraith then sent to that military school. Long repressed memories of another Gilmore with brunette hair came to mind involving a birthday party when he was six, the police, two irate clowns a naked mime and a drunken llama, "And he'll deserve every minute of it." Alistair laughed gleefully grabbing his cell phone from his pocket to inform his somewhat estranged wife of the latest development. He'd soon find out that she too had stories of Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. Surprisingly the tales they swapped between them of the mother of their son's new 'owner' would be the first of many nights shared happily in each others company for the first time in a decade.  
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	2. Chapter 2

Saturday Morning...

A little bird, who was perched on the window sill of one Rory Gilmore, sang its joy as another beautiful day dawned in Stars Hollow. All over town people were waking up greeting the day with a smile on their face. Movement at the house next door caught the little blue bird's attention and it cocked its head never breaking a note in its song as it watched the nice lady that always had the best seeds in her feeders putter around her lawn rearranging her gnomes. It really should have been watching it's six instead of the moo-moo clad neighbor, if it had it might have been able to avoid the fuzzy pink alarm clock that flew out the open window aimed right for it.

Rory gulped down her large cup of coffee and slammed the mug down on the table in front of her. Placing her hands on the table top Rory half rose out of her chair and leaned towards the woman who had spawned her. There was a shifty look in the youngest Gilmore's eyes as she explained her sudden epiphany to her startled mother. When she was done she sat back into her chair and crossed her arms over her chest and watched her mom's reaction. Chewing on her bottom lip Lorelai looked down at her half full cup of coffee, "Do you think I...you...we are ready for that?" she asked, "I mean it's a big step, and neither one of us has gone that far before. And what about Luke?" "I'm sure we can handle it mom." Rory said confidently, "And if Luke has a problem with it he can kiss our butts. We won't need the great Danes. We will have moved on and found something better."

Lorelai grinned at her daughter, again she wondered about the unholy light dancing in her offspring's eyes. She had noticed it the night before after the play when Rory told Dean she'd talk to him later in a tone that suggested it was in his best interests to keep his mouth shut before walking off with Bible-boy (okay, so it was more like she had a hold of the waistband of his leggings and was dragging the dazed looking boy behind her). Shrugging mentally she figured Rory would tell her what she need to know, when she needed to know it and decided to enjoy however long she had with this Rory Gilmore before Ms. Sensible reared her ugly head. So following Rory's example Lorelai gulped down her coffee and slammed her mug down on the table in front of her. "Your right, we don't need him. Lets go, there's an espresso machine out there with our names on it."

Five Hours later...

Making their way onto the porch carrying their new ambrosia maker and the tiny cups that had come with it that they were going to turn into pen holders for those mini-glitter pens they noticed a piece of folded pink colored paper taped to their front door. Rory's name was scrolled across the front. Tugging it loose Lorelai handed it to her daughter then proceeded to read it over her shoulder.

"Rory sweetie you should be more careful of where you put your alarm clock. This morning it fell out your window and landed on a bird. Luckily the bird was just dazed.  
Barbette"

"Damn. I guess I'll just have to throw it harder next time." Rory grumbled and wadded the note up before shoving it in her jeans pocket.

Lorelai snickered and opened the door, "Need one of my clocks sweets?"

"Yeah got anything that electrocutes on contact?" Rory asked hopefully, her mother having the oddest collection of stuff stored in her bedroom closet she figured it was a real possibility.

"Nope sorry, I tossed it out with all my other S&M stuff when Max and I broke up." Lorelai answered sadly and watched Rory out of the corner of her eye waiting for her the moment of "EWWW" Lorelai had come to expect her daughter to have when any kind of innuendo was made in her presence. Nothing, zip, zilch, nada. What she did see and hear was Rory shrug and mutter "Oh well It was worth a shot." before grabbing the limited edition of War and Peace, that her grandfather had gotten her for making honor roll earlier in the year off of the small table next to the couch were she had left it a few days before and test it's weight. "This'll do I guess." she smirked, "Now lets try out Enrique."

"Enrique?" Lorelai asked confused and held the box up containing their newest appliance turning it this way and that, "You think it looks like an Enrique?"

"Yep, two words. Hot and steamy." Rory explained wiggling her eyebrows.

"I'd have called it Luke then." Lorelai said joking in a breathless tone, as she made her way towards the kitchen. Rory's reply to that had her whipping her head around and looking at Rory like she'd never seen her before, "Better get a pair of glasses then O' mother of mine and take a gander at Jesse's ass next time we're in there. You'll never again sing Luke's praises in quite the same tone again...unless it's in reference to his food of course."

Sunday A Little Before 10 a.m...

Dean Forester stood on his girlfriend's porch fuming and repeatedly pressing the doorbell, he wanted answers and wasn't leaving till he got them. She had dared to use a "tone" with him Friday night after the play, it had caught him off guard allowed her to make her get away to go do who knows that with that...that...accountant in training, while he was trying to figure out where her 'tude with him had come from. And then Rory had refused to answer his calls to her cell all day Saturday (he forgot he still had it in his pants pocket and Rory didn't care seeing she really didn't want it back after it had gotten Dean cooties all over it). He was HER boyfriend damnit. She couldn't treat him that way, he was doing her a favor by going out with her; the cheerleaders had told him so.

He had just started to press the button for the fifth time in fifty seconds when Ms. Barbette called out a hello to him as she power walked passed, flipping his hair out of his eyes he turned to wave in response to her cheerful hello and smiled at her charmingly. In that very moment of distraction he missed front door flying open behind him but didn't miss Rory's greeting. No words were spoken between the pair but he decided for the good of all to come back later after getting his nose checked out at the clinic and the impression of the letters R.A.W had worn off of his forehead.

After closing and locking the door behind her unwelcome visitor's retreat, Rory began to wipe bag-boy DNA off of the cover of her book with the handful of paper towels her mom had handed her in passing as she headed off to take her morning shower, when Rory realized with growing annoyance that she still had about fifteen more hours give or take an hour until she had to ready herself to step into the bowls of hell for yet another week of fun and learning and had nothing to do until then..."hmmm, I wonder if Tristan's awake? MOM! WHERE'S THE PHONE?"

In Hartford at that very second Tristan DuGrey snapped awake and fell to the floor in a very uncool looking heap when he tried to scramble out of bed and got tangled up in his sheets. After a few moments of silence he reasoned that it must have been a bad dream that had awoken him from his sound sleep. His cell phone rang and he reached up from his place on the floor to grab it from the bedside table and naively answered it without checking the caller id first. I'll tell you right now he wouldn't be making that mistake again.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I still own nothing, nor will I ever own anything of the Gilmore Girls Franchise.

And so our story continues...

"Mom fire up Enrique and put mine in a travel mug I'm going out." Rory called over her shoulder as she darted up the stairs to grab her shoes and jacket. Deciding that she needed yet another change she dove into her closet and found the large denim purse she'd gotten from her mom's mighty collection of purses when she was eleven, that was back when she really didn't care what her peers thought about her, back when she refused to sit quietly and let the little bugger heads at Starry Eyed Elementary brow beat her into fitting in, "Puberty has a lot to answer for." Rory sighed recalling the day she had gave in and went with a more girly purse, realizing now that it had snowballed from there. Out went the comfortable jeans and in came the skirts and long gone were the days when she raided her mom's closet for her sweaters, now her mom raided hers.

Her eyes were drawn to her window and she saw Barbette adding yet another gnome to her already large collection, the sight somehow triggered her half remembered dream from night before; It had started out at the town picnic in the park looking just as it had the previous June with the sun shining down and butterflies flitting here and there. It began to get freaky when all the town's people all looked towards her as one and began to chant "Become one of us Rory, become one of us." not seeing her mom amongst the crowd her dream self had looked around frantically and finally spotted Lorelai in another part of the park far away from the others, Luke was standing in the grey colored area separating the town's people sunny-side with the Gilmore stormy-side watching Lorelei dancing in the middle of the raging storm laughing with wild abandon as lightning flashed across the sky. "Hey babe, come and dance with me." she'd called out to Rory and spun away her skirt flaring prettily. Rory had just stepped over the some imaginary line she had instinctively known to be there to join her mom when an annoyingly cheerful chime woke her up. "Join them? Willingly? I'll damn myself to a lifetime of Jackass reruns before that happens." Rory vowed shaking her fist at the teddy bear laying one her bed. She then grabbed her jacket off of the back of her desk chair and found she couldn't find her "going out into the world" shoes (not that she actually looked for them) instead she decided to go with what had she had on. Figuring if Tristan didn't like it he could gouge out his eyes.

In Hartford...

Pacing the floor wearing naught but his Hello Kitty boxers Tristan DuGrey wondered just what he had done to deserve what was happening to him. Rory Gilmore was becoming almost as bad as the ten plagues of Egypt. Freezing in his tracks he realized that he did make a lot biblical references where Rory was concerned, then shrugging it off as unimportant and to wait to wonder about later, like when he wasn't feeling like crawling under his bed and visiting his dust bunny collection, he continued to pace and try and think of someway out of what she had planned for him that afternoon. He came up with nothing. Frustrated he started to beat his head on wide molding around his window, "Why" BANG "Won't" BANG "My" BANG "Brain" BANG "Work" BANG "When" BANG "It" BANG "Comes" BANG "To" BANG "Rory" BANG "Gilmore" BANG.

Shuffling off of the bus because her footwear had nearly slipped off when she took an actual step, Rory shoved another cookie in her mouth and waved back at the nice lady that had sat next to her on the bus, she had handed Rory the bag of homemade sugar cookies she'd been bringing to her grandchildren when Rory gotten up to disembarked, Kate had explained to her confused look that she'd liked Rory more after just a ten minute long acquaintance then a lifetime of knowing those hoodlums that carried her blood. All Rory had cared about was the free cookie part. Making her way through the "old money" neighborhood and munching on her much appreciated gift Rory was reading the house numbers on the security call boxes outside the front gates when she realized that his house number was even and she was on the odd side, looking across the street she spotted a huge gothic style mansion that if placed side by side with the Gilmore Place would make her grandparents place look like a Barbie's Dream House in size and tackiness.

"Oh please god, let that be his house." she prayed, as she pictured the look on Emily Gilmore's face if she could tell her grandmother all about the much cooler house the DuGrey's had. Wait! Better yet, show her...reaching into her large purse she rooted around until she found her new cell phone with camera and e-mail capabilities. "Hey if nothing else I can Photo shop." she grinned and lining up the shot she made sure to get the fact that the upper floors of the house towered over the large oak tree on the front lawn. Closing her phone and shoving it back into her bag along with the remaining cookies to share with her mom later she crossed her fingers and made her way to the other side of the street to check the house number. Letting out a joyous yell she began to pump her arm in an "I just beat you at Smash Brothers for the sixth time in a row" sort of way because that was his house.

"Alistair there is an odd girl in our drive. She's moving her legs like she's doing that Funky Chicken dance and has her arms waving in the air while holding her hands in a peace sign, I think." Annabelle DuGrey told her husband worriedly as she stared wide eyed out their main library's picture window at the oddest thing that she had ever seen and mind you she had once gone to a half off sale at a mall when she was fifteen.

Alistair closed his book using his finger to keep his place and leaned over in his chair till he could look around his wife and see what she was talking about. "That is what is called a victory dance, football players used to do them all the time after scoring a touchdown." he shrugged and went back to his book. "But what about the girl?" Annabelle asked confused by his lack of worry at their trespasser, she had just spotted the girl's bunny slippers and it did nothing for the anxiety she was feeling. But her thoughts of calling the police quickly vanished because her husband looked up from his reading wearing a shark like grin and answered smugly, "That is a Rory Gilmore." "Oh," silence "I will go tell Marie to set another place at the table for lunch," Mrs. DuGrey suddenly smiled serenely and leaving her husband to be the one to greet Rory Gilmore into their home once her dance of victory was finished after all he had been the one to meet her first. "Give me stretch marks will he." Annabelle grumbled under her breath in a very unlady like tone as she crossed the room's threshold and cast the evil eye upwards in the direction of Tristan's room.

Upstairs Tristan was backing away from his window in horror. "Why in the hell is my bedroom in the front of the house?" he ranted at his goldfish, his right eye beginning to twitch and a knot forming on his forehead. "If I had one in the back I could have climbed out my window using my bed sheets as a rope and no-one would have been the wiser until it was too late. But noooo, I just had to have this one that made sneaking back in after curfew easier. I'm so stupid!" His very expensive Koi watched its panicking owner a long moment before dismissing him because it didn't look like It was going to get any food any time soon and swam off to watch the bubbles escaping from the pirate chest in the middle of the tank. A brilliant idea (if he did say so himself) popped in Tristan's head "That might work." he announced to no-one that gave a flying rat's butt aka his fish, "That's just what I'll do."

The heavy oak door creaked open to the empty bedroom and a small figure stepped inside. Looking to their left and then their right the blue eyed intruder zeroed in on small the walk-in closet to their right. Grasping the handles of its double doors the invader was surprised that they had not locked or barred from opening in any way. Four steps in and they parted a row of suits exposing the closet's back wall and a blond haired crouching figure.

Kneeling Rory down silently re-guarded Tristan who seem to be calming down and was becoming just as enthralled by her slippers as everyone else in this house had been. "Well the eyes do light up when you walk." she silently mused and waited for him to look up. When he did he found the object of his affection and the source of his newfound fear twisting a lock of her hair around a finger in boredom. Seeing that she finally had his attention she released her hair and asked him in a hushed tone, having wondered earlier after meeting his folks if another piece was about to be added to the puzzle that was Tristan DuGrey getting her one step closer to figuring him out, "Did you know that your parents look enough alike that they could be mistaken as siblings?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I still own squat.

Monday 6:00 a.m.

Monday 6:15 a.m.

Monday 6:25 a.m...ARRRGGGG!!!

Rushing around her bedroom Rory threw whatever looked even remotely school related  
into her book bag and shoving her shoes and socks in also she figured to finish getting  
dressed on the bus seeing as how she had five minutes to get to the bus stop or she'd  
miss her ride. Then grabbing her school blazer off of the floor and sniffing it to see if it was  
clean she realized if it wasn't then maybe it would act like a Rich Bitch deterrent and Paris  
would keep away, far, far away. Smiling at that pleasant thought she ran out of the room and  
finding that there standing by the open front door was her mother, the kind soul that she was, she had  
Rory's thermos in one hand and a bag of fresh powdered donuts in the other.

"ThanksgottagoclosetobeinglateandifIamI'llneverheartheofit." Rory yelled in a rush as she  
darted out the open door and grabbing Lorelai's offerings expertly on the fly without one fumble.

Keeping to the grassy edge because the sidewalk's cement was murder on her bare feet  
Rory ran for all that she was worth (hey just because she was her mother's daughter and  
didn't like to run didn't mean that she couldn't sprint when the sitch called for it.) hoping to  
make it in time. She was just about to corner of Main St. and Cyprus when a familiar looking  
silver porche pulled to a squealing halt in of the middle of the intersection in front of her.

The passenger door swung opened in invitation and without breaking stride she dove into  
the car slamming the door behind her.

Kirk Taylor dropped his binoculars in shock at the sight of sweet little Rory Gilmore getting  
into a stranger's car. Lorelai must be told! To the Kirk Mobile! His mo-ped puttered  
energetically as he gunned the engine and headed for the ol' Gilmore place...

Inside the car Rory pulled her socks on, put on her shoes, carried on a one-sided conversation about the movie  
she and her mom had watched and fiddled with the radio all at the same time much to the driver's amusement.

"Mar you might want to stop and take breath before you pass out from lack of oxygen." he chuckled, "Not that I'd mind  
having to give you mouth to mouth."

"Shove it bible-boy and drive." Rory grumbled and leaned back into her seat closing her eyes, "Wake me when we're  
nearly there, I want you to let me off a block from the school."

"What like I'm am embarrassment to you?" Tristan demanded feeling hurt by her attitude.

Cracking her eye open she regarded him unbelievingly "Oh, of all the mornings for you not to narcissistic. Did you look in the mirror at all?

"No I was in a hurry to pick _you_ up this morning, " he answered snarkily as he reached for his rear-view mirror to see what had her not wanting to be seen with him, "But now that you mention it the maid did look at me od...WHAT THE HELL?!"

American History was her last class and Tristan had promise to come back and pick her up to take her home so she that wouldn't have to hurry to catch her bus and as a repayment she had done his missed work assignments at lunch. She still wondered how he blamed her for the weird shaped bruise on his forehead. Dean she could understand because she had smacked _him_ down but Tristan?

Looking around before she took her seat, as had become custom in her ongoing mission to avoid snob contamination she saw that the teacher wasn't there yet and knew that soon the slut pheromones would be filling the air and attracting the one celled amoebas that were masquerading in Chilton's hallowed halls as Jocks so in an act of self preservation she tuned out the crimes against nature that was happening around her and out let her mind wandered back to the night before after she'd gotten back from Tristan's..

previous night Sunday 7:30 p.m or there about...

They had been talking about what she had done at Tristan's for a good hour already and she was having fun answering just what Lorelai asked and not offering unsolicited info.

Finally Lorelai couldn't take it any more "Okay so why DID bible-boy write that on your forehead?" Lorelai asked pointing at Rory's forehead graffiti that Tristan DuGrey had felt the need for her daughter to have proclaiming that; "No! My Parent's **Aren't** Siblings"  
"He was just being sensitive." Rory grinned and shoved a cookie in her mouth.  
"Satan's Spawn can do sensitive?" Lorelai continued to grill Rory from her spot on the other end of the couch.  
" Evidently he can." Rory shrugged "Any thing else, or can we start the movie"  
"Oh there's plenty else little girl," Lorelai huffed and looked at her pointedly, "Like are those his Hello Kitty boxers that you've decided need to be tacked to your bedroom wall like a trophy"  
"Who he" Rory asked confused  
"He, he!" Lorelai exclaimed exasperated.  
..."Ha-ha to you too." Rory snickered because Lorelai has walked into that one.   
"Tristan's, are they Tristan's" Lorelai growled.  
"Well duh. What, you think I just go around stealing the underwear off of strangers?" Rory answered rolling her eyes and eating cookie.

"Okay so what did he do, just pop out from under his bed and"  
"He was hiding in the closet." Rory interrupted and crammed another cookie in her mouth.

"Okay," Lorelai drawled, musing silently to herself just how she was going to keep the pod person that was sharing sugar cookies with her on her uberly comfortable couch and not hurt her real Rory's feelings when she doesn't report the abduction leaving her Rory to a lifetime of alien probing, "did he just come out of the closet and what? Bible-boy drop down to his knees and looking up at you all big eyed Hummel Figurine like, say something along the lines of, "Rory the love of my life I want you to have a token of my affection here's my dirty drawz."

Rory looked at her mom blankly a second before startling her hyena impression because of the picture her mom had just painted for her, "No," she laughed "He just can't play cards worth a damn."

"Rory, you were playing strip poker! I'm so proud." Lorelai gushed her eyes shining brightly, ignoring the fact her daughter's face was turning as red as a fire-truck from lack of oxygen.

"It was...Go Fish." Rory managed to gasp before felling off the couch landing on the floor with a small thump.

"Damn, he is bad." Lorelai told the laughing Rory lump, reaching over and stealing back the bag of sugar cookies. "Hey what say we use those pictures you took of his house as our new letter head, I'm feeling the need to sit down and write a good ol' fashioned three or four paged letter to my mommy, telling her just what I think about what she's done to me...I MEAN done FOR me...hee-hee" ...


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Well, I now own diddly but still not squat. The owner refuses to take my calls.

And I hate him because...

"I want my boxers back"  
Ignoring him for the moment Rory placed the folder containing his completed homework on the dashboard of the car and closed the door with a lot more force then needed making him wince, "Stuff it DuGrey, I won them fair and square. It's not my fault you couldn't play worth a damn. Now drive." Unlike the chatter filled morning the drive back to Rory's house was silent until she noticed another new thing that day about his appearance, "I see you put a band-aid on your boo-boo." she felt the need to comment on.

Reaching up Tristan rubbed the large tan colored rectangle stuck to his forehead, "My mom told my to put it on, said the blue of the bruise was clashing with the upholstery." he shrugged.

Four minutes of silence later...

"Can I sign it?" Rory asked him suddenly, startling Tristan out of a day dream about the days before Rory Gilmore took over his life. 'Ah, those were the tramp filled days.' he reminisced silently while aloud he asked her to repeat herself thinking that he had somehow misheard her.  
"Can I sign your band-aid?" she repeated slowly and in a tone suggesting she didn't think English was his first language. She had contemplated that idea a few months prior seeing as how he didn't seem to understand the word 'No'. Before meeting his mother she had thought he had been brought up in the language of Skank and Ho Bag but after yesterday's lunch with his parents she was leaning more towards 'Silent But Deadly' as his native tongue seeing as how when those two peoples' coils sprung no-one would see it coming and all would suffer, probably something along the lines of a costume party in the middle of July and the theme was partners in Movies. At least with Paris you KNEW not to make any sudden moves and keep her hands visible at all times. 'Why couldn't people be as well adjusted as me?' Rory wondered as she watched Tristan out of the corner of her eye.

"Let me get this straight, you want to sign my band-aid?" he asked sounding incredulous after hearing that he had heard her right. Sure he had written on her face the day before but it wasn't like he had signed it, Rory's would be too much like wearing a brand. "No Tristan, I was talking Gleebex and what you heard and what I said was actually two different things. See what I was really asking you to do was stop the car in the middle of town and act like a piñata." Rory explained offhandedly noticing that her ring finger nail was uneven and contemplated whether or not to chew off the unevenness to make it somewhat uniform.

Ten minutes later Rory and spit out a piece of finger nail not caring where it landed, having had to chew off the rest of them to make them match in length and looked over at tall blond annoyed, "Look, if you can't stop that whimpering will you at least put the knobs back on the radio so I can turn it on and drown you out?"

Half and hour of listening to Rory's Gun 'N Roses CD, he had never thought he had seen a more welcome sight when saw the Welcome to Stars Hollow sign. Five minutes after that she was climbing out of his car and getting her book bag from the back, "Tell me again why I had to drive you to and from school today?" he called out from his window when she stepped around the car and onto the sidewalk in front of hardware store where she had wanted to be let out at.

"You lost the bet and I know where you live so you knew better then to welch." She answered back without turning to look at him and proceeded on her merry way. Watching her go into the hardware store he felt a chill go down his spin at the thought of what she could do with the right tools seeing as how she have enough motivation.

Later at Gilmore Central...

"Oh my god Kirk did what?!" Rory exclaimed not caring that pizza slice she's just picked up's topping had slid off and landed back onto the pizza box. Quickly Lorelai reached over and grabbed the double topped piece before Rory noticed, "hmmm, stolen toppings..." she purred and wolfed it down while Rory tried to wrap her mind around the fact Kirk had wanted to gather up a 'Posse' and go make sure she had gotten to school alright. " What happened then?" Rory pressed.

"Well, after coming here he decided that the best place to find people with a mob like mentality was Luke's..."

Earlier That Morning At Luke's...

_"Now everyone this is serious, Rory Gilmore is in trouble and we have to help her." Kirk announced to the room at large, loudly thumping his closed fist onto the counter, Taking Loerlai's suggestion to heart he's come to Luke's hoping to garner more support for his cause then just from Rory's boyfriend Dean, who that morning was looking a bit like the Unabomber with a hoodie pulled down low over his face and a pair of dark lensed sunglasses, of course the creepy image was a bit destroyed by the pieces of toilet paper shoved into each nostril. "I thought you said she had gotten into the car willingly." Luke growled, praying that his tone alone would stop the insanity Lorelai had led into his diner that morning._

_Otherwise he just might have to touch Kirk or as Luke was starting to think of him Dumbass #1, and Rory's Dean plus whoever else decided to join their Duffus Club when he bodily threw them out of his diner._

_Kirk and the others he could handle he had bought a crate of industrial strength antibacterial hand wash just a week before so de-wussying himself would be easy but he had heard Dean had crabs or some such infestation. Though he wasn't sure how accurate the intel was because it had come From Ms. Patty who had heard it from Mrs. Kim who had been eavesdropping on her daughter Lane's telephone conversation the night before with Rory. But he did know he'd didn't want to take a chance on it being true and having to get deloused. Seeing his slacker nephew slouching down in a corner booth hoping to avoid being put to work, he raised his eyes heavenward and thanked his lucky stars for his sister's bad parenting, Jesse could do it! 'Hey, he's was from NY, he's tuff he can take it.' Luke reasoned as he repositioned his hat readying himself just in case Kirk didn't take the hint and let it drop._

_"But you heard Kirk, we don't know who was driving that car, we have to, nay we must save her from herself." argued Dumbass #2 formally known as Dean, trying to sound more adult._

Gilmore Living Room...

"So after Luke tossed Kirk out and Jesse shoved Dean out of the diner with a broom handle while wearing rubber gloves and a bandanna tied over his nose and mouth, I tossed my popcorn bag in the garbage and went on to work at the Inn." Lorelai finished in a bored tone, her twinkling eyes said she was all but.

"Well hell," Rory pouted, "You get to have all the fun when I'm not here don't cha?" and took a bite of her pizza puzzling a moment why it was only crust and sauce before shrugging it off as a twilight moment and shoved the rest in her mouth.

"Yep sweets I do," Lorelai grinned, "Now you wanna hear about Sookie and the Great Wall of Chicken?"

"Why not?" Rory shrugged and getting another slice after making sure that it on had toppings, she settled back against the couch cushion to hear how a guest at the Inn who was a modern artist had gotten drunk and decided to try his hand at "Poultry Art" an hour before Sookie and any of the kitchen staff had shown up for work.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- I own nothing but my dignity. Oh wait I sold that on E-Bay too. Never mind, I own nothing...

Hair pulled back into a pony tail, wearing a pair of green fatigues, a classic patterned camouflage tee-shirt and two matching lines drawn under her eyes in black grease paint Rory Gilmore peeked around the back corner of her house and used the faint light of the street lights that spilled onto the lawns to her advantage to spot her foe who was sitting unguarded in Barbette's yard near the edge of the porch, more towards Rory's house then the front making what she was going to do slightly easier to pull off then if he were fully out in the open.

Wedged heel clutched tightly in her hand because they didn't own a hammer and Luke had refused to let her borrow one yesterday on the grounds she was a Gilmore and would likely either hurt herself when she tried to use it or use it to commit a felony and give it back to him after wiping her prints off of it making him puts his on it instead so that he would be arrested for whatever she had done and Jesse would be in charge of the diner and then all Lorelai would have to do was flash the little slacker a bit of cleavage and he'd tell her Luke's secret coffee recipe after having slipped and fallen in his puddle of drool hitting his head on the floor and thinking that he was dying of a mysterious illness because his head hurt for some reason. Lorelai had been so proud to hear Luke's first full paranoid rant and intrigued by the fact he had a secret coffee recipe.

Dropping down to her stomach Rory began to belly crawl across the lawn and wished she had paid more attention to that Pauly Shore movie 'In the Army Now' because the only commando thingy that she knew was the not wearing underwear one. But no matter, this HAD to be done...

Standing on her darkened front porch Lorelai picked up Rory's cooling cup of espresso up from the railing where her daughter had set it before she skulked off on her self imposed mission.

Sniffing it and finding that it was only coffee and creamer Lorelai muttered "Too Bad" and chugged it down. Nobody was home at the Dell's so Lorelai didn't know why Rory was going through all that trouble seeing as how all she had to do was walk over there and no one would be the wiser as to who did it.

Sure there would be a town meeting and Taylor would get his knickers in a knot and want to start up all kinds of anti-crime programs that would ultimately fail in a big flaming ball of stupidity causing her and Rory to have months if not a year at least of laughing at anyone who had listened to him. But if she were truthful (though were would the fun be in that?) Rory didn't have to do this because it really didn't bother her. Because in all honestly, she didn't just didn't see it, not that she had actually told Rory that when her offspring had informed her of her discovery. Besides he was happily dating a transvestite who hadn't gotten up the nerve yet to inform him of his non-female status but she/he had told Lorelai in a hushed conspiratorial whisper after drinking one wine spritzer to many and getting tipsy that fateful Valentines' Day when he had introduced her and Rory to his new love. So it was all good on that front.

Creeping forward using only her elbows to pull herself along Rory thought back to when she had first spotted her new nemeses two days prior.

_Rory was skipping, yes I said skipping, down the driveway on her way over to Lane's after finishing her homework, Lane and her 'My-mother-is-controlling-and-I-have-the-backbone-of-a-piece-of-cooked-spaghetti' whiny ass hadn't been her first choice but there was nothing on TV, Tristan had blocked her calls, Paris wasn't home nor was her mom meaning she couldn't use Lorelai as a cheap source of entertainment either, so biting the bullet and deciding to be a good friend after all the dart had landed on Lane's name so she steeled her nerves, shoved her mp3 player's ear buds into her ears encase Lane was angstier then usual and began the six minute trek to The Kim abode._

_It had been a scene right out of a Hollywood movie, time seemed to slow down as her eyes were drawn to that abomination, she knew it was her new enemy as soon as she spotted him there was no question about it, the gap toothed grin, the hat sitting atop his head at a jaunty angle the hand raised in looking to Rory like he was flipping the world off. That might have saved him from her wrath if not for the small itty bitty thing she couldn't let go of; the gnome's face looked like her father Chris Hayden. Well it did if you squinted your eyes, tilted you head to the left after spinning around in a circle till you nearly puked but the resemblance was there! She's seen it and her mother didn't need a reminder of that period of her life, so there!_

The sound of breaking porcelain had Lorelai squealing " My Baby's first misdemeanor, this must by preserved!" and whipped out, a fancy bought from an ex-FBI field agent's yard sale a state over, digital camera that had night vision capabilities from lord knows where seeing as how she was wearing tight jeans and a tight pocket less tee-shirt that proclaimed she was an Angel in gold glitter paint. Luke told her that morning it was false advertising, she called him a poopy-head and kicked him in the shin, she was now banned from the diner for three weeks. "SMILE BABY!" She yelled and snapped the picture.

Rory down on her knees, shoe raised back ready to strike another blow, eyes wide in surprise because of her mom's yell to smile had startled her and what used to be number 3 of 22 of Cherub Greets The World by a renowned lawn gnome maker laying in a crumbled pile would be the first of many pictures Lorelai would place in a large multi-picture displaying frame on her wall where once hung a signed picture of Paul Anka, the middle empty because it was being reserved for Rory's first mug shot. 'Damn I love genetics.' she gushed and snapped another pic.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody licensed to the Gilmore Girls television show. Me sad.

Thank you to all that have read my story.

Thursday Morning...Chilton

On Tuesday morning after a fun filled time with Rory Gilmore Tristan DuGrey had gotten a second wind of smarts when he had her cell and house numbers blocked from calling his phones and had talked somebody else into getting his assignments until he returned to school (he did regret the fact they didn't see the need to do them because they had gotten bored after finishing their own work like Rory had). And if he had stuck to his guns Rory might have moved on after a couple of more weeks and left him to himself seeing as how breaking Dean would become one of her favorite pastimes soon, but nooo he wouldn't/couldn't let her alone.

It was a typical spring day in hell. The sun was shinning brightly, the birds were chirping and the privileged children of the Hartford rich were getting their come-uppance by being stuck indoors for nine hours.

Making his way through the crowds and smiling at a random subject, the king of Chilton Prep strode down the halls yet again, his self imposed exile over because; one the bruise on his forehead had faded enough that a bit of his mother's foundation could cover it believable and two Paris had gleefully informed him the night before after dropping off his assignments about the boys eyeing Rory up in his absence and not a one of them was worthy enough to even breath the same air as his Mary.

"What are those?" Tristan asked his eyebrows knit in confusion pointing at Rory's chest, having seen her at her locker putting her books away and automatically gravitating towards her despite the fact that his common sense was screaming for him to run in the other direction and his self preservation was in complete agreement with it but after yelling "Godzilla!!" and pointing at something off in the distance making the other two look, his hormones tazered them and tied them in a closet leaving them and the voice that had told him to streak his mother's garden party last year in control. At least that's what he told himself later at home when sitting in his closet and trying to figure out just what he had been thinking getting within twenty feet of her.

Looking down the front of the outfit she was required by Chilton's the dress code to wear, Rory's eyes grew wide with fear and her lips trembled, he prepared himself to grovel if it came to that to get her to stop. He hadn't meant to upset her, he'd only been curious and looking for a way to talk to her, hoping she hadn't known about that whole blocking her calls thing; Paris bringing him his school work was easy enough to justify since she lived next door to him if Rory insisted on making an issue about that. But the call block thing? That one wasn't covered in the excuse book for dummies his mother had presented him with on his last birthday, so he was just going to have to wing it if she brought it up.

"Oh my god, what _ARE_ those?" she exclaimed and grabbing the front of her uniform looked down inside her shirt.

"Oh wait, I'm a girl and I think they come standard on that model." she told him her tone suddenly one of sarcastic boredom, rolled her eyes at his drama and straightened her clothes. After closing his mouth after that little display he pointed directly at the piece of leather strip she wore and the unusual charms tied to it, "Not those. Those." he said flicking the charms with his finger.

"Well, what do they look like?" she asked him, turning back to her locker to finish gathering her books up for her first three classes.

"A ceramic ear and a ceramic hand giving people the finger." he answered promptly.

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner ladies and gentlemen. And mom said that there was no way you were in the top five percent of the school." Rory smiled and patted him on the arm, "I'll be sure to let her know that you at least you _ACT_ like your family tree forks."

"THERE'S FORKING!" he yelled after her retreating form, "THERE'S FORKING ALL IN MY FAMILY! WE FORK ALL THE TIME!"

The crowded hallway fell silent and one could have heard a pin drop until, "Be that as it may, Mr. DuGrey," a voice said tiredly from somewhere over his shoulder, "Please refrain from talking, much less yelling about such things here at Chilton or any place for that matter."

Slowly turning to look behind him, Tristan found the Vice Principle shaking his head at him in disappointment and most of the student body staring at him in a mixture of amusement and fear. "But...I...but...Mar... but...she" he stuttered, "But she said I don't fork!" he tried to use as a defense for his outburst. "Then take a Viagra!" somebody yelled from the silent crowd, somebody that sounded an awful lot like Paris Geller. His common sense having escaped confinement looked around at the scene of devastation the other two had wrought. "Oh god, somebody kill me." it whimpered.

Lunch time came and he'd been surprised to find nobody was treating him like a pariah after his mental time-out that morning like he had thought they would. In fact the guys were treating him more like a buddy instead of the unapproachable icon like they had before. And the girls were being friendly in a non slutty way. After that worry had passed depression soon set in because a different worry had come to mind and he couldn't shake it for the rest of the day.

Chilton Parking Lot After Classes Ended For The Day...

"Give me a hug"  
"No"  
"Yes"  
"No"  
"Give me a hug you ass wipe"  
"No"  
"Give me a hug or else." Rory threatened from where she had planted herself behind of his car.

"Or else what?" he countered naively thinking that she wouldn't actually do anything in front of the large crowd their latest argument had attracted.

"I'm betting that a lot of people here would just love to say Hello to a certain Kitty in my possession." she taunted smugly. Eyes growing wide with horror he watched as she started to pull a familiar looking item from her bag.

"You wouldn't dare." he yelped waving his hands in a motion meaning that he either wanted her to put it back or was trying to take fly.

"To the highest bidder and remember I'm a coffee fiend so payment needn't be in cash." she grinned and shoved the pair of boxers back in her book bag.

"Damn it Rory why in do you want to give me a hug so bad?!" Tristan yelled frustrated and confused.

"Because you moron you've looked like you needed one all damn day. Now get your butt over here hug me and bask in my goodwill and kindness!" she yelled back eyes flashing her patience wearing thin. Unknown to the pair their peers were taking bets on whether or not he'd give in and do it.

"I loath you." he lied as he slipped his arms around her shoulders, mentally doing back flips and summersaults because she hadn't written him off like he'd feared she had when she hadn't gone out of her way like she had been doing the previous weekend to take her pound of flesh nor brought up the fact he had been blatantly avoiding her since Monday. "Right back at cha'." she smirked and cuddled closer making his brain shut down for the second time that day.

After she stepped out of his embrace and had gone on her merry way to the bus stop, singing Enter the Sandman under her breath, he spent the ensuing five minutes cursing her existence, wondering how long he could go without showering so as not to lose the smell of her perfume that was still clinging to him and removing his underwear with as much dignity as he could from a place it was never meant to visit.

Paris' victory jig as she counted her take was highly entertaining for the few that witnessed it. She was this close to being able to afford that cram school that her parents refused to pay for, telling her she was too focused on her school work and that she needed to get friends, Rory was a friend...kind of...sort of... maybe...hey she didn't want her dead any more so that had to count in the friendship column, right?


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even DVD's of the series. Season 7 and that's all I'm saying on that matter.

Friday Evening 4:30

With their heads resting on the tabletop, mugs of coffee clinched in each ones' right hand  
Lorelai and Rory were identical pictures of misery.

"It's Friday." Lorelai whimpered.  
"I know." Rory answered back in the same helpless tone.  
"It's Friday. Again."  
" I know. I'm sorry you had to sell our souls to get me into a better school. "  
"We'd have gotten a better deal for them on E-Bay." Lorelai grumbled picturing another  
dinner with Richard and Emily Gilmore.  
"That's true." Rory conceded sadly.

A few minutes of comfortable silence later with a voice oozing false confidence "You ready baby?" her mom asked as she got to  
her feet and knocked back her mug of coffee.  
" As one can ever be to have all the life sucked out of them." Rory sighed and climbing to her  
feet gulped down her own cup.

The Gilmore Manor...

The oppressiveness of the house had Rory twitching five minutes after sitting down, a new record, and tried to think of something else besides the voice telling her to run far and as fast as she could, screaming at the top of her lungs that "They could try to take my life, but not my coffee," She did not want to deal with angry calls from her grandmother till she forgave her and her mom if she did do it.

Lorelai, who was sitting across from her on the other settee wishing that an earthquake would to happen so that she had a good reason to run from the house screaming, noticed her daughter's eye start to gleam and then she saw that Rory couldn't seem to sit still. Lorelai started to believe in fairies, that the expiration dates on milk just wasn't just a suggestion and that her and her daughter just might get out of there early and that no act of god had to happen first.

They had been waiting for half an hour already for the meal to be announced and Emily was still going about some charity  
doo-hickey for wayward cats or maybe it was disgruntled gardeners no-one was really paying attention either way,  
having tuned her out as soon as the before dinner drinks were served.

Richard who had his back turned to the room was pretending to look out at the back lawn but  
was in fact using the window panes as a way to make sure his wife was way across the room.  
And that was how he spotted it.

Quickly slipping his silver engraved flask Lorelai had given him when she was twelve, that now held the finest moonshine  
he'd brewed that year, into his inside jacket pocket before turning to face the room's other occupants. He hoped what he  
had seen reflected in the glass had not been wishful thinking. Nope, there it was. His little Rory had the same look in her  
eyes that his own mother had that day long ago when he was a teen when she drove up to his boarding school in her  
cherry red mustang and signed him out for two weeks, which had been a good thing because he had needed a full week  
to recover from their mini vacation to Woodstock she had dragged him to.

Emily had missed the look in Rory's eyes but had noticed that her granddaughter had begin to fidget so she sat down next  
to Rory and pointedly began to talk to her about the pool house renovations she and had been telling the family about hoping  
to squash the slight un-lady like behavior Rory was displaying with her closer un-approving of it presence.

Rory's eyes didn't leave her grandmother face as she pretended interest in Emily's story when she involuntarily reached behind her and took one of the useless decorative pillows from her end of the settee (she didn't care what her grandmother called it, it was a small couch). She then looked first to the pillow that she had just grabbed, then at her still talking completely oblivious grandmother and then finally at her mother who for some reason was on the same wavelength as Rory's subconscious whereas her own conscious mind was still clueless as to exactly what the plan was but willing to go along with it as long as they got out alive. Lorelai was grinning maniacally and nodding her head daring her to do it, more then willing to change their phone numbers if need be.

Years of being woke up by her mother had prepared her for what came next. Grasping the pillow by firmly by its gold colored edging, she instinctively swung with enough force at her grandmother's face to knock Emily backwards without doing any physical damage.

"Run, Sundance!" Lorelai yelled springing to her feet and ran for the door." Right behind you Cassidy!" Rory replied, climbed over the back of the settee, lost her balance after getting her skirt's hem caught on the settee's ornate rosewood carving that ran along its back and fell to the floor finding herself stunned for a second and looking up at the ceiling.

Lorelai mere feet from freedom turned to go back for her when she heard her daughter hit the floor with a thud but Rory waved  
her off telling her emotionally "Save yourself, or at least have the engine running." Lorelai saluted, trusting in her daughter's ability to save herself and ran out the front door the maid had graciously opened for her, even going so far as to have Rory and hers coats ready  
and waiting to be snatched from her outstretched arm by the fleeing women.

Getting her feet under her Rory crouched down and had a paranoid squirrel look about her as she looked to her left and then to her  
right to make sure nobody was trying to sneak up on her to hinder her escape. Seeing no-one but her stunned silent, slightly disheveled looking grandmother and her equally stunned silent grandfather she quickly ran from the room following in her mother's footsteps  
as if the hounds of hell were nipping at her heels.

A few heartbeats later Emily Gilmore who for years and years was the picture of restraint and decorum screamed louder then she had ever screamed before. Neither Lorelai heard the angry scream though, because they had already jumped into Lorelai Sr.'s jeep and was speeding off into the night laughing and talking excitedly about how long a reprieve from the Gilmore Grinch they thought Rory had gotten them.

Tristan DuGrey who had just emerged from his thinking place after his pep talk to himself , was startled to hear Rory's name being screamed by a very angry sounding woman from somewhere in the neighborhood. Without a second thought he reentered the closet, pulled the doors closed behind him and the distinct sounds of locks being engaged was heard. His mind flashing back on his day at school and the NEW problem he was facing. One that moments before he'd thought he had solved but realizing now that she was not going to be going back to quiet little Mary if she had gotten enough balls to go antagonizing his neighbors for whatever hair-brained reason she had come up with. They never would find his body if he had tried anything that he had planned. His ideas would have worked on the old virgin Mary, but not the new Rory, so it was back to his safe place to plot some more. "Damnit! They had been good ideas too!" he complained not so silently to himself.

Earlier That Day At Chilton Prep…

_Walking around school, the morning after getting what one of his friends had helpfully informed him was an atomic wedgie, had  
not been very comfortable. Rory had looked a bit distracted and had pretty much ignored his existence unless his idiotic need  
to get near her reared its ugly head and he found himself within snarking distance. His tendency to date the shallower end of the IQ pool being her favorite complaint that day. How she managed to make him sound like he had taken advantage of the girls and make them sound like genius vestal virgins until he had come along, was a mystery to him._

_"Hey, I returned them in the same condition that I found them in." he defended himself to Paris after Rory had flounced off after a particularly nasty dig about his character she looked quite proud of making._

_"She doesn't know that you only dated them to make her jealous." Paris informed him and ignored the incredulous look he was  
giving her after hearing that she had known about what he had been doing all along, "So you can't blame her for her assumptions." she added smugly," And you have to admit her twisted reasoning is artfully delivered...I'm taking notes."_

_He planned to go straight home after school and after getting a snack and shut himself in his new thinking place to figure what he was going to do when Paris decided to spill her guts to Rory._


	9. Chapter 9

Saturday Morning 9 am

"Tristan I want you to go out of the house today. Go do something with your friends." his father told him sternly standing in the hallway outside Tristan's open bedroom door.

Tristan muttered something that his father couldn't make out and demanded that he repeat himself.

"I said I can't. Rory told me there wouldn't be a place I could hide from her if I went anywhere near Duncan or Bowman." Tristan used as an excuse to not go anywhere as he slipped further into depression because he'd realized the previous night he had no workable idea on how to make her new self like him, like him.

Alistair had momentarily forgotten that. But it still didn't mean Tristan was going to sit around the house depressed and get pale. The DuGrey's were a naturally blond people and the pale, pasty look was just unattractively nasty on them. "Then go make friend's she'll actually like." he ordered.

Tristan sighed knowing that he couldn't win when his father got that tone in his voice. "How about I go over to Grandfather's." he suggested having just remembered that Janlan DuGrey was friends with Rory's Grandfather and he might have better advice then his father's of "Buck up and take it." along with his mother's "Paybacks a bitch huh?" He had no idea what that one was about and had been afraid to ask her.

"Fine." Alistair agreed realizing that it was probably all he was going to get out of him.

Downstairs in the library Annabelle DuGrey was looking over some the papers and ledgers and wondered just what Tristan had wanted to do with a quick mock up of their family tree. It's not like it was very interesting aside from the fact it look like one of her ancestors had married one of Alistair's ancestors a few generations back.

Janlan DuGrey's Mansion Sometime Later

"So Grandfather, can you tell me what am I supposed to do now?" Tristan pleaded after finishing his tale of woe and threw himself into the large chair, he always claimed as his when he visited Janlan and they sat in his study. So far his Grandfather looked to be the only person in his family who hadn't been amused when he explained his Rory Gilmore problem. In fact he looked down right grim.

"Well son it sounds like your Rory is like her grandfather." Janlan said as he swirled his apple juice in his brandy glass before taking a sip. "Yes, she sounds exactly like him; a half asleep grizzly bear." he finished and settled back in his chair regarding Tristan with a raised eyebrow as if that had explained everything.

"Meaning?" Tristan asked clearly confused.

"Boy don't you Watch When Animals Attack?" His grandfather asked exasperated, seeing Tristan shake his head no Janlan set his drink aside, "Alright it's like this," he explained," there are many types of people in the world. We DuGreys have been likened to snakes seeing as we can slither in and out of situations with ease, I think of the Gilmore's as Grizzly bears, happily making their was through life eating their fill and having a favored sunny spot to nap in, not caring about whatever is happening outside their territory until some drunken idiot who has been dared by his equally drunk and idiotic friend to run up and whack said bear on the ass with a stick. Scariest ten minutes of my life I'll tell you, damn Richard and his bright ideas, 'Jan your the fastest on the track team you'll be able to get away' he'd said. Yeah I got away only because I crapped in my pants and the bear didn't like the smell." sigh "Just be glad she's treating you more like a fly buzzing around her ears and is taking half hearted swipes at you."

"Excuse me! First about the pants thing eww did not need to know that. And second there has been no half hearted anything, the wedgie, the taunts the snarky comments, the embarrassing me in front of the school, the phone calls." Tristan said slightly annoyed that his Grandfather _wasn't_ taking this seriously.

"Fine don't believe me, but know this when a Gilmore hates you WILL know it. Now here's how you get her to leave you alone. You just get one of your flavors of the week and... What now?!" Janlan exclaimed throwing his hands up at the sight of his grandson shaking his head violently from side to side.

"I don't want her to leave me alone, before I thought I did but know now that I don't. I just want her to not torture me for her own amusement anymore." Tristan told him looking sheepish.

"She's a Gilmore. It comes with the package." Janlan snapped and wondered if Richard's latest batch of homebrew was ready, he had a feeling he was going to need a few jugs of it soon. Then noticing the pathetic look on Tristan's face he caved even though if his grandson got his way Janlan would be related to Richard Gilmore instead of just being his best friend, "Alright, you want her to like you?" Tristan nodded his answer hope flaring in him, "Then find what makes her mad aside from you and join her in on its destruction."

"Like, if you're not with me, you're against me kind of thing?" Tristan asked, seeing as how that might just be doable because a week before that fateful night of the play, he'd over heard part of a rant she was having at school and it had had to do with bag boy. None of the girls she'd been talking to would tell him what it had been about exactly but it might just be a place for him to start

"Yeah, just remember, she _will always_ mock you. There's no help for that, I think it's genetically impossible for them not to taunt and insult their friends and family. And they are ten times worst on family. How Emily hasn't lost it herself and murdered Richard in his sleep is beyond me. The things that man pulls during one of her functions." His Grandfather told him shaking his head in disbelief at Richard's nerve and his wife's tolerance.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: The CW owns the Gilmore Girls. I barely managed to get it on my TV half the time.

Chilton Wednesday morning

It had been a few days after Tristan had gone to his Grandfather for his reluctantly given advice. Tristan having taken' it to heart had begun to covertly watch her and found it an impossible task to ferret out what that he could help Rory annihilate because she was acting abnormally happy.

He had started to lose hope when the universe decided to throw him a bone and she showed up to school in a particularly black mood. At first the hair stood up on the back of his neck stood up when he saw her walking down the hall with people scrambling to get out of her way and he prayed she wasn't pissed at _him _for some imagined wrong. When she stalked passed without even sparing Tristan a look, he found that he could breathe again. And started on his and Janlan's plan immediately.

In the morning classes he shared with her he made it a point to sit near Rory when others had edged away hoping she noticed he was giving her his unspoken support and to also act much to everyone's relief as a buffer between her and their peers by taking the brunt of her glares and growls. 'Just don't smack her in the ass.' a voice that sounded a lot like his Grandfather sing-songed in his mind as he followed her from class to class.

His ex-girl friend Summer, who had been away for the past month recuperating from getting butt implants and had been out of the gossip loop, had not liked the fact Tristan was spending his time near Rory Gilmore and paying _her_ no mind. Summer then stupidly planned that if she acted interested in him he'd take her back making her the Queen of Chilton again and leaving little virgin Mary all alone in the big wide world to fend for herself without a second thought. She put her plan into action after most everybody had gone on to lunch, leaving only stragglers in the halls

Rory who had been at the lockers exchanging her books for her next classes before she headed off to lunch, heard the distinct sound of someone being pushed up against them and looked around her locker's open door and saw Summer pressing herself against Tristan trapping him between the lockers and her body and leaning in to kiss him. For the first time that day after her hellish morning she felt her mood slightly lift because of the panicked look on his face, the way he shoved Summer away from himself using just his index fingers and then him bolting for the safety of nearby restroom.

She then watched mildly interested when Louis strode forward to drag Summer off none to gently by her arm and shove the dazed looking girl into the nearest empty classroom. 'Complete moron, and Death wish." was all Rory could make out from the tongue lashing Summer was getting from her friend on the other side of the closed door which she figured was a pretty good concession considering how many people were between her and said closed door with their ears pressed against it listening.

Chilton Prep Lunchroom

A small group of Chiltionites were laying in wait near the doors when Tristan entered the surprisingly hushed cafeteria. After spotting him the group huddled together and had a few seconds of murmuring amongst themselves. Suddenly Paris who he hadn't spotted amongst them because of their tight grouping was shoved out of the mass and stumbled in Tristan's direction because of the strength in which she'd been  
forcibly expelled with and shot an annoyed look over her shoulder at the unapologetic looking group. He opened his mouth to ask her what was going on but she cut him off getting right to the point. She pointed at a table with a lone occupant. "Fix whatever the hell you screwed up with your girlfriend." she ordered "She's scaring the natives on a massive scale...It's making me jealous."

Tristan realized that this could be an early chance at redemption about the Summer incident. Sure he had shoved Summer away before her unnaturally large lips had touched his, he had then gone quickly into the nearest bathroom and had gargled anyway just to be safe but the damage had been done. Rory had seen Summer touching him and he worried she had might believe he'd been cheating on her. He wanted to clear the sir between them and do it fast but he wasn't stupid.

"I'll need two things. A protective cup and a large mug of coffee." Tristan told the group firmly not willing to budge on either one. His future ability to procreate and with whom depended on it. Ten minutes he found himself properly outfitted and ready to make his way to her table. Placing the coffee down in front of her and quickly making his way to the far side of the table he became aware that every eye in the room was on them.

It didn't seem to bother her because she didn't even bothering to look up from her book when she reach out grabbed the coffee and took a large swig from the steaming mug. He expected cries of "Hot! Hot!" and "I tink I bunned ny thung!" but got nothing. After taking and immediate second and third drink from his offering she set the mug down before looking up at him. She still looked mad but had a more approachable vibe about her.

"Are you alright?" He asked automatically and sat down taking the chance she wouldn't lunge across the table and beat him mercilessly with her book.

"Just so you know I made Mr. Medina cry when he asked that twenty minutes ago. And I am more then willing to give you the same treatment." she warned.

"But I brought you coffee." Tristan defended himself pointing at the mug.

"And that is why you aren't a Eunuch. Yet." she informed him in what that reminded strongly him of Paris'  
'You-should-have-known-that-already-but-didn't-because-you-are-an-idiot' tone.

"Oh. uh, Well I'm sorry about what you saw happen with me and Summer." he apologized nervously, fighting the urge to look away not wanting to see a look of disgust in her eyes when she looked at him.

"Why?" she asked surprising him her eyes disgust free.

"Why?" he asked confused.

"Yes, why are you apologizing for that? To tell you the truth your running from Summer like she'd just told you she was contagious with something, made my morning." she answered, her body language telling him she was annoyed that he'd just wasted ten seconds of her time.

"Ok, so just to be clear, we're good, even though you saw that me and that Summer thing?" he asked hopefully, not really believing that it was going to be that easy.

"As good as we ever were." Rory shrugged and turned her attention back to her book.

'Damn it! And just why isn't she jealous of Summer being all up on us?' his ego ranted. Aloud he decided to just let it go and asked her about what had her so mad all morning hoping she'd tell him since Summer didn't look to be an issue with them but had been a good excuse to use as a reason for him being there.

"Nothing you need to worry about." she waved him off and turning another page of her book.

"But maybe I can help," he argued, "Was what happened last Friday night?" he probed thinking that that might be a place to start.

Now that caught her attention fast and she turned her narrow eyed gaze at him, "No, it wasn't about Friday night." she answered slowly, "Besides how do you know about that? I had figured she'd have kept that quiet."

"I don't know what THAT is. I also don't know who the SHE is for sure. I just know some woman was yelling your name and screaming that it was all somebody named Richard's fault. It went on for a good half hour. Everybody in the neighborhood heard it."

"Really? A half hour?" Rory asked him, fighting with herself not to grin and tried to hold onto her last shreds of her anger because otherwise she _would_ have to ask Tristan for his help. Because if she got happy she would have to _plan_ dickweed's downfall instead of doing it the 'Breaking Knee Caps Way' like she had wanted to. "Why couldn't I have been raised by wolves or a psychopath? Bet they don't get amused by this kind of stuff." she complained under her breath.

"Yeah, the neighborhood's talking about it. I've heard our maids talking about how it might have even been your grandmother. But nobody knows for sure." he explained and watched amazed as her mood shifted faster then a lightning strike and she collapsed into laughter. At the sound of her first snort, conversations started up all over the lunchroom. Some where about Rory and what might have had pissed her off all morning, it being his fault was the most popular opinion and others were about how they had thought Summer would have had a better sense of self preservation considering her future as a rich man's mistress.

Fumbling her cell phone out of her denim purse, Roy managed to get across to him to call the second number on her contacts list, ask for a Lorelai Gilmore and tell her exactly what he had just told Rory.

Two minutes after that Tristan found himself holding her phone away from his still ringing ear and musing that she and her mother had the same laugh.


	11. Chapter 11

Wednesday After School Tristan's Car

"Okay, let me get this straight, you had planned to beat him with a baseball bat. But now you want me to sit on him while you whack him with a rolled up newspaper till he repeats after you that he's a pile of cow shit and that he regrets ever inflicting himself upon you and that he begs for your forgiveness. And that the rumors that you kissed were just his delusions of grandeur. And finally that you two are unquestioningly broken up. That about right?" Tristan asked the beaming girl next to him doing his homework because she was bored and had finished her work at school during the free period she'd gotten them by turning her mother's former boyfriend into a crying puddle of embarrassment at lunch.

"More or less." she answered penciling in her answer to the last question on his math worksheet for him to rewrite in his own handwriting in ink later on at home.

"Uh, huh. Do you mind if I come up with something else?" He wearily asked afraid she'd take offense to

his not liking her plan of beating the hell out of Dean which he did love but couldn't support seeing as how he at least wanted to be dating Rory before she committed a felony and he took the blame for her.

"Knock yourself out." she shrugged, "It was the best I could do with ten minutes of planning."

"Alright, I can see that." he told her rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "So we'll just leave that till we get to your house and get you hyped up on coffee, I'm sure you'll plot better after that. But for now why don't you tell me what had you ready to kill this morning?"

"Okay, but only if you tell my mom because she's going to be pissed off even more then I was when she finds out." Rory bargained, "I know she won't kill you because you're hot and she's a bit of a cougar."

"You think I'm hot?" Tristan grinned goading her intentionally not being able to help himself. And really liking the fact she had actually said it.

"DuGrey I'm not blind," she pouted, "I was just kind of stupid, for a while."

"So that whole you owning me thing at the play was just a way for you to claim me as yours?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

"Oh good lord put those away! That looked almost as obscene as your innuendos are. "She complained covering her eyes with her hands, "And I do own your ass. At least until you make up for every aggravation you've caused me." she added firmly. "I said I was kind of stupid not kinda crazy."

"How are you going to know when I'm paid in full then if this isn't just a ploy to get me as your very own snuggle bunny?" he countered smugly.

"I have a list."

"A list?" he asked disbelievingly, never having expected that one.

"Yes a list." she huffed and began to dig around in her book bag that she'd had set between her feet on

the floorboard and pulling out two folders both black she held them up for him to see. "Would you like to read them in order of occurrence or alphabetically." And sure enough one folder had A-Z written on its cover in silver colored ink and the other had the word Dates written on its cover in the same silver ink.

Okay," he said slowly," I'll uh, look at them later. How about we get back to my original question and you tell me what had you so pissed this morning seeing as how we just passed the Welcome sign." She was about to objected he added quickly, "Yeah I'll tell your mom about whatever it is."

Seeing that he wasn't lying to her about that, because he didn't so that 'thing' Paris had pointed out to her Rory's second week at Chilton to give her some leverage when Paris had noticed Tristan going out of his way to aggravate the new girl, Rory 's bright smile returned, "Well if your sure. I'd hate to think that I pushed you into something you didn't really want to do and you doing this will cross out at least three innuendo's off your list and maybe that butt grab you did last semester fourth period..."she rambled, "but not the time you..."

"Rory, spill it." He interrupted and wondered if the reason why his grandfather drank so much was because he was friends with a Gilmore too.

"Alright don't get your panties in a twist." Rory grumbled irate that her rant was cut short, "It's just that Deans been stalking me, by proxy. Little prick can't even do it himself, he got two people that I had thought were my friends to do it and I was so mad at him and watching to make sure he didn't catch me out again that I didn't notice what they were up to. I found out this morning when I went to turn the hose on a pair of redbirds that were singing in the tree outside my window like usual but I dropped my new super soaker nozzle and when I bent down to pick it up I saw a pair of eyes looking out at me from under the house. My first thought was 'BIG ASS SNAKE MAW GIT THE GUN' and then I remembered mom was still asleep and that we don't own a gun," she ignored his not so silent praise to god about gun laws and continued her tale," Then it whimpered and I knew instantly what and who it was. So after a bit of a tussle I dragged my 'friend' Lane out by her hair and threatened to tell her mother she'd been taking candy, from strangers. She couldn't seem to tell me fast enough after that, about what they've been up to. Dean told her and Jesse, that's another that's supposedly friend, that I need to be watched because I'm not acting like myself recently and it could be that new crowd I'm running with at Chilton has gotten me into drugs. Like I couldn't have just gotten fed up with the whole 'Go along to Get along' thing I had going or the fact he's cheating on me with the new girl in town. It had to be drugs." she finished with a disgusted sneer.

A long moment of silence passed while Tristan digested what she'd told and he found himself having to ask just to be sure they were on the same page, "So who were you madder at then, yourself for not realizing their stupidity and duplicity or him for getting it all started."

"Him of course!" she exclaimed shocked that he actually asked her that.

"Just wanted to make sure," he told her his eyes narrowing in thought, "Is there a place to get the NY Times here in Dinkville because you're going to need it."

"I'm gonna whack?" she squealed her eyes lighting up at the thought that he just might let her do it.

"You're gonna whack." he growled.

"Oh bible boy if you didn't already have to father the next generation of Bowman's I'd offer to bare your children for that one." Rory told him tearfully and looking up at him like he had just told her, he was Juan Valdez's favorite nephew an heir.

"DO WHAT!!!"


	12. Chapter 12

Wednesday After School at The Gilmore House

Sitting beside Tristan on the couch Rory absently patted his back looking anywhere but at him while they were waiting for the paper bag Lorelai had gone to get to help with his hyperventilating.

"How longs he been like that?" Lorelai asked Rory concerned and handed the red faced boy the empty  
burger bag she'd dug out of the garbage.

"Not long." Rory told her the corner of her mouth twitching. "He started a few minutes before we pulled  
into the drive."

"Wonder what happened?" Lorelai mused looking at her suspiciously.

"I have NO idea." Rory answered wearing a look of wide eyed and innocence.

The glare Tristan shot her was the most intimidating either had ever seen or it would have been if he  
hadn't been breathing into a bag that had a stain on it caused by coffee grounds but it was still in the top  
five. Rory held out a good thirty seconds before caving like a wet cardboard box and tried to make nice,  
"Oh fine," she told him exasperated, "you can have your boxers back just quit with that look." He  
narrowed his eyes even more, "It's not my fault! Okay so it kinda is," she admitted sheepishly, "but you  
know that it was more of a heads up and not a set in stone thing right?"

"What did you do?" her mother demanded not believing Rory's look for a minute having herself perfected  
that same look at the age of six when she released all of Emily's fur coats back into the wild one rainy  
spring day. She then whipped out her rarely used 'I am your mother and you better remember that' look  
making an already uneasy Rory feel worse.

"I kind of mentioned that I thought he was going to be the patriarch of the new generations of Bowman's." Rory told her wearily.

Lorelai looked at Rory fearfully and grabbed the still sitting Tristan into a protective hug causing his face  
to be pressed against her stomach "Isn't the Bowman girl the one with the unibrow that smelled like  
cheese that kept wolf whistling at him when you two were on stage at the play?"

"No, that was Duncan's sister. Bowman's was the one that looked liked the big silver back gorilla in that  
floral print sundress you told Sookie that it looked like Ronald McDonald had exploded on."

Seeing that her mom looked confused by her description she realized Lorelai might have been a little drunk that night added  
helpfully "The underwear and key flinger."

"Oh, you poor baby." Lorelai cooed sympathetically having finally been reminded of that vision of  
loveliness and stroked the blond boy's hair comfortingly, "Rory will keep the big scary females away.  
Won't you Rory?" from her tone her first and only born gathered that it was more of an order then a  
suggestion and she nodded yes eagerly, "Yeah, sure. I'll carry a couple of cookies and snack cakes to  
throw in the opposite direction from him and when they go after them he can make his escape leaving me  
to watch his back."

"Alright, that sounds like a good plan." her mother smiled proudly and released her hold on the very  
embarrassed teen. "I'm going to go get a pizza and rent a couple of movies, either one of you wants  
anything else."

"No, we're good." Tristan answered for the both of them after lowering the bag from his still flushed  
looking face.

"If you're sure," Lorelai said over her shoulder as she went to get her purse from the kitchen counter. She  
got in one more dig before heading out the door, "And remember Rory, he's now your responsibility."  
she egged, "Like a new pet, only a hell of a lot cuter and when you tell me he talks to you I won't seriously  
look into getting you professional help, not like when you had that turtle."

Seeing his cockiness returning and replacing, his embarrassed nervousness she jumping off of the couch and  
chased after Lorelai out the front door, stopping at the foot of the steps while her mom continued on  
down the sidewalk, "You leave Tittles out of this and I'd so rather have a rabid wolverine any day instead of  
him." she yelled pointing back at Tristan who had come out on the porch on her heels, "Because it would  
be easier to house break and I'd feel more comfortable falling asleep with IT roaming around in there at  
night then him."

"Rory, you wound me." he said grasping his chest.

"Don't tempt me." she snapped turning her full attention back to him instead of her laughing, walking  
faster then a Gilmore usually does mother, "How you got my own mother to defend your sorry ass in five  
minutes flat is beyond me. I mean sure you looked like you were either going to faint or puke when we  
finally got here after the major-ness of your panic attack had passed and she is a sucker for a pretty face  
but damn! Five minutes, I had thought she had more will power then that."

"You're just mad because you have to give back my boxers." he said smugly and stepped aside letting  
her pass by him as she stomped back into the house.

"You know Tristan, you give bastards like me a bad name." she complained loudly and half fall, half sit  
thing back onto the sofa propping her feet up in the coffee table.

"Flattery will get you everywhere." he informed her dryly, "Now where's my boxers?"

"In my room and if you want them so bad go get them yourself 'cause I ain't moving." she answered  
waving him away with her free hand and turned on the TV with the huge universal remote Lorelai had  
treated them to a few months prior.

"Okay I will but just so you know, I'm going to riffle through your things." he warned her, walking off to find Rory's bedroom.  
"Knock yourself out." she shrugged not really caring what he did in there she had nothing to hide," Straighten my underwear  
drawer while you're at it." she called after him as she channel surfed, "And don't forget you get to tell mom about Operation  
Dumbass after we eat. I'm not letting you flash those big blues of yours and get out of it."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch." he yelled back over his shoulder.

"Takes one to know one, sweetheart." she countered. His reply was the slamming shut of her bedroom door.

Dinner was interesting to say the least because when not trying not to lose a hand when getting a slice of pizza from the box,  
Tristan was refereeing the two female's argument about who was the bigger perv. Donald Duck on the grounds he didn't wear  
pants or Bugs Bunny because of his numerous wedding attempts to Elmer Fudd while being in drag. By the end of the first  
movie they hadn't reached a resolution but both did agree that Bugs could have done so much better.

"Tell her." Rory hissed elbowing her couch mate in the ribs none to gently, when Lorelai got up to toss  
the empty pizza box in the garbage and get the three pints of chocolate ice cream she'd picked up as  
dessert.

"Later." he hissed back bumping her with his shoulder.

"No now." Rory insisted pinching him on the arm.

"We're not finished eating." Tristan argued back and tugged on a lock of her hair that had escaped the bun she'd put it in earlier in retaliation.

"Finished enough!" she snapped and slapped his still tugging hand.

It went down hill from there.

Standing in the doorway Lorelai watched amused as the two reasonably responsible teens that she had left not three minutes before wrestled around on the floor like a pair of five year olds, except with dirtier cuss words.

"You planning on trying kiss me with that mouth?" Rory growled in reference to particularly dirty word she'd made him yelp  
when she gave him another wedgie as she tried to get free from his tight hold.

"Your damn right I am." he snarled back.

Coughing loudly to get their attention Lorelai momentarily blinded Tristan, who had looked up, with her camera's flash.  
That one would also be going into Rory's Frame of Proudness she's made up and a copy would be sent to his parents by  
registered mail. They in turn would have it blown up to poster size and hung in their bedroom so that they could enjoy every  
night before bed, the sight of their very rumpled looking son being bitten in the side by an equally messy looking Rory Gilmore  
whom he was holding in a headlock.

knowing better then to release his hold on Rory who by the way was still trying to bite him through his shirt, Tristan took a  
calming breath and repeated word for word what Rory had told him in the car on their way to her house that afternoon. Telling her  
that Rory mentioned that he was hot and that she called her a cougar was the only thing that kept Lorelai from storming out of the house and recreating the happenings of her fourteenth birthday party in the middle of Stars Hollow because like Rory once she was amused by something it was hard for her to hold onto murderous rage, down grading it to just the need to wound and maim.


	13. Chapter 13

-1**Friday Afternoon Rory's Front Porch**

Preening like a peacock and wearing a pair of tight black jeans and a leather  
jacket despite the fact that it was bordering on 85 degrees outside Dean  
strutted up to the front door and after making sure that his hair was still slicked back in place, he rang the doorbell. Standing tall and proud he prepared to face his apologetic girlfriend and only making her grovel a little before graciously taking her back.

"WHA' THE HELL!!" he yelped as something suddenly slammed into him driving him down to the ground in front of the door that opened a second or two later. A pair of pink colored bunny slippers with blinking lights for eyes stared at the face planted boy emotionlessly.

**smack**  
"Say it!"  
" No!"  
**smack**  
"Say it!"  
" NO!"  
**smack  
smack  
smack**  
"SAY IT!"  
" NEVER!!" Dean screamed defiantly.  
**WHOMP**  
After the stars faded from his vision, "I am a modern major general..." Dean shakily started to sing not wanting to give the blond boy that was sitting on his back holding his left arm twisted in a painful grip a reason to slap him up beside his head again.

"Well I'll be damned you actually got him to do it." Rory said shaking her head and was more than just a little impressed by her accomplice as her former boyfriend croaked out the show tune while pinned down on her front porch.

"It's all in the wrist." he told her looking very pleased with himself and opened his mouth to accept the spoonful of peanut butter she held out to him.

Absentmindedly licking the spoon clean not seeming mind his 'cooties' she dug out another large spoonful from the jar of peanut butter she was eating and offered him another bite. Tristan shook his head no and looked highly amused.

As she ate her lunch listening to Dean who often times sang in keys only dogs could hear, Rory realized she was slightly jealous because it had only taken her three good hits with the rolled up New York Times she'd stolen from Taylor's mailbox earlier that morning for Dean to cave into her demands that he loudly declare that he was a gutless weasel and that he and her were no longer dating, and here Tristan got to slap him silly. 'Life is so unfair.' she pouted.

When Dean finally sang his last note after the third encore Tristan had made him do. He waited a full minute before climbing off of Dean, making sure that the fight was gone out of the rebel without a clue so that it was alright to let him go and he wouldn't try anything. Neither teen said a word to the broken boy as they watched him slink off.

"I guess now it's Lorelai's turn, huh?" Tristan smiled and followed Rory back into the house after Dean was gone.

"Yep," Rory nodded and handed him the mostly empty jar for him to finish off for her, having gotten her fill. "She's going over to Mrs. Kim's after work tonight and hitting Luke's tomorrow."

"Think she'd mind if I tagged along?" he asked peering into the jar and wondering where exactly Rory put all the food she ate because she was still so small.

"She'd be insulted if you didn't." Rory answered sitting down lotus style on the floor next to the coffee table to finish the Science homework she'd been in the middle of doing before Dean's visit had sidetracked her.

"Staying for dinner?" she asked an hour later as she shoved her things back into her book bag finally having gotten everything done.

"I guess," he shrugged not bothering to look away from the TV, "What are we having?"

"Whatever you order." she answered and handed him a couple of menus she'd pulled from underneath the couch, "Just call in the order of what you want then call mom and she'll pick it up on her way home."

"Alright."

**Saturday Mid-morning Luke's Diner**

Tristan followed Rory into what he had mistakenly thought at first was a hardware store because of the sign that declared that is exactly what it was and sat down across from her at Rory and Lorelai's usual table. "Which one's Jesse?" He asked looking around the room wanting to get a good look at the before picture.

Glancing around Rory saw her mom's future victim peering over the counter at them as he crouched down on the other side trying to hide from her. "He's cowering on the other side of the counter near the pie display." she smirked.

"Guess he heard about Lane." he snickered.

"Tristan, I think everyone heard about what happened to Lane." she snorted amused.

Yes, the bonfire Mrs. Kim had, had of Lane's things on her front lawn after Lorelai Gilmore's visit had been a sight to behold. It had consisted of everything the easily excitable Asian woman had deemed a potential bad influence on her daughter. So when it was all said and done, Lane was lucky if her mother had left her even a pair of socks to wear.

Rory didn't tell him about the hate filled looked she'd seen Lane been giving her from her bedroom window as she and Tristan had walked passed on their way to Luke's. Rory figured she'd worry about that when, not if, Lane became an annoyance she couldn't brush off.

The sound of the bell tinkling over the door as someone stepped into the diner had her grinning at the sight of her mother walking in like a queen just daring someone to challenge her.

Luke, who hadn't known much of anything that had been going on lately, because if it wasn't happening in his sphere of existence then it was just a wild rumor and he didn't listen to what he deemed gossip, came from the kitchen his Lorelai radar having kicked in. Shooting the still cowering Jesse a weird look he prepared to vocally slap Lorelai down if she dared to order something he didn't deem worthy of fixing.

That had always bugged Rory about Luke, sure he was a somewhat decent guy and her mom did have a sort of crush on him but he was always treating Lorelai like she needed somebody watching her 24/7 to make sure she didn't put a fork in a plug-in or something.

He claimed to be their friend but not once did she remember him having stood up to Taylor or any of the others when they said mean things about her mom during town meetings, leaving it up Lorelai and Rory to put them in their places. But heaven help the Stars Hollow resident that even muttered a slight backhanded slur against his diner, then all bets were off the flannelled wonder did all he could verbally, to make them cry.

Looking over at the boy who was happily snacking on the bag of popcorn he'd brought with him watching the floor show begin Rory realized that the devil would be ice skating in hell before Luke did for Lorelai what Tristan had done for Rory with Dean.

Listening to the angry voices of her mom and Danes getting louder and louder Rory narrowed her eyes angrily. Luke it sounded like had made his choice, Jesse the wanna-be gang banger over Lorelai and Rory. And from what she heard Luke was blaming Rory for the whole mess for not dumping Dean weeks ago for his raggedy assed nephew(those were his actual word too), making the poor misunderstood boy resort to the stalking so that he could watch and make sure neither Tristan or Dean lead her astray.

Having heard enough about how she needed looking after she jumped to her feet and striding over to the counter ready to hit someone if they so much as even looked like they were going to stop her. Rory got right up in Luke's face and informed him in a thundering voice. "Lead me not into Temptation, because I can find it myself!"


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I own 16+ cats (I live out in the country...don't be looking at me like that...MOM PEEPS ARE STARING AT ME. Oh wait I get that a lot, moving on) and 1 blind dog but not Gilmore Girls.

**Monday Morning Chilton**

Walking around the milling students outside the front doors Rory lost her battle against her yawn, no one would be accusing her of being too perky that morning. She'd had a long weekend and still felt its effects even after a full night of sleep.

Putting her things away Rory closed her locker and turned to greet the boy who had come up behind her knowing that it was Tristan having recognized him by his deodorant's scent (not that she'd ever sniffed when he was near her, she just noticed that sort of thing in passing and that was the story she would insist on to her grave).

Tristan's not quite normal appearance startled enough that she nearly dropped her thermos of espresso she had brought from home. His normally messy hair could only be described as bed head and all he'd need was a piece of bamboo to chew on and his impression of a panda would be complete what with those black circles under his eyes.

Sure she was tired and draggy but years of being Lorelai Gilmore's daughter had steeled her against the worst effects of her mom's woe-is-me parties but Tristan looked like he not only had fallen into Lorelai's wallowing pool but had also drowned in it. And the real kicker for her was that Tristan hadn't even been at her house Sunday having begged off of the day of chick flicks and stayed home. Like that was going to save him. He had become a victim of Gilmore speed dialing and was her mom's test run on the new speaker phone because she had wanted his opinion on the Brat Pack's movies having already committed Rory's to memory.

Seeing him standing there not saying a word to her staring longingly at her made Rory look at him suspiciously. He had the same look Paul Ana had when Lorelai waved his arthritis pill she's wrapped in a piece of cheese and had taunted him with for a good five minutes before finally giving it to him, let me tell you that was one pissed off old man. Looking down at what she suspected had his attention she acted on her hunch and waved her thermos from side to side like Lorelai had done with the meds, his gaze never left it once proving her right. She quickly clutched it to her chest protectively.

"Aw, come on." she whined, "Can't you sleep during class like a real man."

If anything after that he made himself look even more pitiful by poking his bottom lip out a bit further and widening his eyes giving him a blue-eyed version of bambi's somebody-done-shot-my-mamma look. It had even the most cold hearted that walked the halls that morning wanting to pull him into a comforting hug. An occasional 'kicked puppy' whimper that he let escape completed her round trip to hell. "Fine take it." she snapped and shoved it into his hands, "Rotten bastard…get his own coffee…freaked rich…why he steals mine." Were the few words he did hear her grumble under her breath and figured what he hadn't quite made out was probably worse.

She turned back to him and started her fight to get her locker opened again.

Knowing that he had properly pushed her to almost her breaking point by getting her to give him a Gilmore's version of Ambrosia he reached around her and punched his fist into her locker door one time, in its sweet spot that she could never seem to find herself no matter how many times Rory had tried. It popped open much to her annoyance. Reaching in and taking out another thermos the twin of the one he held she ignored the look he was giving her at the sight of the second thermos.

"Thank you so much Fonzie, wanna go to the movies with me this Friday? I hear the Sock that ate Wellville is playing and afterward we can stop by Arnold's and split a Sunday." she swooned as she pretended wide-eye wonder at what he had just done.

Tristan grinned at the thought of what he was about to do. The night before, after Rory had gone to bed leaving the two of them talking Lorelai had not only told him to how to mark the cards in a way Rory wouldn't notice for the next time Rory and he played Go Fish but had also given him more solid ideas then his grandfather had. Rory had just handed him one of those a prime opportunities that her mom had told him to watch for and capitalize on and Rory couldn't blame anyone but herself which made it all the better.

Waiting for her to take a large drink of her breakfast choice so that she would be somewhat occupied, he leaned in quickly and kissed her cheek, "Never thought that you'd ask Mary, see you Friday." and fearing slightly for his life Tristan beat a hasty retreat calling back over his shoulder at the choking girl her, "And I don't care what you wear Rory just as long as you're dressed."

Having spewed her mouthful of coffee out and covering the front of her neighbor's locker as well as Rory's own her now empty mouth decided to take action without consulting her brain "Yeah well, what if I just don't wear any clothes Mr. Smartass?!" she yelled after his retreating figure.

"Then Mr. DuGrey will be one ecstatic young man, if the rumors are correct." a voice told her using a well-duh tone. Slowly looking behind her, afraid to see who had gotten in that little gem because they had sounded awfully familiar she groaned at the sight of a very un-amused looking Vice Principle standing in the doorway of a nearby classroom. She started to stammer out an explanation but was waved off by the school official, "At least you weren't yelling about forking him, so I'll let it go this time."


	15. Chapter 15

**Monday Chilton Prep,**

Scrambling out of her seat Rory made for the open door of her English class. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Her first inclination had been to inflict pain and she had done that having slapped Tristan in the back of the head earlier when she'd caught up to him in homeroom as payback for that little fiasco that happened in the hall before school has started, so that was normal, and the she'd read him the riot act about making her spit out her coffee again normal reaction. But three classes into the day she realized with horror she hadn't once screamed at him for thinking that they were going to go out on an actual date Friday meaning to her that she must be excepting it on some level.

So Rory panicked, like her mother before her, Lorelai's father before her and his mother before him, when faced with the prospect of an actual relationship.

But she didn't know that.

She didn't know that her great grandmother had to be talked down out of a tree when she realized she actually liked her fiancée. Lorelai didn't know that her father Richard tried to bolt from his wedding and that Emily and had nearly drowned him in a basin of holy water till he calmed down while their guests looked on stunned. Rory did know about her mom's escape from Rory's father Chris and the Chilton teacher Lorelai had left at the alter but there had been one before them that Lorelai never spoke of. She'd met him when she was eleven yrs old and she believed even now he was her soul mate. The fifteen yr. old boy had offered to buy her an ice-cream to get her to stop crying when she'd gotten separated from her mother when they'd gone to an art exhibit in a nearby town . Lorelai had been content after that sitting next to him on a bench waiting for her mother who had been paged to come claim her. He didn't seem very friendly but Lorelai still thought that he was cute. Her panic set in when he smirked at a quip she'd made about a much older boy that was walking around wearing a sleeveless knit vest waving a clipboard at what vest boy perceived as his underlings. Jumping off the bench she gave him her half eaten ice-cream cone said she saw her mom and ran off leaving him with a handful of melting ice-cream and a headache, without so much as a backwards glance.

Tristan didn't know what had caused Rory to turn in her seat a few moments before and look at him horrified. Having only seen that look on her face once before and that intense, he'd looked over his shoulder to see if somebody was doing the electric slide again while the Sub's back was turned, why that dance scared her was beyond him. Finding nothing but his fellow students writing down the homework assignment from the chalk board he turned to ask her what was wrong. And she bolted leaving her stuff behind and the substitute teacher most girls in class had thought a hottie, called for her to come back saying that if the assignment was too hard that they could talk about it after class.

"I'll be damned if they will." Tristan growled not wanting her anywhere near the Sub and made to go after her when what the teacher had said to her registered with her and Rory skidded to a halt catching herself from falling by grabbing onto the door frame. Looking at Mr. Douglas (or Jason as he had invited them to call him) like he was something she'd found on the bottom of her shoe she chuckled though she was nowhere near amused "Ok, for the record though I'm having a bit of a melt down it has nothing to do with that kindergarten assignment that you've given and two if I don't feel like this is a comfort zone while you are here now with a room full of students how spastic do you think I'll be acting if I end up here after class alone with you? And another thing..." she continued on, her focus fading from the mess she'd found herself in with DuGrey giving way to her anger at what she had perceived as an insult of her intelligence.

While Jason Douglas who had been so sure that the pretty petite female would prove to be smart but a bit on the quiet side backed up behind the teacher's desk not having seen that look of revulsion being directed at him by the opposite sex let alone a teenage girl since he turned sixteen and buffed out he tried to figure why his offer of help was being met with anything less then gratefulness, because others he had offered help to were happy for it because he was a people person and she was people, right?

Tristan smiled proudly at the other boys in class for the fact that Rory was about to go ape-shit on their teacher, unlike all other girls in the class (excluding Paris from that group also of course) who were treating him like the cookie-cutter praise he had spewed had been the sonnets written by one of those long dead poets who never got anywhere with girls but in their opium induced dreams believed that they had.

He took his time and gathered their books and half listened as Rory started in on wanting to see Mr. Douglas' teaching certificate and a DNA test that proved that he wasn't a drunk baboon there as some sort of experiment.

Slinging her book bag that now held both of their things over his shoulder he strolled up put and arm around her and guided her out of the class, she'd started on the blatant insults about Mr. Douglas' parentage by then. Giving the slack jawed man an evil smile Tristan managed to close the door behind them just as she asked if Tristan wanted to help her report Mr. Douglas' father to the ASPCA for keeping Jason's mother in too small of a pen because damn it! Goats needed room to move around she just knew they did!


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I wanted to own Ami James from Miami Ink, ended up with Monty Python instead. So I think it's best that I don't own Gilmore Girls don't you? 

Monday Chilton Prep

Peering around the corner so that they avoided being caught in the halls without a pass or two Tristan made sure it was all clear before crossing over into the next hall. He decided the best course of action was to feed her first and then pump her for information. So he was leading her covertly, well as covertly as he could what with Rory insisted that at least one of them must sing Canadian Idiot because it was critical for their mission's success. The reality of it was that it had been stuck in her head all morning but she wasn't going to tell him that, he thought she was weird enough already.

Coming up on a well populate hall that they had to pass through he turned to tell her to hush when he caught sight of what she had been doing behind his back while following him and burst into startled laughter having to clamp his own hand over his mouth to at least muffle the noise he couldn't help but make. Her shoulder length hair had been put up in pig tails set atop her head making it look like she had a pair of rabbit ears ,at some point Rory had also grabbed his dark sunglasses from his back pocket and put them on. That coupled with her less then neat appearance because of the tuck and rolls she did in front of the occupied class' closed doors , she looked like a mugged tourist. "Do you know how cute you are?" he snickered and grabbing her by the wrist before she could answer, drug her behind him at a fast jog encase somebody had heard him laughing and thought to investigate.

Sitting perched on a table in the kitchens were the 'magic' happened Rory watched the cooks and servers bustle around as they readied for the lunch crowd. She didn't know what to be more confused by, what the cafeteria workers were actually doing or the fact that they all knew Tristan by name. After a brief talk with a kindly looking cook he handed her a fruit cup, plastic spoon and a pint of chocolate milk. Seeing the look she was giving the fruit cup he quickly explained that the pieces of fruit had been preserved in a sugar surup and aside from it's name having the word fruit in it that, that was the extent of it's health factor. "Better be" she grunted and pealing the foil off of the top and while he opened her milk for she started to eat.

She had set aside her empty plastic cup aside he made his move "Well, now that I've provided a safe place and food, mind telling why you out in class?" he asked her crossing his arms over his chest meaning business.

She thought about stalling.

She thought about screaming that she was in fact a homosexual man trapped in a woman's body and escaping while he puzzled that one out.

But the look in his eyes didn't bode well for her if she tried any of them so Rory decided to go with the truth. "Hell has frozen over, so it seems the snow ball did have a chance in hell." she shrugged sadly and drank her milk while he pondered that one.

She knew the moment he got it. Those ice blue eyes of his had no right to be twinkling like that nor did he have the right to smile like he'd just been told that: 1The Easter Bunny wasn't road kill on a highway in Texas; Santa Claus wasn't up on elf molesting and B&E chargers with pending animal cruelty to be filed later; That the tooth fairy wasn't just some fat, hairy, tutu wearing, out of work dentist named Bob and that Rory liked him back.

Tristan's Car After School

He wouldn't stop smiling and it was being to creep Rory out. Thankfully for him he'd kept quiet and just watched her out of the corner of his eye as she fiddled with his radio. She had strained her shoulder muscle when she tossed Summer into the trash bin just outside the schools main doors so her tolerance for his crap was low.

When the blond bimbette had stormed up to her after school wanting to fight for "her man" Rory had tried to brush her off. But Summer just wouldn't let it go and the fight started when she pretended to throw the first punch. One of her problems was that while Summer may have been rich and able to afford the best martial arts teachers around, meaning that despite herself when she used the 'Art' she used it as she had been taught 'honorably'. Rory on the other hand was a Gilmore and starting bar fights over made up shit just because they had nothing better to do on a Friday night was in her blood as was fighting dirty. Summer would have done the classic two hit fall, you know, Rory hit her and in turn Summer hits the ground. But Rory needed to work out some of her twitchyness and she wouldn't let Summer fall and only having tossed the girl into the trash when Paris told them to quite blocking the doorway she had a Cram School to go drop off the payment for.

1(word of warning if you repeat that bunny, S.Claus and Tooth Fairy thing to a bunch of first graders you will have your mother called, I did it when I was nine my mum thought it was funny as hell, too bad the teacher's and principle didn't)


	17. Chapter 17

Yep still the same Monday, Gilmore House 

Her mom met them on the front porch wearing a stern look and had her hands on her hips.

"Where is it?" Lorelai demanded.

"Where's what?" Rory asked already confused by the way she was acting.

"Your principle called me at the inn." she huffed and turned her attention to the boy standing behind Rory, "Do you know how I felt having to be told that she mouthed off to a teacher and ditched class from that smarmy sounding witch."

"uh, no." Tristan answered hesitantly.

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance she looked at the two teens "Just make sure one of you calls me about it next time, Sookie barely had time to get to get the cake finished and decorated. Now give me your detention slip I'm getting copies made."

Tristan reached into his pocket and pull out two folded slips of cream colored paper, no gaudy pink, yellow or heaven help them plain white for Chilton students no sir'ee, and separated one from the other handing the first to Lorelai. Taking a moment she read it with pride before asking him about the other piece of paper, "It's just my detention slip." he shrugged.

"That is so cute!" Lorelai squealed, "Same day?"

Looking from one to the other Rory shook her head and went on into the house to find the cake, "And people think I've lost my mind?" she muttered incredulously.

"Same day," Tristan told her grinning, "Got a date with her Friday too."

"HOT DAMN!!" Lorelai yelled and grabbed him into a bone crushing hug happy that her daughter had found her 'one' and though he was of the kind she had fled from when she was a teenager, he had his own less then normal thing going on and that made him acceptable in her book. Now she just had to figure a way that it didn't seem odd to push to get them married before high school was over because Rory really was going to need somebody to look after her when she went to college, or was at least was the first number called when bail money was required seeing as how she'd be to far away even if Rory did chose Yale.

Inside Rory had cut herself a piece of cake and was listening to the messages that had been left on their answering machine.

beep  
"Lorelai this is your father. If anyone calls claiming to be an AFT agent you don't know anything about Billy our gardener...By the way we have a new gardener his name is Stanley, he may look like Billy but is a completely different man. His immigration papers say so."  
beep

beep  
"Lorelai, Rory this is Luke. Look, um yeah, see I am so sorry about everything. But in my defense I had been listening to his bitching and moaning about his feelings for Rory for a while and.  
beep

beep  
"I had thought that if those two got together that he would shut up. And that also I could keep an eye on her making sur he treated her right. Not much of an excuse I know but you know how I get. Jesse's gone I sent him to his father..."  
beep

beep  
Manny, I call him Manny 'cause I can't ever remember his real name and he answers to it now, so anyway he's been trying to get custody of Jesse for a while. He's a corrections officer in Texas, so that should get the little bugger straightened out right quick.Well I'll let you go I just wanted to call and grovel...bye  
beep

beep  
Lorelai, this is your mother Emily, I am prepared to forgive Rory's slip in decorum if she will allow me to have her included in the debutante ball happening later next month that I'm helping organize...Tell her there will be free cake.  
beep

beep  
Rory this is your grandfather, I will help your mother buy that Inn she wants and help pay for the renovations of it, if you will attend that god awful ball. We'll have a chance to bond over antagonizing your grandmother...Please don't make me go to that thing alone with her. Did you know that there will be free cake?  
beep

Sitting down on the couch Rory absent mindedly ate her cake and thought about her grandfather's proposition. Whereas Lorelai who had listened to the messages when she got home and had found those from Luke endearing because of the uncertainty in his voice and knew that Rory would forgive him because he sounded pathetic like she had. But for those from her parents she had written those off as DT induced craziness on her father's part and Emily was just delusional.

"_Lets see, mom gets her inn.  
But I have to act like a show dog for a night.  
There will be cake. Free expensive cake.  
But isn't the deb's father supposed to attend those things.  
Luke now owes us a big one.  
But I don't have a date either.  
I have a Tristan though and lets face it he'll clean up well.  
But mom won't like it.  
Mom will get her inn_"  
Finding herself back at the beginning she felt she had no other choice so decision made Rory refocused her attention on her surroundings and found her mom and Tristan smiling at her.

Not knowing what they were smiling about but not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, she decided to get it over with while there was still enough cake to shove at Lorelai and get Tristan to go on a pie run at Luke's if need be to help calm her down.

"I'm coming out." Rory announced as cheerfully as she could.  
A good long silence followed.  
"You better be talking about my having to buy Pride jewelry in support of your new lifestyle." her mother warned finally finding her voice.


	18. Chapter 18

**Wedensday**

Enrique was dead.  
After 26 hrs of continuously making espresso he went like most of Lorelai and Rory's appliances did, in a big ball of sparking smoking glory.

But on the plus side the promise of another newer machine had perked Lorelai up out of the funk she had been in and not even Luke's pies had been able to do that.

**Chilton Prep Morning**

Having gone on to class early to look back over the material that was supposed to be on their history test later that day Rory looked up when a shadow fell over her.

"Heard you have a date with DuGrey." Paris said primly clutching her books to her chest.

"I guess." Rory shrugged. "Kind of tricked me into it though, I think 'cause that part is still a little fuzzy."

"He does that. You get used to it after a while." Paris told her and the corners of her mouth was twitching upwards "I just wanted you to know I'm glad it's you and not Summer...Heard you've got detention with him too."

Rory looked at her suspiciously, "If I didn't know any better Paris, I'd think you were gloating."

"I am." Her somewhat friend grinned evilly and walked off when she saw Tristan walk into the room.

"How's your mom doing?" he asked as he sat down in the seat behind Rory and handed her a large convince store coffee.

"Fine I think. Enrique's dead so she's going to go buy another one today. I had to promise that I'd let her name it without comment no matter how stupid I think think the name is before she'd talk to me again." Rory answered turning around in her seat to face him.

"Sounds like your mom. And we'll hammer out the details of the ball later. I should be able to help you out quit a bit seeing as my parents had made me attend a couple of them as somebody's escort." he smirked.

Rory's eyes danced at the escort comment.

"Don't even think about it." he warned realizing what had her so amused looking, "Now since I've gotten Friday all planned out I thought that I'd let you chose what we do Saturday."

"Unless bribing school officials has become another one of your talents, and mind you that that is one that I would be proud of you to have and will support you in developing further, we have detention Saturday."

"Alright be that way." he mock pouted, "We'll just hang around my house when we get paroled."

"TRISSYPOO" somebody called out from across the room. The handful of students that were already in class looked over from their various activities and saw Summer wearing, her hair in Wednesday Addams braids, her shirt knee length shirt buttoned up to her throat and a pair of thick lensed horn rim style glasses perched on her nose. She was in the doorway grinning in a slightly unbalanced looking way.

"Trissypoo." Rory snorted and then outright laughed at the look of horror on his face.

"Can't you do something?" Tristan whimpered as he ex waved her hands in the air trying to get his attention.

"ME?" Rory asked looking at him sternly while trying to choke back her laughter "Your the one who dated her."

"But only to make you jealous." Tristan defended himself and pointedly looking away from the classroom door and praying the teacher showed up soon.

"And a fine plan that was." Paris offered drolly from her nearby seat. "By the way I suggest one of you do something seeing as no one else is because they are too amused by your pain."

"I think Paris' right Tristan," Rory chuckled, "Summer looks like she's either trying to take flight with the way she flapping her arms or piss off Henri McCall because of the insults she looks to be hurling in sign language."

He looked at her blankly, "But I brought you coffee." he whined.

"You got nothing huh?" Rory countered knowingly and drank said coffee.  
"I got nothing" he agreed not caring how he pathetic looked to Rory. Actually with her pathetic was good, so he turned it up a few notches.

A moment of silence followed while Rory thought. "You driving me home?" Rory asked looking back to the now shimmying girl, 'She's going to make some pole proud one day.' she mused silently.

"Yeah I was planning to, why." Tristan answered covering his eyes, after mistaken looking over at the classroom door, before he got sick because of another glimpse of Summer's granny panties that had Saturday stamped across their back as she twirled making her pleated shirt fan out. Tristan also thought he heard Summer humming Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy, but wasn't going to get close enough to find out one way or the other.

"I wanna drive." Rory grinned over the lip of her drink.

"Do you have a license? Oh what the hell do I care just stop the nastiness." he ordered and pointed in the direction of the doorway blindly.

Climbing to her feet she walked over to the door. A few there had witnessed her tossing Summer into the trash can Monday and were watching eagerly for another good show.

"Summer why are you dressed like a Bordello's Librarian?" Rory found herself having to ask.

Freezing mid high kick. Summer looked at Rory like she was a poor-person and sneered accordingly, "I'll have you know Tristan likes me like this and it's not a Bordello Librarian." Summer answered haughtily, "I guess you are just too common to recognize what all the smart people are wearing."

"Smart people...Right." Rory muttered and swung the classroom door shut. She heard Summer stumbled back and curse Rory's existence decrying the day Rory Gilmore was born. 'You and Lane both sweetheart.' she sighed shaking her head sadly at the knowledge that she had not one but two teenage girls gunning for her. Teenage girls fought dirty, but thankfully for Rory, Gilmore's fought dirtier so aside from the annoyance they'd cause her Rory would never find herself cowed down by them.

Turning to go back to her seat she found more then one pair of eyes looking at her disappointed, "Look people, I lucked out Monday by not getting another detention after introducing her to the garbage bin. Just let me serve this Saturday detention first and then I'll see what I can do." she promised her peers.

"Alright Gilmore," Paris called out, "But make it something good."


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I own nothin.  
A/n I think...I know this chapter jumps around a bit but it refused to be written any other way. I honestly felt at one point that I would rather bathe my mom's big tomcat instead of writing this because I was trying to do it my way instead of how it was flowing.sigh. So I'm sorry in advance if it's confusing to you, maybe if you read it a few times it might get clearer:) or just cut paste and edit till it does. 

**Friday evening Gilmore House**

At the sound of someone knocking on the door Rory started to wipe her hands on the skirt part of her dress and then realized that it was just Tristan so there was no reason to be nervous. Laughing at herself she opened the door and looked him up and down. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a button down black shirt. "And here I thought people from Hartford were genetically allergic to blue jeans." she quipped grabbing her purse off of the table near the door.

"Got my allergy shot last week so it shouldn't be a problem." he shrugged.

"Would have had more respect for you if you hadn't, it would have meant you like living on the edge." Rory told him eyes twinkling.

"Rory living on the edge is on thing, ending up an itchy hive covered mess is quit another and since when does laughing hysterically at somebody mean that you respect them?"

Not really having an answer to that one she just shrugged. "Mom I'm leaving now!" she called over her shoulder and closed the door behind her.

Glancing around her computer screen Lorelai grinned, on screen her Sim Rory had just gotten pregnant by her Sim Tristan. Soon she'd get a preview of what her grandchildren looked like. "OH CRAP!" she shrieked suddenly, Sim Lorelai just got hit by lightening, and just why the hell was Sim Emily laughing about it?

**DuGrey Mansion**

The silver colored car pulled into the garage. Neither teen had said a word to the other for the twenty minute drive.

Tristan's self delusion that she hadn't heard the conversation between him and Summer was shattered when she finally looked away from the window she'd spent the entire car trip staring out of and over at him.

"Run." she snarled and he did without question and without a backwards glance. Hey, nobody could accuse her of not giving him a sporting chance.

Tristan had just thrown the last bolt on his closet's locks when his bedroom door was flung open violently.

"Here kitty, kitty ,kitty." Rory called tauntingly as she stepped inside.

Two minutes earlier in the Foyer

Downstairs in the sitting room two pairs of blue eyes had watched as their son ran passed the open door and up the stairs taking them two and three at a time. He was soon followed by a more sedate moving Rory Gilmore who when seeing them with their heads looking out the open doorway waved, "You wouldn't happen to have a hockey mask and a machete around her would you?"

"What did he do?" Annabelle asked, wondering to herself if they did happen to have a hockey mask and or a machete somewhere around the mansion having never really cared to look in anyone's closet but her own after finding her father-in-law hiding in one after running through the back lawns of their neighbors and wearing nothing but a strategically placed Fedora. Oh he said it was Richard Gilmore's fault but honestly how could that sweet man ever 'make' Janlan, a known hardass, to streak Emily Gilmore's luncheon. 'And just what is up with the men in this family streaking social functions? First Janlan and then my son. Makes me wonder what Alistair gets up to when I'm not around.' she mused silently.

Trying to ignore the look his wife was giving him was a bit hard to do no matter how amusing he was finding Rory's tale of woe.

"...he didn't deny it! So now Trampzilla is going to spread it all over creation that me and Tristan are doing IT and I know I would have to stupid drunk before I even thought about getting all "Discovery Channel" with that moron!" Rory raged and started up the stairs only to whirl back around and stomp over to his parents again, "Tell me now, did on of maybe accidentally on purpose after he say, broke an expensive vase and then giggle about it, hit him with a stupid stick, cause there is no way he comes by it, that honestly." She waited two full seconds for their answer and when none was forth coming just shrugged it off as an unexplained mystery and continued on her mission of search and destroy.

"So who had Date ruined because of stalker ex hiding outside the movie theater and Tristan not keeping his mouth closed." Alistair asked looking over at HIS blonde trial.

Walking over to a sideboard in the foyer Annabelle open a small drawer and pulled up a folded piece of paper "Luke Danes."

"How close did he get?" Alistair asked curious.

"Right down to the 'ex hiding in a trash bin laying in wait for them when the movie ended'." his wife answered looking impressed.

"How the hell did he figure that one out?" Alistair whistled, he too was impressed.

"Said he had just found out that one of the ex's had already been acclimated with garbage cans earlier in the week and figured the little spaz would for reasons known only to their therapist and god now think that a garbage can was a good hiding place." Annabelle explained as she counted out the money for the 'betting pool' she'd been put in charge of.

A few minutes later the sounds of a door splintering followed by a high pitched scream filled the air.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I'd like to own John Cena...I'd end up with Doink The Clown.  
I'd like to say I own the Gilmore Girls...I'd end up with the Fish Police. Thank god I'm broke and can't buy any of it. 

**Still Friday, Tristan's Bedroom.**

Rory was well aware of the fact that she ran her mouth and said stuff that could be misunderstood as something different then what she meant but **Tristan** was going to be her D.D. and Go to Guy for bail money. So the truth of the matter was, was that the innuendo that they had "knowledge" of one another was just what Rory was going to tell people was what had set her off, when really it was the fact that he hadn't just walked away from the Chilton's Tribal leader of Skank. He had to learn to _not_ mouth off so much or he'd get his hummingbird ass in a bind one of those days that his alligator mouth couldn't get him out of and then where would she be? That's right, stuck in the cell next to him.

Rolling her eyes at his choice of hiding places she reached out and grasped the ornate silver handles of his closet. How he thought those flimsy doors was going to keep anyone out was beyond her. "Be a man and at the very least hide under the bed." Rory snarked as she stepped over the doors she'd just ripped off their hinges "or better yet build a real panic room ya cheapskate."

She found Tristan in his usual place, in his usual position of duck and cover only this time he held the ugliest plushy chicken she ever seen over his head like a shield. It had felt buck-teeth or tooth from the looks of it in it's neon orange colored beak, patches had been worn from it's lime green colored velveteen body making it look like it had had a bad molt and it's comb that had also been made of felt had been pulled out leaving only bits of stringy fibers behind.

It was the most pathetic looking thing she had seen(Excluding the time Kirk had dressed up as a badass biker after he'd pimped his moped)and she fought the urge to laugh, that would come later, she had to finish this or he wouldn't learn to just walk away and let skanks like Summer be.

Snatching his make-shift protection from Tristan's hand he looked up in fear thinking that she might just attempt to beat him to death with it. Instead he watched, jaw dropping in shock as she ripped the beloved childhood toy's head off and tossed it's body somewhere behind her.

"Now, think about this very moment the next time your run your mouth because, if I did that to _that_ chicken think about what'll happen if you tell people I've choked yours." she growled her eyes narrowed in anger.

When what exactly she had just threatened, registered with him that's when Tristan screamed.

**Saturday Chilton Prep**

Trudging into the classroom dragging her purse behind her on the ground, Rory looked around the room to see who else was going to be serving time with her aside from Tristan that is.

Finding that she was the only one there and had her choice of seats she went up to the teacher's desk were Mrs. Masterson took her slip and waved Rory off having only glanced up from her magazine about guppy breeding.

The Rules of Detention Conduct were written on the Chalkboard.

No Talking

No Cell Phones

No Fighting

No Giving Wedgies(Rory figured that they must have thrown that one in just to be on the safe side. Since she was serving her time that day.)

Not really feeling up to reading her book and having no homework to do, she quickly grew bored and put her head down on her desk. She was still tired from her date the night before and figured she had earned a nap. Plus No Sleeping wasn't on the list. ha-ha.

45 minutes later she raised her head to find whatever it was that had woken her up. She saw Tristan who had come in not long after she'd dozed off, sitting in a desk on the other side of the classroom looking sheepish because had knocked his science book on the floor. Mrs. Masterson paid him no mind and was still reading her magazine and looked to be taking notes from it on a yellow legal pad.

His eyes widened comically when he noticed what was hanging around Rory's neck on a piece of bright pink ribbon. It was the head of his chicken toy, Mr. Cluck-Cluck.

A/N I **might** not get a chance to post a chapter tomorrow. We have family coming over and it'll take me at least a day or more to claw my way out of the funk that's gonna cause. It will mainly depend on how much they have to drink so that I can laugh at them. Wonder if they'll notice the digital camera's flash going off?


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: It's either The Gilmore Girls or a Pink Cowboy hat...I choose the hat. Guess that means that I don't own the show huh? 

**Sunday Morning DuGrey Mansion**

After a very boring and Roryless experience in detention the day before,(she slept the whole time leaving him to amuse himself, at one point he thought about braving her wrath and waking her up.)Tristan smiled to himself relieved that it looked like she wasn't going to make him grovel like his other girlfriends had after he'd screwed up. Because as soon as he opened his eyes he found out that all he needed was a basic understanding of the Mafia tactics in old movies, Mr. Cluck Cluck's head was on the pillow next to his head.

The rest of the day he spent doing research.(At some point you'd think he's start to wonder how she came and went so freely from his house wouldn't you?)

**Monday Chilton Prep**

After watching some of the cheesiest mobster movies he could find, Tristan went with the idea of paying her 'protection bribes' in the form of a breakfast thing and coffee. Though before handing over that day's payment of a Cheese Danish and large coffee Tristan had to be sure he was thinking along the same lines just in case she did want him to grovel, "So just so we're clear. I feed you and you save me from myself and take the heat from Summer and Summer like clones?" Oh, he was aware that it was more complicated that but going with just the bare facts didn't muddy the waters.

Rory's eyebrows rose in surprise because she had meant the chicken head on the pillow as a keepsake for Tristan to carry with him as reminder to watch himself and not just run off at the mouth. She had honestly never thought that he would go this route because it never really occurred to her, but it seemed as if he wanted it this way. And now that she thought about it _maybe_ just telling him to quit being an idiot and threatening him if he didn't stop wasn't going to be the best path to take, after all his parents HAD threatened and look where that got them; he had been on his way to military school. 'I mean my god Bowman was bad enough but Duncan "Mr. Hey Y'all watch this" himself had talked Tris into doing some stupid shit too. Looks like if I want him around for a while I'll have to run interference. ' Rory mentally groaned thinking about the numerous dumbasses he was friends with, "Yeah, okay." she quickly agreed before she thought too much about it and grabbed the still warm pastry and coffee from him.

**Tuesday Chilton Prep**

After tossing her breakfast container in a nearby trash can and keeping her still half full coffee Rory made to grab her heavy book bag off of the floor without spilling it. Tristan got there first and after picking it up offered her a bright smile as he strutted passed. Chuckling at his antics she followed him on to homeroom. 'Well, she didn't say that I couldn't ACT like she's mine, now did she.' he gloated to himself.

Making her way to her usual though unassigned seat she held her hand out and Tristan wordlessly handed her, her book bag, setting it on the floor she wiggled her finger's letting him know she wanted something else, his backpack. After giving it to her Rory then rooted around in it till she found some unfinished homework of his.

Tristan knew, she knew that he understood the material but just detested doing it, his parents had been on his case for years to just do it and get it over with and he did force himself most days, but then there were the other days.  
So he had no problem with her finishing it for him when she was bored because it kept his teachers and parents off his back.

The classroom door opened and the teacher came in carrying a large cardboard box. Rory swatted his hand away from tugging on her hair once again and wrote in the last answer before joining the rest of the class in wondering what Ms. Moore was up to. Handing Tristan his folder she and the others watched as the petite teacher brought out one life size baby doll after another laying them on her desk. "She better not want us to do what I think she does." Rory told a confused Tristan over her shoulder. Two seats over a horrified look was coming over Paris' face as she too got an inkling what was about to happen.


	22. Chapter 22

**Tuesday Chilton Prep cont.**

"Today class we are going to start what I call a life lesson." Ms. Moore explained holding up one of the dolls, "I'll pair you up like is usual with this kind of thing although it doesn't really reflect the true dynamics of the modern family in some cases."

"Then why are you doing it?" Paris challenged not liking any of this one bit because she just knew she'd be stuck with somebody stupid who knew about as much about babies as she did.

"Because they are the state of the art making them high demand, so the school was not able to buy enough for each student a care booklet will also be provided." the teacher smiled believing that Paris(her favorite student) would loose her scowl when she announced the pairings.

"Now these dolls are computerized meaning it will keep an electronic record of how you care for it so you must be diligent because I will know if you have mistreated them. Now when I call your names come and get your 'Baby'. Miss Lynn and Mr. Webber you're first..." and on it went until there were only four people left, Rory, Tristan, Paris and Brad.

Rory had earlier lay her head down on her desk waiting for the ax to fall, "Mr. DuGrey with Miss. Geller and Miss Gilmore with Mr. Langford."

Paris' eyes grew wide and she started banging her head on her desk stop saying Ow in between hits, knowing that she was going to receive her first ever F.

Brad on the other hand didn't take it as well.  
"YOU WANT ME PAIRED WITH RORY GILMORE!" He shrieked and pointed at the afore mentioned girl with a shaking finger.

"And just what is wrong with Rory?" Tristan demanded not liking the implication. Sure he didn't like the fact that he hadn't been paired with Rory and had gotten Paris instead but it wasn't the end of the world like Brad acted like it was.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Brad cried and lay his head down on his desk and sobbed, muttering something about Typhoid Mary giving him a better chance at seeing his 17th birthday.

'The others tried to warn me that this might happen.' Ms. Moore sighed thinking back to early that morning in the teachers lounge when she had been laughed at by her fellow teachers. Her eyebrows knit in confusion because Brad Langford objecting to his partner so strongly had not been voice by any of them. Tristan on the other hand had the number one designation of that, followed by Paris.

When they had warned Janice that Paris would object to it Ms. Moore had them waved off, she was a romantic at heart and hoped a relationship would begin between Paris and Tristan helped along by the week long assignment. The Principle and V.P who had not known of her secret matchmaking plan had made her conceder an alternate plan if any of the four had 'thrown a hissy'. Brad Langford was defiantly in hissy mode if she ever saw one and Paris looked like she was building up to a full tantrum worthy of any two year old who was just denied candy.

"OK, ok, everyone calm down." Ms. Moore said soothingly to the tittering class, "Mr. DuGrey please put Miss. Grant and Mr. Cole's baby down and return to your seat. Hitting Mr. Langford with it will not make him stop crying."

"I don't want him to stop." Tristan told her as he handed Louis back her doll, "I want him to give him a good reason to cry because being paired with Rory isn't one."

"Alright fine, I give up. You and Miss. Gilmore are paired and Miss. Geller is with Mr. Langford." Ms. Moore said admitting defeat. The victory dance Brad jumped to his feet and did would be talked about for years, as would the kiss he gave Paris on the cheek mainly because she laid him out with a right hook.

"I'll over look that if Mr. Langford doesn't wish to pursue the matter Miss. Geller seeing as how he did in 'bring it on himself' so to speak." Ms. Moore sighed rubbing her temples, a little voice in her head was chanting "They told you so."

Peter Cole helped Brad to his feet and looked to their teacher, "Take him to the nurse in case he has a more serious problem then a glass jaw." she instructed him. Nodding his understanding Peter through his friend's arm over his shoulder and helped a still dazed Brad out of the room. "Miss. Geller please come and get your doll."

Ms. Moore looked from the now almost empty box to her desk ant then to the last couple. She had a choice to make; either do it her way or take her superiors suggestions. There really was no choice, she had been wrong so far. Reaching into the box she removed their 'baby' leaving the blue eyed doll on her desk.

Walking down the aisle to Rory's seat she handed it to the amused looking girl who had thankfully kept quiet the whole episode. Janice Moore then went on to explain before anyone could ask, that although there was one doll left it had been decided by her and the faculty on the off chance she _did_ pair Miss. Gilmore with Mr. DuGrey that they would be given a doll alternative.

Looking back at her co-parent Rory shrugged she had no problem with that and neither did he. Their peers thought that that had been a very wise decision on the faculty's part.

Reaching around her, Tristan took the potato with the unevenly glued on googly eyes and the grim smile that had been drawn on with a permanent marker from it's 'mother' and started to bond with his child by telling it of all the potato based dishes he enjoyed eating, sounding much like Bubba Blue from the Forest Gump movie.


	23. Chapter 23

**Still Tuesday Chilton Prep**

"Tristan, Rory, would you stay after class?" Ms. Moore called out over the sounds of the students gathering their things for the various other classes they attended. After everyone else had filed out the pair made their way up to her desk. "Now unlike the others you're baby cannot be monitored so I am going to require that you do a presentation next Tuesday on your experience instead. Do either of you have any questions?"

Rory and Tristan shook their heads no, both were very glad that they hadn't gotten one of those criers saw no problem with having to do a report. "Then you may go." Ms Moore smiled and began to look over her notes for her next class. She missed a very good indicator of how lil' Tater's life was going to progress for the next week by not watching them leave; Rory tossed lil' Tater over her shoulder without even glancing back at Tristan who caught it one handed. He was getting it for the rest of the day and Rory would take the spud home with her for the night. They had decided that to be fair that they would then switch up Wednesday and keep alternating the physical custody of it till the assignment was over. Already because of their agreement they were miles ahead of their bickering classmates.

**Tuesday evening Gilmore House**

Having a Russet potato shoved in her face and informed that it was her new grandchild was something that Lorelai had never thought would happen and this was a woman who had boxes of notebooks hidden in her closet with plans she'd made since she was a teen for everything from; dealing with a termite infestation(ok really, call Luke shouldn't have taken up but only about a space as large as a post-it note but she'd practiced writing her name as Lorelai Leigh Danes on the rest of the Termites book's blank pages thinking that it would be an essential thing to be able to write when given only a moments notice)to what do if she was worshiped by the gnomes in Babbette' s garden as the savior of their race.

Staring at it when Rory went to get them both some ice cream to eat while watching their favorite reality shows, Lorelai thought back to how her Sim grandchild was acting and found this one hands down a lot better behaved then Hellion. That one was always playing in the garbage can and eating out of it too Lorelai suspected grimly.

"Hey sweats, have you though about putting some sort of cloths on the newest addition to the family or are you going to let it be all free an uninhibited?" Lorelai called to Rory who was still in the kitchen rooting around in the cabinet for the chocolate sauce, Lorelai grown bored while waiting was poking lil' Tater with a pen. "Haven't thought about it, though that might be a good idea to do at least for next Tuesday when the assignment is over and it's turned in."

Wednesday Chilton Prep

Exchanging the potato for a coffee and a eclair Rory sat down on the floor in front of her locker to enjoy her breakfast, Tristan raised his eyebrow in confusion of why it now was wearing a napkin toga but found he really didn't care. So after shoving lil' Tater in his backpack he sat down next to Rory to people watch and was highly amused as she was at the sight of their usually so put together peers trudging in through the doors with dark circles under their

eyes. "Think we would have looked that bad if we had gotten one of the dolls?" he stage whispered. "Nope," Rory chuckled as she watched Paris marching down the hall with Brad scurrying behind her laden down with the doll who was in a baby sling, a diaper bag, and both of their book bags, "I have faith that you would have found some way to cheat." Slinging an arm around her shoulders Tristan beamed because she freely admitted in front of potential witnesses that she had faith in him.  
The week they had been assigned for the project progressed pretty much as usual for them...

**Tuesday Morning Chilton Prep**

As soon as Ms. Moore told the class to bring the dolls up and put them in the box there was a mad rush to get rid of what most in the class now considered the worlds best anti-pregnancy device.

"Now Miss. Gilmore, Mr. DuGrey would you please come to the front of the class and present your report since you had a doll alternative." Ms. Moore instructed and sat back in her chair to give them her full attention.

Seeing that neither of them was worse for wear was a bit disappointing for the class betting pool, but Paris run a tight operation and there would be no refunds, besides the heavy odds part was coming up.

Tristan carried two folders, one was the 'report' the other carried pictures of their 'family time' Lorelai had insisted that they take just in case there was an investigation into anything. Rory carried lil' Tater wrapped in a white cotton wash rag. She then showed her nerves of steel when she lay her bundle on the teacher's desk and stepped back.

Looking at her oddly Ms. Moore unfolded the cotton cloth and gaped in shock at the sorriest looking potato she had ever seen, there was a bit of chewing gum still stuck to it's head and had a dust bunny attached to it(the gum) it was sporting a full smile with a few blackened out teeth, one of it's eyes must have fallen off at one point because it was attached back on with a tiny piece of duct tape, lil' Tater as it's new tattoo declared it as being preferred addressed by(it actually said 'My namz lil' Tater bytch')had lost a few strips of it's skin and they were being held back on with about four small butterfly bandages. 'Why didn't I call in sick today?' Janice Moore whimpered unknowingly loud enough for the whole class to hear as she prodded the sindged napkin toga the spud was wearing with the eraser part of her pencil.


	24. Chapter 24

Wednesday Chilton Prep cont.  
or The Ballad of lil' Tater 

"How...week...pathetic...what...EXPLAIN!" Ms .Moore babbled looking at them like they had just brought a mime to class.

Sharing a worried look directed at their teacher Tristan nodded at Rory and handed her the folder containing their report, he'd let her read it because he was having too much trouble not laughing "Tristan and I decided earlier on who would be in charge of..."

"Not that!." Ms. Moore interrupted waving the potato in the air at them, "Explain how it ended up looking like this"

"See that could have been me." Brad wailed. Nobody paid any attention to Brad and his wussyness, they were too enthralled by the sight of Rory and Tristan's project not having seen it till then.

Rory opened her mouth to answer when somebody else interrupted her, "Not until you mark us down as passing." Tristan told his teacher smugly.

"You can't do that!" she objected, "I'm your teacher and that's extortion."

"Just did and if you don't you won't find out what happened and we have pictures." he told informed her in a sing-song voice.

There was a full three minutes of silence as Janice weighed the pros and cons, "All right fine, but I demand the whole truth and don't think that any of the rest of you can pull this kind of thing ever again. Am I understood"  
The class nodded their agreement without question wither it was fear of her because of her tone or the fact that they also wanted to hear what had happened was a toss up.

"Marry me." Rory demanded looking between him and the twitching teacher. Rory had never before been more impressed by anyone or anything. "Alright, the day we graduate." He nodded solemnly(in his head he was jumping on the furniture squealing like a little girl that had just found out Barbie released another album)she took his offered hand firmly in her own and pumped it twice sealing the deal.

Somewhere miles away in Janlan DuGrey's home the old man froze mid-step. The hair on the back of his neck was standing up an a cold chill was creeping up his spin. Narrowing his eyes he hurriedly continued on his way after his momentary pause. He had a serious phone call to make. He wouldn't stand for it! He'd paid them to do a job and if they couldn't do it right then he wanted nay he demanded a refund. 'Certified Air Conditioner repairman my ass!"

Thankfully the class hadn't heard the pair's exchange because they were still staring at the potato Ms. Moore was still holding aloft as she jotted down Tristan and Rory's passing grade with her other hand.

"Lets get this over with," Rory sighed and waited for Tristan to pull out the first photo it was an 8x10 of lil' Tater looking no worse for wear.

_"This is lil' Tater the day I/we brought him home."_

Next Tristan pulled out another photo the same size except the potato had on a napkin toga.

_"This was taken the following Morning and it is wearing the outfit my mom made it."_

The next photo was lil' Tater with a was of gum on it' "head"  
"This was after it was knocked from my hands by somebody who had no business being there in the first place while I was on my way to school and it landed under a bus seat ."

The next showed some of the gum removed.  
"_This is after I retrieved lil' Tater I made Lane remove the gum...and chew it."_

The next photo showed the dust bunny stuck to the gum and one eye was missing the potato also had a gold ribbon tied around it's middle.  
"_Tristan **says** it just flew on it's own from the small box he had placed it in and attacked the huge spider that was scuttling across his floor and fought it to the death underneath his bed and came out the victor hence the belt. I **say** he say a 'baby' spider panicked and threw the closest thing he had at hand at it and the "belt" was to hide the thump print he left."_

The next photograph Tristan pulled out and showed the class had the spud with his eye put back with duct tape and it now was wearing it's mostly toothless grin:the belt was gone.  
_"We took lil Tater to the only person I knew who might be able put his eye back on. After he did Luke insisted that any 'child' of ours would not have many teeth because of it running it's mouth off all the time he told us that for realism it should reflect that and whiped out a permentant marker."_

The next 8x10 showed lil' Tater laying on a table it's napkin toga laying next to it waded up slightly smoking, two strips of peel was missing and there was a sweet faced red head looking horrified at it.  
_"The red head is Sookie, she works with my mom. Tristan had come over to visit lil' Tater and mom called needing help for an hour or two at the inn with some clean up. Tristan and I agreed to go help and seeing as how it would have been irresponsible for us to leave the 'baby' home alone we took it with us. Mom made another worker at the inn we'll call him Mickie watch our project. His idea of watching it was to take it to the kitchen because that is were vegetables go and would be happier there near it's own kind. That's were a cook's lackey, who needed just one more potato for the dish he's been told to make, removed lil' Tater's clothes and tossed the napkin near the stove, not near enough to catch on fire but close enough to cause it to sindge a bit. Sookie had smelled the napkin and turned to locate it and saw a second strip of peel being removed from the spud we had introduced her to earlier."_

The final photo showed lil' Tater as it looked right now with one new addition, it now had writing on it's 'ass'._"My mom said that if Luke got to draw on the potato then so did she." _Rory finished shrugging she didn't see what the big deal was 'cause it was _just_ a potato.

It was silent enough that you could have heard a pin drop until a small voice coming from behind the teachers desk called out, "Please both of you, never, ever have children with any one else or god help us **each** other."


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I'm having to hit my mum up for hair dye money so just how am I going to afford the Gilmore Girls?

_A/N don't hold me to the time frame I've set for Lorelai's childhood. I listen to the Monkees and Guns 'n Roses so don't hold anything I write as gospel on anything that has to do with music.  
_

**Saturday Uberly Expensive Dress Shop**

Rory stepped out from the dressing room with a pained look on her face. "Well how do I look?" she asked the pair that had been waiting for her to show them the dress Emily had picked out for her to wear to the ball.

"It looks nice." Lorelai told her wearing a blank face and using a dead tone.

Tristan wasn't as tactful and burst into laughter. "HAHAHAHA...PUMPKIN!!"

"Now Tristan it doesn't look like a pumpkin." Lorelai argued nudging the laughing boy with her foot, but any hope Rory had the her mom had found the good in the dress was dashed when she continued "That's more of a traffic cone orange circa 1989 when they were slightly darker then they are today."

"There's a bow on the butt too." Rory complained and stepped over Tristan who was rolling on the floor clutching his sides. The sales girl stuck her head in to see what all the noise was about and covered her mouth to hid her amused smile, "Oh dear it that does not look amber colored, does it?"

"Babe that's just not any bow on the butt that's Bowzilla. Somebody might want to give a heads up to Tokyo." her mom quipped catching sight of the entity big enough to drape over her daughter's rear-end as Rory shuffled passed trying not to trip on the dress' hem.

"Oh it gets better," Rory told them and lifted the dress skirting up to show them the shoes, they were a neon orange colored replica of Dorothy's ruby slippers. The sales girl cringed, Tristan froze mid-laugh and Lorelai covered her eyes declaring loudly that she was now blind and would forever now need a hot young male nurse of the Italian persuasion to give her sponge baths until he turned twenty-five at which time he'd have become to old to take care of her and Rory and Tristan would just have to find her another nurse in the eighteen to Twenty-five range; an unimportant thing like a degree and credentials were not necessary.

"I hate my life." Rory sighed looking heavenward and wondered exactly what she had to do around there to get hit by lightning because wasn't wearing colors of nothing found in nature enough of a sin to justify it?

**Sunday Gilmore House**

The furniture was shoved out of the way to give the dancers and I do use that term loosely, room to move. "Ok, class" Lorelai clapped getting Tristan and Rory's attention they were sitting on the floor watching TV, "after thinking long and hard while eating a box of powdered doughnuts I have come up with a plan. Since Rory will have no dignity left after wearing that dress in public, I figure we should go all out. Today I will teach Tristan how to do The Hustle and Electric Slide. Rory I know can already do both, having taught her when she was little."

Smirking at the red faced girl sitting next to him he then looked at her smirking mother, "Got video of that?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows. "Of course," Lorelai answered with fake offense, "What kind of mother do you think I am?"

Rory smiled evilly and made to answer when Tristan clamped his hand over her mouth, "Don't answer that." he laughed teasing, "Remember she knows where you sleep."

She scowled behind his hand and tried to pull it off of her mouth. When she couldn't get it to budge she licked his palm making him jump and jerk his hand away.

"Did you do what I think you did?" Lorelai laughed watching Tristan shoot a glare at her daughter while wiping his hand on his pants.

"Damn right I did." Rory grinned proud of herself. "And you better watch it DuGrey, I'm sure your mom has a few baby pictures somewhere that you wouldn't want to see the light of day." she threatened. He thought of the one Annabelle had shown him a few months before when she was going through a nostalgic phase and cringed, nope he sure didn't want Rory or anybody else to see the picture of him when he was a toddler running across the front lawn wearing a saggy diaper and a pair of Superman under-roos on his head with a small towel tied around his neck, it had been his father's idea because Alistair had needed his wife and mother-in-law distracted so that he could sneak the cat he'd rescued from the side of the road a few days earlier out of the main house and into the pool house while it recuperated and lost it's odd smell; Annabelle had started to question why there was a dead animal smell coming from somewhere on the third floor so he's had no choice. 'I will not sacrifice my child's dignity to get one over on Rory.' Tristan vowed silently to himself. 'Mine yes, my child's no.'

Unaware of what had gotten Tristan so quiet knowing that he'd tell her if it were any of her business, Rory climbed to her feet and shut off the TV. Lorelai walked over to the radio and put in her ABBA Bee-Gees compilation CD she'd burned to listen to on car trips. "Alright assume the position." Lorelai ordered as Stayin' Alive blared from the stereo's speakers.

"This is going to cause flash backs years from now isn't it?" Tristan asked as he stood up next to Rory and watched as her mom went through The Hustle's steps enthusiastically. Lorelai was happy to be able to pass it one to yet another of her daughter's generation.

"What's sad is she was born in 1974 and was just starting elementary school when the disco era was popular." Rory explained as she began to follow her mom's movements, "You mean her generation was responsible for the rise of the Hair Bands?" he snickered and got into the spirit of what Lorelai was doing.

"When you put it that way I guess I'd deny that era too." Rory laughed and sped up her movements to keep up with the other two. "But come on Disco? Why not Punk or Heavy Metal?"

"She's special." Tristan grinned watching the two future members of his family make total dweebs of themselves in the name of revenge."Like don't get within reaching distance unless you're carrying a can of mace or tazer gun special."


	26. Chapter 26

A/N Thanks to reader(s), I know I got Lorelai's year of birth wrong and I will go back and fix it later, promise. 

**Saturday Gilmore House cont...**

Tristan lay sprawled on the couch with his eyes closed,Lorelai and Rory had danced him to exhaustion. Rory was slouching down in the chair across the room waiting for her mom to return from foraging in her closet.

"I found it!" Lorelai said bouncing into the room excited and whipped out a yellow fan embellished with canary yellow feathers around it's border from behind her back and held it out to Rory.

Looking at what she was trying to give to an adamantly refusing Rory through barely opened eyes Tristan chuckled, "Found it? I'd have burned it."

"Mom why are you handing me big bird's butt feathers?" Rory grimaced after reluctantly taking the fan from her just to get Lorelai to stop bopping her on the head with it and held the fan between her thumb and forefinger.

"That's the fan I used when I came out. "Lorelai answered.

"I see, and knowing that these things are to match your dress I guess it's not too much of a leap of logic to state the grandmother made you wear a butt-ugly dress too?" Rory smiled, pleased that she wasn't the only victim of her grandmother's tastes.

Lorelai chose to ignored _that_ implication, because her dress hadn't been _that_ bad, well not as bad as Rory's was going to be, "Now look Christopher wasn't as ballsy as Tristan here and he wouldn't let me be myself. Oh, he let me steal a bottle of champagne and got drunk with me but that was all, the little kiss up." she fumed, "But I aim to fix that for you baby girl because you may have gotten yourself into this but I'll be damned if your sanity will suffer." "To late." Tristan snickered under his breath, "Now flick open the fan and let me teach you how to subtly trip another dancer while doing the fan dance and make it look a complete accident, grandma Lorelai taught me how but I was too much a twit to try it back then 'cause I still thought I had a chance to get my mom's approval. I was so deluded."

And so the **important** training began...

**Monday Stars Hollow Bus Stop**

Sitting down on the bench and checking her watch Rory found she had a good thirty minutes before the bus came. Lorelai had to go to the inn for an emergency with the staff, more like cause BY the staff if the truth be known and Rory hadn't wanted to sit around the house doing nothing but waiting and twiddling her thumbs(which she'd been sad to learn was not as fun as it sounded) and had headed for the bus stop early.

The one good thing about being there early was that she could deal with the stalker, that had been following her since she passed the alley running beside Taylor's store well before the bus showed and so there would be no witnesses if she kept the screaming down to low whimpers.

Ten minutes later Tristan pulled up in front of the bench and climbed out of the car to get a good look at Rory's handy work. A petite Asian girl was tied to the pole by her shirt sleeves and gagged with her own waist length hair.

"This is the infamous Lane?" he asked the slightly rumpled girl sitting on the bus stop bench reading her novel, "Yep." she nodded and then pointed down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. Turning his head and looking to see what she was pointing at he saw an angry looking older Asian lady stomping towards them, "And that's her mom, Mrs. Kim."

A few moments later, "Rory, I am sorry for the trouble my daughter is causing you." Mrs. Kim said bowing slightly , "My husband and I will deal with this immediately."

"That's fine Mrs. Kim." Rory smiled and gathered her things together and handed them to Tristan who had taken refuge from the angry looking woman behind her and the bench, "I know you and your husband will deal with this better then I ever could. Well with less bloodshed and police involvement." She admitted grudgingly and climbed into Tristan's car leaving him to hurry after her.

As he pulled away from the curb, Rory watched in the side mirror as Mrs. Kim started yelling at Lane as she untied her. 'Do that again you little snot and I'll do worse then I did this time by making you smell your own foot.' she fumed silently.

"Do I want to know?" Tristan asked drumming his fingers on the steering wheel nervously.

"No, plausible deniability will be the better road for you to take on this one." she told him shaking her head, then something occurred to her, "Why are you here?"

"Driving you to school." he answered looking at her oddly.

"I know that you squeak toy, but why?" she snorted aggravated by his tone.

"I wanted to know if you can waltz, Lorelai didn't cover that in her 'Dancing to Damage' seminar she held Saturday."

"And you couldn't have called?" she chuckled and watched as his face turned completely pink before letting him off the hook, "Never mind you saved me a bus ride so it's all good. And to answer your question, no I don't know how to Waltz mom suggested that I wing it, said it'll just make me more nervous if I try and learn how to this close to the ball. I don't believe her for a second about that but I'm not taking any more time then I have to, to learn how to do all this useless stuff then I already am. So prepare to be stepped on. By the way if you thought Saturday was weird you should have seen her Sunday, she made me memorize escape routes from the country club where this thing's being held"

"Well that is good to know encase there's a fire or something." he answered giving Lorelai the benefit of doubt.

"It was more like the 'or something' bit she was aiming for, and I'm to tell you to park were you can make a fast get away. She's making Luke park outside the gates as it is and they're walking in." Rory explained and settled back in her seat to take a nap, they didn't have to be at school early for anything so Tristan could take his time and actually drive the speed limit. She did wondered briefly before drifting off if she shouldn't start chipping in gas money.


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: My cats needed food and I couldn't buy the Gilmore Girls. Dang and I was this close to...really. 

There was a nervous titter in the crowd and sparse clapping when the fan dance ended. Only one girl was standing erect, she looked around at the others and shrugged. Snapping her fan closed she bowed to the guests and strutted off to her date. Leaving behind eleven very unhappy and slightly wounded Debs.

Tristan handed her a cup of punch, "I particularly liked the twirl, pivot, smack move you did." he snickered and watched as everyone gave them a wide berth.

"Practiced that one all day yesterday." she told him cockily, then spotting a server passing by reached out and grabbed the edged of the serving tray, "Leave it." she told the startled man and waved him away. Shrugging because he didn't really care what these rich people did as long as his paycheck cleared the server walked away. Rory then held her punch out for Tristan to hold for her while she ate.

"You looked a bit more vicious out there then I thought you would." he told her watching her eat the half full tray of shrimp. "Well you weren't locked in a room with them for over an hour trying to get ready." Rory explained looking around for someone to give the tray to when she'd finished. Not finding anybody she set it on the floor and kicked it away from her and Tristan into the crowd. Somebody yelped in surprise when it hit them and she grinned pleased with herself. "Impressive." Tristan nodded approvingly and handed her, her drink.

A few minutes later he spotted something interesting behind her, "Don't look now but some woman is pushing your mom this way." he hissed into her ear.

"Now why would you tell me not to look? Why do people do that? If you don't want somebody to look at something then don't say anything about it. sigh. And if the woman looks like she just licked a lemon, it's my grandmother." Rory told him a bit put out by the whole don't look thing.

"We can still make a run for it." Tristan offered motioning with his head towards on of the exits Rory had told him about.

"Oh now you get all noble. Not like when I made a break for it earlier upstairs and you tossed me back in that hell hole of a dressing room without a second thought, ya damn lurker."

"Rory, you were only in your slip. I couldn't let you just..." he trailed off because of the disbelieving look she was giving him. "All right fine." he smirked, "I really wanted to see the fan dance Lorelai taught you in action."

"So you basically sold be out for your own amusement?" Rory demanded and went into full glare.

"Pretty much." he confessed smothering his laughter, he was not sorry about what he did on bit.

Rory looked him up and down appraisingly a long moment before breaking out in her own grin, "I did ask you to marry me right and you did say yes, so it would be pretty useless for me to do it again huh?"

"YOU DID WHAT?!!" a pair of voices screamed causing the room to fall silent.

Near the French doors that lead outside the ornate plants one either side of it shook a little as the pair hiding behind them looked out at the party, "What's going on?" Luke whispered loud enough to be heard by his newfound friend hiding behind the other plant, he had a clearer view then Danes did.

"I don't know but whatever it is it looks like Rory is in the middle of it." Richard whispered back.

"Think you think we should go over there in case she needs help?" Luke asked worriedly.

"Oh, hell no." Richard Gilmore hissed, "Look whatever it is, Rory can handle it in fact I know she'd want us to take this opportunity to get out of here while no-ones looking."

Luke took a moment to think and realized that Richard was right and so he followed Lorelai's father out the French doors the old man jimmied open and made a run for it through the golf course, again following Richard's lead. The forty-five minutes he'd already spent there had been worse then boot camp, there at least you knew the drill sergeants didn't like ANYBODY on principle alone unlike the grim faced Society Women and their daughters, he'd been introduced to who seemed to ooze charm until they found out what you did for a living and THEN they hated you.

Rory took a sip from her cup as if her mom wasn't standing behind her with a pleased look growing on her face, her grandmother frozen like a statue and the whole room shamelessly staring though most if any couldn't heard what was being said after the initial outburst.

"I believe from you twos out burst that you heard me the first time." Rory shrugged still not looking at her family, instead she focused her eyes on one of the buttons on Tristan's jacket while she explained. "But just to be clear so that there are no misunderstandings on grandmother's part; I asked Tristan DuGrey my date and the boy standing here in front of you to marry me, he said yes. I did this a few days ago so it isn't like I just did it to ruin your plans grandmother, Plans I heard the other debs gossiping about behind my back, about how poor Emily Gilmore her granddaughter is so shabby she has to BEG a decent match for her seeing as how little Rory can't attract one herself. And I'll say this only once it's nobodies business but our own so stay out of it, no engagement parties, no announcements in the paper unless Tristan's parents want it and there is no way in hell grandmother you are choosing my wedding dress. And mom before YOU start, there wasn't flowers or poetry and nobody got down on bended knee; flowers die, words are forgotten and misremembered and who knows what grossness was on that classroom floor."

Lorelai's eyes welled up with tears, she was just so proud. "SON!" she cried and launched herself at Tristan and hugging him tightly. Alistair and Annabelle would hate themselves for years to come for choosing to go to Mexico on a three day vacation instead of going to that Debutante Ball. They had to make do with the security camera footage, but it wasn't the same.

"I need a drink." Emily muttered and wandered away in a bit of a daze.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I'm trying to bribe my way out of going to 4th of July gig at my uncles so I can't go around buying TV shows. So I guess I'll never own the Gilmore Girls, dang...

A/n much like Tristan's mother name and the name of some teachers, I made up his grans too just to warn you.

Deb. Ball cont.

Sitting down at their assigned table Rory had just finished her own piece of cake and was eyeing Tristan's, the fact that he was still eating it wasn't a deterrent.

"Woman you've already had two pieces of cake, if you want more go get it yourself, you aren't getting another one of mine." he told her between bites.

Rory's eyes narrowed in annoyance "Fine. But when that little creep in that powder blue tux asks me to go outside with him again, I'm telling the cops that YOU PAID ME to beat him unconscious with my shoe because he was cheating on you with your pool boy."

"I don't care." Tristan shrugged stupidly thinking that she'd show some restraint.

Lorelai looked at her offspring and smiled around her forkful of cake, unlike Rory she'd been smart enough to get an extra large piece so that she didn't have to make multiple trips.

Grabbing her empty plate Rory left in a huff in search of more cake; her mom had been right it was really good.

"You know you just gave her permission to knock somebody unconscious and blame it all on you right?" Lorelai informed him sounding way more amused then normal, Tristan rolled his eyes and made to refute her accusation when **WHACK** "OW!" **WHACK**, **WHACK**, **WHACK**, distracted him. "Aww, hell." he sighed in defeat and getting to his feet he started to walk over to where he'd last seen Rory. He'd taken two maybe three steps max when Tristan spun around on his heel and headed back to the table where he grabbed his plate out of Lorelai's hand before she could slide what was left of his cake onto her plate. "Give me that!" he exclaimed and after shooting her an annoyed look stalked off to find his fiancee by following the loud whimpers.

Shoving his way through the small crowd gathered near the cake and pastry table he found one of the servers hiding under it peering out from under the white table cloth at the fuming female clutching her butt ugly pump in her left hand and her empty plate in her right.

The head Caterer was hurrying over having been summoned by one of her underlings. "What is this? she demanded looking from Rory to the whimpering waiter, "Let me guess, you were harassing guests again Gary? I've told you what would happen if you didn't stop. I'm sorry Miss please except my apology and know that he will be severely reprimanded."

"Give her the lion's share of cake or maybe a tray of those pastries with the cream cheese filling she's partial too and she won't give a rat's ass what you do with him." Tristan spoke up, he'd just asked a member of the gawking crowd what had happened and it seemed young Gary had thought that Rory would fall for his charms what with her being a 'rich' girl and all she'd be feeling the need to rebel against the her parents or some such nonsense after being forced to participate in coming out. Those at the table getting their desserts had been privy to the whole thing seeing as how Gary was confessed it after Rory had smacked him the second time and demanded to know "Just what the hell were you thinking not stepping off after the first smack?" Tristan was amazed at how much would happen around Rory in just a few moments of her being out of his sight.

"Who did you kill?!" Lorelai exclaimed at the sight of the large platter of pastries and cake Tristan was carrying followed closely by a skipping Rory.

"Nobody." Rory told her, though the innocent look she wore left much to be desired.

"Hey, mom. I just realized we haven't seen Luke or Grandpa in a while." Rory mused after reclaiming her seat and allowing Tristan and Lorelai to have some of her bounty.

"Your Grandpa and Luke made a run for it a little while ago and are racing golf carts out near the 18th. Richard called while you two were gone and told me to tell you that if you decide to escape to come on back there saying something about seeing how you can drift I think it was." her mom explained to the slightly put out looking pair.

"Why didn't they take us?" Rory pouted. "Probably because you caused the distraction they had needed to make their escape." Tristan sighed just as bummed as she was, Rory's golf cart driving was the stuff of legends.

"Oh and Emily is hold up in a bathroom stall. Word is she's got a large bottle of bourbon and her 'friends' are getting just a bit put out by how she's talking to them pointing out their pettiness and hypocrisies when they tried to dis the rest of us to make her feel better so she'd come out." Lorelai laughed, "So congrats baby you did what me and your grandpa had been trying to do for years. You not only drove your grandmother to drink but she's showing just how much Gilmore has rubbed off on her after being married to one for so many years."

"What did I do?" Rory asked clueless as to how exactly her grandmother losing the 'stick up her ass' personality was her fault.

Tristan and Lorelai looked at her sharing the same look of 'are you serious' on their faces, Rory found it a bit un-nerving but still unwarranted, she had asked a legitimate question because she was not going to take the blame for THAT; no way no how.

"Uh sweet pea," Lorelai rolled her eyes heavenward and prayed for strength while explaining to her hard headed daughter, "It might have to do with you hitting her in the face with a pillow, calling her up once a week in the middle of the night after blocking our number from her caller id and swearing at her in Klingon, she maybe a little Hartford repressed but she's also a closet Trekkie. And then the kicker had to be you telling her **_you_** ask a boy to marry you and not just and boy but Tristan DuGrey. See she had met Janlan's wife before he lost her at that market in India, Christina DuGrey was a die hard hippy and she scared the hell out of Emily."

After hear all she had done put so matter of factly Rory suddenly didn't feel very hungry and slide down in her seat as she conceded that she might have had just a teeny tiny little bit to do with breaking her grandmother.

Tristan though was staring at Lorelai like she'd just grown a second head, "Grandfather told me Gran DIED in India."

"I bet my coffee maker his exact words have always been 'I lost her in India' right?" Lorelai snickered really trying not to laugh out loud at the boy but it was just too much.

Tristan thought long and hard on that one "Huh, you know your right." he admitted after a few minutes of reflection, "So your telling me Gran just wandered off and Grandfather's been scamming us all these years by telling us 'He lost her' in India and let us think the worst? And just why the hell would he do that?!"

Lorelai shrugged, "She did try and kill him a couple of times when she'd dropped too much acid thinking that he was the leader of the Cockroach Coalition and sprayed him in the face with what she thought was bug spray before he could lead his army of bugs against the Puppy Dog Nation but luckily for him it was just a bottle water she used to spritzed her plants with."

Looking over at her wide eyed daughter she grinned, "And now you know why nothing any of those weirdoes pull in Stars Hollow even phases me because what I grew up knowing and seeing in Hartford was ten times worst, they just hide it better because they have more money to hire better lawyers."

"Lorelai, Rory after hearing all this don't be surprised if you wake up one morning and I'm living in a tent in your back yard because I'm craving normality." Tristan warned the pair after a long moment of silence.

"Promise you'll keep the grass mowed regularly and the legion of cats I just know I'll end up owning, if Luke doesn't drop the whole good guy act, down to a maximum of twenty and you won't hear me complaining." Lorelai told him seriously and spit on her palm and held her hand out towards him. "Rory didn't spit in her hand when I agreed to marry her." Tristan complained taking the offered hand in his own wearing a grimace on his face.

"What there was no kissie face?" Lorelai asked glaring at Rory ignoring Tristan wiping his hand on his pants leg vigorously, "No there was no kissie face," Rory answered distracted, and wondered to herself just how much distance would one of the pastries get if she threw it at the overly made-up red-head that kept licking her lips every time she looked at the blonde haired boy sitting next to Rory, the woman was at least sixty-five give or take a year and Rory didn't want to hear him piss and moan about somebody's granny copping a feel.

Ignoring the looks she was getting from her table mates she set aside a few for herself for later and then grabbed one from the top of the pile and launched it like a football at the back of the red-haired grandmother's head.

"And you claim you'll be coming to us looking for normality." Lorelai laughed at Tristan and grabbed a few pastries of her own, "good luck with that."

"**FOOD FIGHT**!!" Lorelai screamed, shattering the silence that had fallen after Lady Lachey had shrieked in fear after something hit her in the head knocking her wig askew, and Lorelai happily launched her own missiles at people she'd always thought were annoying.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N After thinking about it here's the break down about the engagement: 

_1. Rory is now as impulsive as her mom.  
2. Rory realized that Tristan would actually do any and everything for her if it was important to her.  
3. He said yes because he really does love her as a friend and as someone he could see himself being with for the long haul.  
4. Rory also realized that after all the hell she is and will put him through she would never find any one like him again._

And for the "but they weren't even dating" statements;

_1.I heard an interview she did years ago that then Humphrey Bogart asked Lorraine BaCall to marry him she'd been shocked because she hadn't even realized that they had been dating, she just thought he was being nice by taking her out to dinner and for coffee._

_2. A couple I grew up knowing personally knew each other for three days, two of which he had been too afraid to talk to her, on the third he asked her to marry him; they were married over 50 yrs till she died and he wasn't long after her._

_3. My own granny was only allowed to see my grandpa on the front porch of her parent's house and they were married 20 some odd years till he passed away._

_4. My own mum traditionally dated and thankfully divorced that jackass who father me and my lil bro, she's now happily married to my step-dad and she didn't meet him in a traditional way nor did they date like 'normal' people and have been together 15 yrs._

_I'm sorry(not being sarcastic really) if my thinking that traditional ways of meeting and 'dating' the people you were meant to spend the rest of your life is a load of crap and it has confused some of you.(Tristan went of his way to get her to notice him on the show and in my story has made it a point to drive miles out of his way to take her to and from school some days, has brought her favorites; food and coffee and willingly gone along with a couple of her hair-brained ideas.)_

**Debutant Ball cont.**

"**RORY GILMORE**!!"

Everyone froze at Emily Gilmore's shriek some still had food in their hands ready to throw a their target.

The silk clad woman stalked into the room walking more like she should be wearing a long black dress with a pointed had followed by a troop of flying monkeys ready to do her bidding, instead of the maroon colored gown followed by a couple of puny security guards coming to break up the near riot.

In the next room after slinking out of the dinning room because they'd found themselves targeted Rory, Lorelai and Tristan were hiding behind one of the heavy curtains in the ballroom covering one of the large windows. Lorelai was easing it open slowly not wanting to alert anyone of their pending escape. Tristan's job was to peer out occasionally to make sure no-one was coming because if they were all bets were off and it was everybody for themselves. "Why is she blaming me? "Rory asked feeling a bit like everyone was ganging up on her because even if she was at fault, for them to actually accuse her of it was a bit mean. "I mean mom's here to she could have started it."

"Sweetie I just got pregnant when I was teenager by a boy mind you Emily'd actually liked and ran away from home and yeah sure, I back talked occasionally before that and drank a bit but damn girl you've assaulted your grandmother, knocked the others debs around while pretending to dance and gotten engaged to somebody from a family she'd rather live in a cardboard box while wearing last year's fashion then be related to. "Lorelai explained, sliding the window the rest of the way up and locking it into place. "Now lets go."

Lorelai went first having had the most experience of the three in sneaking out windows. Tristan went second encase Rory needed help because it was Lorelai turn to act as lookout while she was calling her dad and Luke for a pickup, knowing Emily she'd have people watching the cars cutting off that escape route 'Damn Luke for not parking where I told him to.' Lorelai gripped under her breath.

Rory tossed her shoes out the window and was perched on the sill kind of resembling a bird about to take flight when Emily's rage filled scream of "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT RORY?...YOU BITCH!!" caused her to lose her balance and she fell out. Tristan broke her fall and he thought she broke a rib when she landed on him.

"HA!" Rory crowed getting to her feet and helping Tristan to his, "I'm not the only trouble maker around here. Just listen to fight grandmother's starting." The sounds of angry voices and breaking dishes could clearly be heard through the open window. "Lets go you two we need to get out of here in case the police get called." Lorelai said snapping her phone closed and then lifting up her skirts started to sprint across the gardens in the back of the country club heading for the golf course. Richard and Luke were supposed to meet them somewhere near the sand trap Lorelai had released a couple of live crabs in when she was ten.

They had only been waiting about five minutes when they heard the familiar whine of golf cart engines coming closer. In the moon light three figures were seen scrambling up the sand trap's slop and hopping into the still moving carts. "Hang on." the older driver warned his passengers and whipped his cart around heading for the far side of the course where he knew of a place where they could take the golf carts and after a few twists and turns would find them selves on the road put in for the delivery trucks to use when making a delivery to the club. From there, half and hour to forty-five minutes tops if they could find a car along the way to 'borrow' gas from and they'd be back home. Somebody was already on their way to get Luke's truck and Tristan's car, Richard hadn't wanted anyone wondering why the cars were still there and they weren't. 'Not like Janlan was doing anything anyway.' Richard chuckled to himself remembering how his friend had cussed when he heard Richard's voice on the other end of the telephone when he had called Janlan while he and Luke were racing to get to the kids before Emily did.

**Gilmore Mansion 2 a.m**

A very disheveled looking Emily Gilmore climbed out of the back of the police car at the end of the drive and holding her a shoe in each hand made the long trek to the front door. She snorted in a very unlady like fashion at the sight of a white pick-up truck sitting next to a silver porche in the space set aside for visitors.

No bothering to knock because after all it was her house she barged right in and found her family draped over various pieces of furniture in the sitting room asleep. Her anger drained from her at the sight. Richard was sitting slouched down slightly in a high back chair snoring softly, Lorelai lay stretched out on one settee and that Luke person had claimed the other. Rory lay on the floor on her stomach using a wadded up tux jacket as a pillow. A noise coming from behind Emily had her turning to face what she thought was a maid instead she found the DuGrey boy carrying a couple of blankets and a pillow.

They stared at each other a long moment when Luke shifting in his sleep had them turning their attention to him. "One of your maids gave me these." he shrugged and moved passed her, setting the things on the floor he snapped one of the blankets open and covered Luke with it. Much to his surprise Emily grabbed one and covered Lorelai before moving on to Richard leaving Rory to him.

When he tossed the pillow for himself on the floor near Rory, Emily felt the need to comment, "I met Richard when I was your and Rory's age. I knew no matter how much he protested that he was IT for me. I haven't regretted marrying him, questioned my own sanity for doing it sure but never regretting it. Luke here is a goner and it's only a matter of time before his iron will and strict upbringing crumbles and he finds himself brawling like a common street thug in the country club with people he's been friends and acquaintances with for more years then he cares to remember and being taken to jail after being handcuffed to a pimply faced security guard that smells like doughnuts and feet. Alright that last part was more me then him. So how about the fact grandfather Janlan has been bitching and moaning about Richard's screwball ideas and plans for years and hasn't done one damn thing about it. Richard calls and Janlan's right there bolt cutters at the ready and engine running. But Tristan son listen to me, you run, run far and run fast while you still can. You don't have to be like us."

The blond haired boy looked at the three sleeping Gilmores and shook his head, "I think that I'd regret it more if I didn't stick around. I'd always wonder what they were up to and if they needed bail money or a place to hide from the cops. I've realized much to my Grandfather's annoyance and I guess now yours that it's better to go along with them then spend a life time without ever having had live science class frogs shoved down your pants in a liberation attempt to keep them from being dissected. Then having a lifetime of wondering what-if?"

"You poor, poor boy." Emily shook her head sadly and patted him on the back, "Richard's only got a moonshine-still he thinks I don't know about. You get the Queen of tetanus shots and anti-bacterial soaps."


	30. Chapter 30

**Early Sunday Morning Gilmore House**

After talking with Emily, Tristan had realized that Luke may have seen a bit of the Gilmore insanity over the years but had yet to be exposed to the amount that Tristan himself had already been, because for some reason Lorelai was treating Luke with kid gloves. He then decided to backhandedly warn Luke about what getting involved with a Gilmore entailed because everyone else had felt the need to warn _him_ away and had failed so it was his turn since he wasn't going to go anywhere but Tristan's parting words only caused the older male to scratch his head in confusion after the four had slipped out of the house well before daylight leaving Richard to face his wife alone and heading their separate ways.

Getting into the truck to drive the girls home Luke asked the half asleep pair if they had any idea what Tristan was talking about when Tristan advised him to "Just say no to the frogs and mean it". Rory told him she had no idea why Tristan had told him that but he must have been referring to her sneaking into Tristan's science class after putting Paris on the door to keep and eye out for the teacher, when they had overheard conversation his teacher was having with someone in the lunchroom that his class was going to be cutting open frogs after knocking them out. She had started shoving frogs down Tristan's pants without so much as a hello though that really wasn't her fault she didn't have anytime for pleasantries because those frogs were depending on her; he'd quickly given up on stopping her when she growled at him and slapped his hands out of her way. Him loudly wondering just how many infractions of his against her that this was going to get scratched off had been a bit distracting...well that and him bitching because the poor little frogs were cold and wiggly.

Why they just didn't fall out his pants legs she had no answer nor had she cared then or now; it had worked so she wasn't going to question it.(Rory realized that seemed to be a recurring theme with her) She and Paris had then herded him out of the class and outside where they turned their backs while he took off his pants to get the frogs out of them and had to remind him pry the one out of his jacket pocket.

It had been all three's good fortune that all but a few scattered students were still at lunch and none of the ones roaming the halls really got close enough to figure out the croaking was coming from Tristan's trousers.

She went on to tell how she heard that his teacher had went on the war path but had no evidence of who had done it because nobody was talking about the mysterious croaking they'd heard nor telling who they had seen roaming the halls that day. And when he'd gone to the Principle about finding the thieves the science teacher had found himself severely reprimanded because the live frog dissection had not been approved by her and it never would have been seeing as how the Principle was a local leader of PETA.

Sometime during Rory's explanation Luke had, had to pull over because he was laughing so hard and the tears in his eyes was making it hard to see.

Lorelai nodded her head in approval of what Rory had done and gushed about how smart she was. She told how she herself had unimaginatively made Christopher grab the box of frogs off of the teachers desk and run when they tried that crap in her science class in High School. He had gotten detention of course and Lorelai had to slap her own version of Summer to get detention with him because she had promised him that she'd serve it with him if he did it.

**Monday Chilton Prep after School.**

Rory was glad that the day was over because word about the ball had traveled fast, Paris kept congratulating her for making a stand against female exploitation, all Brad needed was the sandwich board and bell and he'd be in the same league as those world is ending people roaming the streets of New York and his friends were now patting Tristan on the back sympathetically instead of the alpha dog acknowledgment thing they usually did.

Seeing Rory making her way to the bus stop instead of going to his car after school let out, Tristan jogged after her and grabbed her book bag off of her shoulder. "What?!" Rory exclaimed and was ready to punch somebody in the throat when she turned around. Seeing him standing there did very little for her disposition if her look was any indication.

"Come on I'll buy you a coffee at Luke's and if your say more then two words to me besides 'Up yours' or anything else along those lines I'll even buy you something to eat." he tried to cajole. She had been quieter then usual all day and it made him nervous.  
For a moment he thought she'd refuse until she asked suspiciously "Can I have a pie too?"

"Yeah, I'll buy you dessert." he laughed relieved and led the way back to his car.

While her hands were busy with the seat belt he decided to asked about what had her out of sorts.

"I'm tired and have a headache." she answered wearily, "and everybody around my loosing their damn minds is so not helping."

He noticed the pinched look around her eyes and frowned, "Anybody you want me to kill in particular?" he asked and pulled out of the parking lot.

"No, anybody I have a problem with I can take down myself." she answered smiling for the first time that day at his offer, "Although if, next time my caffeine wired mom wants me to get up before 10 a.m. on a Sunday despite the night before I'd had, and accompany her and Sookie to see the Inn they just bought, you'd be willing to tag along and wield the baseball bat they gave me to use as a varmint deterrent I'd be ever so grateful."

"Ok," he chuckled, "I think that's do-able. But remember putting Brad's head in a toilet and flushing repeatedly is still on the table."

"Naw, he's not going to be a problem with his gloom and doom fits he gets when I walk into the same room he's in; I told Paris he wanted her to go steady with him, she flipped out as expected and promised pain. So he should have the source of his anxiety and fear fixated back to her by tomorrow." Rory explained and started fiddling with the radio. She settled on a country music station knowing that, that kind of music made him twitch and that he'd change it in within a matter of minutes and that would start another round of "It's my car, my radio." 'He's just too easy.' she silently snickered watching him out of the corner of her eye start to drum his fingers in annoyance on the steering wheel and clinch and unclinch his jaw.


	31. Chapter 31

A/N To me this was a bit more of a character reaction chapter then one of humor I think, just thought that I'd warn you ahead of time. 

**Tuesday DuGrey Mansion**

"Why don't you ever invite that sweet girl Rory over for dinner sometime?" Annabelle asked Tristan offhandedly during a lull in conversation as was she ladling up herself up a bit more gravy for her potatoes. Looking up from his steak Tristan fought not to smirk because his time had come for some payback he just knew it. "Mother even though we're engaged, sweet is not a word that I would ever use to describe Rory." he sighed somewhat dramatically and took a sip from his glass of water watching their reaction.

Seeing his father react to his little bombshell by dropping his forkful of food in his lap and his mother who stared at him in open mouthed shock and didn't notice that she set the gravy boat down in the middle of her food filled plate, Tristan figured he'd done good. Maybe it wasn't Gilmore caliber since nobody dove for the alcohol but he figured Lorelai and Rory would be proud of him non the less. Pulling out the camera from his jacket pocket that he'd borrowed from Lorelai after having promised her pictures of his parents reaction when he told them he proceeded to take a few from different angles.

Shaking his head to clear his vision because of the flash going off in his eyes, Alistair's look turned cold, "Boy," he growled, "You will own up to your responsibility to that girl, the wedding will be this weekend and you will have a job by Monday evening or you are disowned." Hearing Alistair's tone snapped Annabelle out of her own stunned state and she too looked at her offspring coldly. "Does her mother know?" she demanded.

"Responsibility? Wedding? Disowned" Tristan parroted confused by his father's threat and then it hit him, "Oh my god! You think she's pregnant?! Good lord, we couldn't even take care of a potato!" he snapped angrily. He was aggravated that they thought so little of him. "And yes, Lorelai knows. Her grandmother does too, Rory told them at the ball this weekend right before she beat a waiter with her shoe and the food fight."

"So she's not pregnant?" Alistair asked looking Tristan directly in the eyes wanting to make sure he wasn't lying.

"No she's not pregnant." Tristan answered his right eye was starting to twitch, 'Just once I'd like to get away with something around here free and clear.' he griped under his breath at the unfairness of it.

"Alright, then." His father nodded settling back in his chair, believing Tristan was telling them the truth "But you are engaged?" he pressed.

"Potato?" Annabelle muttered to herself, "Is that code for something or maybe a pet of some sort like one of those painted rocks Alistair's mother gave us for a wedding present?" She was only half listening to the conversation at that point, she had seen the look on Tristan's face after Alistair had accused him of taking advantage of Rory and knew that they had jumped to conclusions, again.

"Yes, we are engaged and SHE asked me if you must know." Tristan answered his good humor returning because he heard his mother's confused mumblings about the potato.

"I see." Alistair smiled slowly realizing what this meant for him, "Have there been any discussions about a date or even an announcement?"

Tristan's slowly returning humor fled because he didn't trust the shark-like smile on his father's face but knew an 'in for a penny in for a pound' moment when he found himself in one. "She said she'd leave the announcements up to you. I told her the day we graduated High School I'd marry her and I'm holding her to that." he reluctantly answered.

"Good, good." Alistair continued to smile, "I'll get the rings your maternal grandmother left to your mother from the vault to give to Rory this weekend. And then I'll have the announcement written up and printed to run next week. Can't get the news out early enough." 'Maybe now they'll stop singing their daughters praises at me every time I turn around and I can go back to enjoying parties like I used to before Tristan hit puberty.' Alistair's inner voice laughed, 'If nothing else they'll be so pissed that it's not one of their daughters they'll never speak to me again.'

Annabelle had just that same thought after deciding to push the potato mystery to the back of her mind, 'Oh, maybe I came claim that their hostile attitude towards me is making me uncomfortable and I can quit most of my committees.'

"I really need to try and find my old tent and sleeping bag." Tristan sighed aloud not caring if they heard him. He was wondering where exactly he had gone wrong; they were supposed to be shocked and then mad that he was engaged. Instead they had somehow turned it around to be a good thing if the looks they were both wearing was any indication. What was up with that? He'd been looking forward to fighting with them for months if not a year or more before they gave in when they realized that he wasn't going to back down and call the engagement off. And since Rory had made it in his best interest to not be a dumbass anymore just how was he supposed to aggrivate them now? 'Maybe Lorelai will have some ideas.'


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N Another Eh Chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Well I own a sword with wolves on it but I don't see how that relates to Gilmore Girls, so I guess I don't own them huh? **

**Wed. Chilton Prep**

Closing her locker, Rory turned to the grumbling boy behind her and took the coffee and slightly squished danish from his hand before he could do more damage to it.

"Stupid parents...no fun...gotta give her rings...ulcer." he muttered. His head was lowered to hide the fact that he was nervous. As soon as she'd taken her breakfast from him Tristan had shoved his hands in his pants pockets. The box his father had gone late the previous night to get, after getting invited to a party Friday night and deciding that it couldn't wait till the weekend, was an annoying weight in Tristan's jacket pocket. He had no idea how the hell he was going to do this without looking like a doofus. But Alistair had told him she had better be wearing the ring by the time school let out if Tristan knew what was good for him and his car.

Rory took her time eating the danish while waiting for him to snap out of his weird mood. But two minutes before the bell rang he was still muttering under his breath. "Oh happy, happy, joy, joy." Rory griped and grabbed him by his barely done up tie with her free hand and pulled him behind her to class, "I get to be in charge of Sulk Kong. He better be glad he's cute."

By lunchtime she was glad find that he'd pretty much snapped out of it, he was still a bit twitchy looking though. Rory sat down next to him at his usual table and gave him the fruit salad from her tray in exchange for his brownie. Around them his friends were laughing and joking with each other. "Mom has us as Sims in her game." she mentioned to him offhandedly as she prodded what was supposed to be meatloaf with her fork 'Should that be wiggling like that?' she wondered silently and prodded it again just to make sure she'd seen right.

"Really?" he asked looking slightly interested, "Yeah, we even have a kid." she explained and carefully slipped the jiggling meat onto the tray of the boy sitting next to her when his attention was focused on the flirting girl on the other side of the table. "Boy or girl?" Tristan asked and had to smile at her offloading her unwanted food onto unsuspecting others.

"Boy, mom named him Hellion. He eats out of the garbage can and plays with the skunks that lurk around the neighborhood." Rory answered and then sighed looking down at her lunch tray, "You would think what with this being a prep school and all that the lunches would be better then this wouldn't you."

Thinking that this was a good time to try and get her off away from everybody else and just get it over with, "Well if YOU weren't such a Mary I'd offer to take you off campus and get you something a bit more substantial then two dry brownies and...urk." he choked off because Rory had grabbed him by the back of his shirt's collar. "Well come on." she urged tugging on his collar trying to get him to his feet, "I want some ice cream and a soda, maybe a bag of chips too."

Walking out of the cafeteria Tristan turned his thoughts back to them as Sims and a half-ass plan formed that if it worked he wouldn't look like a sap because after all he was a 16 yr old boy and had some semblance of pride. "So our kid's a freak huh." he mused aloud, "Wonder how exactly you as a Sim got knocked up?"

"The usual way." Rory shrugged.

"Yeah and how fair is that?" Tristan huffed crossing his arms over his chest as they made their way down the hall heading for the parking lot.

"What?" Rory asked confused.

"Us as Sims have a kid and here I am real and everything and I'm afraid you'd rip my lips off if I even thought about kissing you." he answered with a slight whine in his voice.

"Damn right I would." Rory snorted, "Because I know where those lips have been, lets see there was Summer, Candy, Victoria, Jennifer...want me to continue?"

"No, I get the idea." he answered and held his hand up for her to stop walking , "But would you be open to bribery to get over me having been with them? Because I think that this might just appeal to the crow-like tendencies you Gilmore's seem to have."

Rory stared at the ring Tristan was waving in front of her face, part of her wanted to kick him in the shins for the bribery dig but she recognized it for what it was. "An engagement ring huh?" she said chewing on her bottom lip nervously. Wearing the ring would bring her own stubborn tendencies and loyalty into play because it would make it real beyond just the words that were easy to take back meaning for her come hell or high water she and Tristan would be married. After all she'd stayed with Dean a lot longer then she should have and she'd had less of a tie to HIM.

And it really was such a pretty ring, "Give me that!" Rory snapped before she thought better of it and grabbed his grandmother's ring from Tristan's slightly shaking hand. Thankfully it was just only a bit too large for her finger.

The kicked puppy look he'd gotten when she took to long in his opinion to take the ring cleared immediately as soon as she slipped it on.

Rory narrowed her eyes when she realized from what he'd used as a lead in to give her the ring meant that what their relationship was now going to be evolving into was his battle ground and Rory knew she was at a disadvantage having kept Dean at arms length aside from a chaste kiss on the cheek when she was seeing him. And Tristan knew it too. "I'll be good. I promise. I won't make innuendos or do anything else you've threatened to turn me into a Eunuch for." he explained as grabbed her hand and started down the hall again glad that that was over with little fuss. "Now, I will get to employ certain rights when dealing with guys that won't take you telling them to step off seriously but other then that I will not do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

After hearing that she rewarded him with a bright smile that quickly faded into a murderous glare when he added laughing, "In public that is."


	33. Chapter 33

**Saturday Stars Hollow**

"Rory"  
"Yeah Grandpa"  
"Is that a cardboard box following us?" Richard asked looking over his shoulder as he and Rory walked to Luke's dinner to meet up with Lorelai.

Having seen the sight of a large cardboard box with twigs haphazardly glued to it easing down the sidewalk behind her before, Rory didn't need to look around to see what he was talking about. "Yeah, it's Dean. See the beady little eyes peering out the crooked eye holes." Rory shrugged, sadly having gotten used to it the previous three days.

"Shouldn't you be worried?" Richard asked slightly concerned.

"No and it's really funny when that dog from Oak Ave. pees on him. This is his third box." Rory snickered. "Besides I think this IS less creepy then him skulking in the bushes, like he's been known to do before."

"I see, I guess, but didn't your mother tell me that Dean had been leaving you alone, what changed?"

"He's a creepy little asshole. So I don't think he really needs a reason Grandpa." Rory sighed, " and before you ask no the police won't do anything about him since he hasn't threatened me either verbally, electronically, or physically in fact I don't think he's come within 10 ft of me. Plus there is no law stating that he can't wear a box and crawl down the sidewalk, they looked."

"I see. So who else knows about him doing this, just in case?" Richard inquired and saw a Great Dane ambling down the other side of the street coming towards them and wondered if that was the dog.

"Everybody," Rory answered, "If you look behind you and to your left, you'll see Kirk wearing a Hockey mask and carrying a golf club."

Looking over his shoulder where she'd told him to Richard easily spotted her stalker's stalker "That's good that you have somebody ready to defend you like that." he said impressed by the lengths some people went to to protect his granddaughter.

"Uh Grandpa, the golf club is to keep the dog from peeing on HIM because the dog's not called Piss Willey for nothing. It's the bright pink police whistle Kirk's got tied around his neck Dean should worry about because that's what he'll use if Bag-boy actually tries anything." She explained.

"Okay." Richard said slowly "and then the Hockey mask is for what? Or do I want to know?"

"A bird crapped on the paper bag he was wearing yesterday." Rory answered in a squeaky tone as she tried not to laugh remembering how Kirk had danced around yelling "Get it off, get it off".

A long moment of silence followed as they continued on their way not even bothering to look back when they not only heard muffled cursing coming from the box but the distinctive sound of a stream of liquid hitting it.

"You know, this is right up there with what happened at Harold Jr. and Millie Jackson's anniversary party last month." Richard told her, being the first to finally speak, Harold announced to the full Dinning Room that he had been living a lie and that he was really a woman trapped in a man's body and was seeking to rectify it."

"But Grandpa it happens sometimes like that. At least if Jerry Springer is to be believed, so what was odd about it?" Rory asked confused.

"It was Harold Sr. and he is 75 yrs old." Richard told her dryly. "He also thinks he still has the knees for a mini skirt."

"Grandpa?"

"Yes Rory."

"Please stop talking." she pleaded.

Enter the Sandman started playing and Rory waved her Grandfather on into Luke's telling him to get Lorelai to order lunch for her while she answered her cell.

"Hello?"

"What are you wearing." a creepy heavy breathing voice asked.

"Jeans and a Tee sh..."Tristan started to answer then realizing what he was doing, "Rory will you quit that?!"

"You're no fun." Rory pouted.

"Yeah, so you told me when I explained just why you couldn't use a fire extinguisher on Summer yesterday."

"I still think your argument of, 'If I can't then neither can you' was lame." Rory snarked.

"Like 'Just do as I say and not as I do' that was yours was any better." he countered.

"...I hate you."

"Hate you too sweetheart." he chuckled knowing that he'd won.

"So, what did you want?" Rory sighed and watched as Dean trudged back to his house dragging another ruined box behind him. 'He really needs to cut back on the pixy stix.'

"Is your mom around?"

"Yeah I can get her. Going to tell me why?" Rory asked him and knocked on the dinner's front window getting Lorelai's attention and motioning for her to come outside.

"Hell no!" Tristan laughed, "I'd like to live to see Monday."

"You need advice on doing something stupid don't you?" Rory asked much too insightful for his comfort.

Lorelai who had just stepped out the door heard her and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Tristan's sudden stammering and hem hawing let Rory know she'd gotten it in one, "Fine," she told him having remembered that Richard had said he'd needed to talk to Rory after they had lunch with her mom, "I really don't have time to screw around with your head right now so go do what you want."

One would think that Tristan would be happy to hear that wouldn't you? Instead he felt slightly hurt that she wasn't going to try and pry. "And just what are you going to be doing instead?" he huffed.

"I'm pretty sure my Grandpa's up to something and wants MY help with it, unlike you and Paris, so have fun with whatever you want to ask Lorelai about, see ya." Rory taunted and handed a very bemused looking Lorelai the phone.

"Hi Tristan."

"She's still mad about me what happened Thursday isn't she?" he sighed.

"You know Rory. If there's going to be violence against a Lane sympathizer she'll want front row seats." she answered him turning to watch Rory and Richard through the window and wondered just what they were talking about because he looked so serious and Rory looked slightly shocked.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault." Tristan said defending himself, "It was all Paris. I just happened to be there...And take the pictures of Henry getting his ass kicked."

"In the girl's bathroom?"

"uh, Yeah. So any way why I called was to get some advice." Tristan said quickly, really wanting her to drop it.

"Alright, quit pissing her off and maybe you'd get passed first base." Lorelai told him dryly.

"I haven't even got up to bat," he told her, "but that's not something I want to talk to you about, you know."

"Okay Romeo, then what DID you want to talk about?" Lorelai asked him laughing.

"How to subtly piss off one's parents." he answered promptly.

"I was wondering if anyone was ever going to ask me that, so get a pen and paper 'cause I've got some real doozey's." she smiled manically and fought the urge to rub her hands together like some sort of cartoon villain.


	34. Chapter 34

Saturday Stars Hollow cont.  
Luke's... 

"Rory what I'm about to tell you has been passed down in my family for generations." Richard said in a hushed tone so as to not be overheard. It was completely un-necessary since they were the only customers Luke had at the time and he was in the back

"Uh Grandpa you sound serious. Your not dieing are you?" Rory asked worried.

"No Rory, I'm not dieing although if I ever eat another of your grandmother's desserts please call the poison control center. How that woman messed up a box of instant pudding is beyond me, set fire to the kitchen while she was at it too." Richard answered shaking his head.

"Grandpa, you only have to add cold milk and stir to make instant pudding."

"Exactly." Richard told her solemnly.

"Oh, sucks to be you huh." Rory mused aloud.

"Most days, but I do have a hobby," He shrugged, "And it's my hobby that I want to tell you about. Since your mother inherited her 'cooking' skills from Emily I had to skip a generation and wait till you came of age. "

"You're not rolling baked chickens down a hill in some bizarre race or something equally weird are you, cause I got all the weird I can handle going on in my own life. Admittedly I brought some of it on my self but..."

"No, no it's nothing to do with racing baked chickens." Richard interrupted a bit disturb by her way of thinking "But it does have to do with what you feed chickens sometimes. See first you get some copper tubing and then you..."

For the next twenty minutes while Lorelai chatted with Tristan on the phone, Rory learned quit a few things. First and foremost was that she was in hell and the second, third and fourth were; what to use and how to make the homebrew, what to put in it to make it clear and that no matter how much she would object to it that he expected HER to take over the family 'hobby' when he retired or died whichever came first.

"Why couldn't you collect stamps, coins, or trophy wives like other rich old men instead of Running Moonshine." she complained and lowered her head to the table.

"Rory I'm not 'Running' Moonshine." Richard told her looking offended, "I'm a Gilmore we don't run...unless the cops, irate spouses or bounty hunters are involved."

"Bounty Hunters." Rory whimpered.

Outside while Rory was getting instructed on the finer arts of avoiding 'Revenuers' Lorelai was instructing Tristan on the finer arts of driving your rich parents insane.

"Alright, first go into their bedroom and move one thing that always sits in the same place bit only move it a little bit every few days."

"Okay, got it."

"Another thing to do is to remove a favored article of clothing but that ones got to be timed just right, see cause when they go stomping off to yell at somebody you then run and put it back exactly like it was supposed to be."

" 'kay, next."

"An easy one is to get a secret key made of their car keys, I'll e-mail you how; and then just move their seats and/or steering wheels."

"Alright, but Lorelai these just sound like pranks." Tristan told her confused.

"Of course they are son. What you've got to remember is you want them aggravated but not at you. Unless you DO want to spend the next two and some odd months in Military school away from Rory and her stalker."

She heard a very audible growl from his end and took that as a big NO to that one, " I knew you were smarter then Rory said you were," she chuckled, "OH! a real good one to do is get two clip on ties one just like the one you wear to school and a butt ugly one; then wear the ugly one, one morning when you know that your going to see one of the 'rents in passing and then switch, you'll have to work out how to do it without being caught because I don't know the layout of your house so I don't know where the corners are that you could duck around or if you have a potted plant or two that you could use a cover to do it behind."

"I can understand that and until I get these perfected I think that this will be all I'll need for now." Tristan nodded though she couldn't see him.

"Good wouldn't want to overload them right out of the gate or they'll realized early on that something's up." Lorelai said and pulled her newest digital camera out of her pants pocket and took a picture of Rory with her face planted in the middle of her plate of fries, "And Tristan before I let you go, why was Rory muttering something about a fire extinguisher yesterday and you being an ass when she came home from school?"

"uh, okay here's the thing, my ex Summer showed up after school wearing very and I mean very revealing clothes. I'm guessing she changed in the bathroom when school ended because she'd looked like her normal self earlier. Anyway she was out in the parking lot by my car with her lackey who was carrying a MP3 Player and external speakers. I would pity him because he's new and she'd just using him but Finn looks up her skirt every chance he gets so it's all good for him I guess;" he explained a bit embarrassed by the whole thing because it had been worse then when she was dancing in the classroom doorway trying to get his attention. "After turning on the music she started to gyrate to "I think it's hot in here." and proceeded to try an do the next line of the chorus. Rory wanted to go and use the extinguisher on her that Maddie had run and gotten. Rory said that if the poor lil thing was that hot she'd help her out. I've got bruises on my leg from where she and Paris kicked me when I took it away from her. They had to be content with her getting caught by the VP and her parents called. I heard from Louis last night that they are looking into medication and a boarding school for Summer as soon as possible."

"Good for them, think they'd adopt Dean and do something with him?" Lorelai asked hopefully.

"Be just all our luck those two meet up and breed." Tristan snorted and rolled his eyes.

"OH MY GOD I"VE GOTTA GO!" Lorelai shrieked startling Tristan causing him to drop his phone on the floor.

"Why? What's wrong?" Tristan asked frantically, "Is it Rory, is she okay?"

"She's fine and I want to keep her that way so I just got to go and get her and my dad out of Luke's. Rory's dad is coming this way and he's brought his significant other." Lorelai explained and rushed into the diner. "And?" Tristan asked knowing that there had to be more, "Christopher's current is a cross dresser and I don't know how but Chris doesn't know it." Lorelai told him as she grabbed Rory by the back of her shirt and pulled her out of her chair backwards. Richard got to his feet alarmed not knowing what was going on, "And it looks like 'she' either has a pregnancy belly thing or a pillow shoved up under her shirt because Lulu as she's calling herself this season now looks preggers."

"...I'm going to go fix my closet doors now. Tell Ror she can hide out here if she needs to. You can come to if you want."

"Thanks kid, we might just take you up on it. Bye."

"Bye."

Lorelai looked at her confused family like a deer in headlights "Christopher coming here, now...Lulu looking pregnant." she told them simply and to the point.

In their haste to flee, the three generations of Gilmores shoved not only Luke to get to his back door but also each other, to be the first one out of it. Richard won with a leg sweep on Lorelai who had elbowed Rory in the stomach. "Split up and meet at the Dragon Fly?" Lorelai asked the other two who just nodded their agreement to her plan before jogging "not running" off in different directions keeping to the out of the way routes.


	35. Chapter 35

A/n coming down with a cold so I really don't know how weird this this going to get until my colds gone:) 

**Saturday Continued DuGrey Mansion 10:30 pm**

Without warning Tristan's bedroom door opened making him look up from the book he was being forced to read for history class, ready to yell at who ever had come into his room without knocking first.

Thankfully for him and Rory both he was to stunned to say anything more then "Eh?" when she walked into his room. She sent him a small wave, with her free hand because the other had was carrying a blue gym bag and pillow tucked under her arm, as she made her way to his closet and opened it's newly hung doors. The sounds of the locks being engaged snapped him out of it and he hurriedly made his way over to the now locked doors separating him from her.

"Rory, sweetheart is something wrong?" he asked and then smacked himself in the forehead because of course there was otherwise she wouldn't be there. now would she.

"No not really." she answered as she dressed for bed before making a nest out of Tristan's clothes and her pillow she'd brought from home. "But if my Grandpa calls or comes by you haven't seen me."

"Can I ask why?" He asked a bit worried because he thought that it was her grandmother she always was having the problem with.

"...I guess I do owe you that for letting me stay here." she conceded.

"Let?" he snickered under his breath, sure he had offered her a place to stay but Rory had walked in like she owned the place.

"Okay so after hiding from my dad and Lulu for a few hours at the Dragon Fly we decided that we were safe and headed back home, now mind you that me and grandpa had been somewhat arguing about a family hobby he wanted me to take up for almost the whole time we were hiding and I was tired of it so I did what anybody would do in my position...I called grandmother and ratted him out.Things kind of turned sour after he got off the phone with her because thats when he whipped out the rat flail and started shaking it at me...I ran."

"The what?" Tristan demanded thinking he's heard wrong.

"Well, umm you know what a flail is right?"

"Yeah." Tristan nodded.

"Okay so see instead of the spike covered ball attached to the handle with a chain, a hopefully dead rat is tied to it with a rope by it's tail."

"Oh ew. I can't believe that he...How did he learn to make something like that?"

"Internet." Rory said in the driest tone he had ever heard someone use before.

"ummm okkaayy" he drawled uneasily, "But you said a hopefully dead rat, was his by any chance?"

"Nope and mom ran too encase he decided to smack her with it for laughing at us. I think she's hiding out at Sookie's. Didn't really get a good look in the direction she took off in after she tripped me, again." Rory sighed and settled down to try and get some sleep, "Goodnight Tristan."

"Night Rory," he said not knowing anything else to say to her, "If any of those Gilmore's goes bat shit crazy just how will anybody be able to tell?" he asked him self wearily and turned off his bedroom light.

Another thought occurred to him one he's wondered about before "Now I know that I didn't hear the doorbell so how did she get in the house since mom and dad turned in early?" Telling himself that he'd find out the next day he settled into his bed and only once thought about offering it to Rory instead of letting her sleep on his closet's floor but didn't because he realized something one: she wouldn't take it and two: she'd probably kick his ass because she thought he was implying that she was to weak to sleep on a floor for a night no matter how he worded his offer so he just let it go.

**Sunday Morning DuGrey Mansion 6:00 am**

Tristan watched through sleep bleary eyes as Rory stood in front of his open window and threw what looked like his shoes out of it.

"What are you doing?" he yawned.

"Wanging birds." she answered in an angry tone.

"...Have fun." he told her and snuggled back under his covers going back to sleep, because it was too early for him and as long as Rory wasn't going to hit _him_ with one of those shoes he couldn't muster up enough energy to care.

**Sunday Morning Cont.  
DuGrey Mansion 9:00 am**

Looking all around his bedroom after he got dressed for the day Tristan quickly realized that all of his shoes were gone. Shaking his head he wondered if after they got married he should look into getting a few of those storage trunks with locks on them to keep his stuff in so Rory wouldn't use his things without so much as a by your leave the in her acts of revenge/vandalism.

Rory had just been too cute when she crawled into his bed after he'd gotten up to take a shower after he had woke her up for the second time that morning to ask her if she wanted to use his bed since he was up for the day. Looking over at the blanket covered lump in the middle of his bed he couldn't bring himself to be annoyed at her for throwing his shoes out. Just resigned...

Another A/n I do not own the idea for the rat flail that belongs to the creator of the online comic VG Cats.


	36. Chapter 36

**Monday Chilton Prep**

A minor level of hell had descended upon Tristan in the form of a full page engagement announcement his parents had taken out. His 'friends' had set up a memorial in front of his locker making it near impossible to put this things away, girls would look at him and sob and it was beginning to get on his last nerve. Sunday at his Grandfather's house hadn't even been this bad, sure there had been the expected weeping and finger pointing but he was sure Janlan would get over it soon enough, after all just how much food could the old man have put in his panic room any way?

Tossing the last of the shrine stuff in a nearby garbage can before Rory saw it Tristan decided to head over to her locker to wait for her in case some ex of his tried something. He found that Rory's locker was free from any kind of vandalism or sympathy cards. Of course that might have had some thing to do with the fact that Paris was standing in front of it looking ready to maim anybody who stepped near it.

"Hi Paris." Tristan said coming to stand beside her.

"Don't screw this up, DuGrey." Paris growled and looked at him through narrow eyes.

"Screw what up?" he asked confused.

"This whatever it is you have with Rory." she answered in a tone that suggested she thought he was stupid. "You an I both know people like her do not fall in anything with people like us easily. Look at our parents. Sure yours is better now but it wasn't too long ago that they were nearly in the same boat as mine and why? Because they were us when they were younger. And we deserve better then what our parents got."

"...Alright I hear you and I'll do my best." Tristan told her and leaned back against the cold steel of the locker next to Rory's a companionable silence fell over the two while they waited for Rory. It was broken by Brad's wail of pain as he was frog marched down the hall towards the pair by an unhappy looking Finn.

"What the?" they asked each other in unison. Stopping in front of them Finn released his hold on Brads arm and grabbed him by the jacket collar instead, there was a moment of stunned silence when Finn gave Brad a shake "Say it!" he snapped. Brad shook his head frantically no. Finn wore a grim expression and looked from Paris to Tristan, "Tell them now or deal with Rory when she gets here and you've seen what that she does to Tristan here and she actually likes him so what do you think she'll do to you?" he snarled giving Brad another good shake. After the odd things that had been happening since Rory had kind of flipped out nobody in the hall stopped to rubber neck instead they went about their business before school started since no one wanted to be caught in the fall out.

"All right," Brad wailed, "I'll talk."

Tristan may not have moved aside from crossing his arms over his chest but Paris sure had, she made sure that she had loudly cracked her knuckles and was standing within hitting distance from the little worm.

"See I had just wanted to make sure Rory wasn't you know, sacrificing things to other things to bring about the end of the world." Brad whimpered. "So I went over to her house and simply watched a few hours from the shadows last night."

"Simply watched, my ass! This little perv has a pair of her underwear in his pocket! Found the little bast..." Finn caught himself and took a deep breath, "I found this piece of crap, fondling and talking to a pair of her underwear in the restroom no more then ten minutes ago."

After hearing that, their stances became reversed, Paris stepped back grossed out and Tristan had stepped forward ready to pound Brad into the ground.

"Uh guys? Why does Brad have Babbette's underwear that was stolen sometime last night from our clothesline in his jacket pocket?" a familiar highly amused sounding voice asked, having been able to recognize the gnome covered things anywhere.

Tristan lowered his fist and saw for himself what Rory had just pointed out. "Stealing a 50 something yr old ladies underwear." he scoffed not questioning how she knew who's they were, "Man, when I thought you'd stolen Ror's was bad enough but to steal 'granny panties' _tsk tsk _that's just wrong on levels I don't think Finn could sink to."

Finn who couldn't have let go of Brad quick enough after Tristan said 'granny panties' was wiping his hand on his pants leg and looking pained. "Here." Paris told him and offered one of the sanitary wipes she carried in her purse.

"Thanks." he smiled and proceeded to use it as the manufacturer suggested.  
In the back ground Rory was leaning against Tristan trying to stay on her feet because she was laughing so hard and Tristan was employing the DuGrey talent of standing solid and ignoring the little peons around him otherwise he might have ended up in worst shape then Rory. Especially when Brad had removed Babbette's underwear from his pocket using a pencil and was just standing there gazing at them in horrified fascination. At least he did until the VP showed up...It turned kind of ugly for Brad after that.


	37. Chapter 37

Friday After School 

No one was happier to see the week end then Rory and Tristan. Their time at school since their engagement was made public had been filled with idiotic questions about when the baby was due or the ever more popular what exactly did he have to blackmail her with since there was no way in hell she would willingly marry Tristan. He was a bit offended by that one and had much to Rory's annoyance begun to PDAing her. After the first time she'd decked him when he kissed her between classes at her locker on Tuesday, Tristan called her mom. Rory really wasn't clear on what he'd told Lorelai since her mom had been in full rant mode and had been talking to fast for even her to understand but whatever it was must have been a dozy because her mom had threatened to reinstate Friday night dinners at Emily and Richard's if Rory didn't go along with his public displays without retaliation of the pain inducing kind.

After the final bell rang Rory who had gathered all she'd need for the weekend so she wouldn't run into Tristan at her locker where he usually waited for her, quickly made her way out of the classroom and wove her way through the teenager filled hallways. Her aim was to make it to a side exit so that she could sneak to the bus stop and take it home instead of catching a ride with him like usual. She was blatantly ditching him without remorse but after what he'd done that morning he more then deserved it. She was not going to be a replacement for his locker tramps and would damn herself to wearing neon orange for the rest of her life before she let him treat her like one.

Ten minutes later she was still waiting for the bus that was running late when a much too familiar looking car pulled up in front of her and stopped. What wasn't familiar was the message scrawled on it's side. 'RORY, YOU MAKE ME STUPID.' it read in bright blue color for all the world to see. "Sure, blame it all on me again." Rory snapped hoping he heard her and briefly wondered if whatever he'd used to write the half ass apology was ruining his paint job. "Like you weren't an idiot before you ever met me."

Tristan climbed out of his car looking pathetic and almost like he was going to cry. The need she felt to maim and kill him on sight drained away leaving behind a feeling of annoyance directed more at herself then at him for being the cause of him looking like that. "You're a rat bastard, you know that right?" she snarled at him as she got to her feet. Tristan wordlessly nodded his agreement with her on that one, afraid that if he spoke she'd walk away from him. He held out a cup of coffee he'd went and gotten for her as soon as school had let out as a peace offering because he had known she'd try to ditch him first chance she got. But his luck looked to be changing because her bus was late, although he had been more then prepared to drive to her house and sleep on her front porch till she forgave him if need be.

They stood there a good five minutes her glaring and him looking sheepish before she sighed and rolled her eyes heavenward silently asking for strength. "Alright give my that," she told him and took the thermal cup from his out stretched hand, "but just so you know...If you ever pull me into another janitor's closet to make out you will be a very sad and lonely man because I'm putting you in a coma, understand?"

"Yeah, I understand Rory." he answered solemnly and got back in his car.

"Good, because dammit I'm not one of your locker tramps," she continued to rant as she too climbed into the car, "I am your fiancee, meaning that I at least warrant an empty classroom or a deserted part of the library if your that desperate to shove your tongue down my throat and your hand under my shirt."

Hearing that she had been furious at him because of the _place_ instead of the _act_ itself like he though she was caused him to close his foot in the door since he was staring at her in shock and not paying attention to what he was doing. Yep, she made him stupid alright...


	38. Chapter 38

Tuesday Morning DuGrey Mansion 

Looking under the bed for the fifth time in ten minutes Alistair gave up and went to ask his wife if she had seen where he had put his pocket watch the night before since it wasn't on his nightstand where he usually kept it.

As soon as he descended the staircase Tristan slipped into his parents bedroom and took his father's watch out of his pocket putting it in the exact same place he'd taken it from the night before. Before he left the room he quickly switched the decorative pillows around on their bed.

Tuesday evening Gilmore House.

Rory pulled her sell phone from her ear and looked at it like it had lost it's mind, one the other end of the line Tristan tried not to laugh, really he did but it was just too damn funny.

"Really Rory this might just be..."

"LALALALALALA"she interrupted him, "I can't hear you. LALALALAL chrrrrrrrrrrshshshs, YOUR BREAKING UP I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU...THINK YOU MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL OR SOMETHING!"

At home Tristan looked around his bedroom "Oh I'm going through something alright," he muttered under his breath, "And I'm pretty sure it's known as a mental breakdown"  
"ALRIGHT." he yelled into his phone, deciding to playing along, "I'LL LET YOU GO THEN SEE YOU TO...ORROW AT SCHOOL." and promptly hung up.

"He didn't have to yell." Rory grumbled and hoped the hearing returned in her left ear soon. Lorelai who was sitting on the other end of the couch looked at her questioningly. "He thinks that Finn's latest 'crush' is a good thing." Rory snorted and closed her eye waiting for the inivitable..."And I take it from the tunnel thing you just pulled that you don't, so who is it so I can hate on it too?" Lorelai grinned just itching to get in the middle of something new since the whole Luke thing just WAS and looked to be staying that way for a long while. She was a bit un-nerved by the look Rory was giving her until she finally answered, "It's you." and then it all became clear to Lorelai the annoyance with her Rory was suddenly exhibiting; she was still a major HOTTIE!!

Rory saw the pleased look take hold on her mom's face and threw her hands up exasperated, "MOM, he's sixteen, you're not. He's still in high school, you're not. He's single, you're not..." she argued hoping to talk some sense into her easily excited mother.

"hmmm...You do make some good arguments there Grasshopper." Lorelai said sounding all wise sage-like, "But he won't stay underage forever. He'll eventually graduate thanks to the no-child-left-behind thing Prez Bush enacted, and Luke well I'd rather not get into that right now until I've gotten my own head wrapped around it but I will tell you it involves a Mr. Potato Head and a poster of Bea Arthur."

"uh, Yeah, I'm going to go to bed or hide under it...whichever." Rory shrugged and after getting to her feet backed out of the room slowly Lorelai's laughter followed her until she closed and locked her bedroom door cutting the sound off.

As soon as she heard Rory's bedroom door close Lorelai reached for the cordless phone and pressed redial...

"Hello Finn it's me Lorelai"  
"Yeah she and Tristan fell for it, they don't suspect a thing"  
"No it's no problem, I've been a bit bored lately anyway"  
"Sure I think it's do-able. Ms. Kim wants Lane to get a job and I know Luke wants more help at the dinner since he's gotten into making paper mache sculptures so it'll be a win, win for all of us"  
"Good, good talk to you later..." Lorelai hung up and grinned while rubbing her hands together as another one of her plans fell into place; Lane would be straightened out in no time without having Rory going to jail for assault with a bag of blueberries. Yep life was good sometimes.

Saturday Afternoon Dugrey Mansion

Rory stumbled though Tristan's bedroom door not waiting for him to invite her in after she knocked. She had to get away from the smell of the incense the white robed figure had waved in her face as soon as she'd entered the house after the mask wearing maid let her in.

"What is going on?" she wheezed trying to catch her breath.

Tristan who was playing a new MMORG on his computer looked over at her wearing a devious smirk, "The psychic mom and dad hired"  
"And why did they hire a Psychic?" Rory asked scratching her head at the turn of events.  
"Because the church wouldn't send out a priest." he shrugged and turned back to his game. Leaving Rory to stare at the back of his head dumbfounded.


	39. Chapter 39

**Monday Afternoon Stars Hollow**

Rory sat at her and her mom's usual table with Lorelai and her own personal stalker Finn plus _his_ best friend Logan Huntzsomething or other. Rory pretty much written him off as a waste of space since she meeting him a few days before at Tristan's grandfather's house where Logan and his father were staying for a few weeks until Logan's mom forgave them for setting fire to their library.

He had thought that with a few well placed complements and flirtations that he could win her over from Tristan who by the way had made sure to take pictures of her trying to drown Logan in the dishwasher, but much to her annoyance Rory found that it had a safety feature that didn't allow it to run while the door was open.

Tristan was absent from what she was beginning to refer to as a visit to Luke's House of Lurv, his excuse was that the paintings hanging on the walls in his house weren't aesthetically pleasing to look at and needed to be nudged into place slightly. Rory took it to mean he was going to make some if not all the pictures in his house that crooked while his parents were out interviewing another psychic. The first one hadn't lasted long when he cornered Tristan after Rory had left to catch the bus home and informed him firmly that Tristan should remove Rory from his life because she was chaos incarnate. Tristan then showed Mr. Darkholm a new residence he could practice his questionable trade at; it was at the corner of pain and misery.

Looking around the dinner Rory wondered if Tristan would like some company and an accomplice, Finn was panting over her mom and Logan seemed to be entranced by Lane to the point richie rich actually offered to help bus the tables. While all this was going on Luke had made himself scarce and the few times that week when Rory did see him he smelled like Elmer's Glue and had bits of newspaper stuck on the bib of his hat and clothes.

Hearing Lane giggle at something Logan said made Rory's mind up for her, "Mom I'm going to the restroom"

Lorelai looked up from the ledger she looking over, it was the one she was using to keep track of her and Sookie's spending on their new inn's renovation, "Okay Babe want me to order for you?"

"No" Rory told her and glared at Finn wanting to beat his head into the table top for some reason, she suspected it had to do with that grin of his."I won't be long."

After closing the door behind her firmly Rory made her way over to the small window set above the since "I always thought the first time I ditched somebody by crawling out at bathroom window would have been at my wedding." she sighed and then proceeded to keep up a time honored tradition of those finding themselves in a coyote ugly situation.

What her dining companions failed see was Rory land in the half filled dumpster underneath the window. Tristan stopped asking her why she had had a piece of lettuce in her hair, when she showed up at his place thirty five minutes later, after she growled at him.

What Rory had failed to see was Finn texting Paris under the table on his cell phone. He suspected that she'd turned it off because after the first death threat she'd sent in reply to him asking her out she hadn't sent anything else but that was okay, she had to turn it back on sometime and then she'd find herself on the receiving end of some of his best material.

What Lorelai had failed to see while she read the Japanese Manga that she'd hidden between the pages of her expense ledger was Luke carrying a large paper mache gnome he was making for Babette into the the diners kitchen because the light was better in there.

What Logan failed to see was the Mrs. Kim looking through the window in passing and seeing him flirting with her daughter.

What Mrs. Kim failed to see while she wondered if the old ways of cursing someone would work here in America was her husband's victory dance being done behind her because somebody not from Stars Hollow was interested in his daughter and would maybe take her off of his hands sooner or later; she was too much like her mother.

Lane's new medication was doing her some good and she was feeling a lot like her old pre-Dean-follower self so she found herself happily giggling behind her hand as like usual everyone around her seemed to be loosing their damn minds...Now she just had to find a way to become friends with Rory again; perhaps something along the lines of her streaking down Main St would work...


	40. Chapter 40

**Tuesday Morning  
Chilton Prep**

Rory was staring up at the ceiling having finished her second period assignment already and was counting ceiling tiles until the bell rang for the next class. Occasionally Tristan would tug on her hair that was laying on his desk top and ask her the answer to a question. Since it was only busy work and nothing to do with a test she told him the answer. The people around them were grateful for it too.

"Hey, Ror?"

"Hmm.."

"Since I know you've got your license why do you ride the bus when you come over to my house instead of borrowing Lorelai's jeep?" He asked as he doodled her name in a margin on his paper.

"...Remember that animal rights guy wearing the deer outfit because he was protesting hunting season a few months back?" she asked sounding somewhat amused.

"Yeah I think so. Didn't somebody end up hitting him with their car." he answered her now even more curious.

"He was the reason I was late for my Shakespeare test. He's also the reason my license was suspended for a year. He saw the jeep coming down the road and thought I was a hunter and jumped in the middle of the road to STOP me and my nefarious purposes for the local wildlife population." Rory answered shaking her head at some peoples stupidity and began to fold a blank piece of notebook paper into a paper airplane just to give her hands something to do. The ceiling tiles were not logically adding up to the room's square footage and she'd become annoyed with it.

"Oookkkaaayyy." Tristan drawled, "But if he jumped in front of your car that makes him getting hit his fault, not yours so why was your license suspended?"

"Because it WAS my fault for driving through a automated car wash with him hanging onto my hood. The judge told me the hot wax that I had opted to get had been a bit too much for me to be let go free and clear." she explained further.

"...Hey Ror?

"Hmm.."

"You do that know I'm never letting you drive my car again." he informed her firmly.

"Tristan, I pretty much had that one figured out when you bailed out of the passenger seat before I'd completely stopped the car and kissed my driveway the last time." Rory sighed and added a finishing tweak or two to her paper plane.

"Oh, I'd forgotten that." he said sounding surprised, because in reality until she'd mentioned it Tristan hadn't thought much about that afternoon since it happened.

"Selective amnesia. People get that around me a lot." she told him matter of factly and looked at her creation critically turning it this way and that.

"I wonder why?" he told her sarcastically and wondered to himself if she'd let him play with her airplane at lunch if he asked her nicely.

"Beats the hell out of me." Rory shrugged ignoring his tone.

"Bet there's a lot of people that want to." Tristan chuckled in a sing song voice.

"Humph." she snorted, "And here I was going to tell you another thing to do to aggravate your parents that mom hasn't even thought about but if your going to be mean about it..."

Hearing that she had another idea for him to try in Operation Mad House, Tristan perked up and set his pencil down next to his half finished paper, "I'll be good I promise." he said making and x symbol over his heart, "I'll uh, even pay off anybody who wants give you a beat down so that they won't."

Rory turned in her seat and looked at him unimpressed, "That's just so sad that you wouldn't use yourself as a human shield and protect me from a would-be mugger or something."

"Yeah right, like I'd want our future son and or daughter to go the way of the Batman. You know living in a cave and keeping some little orphan from the circus around, making him wear a brightly colored costume and calling him Bird Boy." he said explaining himself.

'The hell? Bird Boy?!' Rory pinched the bridge of her nose and silently wondered to herself just how he came up with this stuff, aloud she informed him that Batman's sidekick was called Robin.

"That doesn't make it any less creepy." Tristan defended smugly.

"...Good point." Rory reluctantly conceded and decided to just go ahead and tell him about her idea before the conversation got any weirder then it already was, knowing that she was going to get a headache if she didn't end this line of conversation soon. Those that had been eavesdropping on them weren't so lucky and at least five went to the nurse between classes complaining of uncontrollable eye twitches and a headache or two.

**Wednesday Morning  
DuGrey Mansion**

Annabelle DuGrey could have sworn the match to her pearl earring had been on her vanity table in the box she kept them in but seeing as how it was gone she figured that she must have been mistaken and set out to find it.

Walking down the hallway Alistair muttered a good morning to his son when they passed one another Tristan was heading down to breakfast and his father was on his way back up to his bedroom to give his wife the earring he'd found on the sideboard in the Dining Room. Alistair froze mid-step and looked back at Tristan oddly. "Tristan." he called. Tristan who had just rounded a corner stepped back around it. "Yes dad?" a long moment of silence passed before Alistair waved him off, "Nothing...I just...nothing." Shrugging Tristan turned and continued on his way. For a second there Alistair could have sworn his son had been wearing a tie with a hula girl on it.


	41. Chapter 41

A/n Here I was a bit confused about how to start this chapter off and lo and behold I got a message from 'Lathan Lover' and it was all good from there... 

**Thursday Evening  
Stars Hollow**

"Hello Rory." Taylor greeted from behind the register, "What are you getting this evening?"

"You know same thing I get every Thursday, "Rory shrugged, "A pack of smokes and some booze."

Taylor laughed nervously and reached under the counter placing his finger on the panic button he'd had installed a few months before. It went directly to a customized wireless interior surface mount siren at Luke's that blared repeatedly "Go to Taylor's store Thuggery in progress.". Good thing Lane had found it her first day on the job because Luke hadn't know it was there. Luke then used his claw hammer to smash it to bits after removing the label stating that it belong to Taylor and to return it to him if found, Luke Danes had future plans for that label.

Grabbing a carry-all basket from the stack by the door Rory headed down the candy and snack aisle to stock up for her and Lorelai's movie night.

"psst"

Rory picked up a bag of name brand chips and a bag of non-brand chips to check the weight to find the better deal.

"psst."

Finally paying attention to the hissing noise Rory looked around and saw no one except herself and the girl on the snack cakes package. "Debbie!" she squealed happily, "Your real! I just knew you were. I didn't care what my mom or that doctor said."

"Rory." a voice interrupted her, sounded a bit exasperated.

Looking upwards since that were the voice was coming from she was more then just a smidge disappointed to find Dean crouched on the very top of the shelf looking down at her.

"What do you want Dean?" Rory asked coldly.

"You back." he answered sheepishly, "Look I know that I'm partly to blame but..."

"Dean you're all to blame." Rory cut in, "You told me how to dress, who to talk to, when I had to be home when I wasn't with you. It was like dating a prison warden."

"Oh yeah," Dean sneered getting defensive because if she wasn't going to be nice then neither was he, "I saw in the paper you and the accountant are getting married bet you think you're trading up since he's mister wonderful, mister understanding, mister..."

"...I'll let Rory do whatever the hell she wants to as long as she promises to come home to me." Rory finished for him, shooting him an anger filled look and set her filled basket on the floor beside her foot encase she needed to belt him.

The fight drained out of Dean because in his memory she had never looked at anyone the way she was looking at him. _She really and truly hated him_.

"Do you love him?" he whispered now knowing he had more of a chance with Mrs. Kim then he did of getting Rory back but he wanted to hear her say it because it would make it real for him.(Glutten ain't he?)

Her eyes narrowed in rage because _HE_ had the nerve to think he had the right to ask her that after what he's pulled. "You turn two of my friends against me and stalk me numerous times then have the balls to ask me that? SCREW YOU!" she snapped and three things happened almost at once; Taylor who heard her raised voice looked to where he'd seen Rory last and found his employee doing a buzzard imitation on his shelf. Taylor then yelled Dean's name just as Rory threw herself against the shelf making it teeter back and tip causing a domino effect with two shelves behind it. It was a good thing Taylor hadn't expanded like he'd wanted to because instead of the week it took to right his store it would have taken two.

When the dust cleared Rory saw that she had a clear view of Taylor who was still at the register and looked like he had just messed himself. Surveying the damage she smirked and flipped her hair over her shoulder not feeling sorry for what she'd done one bit.

Dean who was trying to pick himself up from the mess looked to her and asked her for help, "Call somebody that gives a damn." she chuckled at the sight of his flour covered self, "Like that rich bitch blond you were seeing behind my back weeks before I dumped your ass, Summer I believe her name was." If possible he paled even further because Rory wasn't supposed to ever know about that.

Picking her way to the door carefully Rory wondered to herself if Lorelai would forgive her for not taking pictures of the mess she'd made. Just as she reached the door she found just couldn't let it go and had one more parting jab to make before Taylor who looked to be coming out of shock tore Dean a new one. "And yeah to answer your question I do. I do love the big idiot, never said that about you now did I? No matter how much you whined and told me that I did. Yah, control freak weirdo." and with that said skipped out of the store.


	42. Chapter 42

Saturday Afternoon Stars Hollow 

Hearing someone call her name had Rory turning away from Tristan who she was trying to con out of his double scoop ice cream cone having ate hers already and found herself staring in shock at the sight of Lane running down Main St. wearing a pair of white cotton panties, a pair of pink tennis shoes and nothing else.

"Rory I love you!"Lane yelled as she ran passed the pair standing on the sidewalk just outside Luke's, "But not in THAT way!" she was quick to add. Behind Lane half the town was following, some with a net others with shirts and blankets to throw over her.

"Tristan?" Rory said wearily and rubbed her eyes with the heals of her palms.

"Yeah." he smirked and licked his chocolate scoop before it dripped onto the sidewalk.

"Can I move into your closet permanently?" she asked and after lowering her hands watched as the mob rounded the corner at the end of the street. Lane looked to be heading for home. 'Boy is Mrs. Kim going to get a surprise.' Rory chuckled under her breath.

"Sure you can. But you do have to admit that, that was less creepy then being followed by a boy in a dog pee covered box." he shrugged and handed Rory his cone knowing that he'd give it to her sooner or later and opting for the sooner to save his sanity.

"Says you." she complained, "Because from where I stand it's all the same level of creepy."

Sometime that morning while Lane was streaking Richard had gone around to Janlan's wanting him to drive to Canada with him. Janlan had run into his panic room after hearing Richard's latest idea and did a victory dance when the heavy door swung shut behind him, but in his enthused state threw his hip out and near abouts to thirty minutes after Lane had run passed them Tristan had to leave in a hurry and take his grandfather to the hospital.

So Rory had no one to back her up when Lorelai bounced into the Gilmore kitchen waving a purple piece of paper in the air and told her to, "Guess what?"

"What?" Rory responded automatically and presses the start button on the microwave.

"No, guess." Lorelai whined.

"Alright, alright," Rory said rolling her eyes, "You're pregnant and the father is 'Lulu' thus completing my descent into hell."

"Well, no but you're close." Lorelai snickered, "See I signed us up for the dance marathon tonight."

Looking at her mom confused Rory scratched her head, "And just how is you being knocked up by a cross-dresser anywhere near being like you signing us up for the marathon?"

"Because they'll both be hell for you." Lorelai explained still smiling.

"...I see your point. But is there ANY chance I can just be a slave to the refreshment table?" Rory said hopefully.

"Nope, we're in this together and I'm not letting Taylor and his aunt win again this year. Remember how much he gloated last year, I thought Luke was going to beat him within a inch of his life with that trophy" her mom told her shaking her head sadly.

"And it being a bobble headed trophy this year had nothing to do with it?" Rory said eyeing her suspiciously.

"Nope not a thing." Lorelai shot back, going for an offended tone and failing miserably.

"Well it looks like I've got no choice, so I guess I'm in but just to remind you remember back when I was eight and you signed me up for dance lessons at Ms. Pattie's. She gave you your fee back and then some after you promised to never let me dance in public anywhere near her again." Rory warned her hoping on the off chance her mom would see the logic in her agruement.

"Yeah but you did so well at the ball." Lorelai told her encouragingly.

"Mom, there I set out to do badly. Otherwise I think that there would have been bleeding and a concussion or two instead of the bruising and soreness." told her still trying a last ditch effort to stop her mom from making her do it.

"Hey, if they can't slide and shimmy out of your way then they need to get out of the competition and that way we'll win by default." Lorelai informed her matter of factly.

"...Woman you have some serious issues." Rory sighed and hearing the ding turned to retrieve her TV dinner from the microwave. Lorelai grinned evilly and rubbed her hands together ala Snidley Whiplash thinking about the night/day ahead .


	43. Chapter 43

Sunday Evening Gilmore House 

Rory trudged slowly to her room leaving behind her mom who was bouncing up and down like a fanboy's dream clutching the tacky bobble head trophy to her chest. Oh, they hadn't won it, Luke Danes and Emily Gilmore had; Lorelai had just stolen it from the trophy table behind everyone's back and run. She had been wearing three inch stilettos and Rory had been so impressed by the fact that Lorelai could move that fast in them she had kept her mouth shut and let her mom get away.

Her legs ached, her feet were blistered and Rory was sure she was going to have a large bruise on her hip where her grandmother kept trying to hip check her to make her stumble. Leaving her shoes where she dropped them Rory fell into her bed not bothering to undress much less harbor any thoughts of showering.

Lorelai looked around and found herself alone. Gloating just wasn't as fun if you didn't have and audience so she put her newest acquisition down on the coffee table and went to make herself a cup of hot chocolate(the kind you just add hot water to of course.)

Sometime later...

RING, RING, RING

Blindly reaching out Rory fumbled for the phone sitting on her bedside table knocking the second place trophy she and Lorelai HAD won to the floor. Her mom must have brought it up after she had fallen asleep.

"Hello." she said in a gravely voice.

"uh Rory." Richard asked confused since all he heard was a barely human sounding grunt.

"Yeah, Grandpa?" Rory sighed exhausted and refusing to open her eyes not that it would have done her much good since it was after dark and she her bedroom lights were off and there wasn't even a moon to see by.

"Rory! Good glad I caught you up with you. Look I need a favor and since you ratted me out about my THING to your grandmother you owe me."

"Whatever." Rory replied not really caring what her grandpa was going on about she hadn't forgiven him for the rat flail and had very little to no intention of helping him and reached over to grab her blanket to cocoon up in it.

"Ok, I'm glad you're seeing it my way." Richard said happy that she wasn't going to be difficult about it, "I need you to be at your house after school Tuesday afternoon to except a ship I'm getting from Canada and keep it in your basement until I get a chance to come and retrieve it.

"Sure yeah." Rory yawned, "whatever." She just wanted to sleep and would have agreed to just about anything at that point.

"Alright good, good." he told her relieved, "Then I better go your grandmother's in a mood since SOMEBODY stole a trophy she won...I think it was for a jar of pickles she made or maybe it was a baby blanket she had knitted, I kind of tune her out after the first five words of a sentence. So anyway, good night."

"Night." Rory muttered and hit the end button and dropped the phone to the floor as she drifted off again.

Sometime after that...

RING, RING, RING, RING

mumbling..." 'llo." Rory rasped.

"Hi, Rory it's me Tristan." Tristan said sounding amused.

"hmmm." she hummed and shifted into a more comfortable position, her arm was going to sleep because she had tucked it under her body at some point while she slept.

"I hope I'm not calling too late." he didn't sound very apologetic but she wasn't going to call him on it, she just wanted the phone call to end as quickly if not quicker then the other one with her grandpa had.

mumbling..." butthead...want?"

"What do I want?" he asked needed clarification because she really sounded out of it.

"hmmm."she agreed.

"Well, I just was calling to see if you and your mom won?"

mumbling..."...lost...ol' lady...flannel man...Lorelai stole...second place." Rory answered believing she was making perfect sense.

"I see, bet there's a good story there." he mused aloud.

"hmmm...not really." she sighed.

"I see," Tristan began, "well let me tell you about..." he then unrepentantly launched into a pretty much on sided conversation that went on a few more minutes. He had to admit Lorelai had been right because it was funny to try and talk to Rory when she was mostly asleep, you learned the most interesting swear words. Tristan had tears running down his face from his held in laughter as the conversation wound down since Rory's replies were now in a language only drunk frat boys and bigfoot would understand and were also getting further and further apart he finally decided to cut her some slack; "Look I'll let you go on back to sleep. See you tomorrow at school, good night."

mumbling..."Night...love you."

Tristan froze mid breath because had she really just said what he thought she did?! Sure it might have been in a platonic friendship way or because she was sleep deprived but he had always thought he would be the one to say if first no matter what context it was used in. And now it was out there.

The weird noise your phone makes after somebody hangs up and you don't snapped him out of his daze and after turning it off, he lay back on his bed half hanging off of it and stared up at the ceiling unmoving the rest of the night.


	44. Chapter 44

**Monday  
Chilton Prep**

Rory walked down the hall carefully. Her bandaged feet were still sore from all the dancing she'd done the day before and the loafers she was required to wear as part of the school uniform instead of her more comfortable tennis shoes were not helping matters at all.

She found Tristan leaning up against her locker like usual with his arms crossed over his chest and his head lowered. What wasn't usual was the fact that it looked like he was asleep standing up. "That is so not fair." she grumbled under her breath a bit jealous at his new napping talent, "And next thing you know he'll be sleeping in class with his eyes open."

Taking a pencil from the front pocket of her book bag Rory began to prod him in the arm with the eraser end. After the third poke he raised his head up slightly and looked at her through a half opened eye. "What are you doing?" he grumbled. "Poking a bear with a stick." she smirked glad he looked as annoyed as she felt and made a shooing motion with her hand for him to move over so that she could get to her locker. He didn't look happy about it but did it anyway.

Swinging the door open Rory found he'd brought her, her usual morning fare of coffee and whatever pastry he'd gotten for her and had put it in her locker along with his backpack. Looking around the locker's door at him she finally noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his unperfect hair. "Rough night?" she asked concerned and went back to rooting around in her locker.

"Yeah, and it's your fault." he answered and moved around her to get his stuff after she was finished. Grabbing the small thermos and paper bag along with the things she'd need for her first two classes Rory headed off to their first class walking slowly and hoping to beat the rush of students scrambling to get to class when the warning bell rang in about ten minutes. She thought about how him not getting any sleep the night before was her fault and came up with nothing. Tristan followed keeping pace beside her and would occasionally wave at one of his friends in passing.

Sitting down in her usual seat she offered him half the bear claw he'd brought her. After he had eaten half of what she'd given him and drank a good portion of the coffee that she'd also offered him. She broached the subject of how him not getting any rest the previous night was her fault. His reply was not one she was expecting.

"...Do you love me?" he asked and refused to look at her instead he stared down at hid desk top and traced the name someone had carved into it's top with his thumbnail.

"Why?" she countered confused.

"Because I called you last night." he answered shrugging, "and you said that you did just before you hung up."

"Yes, I know I did," she nodded, "And?" she asked still confused.

"You know you said it?" he asked hopefully, "I mean you remember me calling you last night and what was said?"

"I just said that I did, didn't I." she told him and then rolling her eyes at him because she had figured out what his problem was and had been, she may not have acted like the normal teenage girl but that didn't mean she couldn't think like one when she had too. "And let me guess you and your neurotic self lay awake all night wondering in exactly what context I meant it in, am I right?" He could only bring himself to nod. "You do know that this admission of yours puts you in the same class as a girl that gets her friends to ask her crush if he likes her-likes her don't you?" Rory told him her tone dry and unamused.

"I don't care." he shot back. "I just need to know."

"Fine," Rory told him exasperated, "I did and do mean it in a not just a _friendship_ way."

"Promise." he said holding up his hand for a pinky swear.

"Oh for the love of...just when I thought you had emotionally regressed as far as you could you prove me wrong," she half heartedly complained and linked her pinky with Tristan's knowing that unlike her for some he needed this reassurance she really and truly meant it, "Yes I promise I meant the I love you in a 'You're stuck with me until one of us offs the other after one too many years of marriage and three too many kids sort of way' pinky swear."

"Good," he sighed very relieved and waited for her to press for him to say it too. She didn't which confused him a lot. Later after she had grown tired of taunting him about it Tristan would claim his thinking that she would insist on him saying his own follow up 'I love you', to him being sleep deprived because Rory Gilmore was anything but the norm and to her his putting up with all her crap and weirdness not to mention Tristan going out of his way to aid and abet her and her mom told her how he felt more then words ever would.


	45. Chapter 45

**Monday Afternoon  
Gilmore House**

Rory lay stretched out on the couch with her feet propped up, doing her homework having not felt like doing it at school during study hall. Tristan sat on the floor looking over his math book for an up coming test. A large gold colored statue in the shape of a nondescript man doing what looked to be the twist sat in the middle of the coffee table. He couldn't explain the compulsion he had to occasionally reach out and flick it's head making it wobble. "Can you explain to me again just how Luke ended up paired with your grandmother?" he asked disbelievingly.

Rory set her book down and closed her eyes, "Well I think it all started when mom called grandmother to ask her she would be willing to sponsor her for the contest since the money would be going to save that raggedy death trap known as The Foot Bridge."

"Raggedy Death trap?" he snickered ,"sounds like you have issues with it."

"Mom shoved me off of it when I was twelve. Said she slipped but I think it really had to do with me laughing at her choice of shirts. Thing was so tight a button flew off and nearly took Luke's eye out, he had to wear an eye patch for a month." she shrugged, "Anyway back to how the unholy alliance was formed; grandmother of course asked for the details and mom filled her in all was going well I suppose until Emily mentioned that she had been quit the dancer back in the day Mom told her that she didn't know the dawn of time had, had a sound track. As for how she got Luke to go along with her plan is anyones guess since he's not talking but I have noticed that his father's boat that he's been bitching and moaning about for years now is parked behind the diner and nearly restored to perfection."

Tristan regarded her silently a long moment, "Ror don't take this the wrong way but after we get married we are not drinking the water from this place. Bottled all the way baby."

"Oh you what to live here?" she asked a bit shocked that he'd thought that far ahead.

"Well after college, sure." he nodded, "Quiet town, odd balls that make me feel better about myself, the fact that you haven't had the cops called on you by your neighbors because no matter how weird _they_ think you are they still like you."

"College, yeah sure." she said uneasily and grabbed her book up and started to read where she had left off.

"Rory," Tristan looked at her suspiciously, "Aren't you planning to go to college?"

"Well uh, grandparents want me to. Mom expects me to..."she hedged.

"But?"

"But I don't want to. Not really." She confessed. "Don't really see the point. I want to write novels not become some prize winning reporter."

"But wouldn't a degree help you with being a novelist that too?" he argued.

"...I might see that as a valid point if I alreadydidnthaveabookcomingoutinMay." she countered quickly.

"WHAT?!!" Tristan yelled when his brain deciphered what she had just told him.

"Surprise." Rory said smiling weakly at her fiancee's looming figure.

Before his hands could reach what she really hoped wasn't her neck the house phone rang. "Hold that thought." she told him holding her hand up to stop his advance, "Or better yet go walk it off." He didn't look very receptive to her suggestion, though he did sit down on the other end of the couch.

' I knew I was forgetting to tell Tristan something.' she muttered under her breath then..."Hello." she greeted the caller in her most normal voice.

"Rory!" her father wailed on the other end of the line, "Lulu's a man!"

_blink _

"Oh father I had no idea." she said in a dead tone and hit the phone's speaker button because if she was going to suffer then so was Tristan.To her the idea made perfect sense to anyone else it would be like poking a sleeping bear with a stick.

"She's not pregnant either!" Christopher sobbed.

"Be a Ripley's Believe It Or Not moment if he was." Tristan snickered behind his hand his ire draining away in the face of patheticness.

Rory tossed him a pillow to muffle his laughter with as her father continued on with his sad tale of woe which included how Lulu had duped him all this time by drugging his nyquil at night and making him pass out when he went to bed and then lying to him about the fact that they had sex and that he was the most studley thing that (s)he had very been with. She thought Tristan's muffled "More like dudley" was closer to the truth then not.

It was an odd sight Lorelai walked in on twenty minutes later with the take out she had gone to pick up for dinner, both teens looked like they were crying because of their shaking shoulders and trying to smother themselves with the couch's throw pillows. Then she caught onto what what she had taken for a yelping puppy on TV actually was and what Christopher was lamentating about. She quickly left the room because the knowledge that she had slept with him was bad enough but to hear his sob story about a sex life that had never exhisted was were she drew the line. She did have her standards.


	46. Chapter 46

Tuesday Afternoon Gilmore House 

Rory was lounging on the porch swing while waiting for her grandpa's delivery to arrive so she had a front row seat to the latest Kim drama that came barreling down the street.

Logan Huntz-something-or-other was running for all he was worth down the sidewalk a slip of paper was stuck to his forehead. Mrs. Kim was hot on his heels. She was waving a wad of papers in his direction and yelling something in Korean that Rory didn't recognize. After he had run passed Rory saw that there were more pieces of paper stuck to his back, each one had writing on it.

Something about that tickled a memory of something Lane had told her about once but it was just out of reach, she hated those kind. Lane and her father came in the other twos wake but at a much slower pace a few moments later. Rory was happy to see that Lane was clothed this time. It took a split second for her to come to a decision, the part that she had inherited from Lorelai which she in turn had inherited from Emily was rearing it's ugly head. "Uh, Lane" she called out, "Whats going on?"

Lane's father nearly slammed into his daughter's back when she came to an abrupt halt, only a his quick reflexes honed after many years of dodging his wife and her tantrums saved them both from taking a spill. "Hi, Rory." Lane squeaked nervously. Mr. Kim said something to her in to low of tones for Rory to hear what was said. When he had, had his say he patted his daughter on the shoulder and ran off after his wife and Logan who had now disappeared around the corner heading up Cedar St.

Lane looked uncertain and slightly scared as she made her way up the Gilmore driveway. "I guess you and everyone else knows after my mom went into meltdown outside the store that Logan has been wanting to date me." she began when she reached the porch steps, "Dad doesn't have a problem with it but you know how Mom is. So she decided that she was going to go ahead and take care of him like she had wanted to in the beginning after my little incident the other day. Well, that is after Dad pointed out how much money that they would have to pay out every week to support me if they sent me to live in Korea. So she either made some ofuda or had one of my crazy aunts send her some. She's now trying to attach them to Logan with super glue."

"Ofuda?" Rory mused aloud, "Isn't that _blessings _written on paper."

"Or curses." Lane explained looking over her shoulder worriedly.

"I see, well I think you better be getting back to your rescue mission before she catches up to him," Rory chuckled, "Remember Cedar St. goes right by the park and Taylor just had the fountain fixed. You know the large one Ms. Pattie had been bathing and washing her clothes in late at night, until a pair of her thongs clogged the pump motor and burned it out."

Lane's eyes grew wide and without a second thought turned and ran off faster then Rory had ever seen somebody not on TV move before.

"I'm alone again...So happy to be alone again...Not making anything with my friends...I just couldn't wait to get alone again." Rory sang under her breath and set the porch swing into motion.

She was nearly asleep when the sound of a car badly in need of a muffler pulled into the driveway. Two men got out. Both resembled nervous weasels, in body structure and mannerisms. While one went around the back of the car to open the trunk the other walked towards the porch. Rory made sure that the Mares Leg Lorelai had gotten as a thirteenth birthday present from a paranoid uncle was visible to her guest. He seemed to expect that kind of welcome since he didn't even raise a puny little eyebrow at it as far as Rory could tell.

"You Gilmore?" he asked in a thick German accent.

"Yeah." she answered shortly.

Looking over his shoulder he motioned for his partner to come forward. Wearing a slight scowl on his face and looking around as if he expected someone to jump him at any moment, he did carrying two medium sized plain grey boxes and had to have help setting them down on the porch steps. When that was done both stepped back, "Tell Richard that if he needs anymore he knows who to call." and without another word spoken they got back into their once powder blue colored Nova and left, leaving not only whatever was in the boxes behind but also a large oil stain in the driveway.

"Oh no Tristan," Rory said in a high pitched sarcastic toned voice as she picked one of the heavier then it looked boxes up to take inside, "Nothing odd happened to me today what about you? Oh, really..." she said continuing the pretend conversation, "One of the maids got fired for getting caught singing "I will Survive" while doing the laundry and your mother took it as an insult about how her dirty socks must smell. Well now, don't you DuGrey's just lead the most interesting lives."


	47. Chapter 47

**Thursday  
Chilton Prep **

Rory watched amused as Finn drug Paris by her hand out of the emptying classroom behind him. He was in his own little world as he told her about the date he was taking her on after school. Paris was swatting at him with a rolled up edition of the school paper and loudly questioning what part of the gene pool his family had climbed out of; up until then Rory hadn't been aware that there was a slimy filled inbred end.

"Well she seems to be taking that better then I thought she would." a familiar voice drawled from behind her. Rory paid no mind to it and continued to gather her things.

"...Look whatever I did for you to be ignoring me for nearly two days, I'm sorry." Tristan told her and followed her out of the class he'd snuck into earlier hoping to get to talk to her.She kept on walking and was humming a a song under her breath. "Oh come on Rory, don't make me beg." he pleaded then said in a slightly threatening tone when she didn't respond, "I'll do it you know. I'll get down on my hands and knees and crawl after you like a puppy, complete with whimpering." Reaching her locker she fought with it trying to get it to open like usual. Tristan automatically reached around her and gave it one good hit. Rory jumped when he did and spun around. "Tristan when did you get here?" she smiled and dropping her book bag to the floor and gave him a quick hug. He stared at her a long moment wondering what was up, "Uh, Rory I've been trying to talk to you since yesterday morning before class."

"Really?" she asked confused, "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." Tristan insisted.

"But I don't remember seeing you." she countered.

"Well, I'm telling you, you avoided me all day yesterday." he told her looking at her like he suspected that she was up to something but he wasn't quit sure if she really was, it was quit a facial expression to pull off.

"How could I have avoided you if I didn't see you?" she argued crossing her arms over her chest.

"Huh? What I...That doesn't make any sense." Tristan shook his head feeling a headache coming on.

"Look I'm telling you I wasn't avoiding you. I didn't see you." Rory said firmly and looked at him worriedly.

"But...but...uh somethings not right about this." he muttered and reached up to rub his temples.

"You're telling me," Rory snorted, "I think you might need to go see the nurse and see about getting sent home you're looking a bit pale."

Tristan looked at Rory wearily, "I um think that might be a good idea, I'll call you later tonight...maybe."

"That's fine." she suddenly smiled in relief and gave him another hug, "Now go on to the nurse before whatever your coming down with gets worse and you start thinking that I'm going out with Logan or some other stupid thing."

" 'kay good idea, bye." he sighed and headed off towards the office.

"Bye." she waved and watched him walk off. 'Now mom, tell me again how I'm going soft on him.' she smirked to herself and got ready for her next class

**Friday Morning  
Chilton Prep**

Stepping out of the Janitor's Closet she had drug Tristan into fifteen minutes before the first bell rang, Rory straightened her slightly rumpled clothes. They still had five minutes before classes began. She was pleased with herself because this time she'd been able to work it to were he'd be the one wearing that red brand on his neck instead of her. Tristan followed looking slightly dazed and grinning like and idiot. To him she could have set his hair on fire as long as she kept kissing him like that, so he didn't bother ask about what it was that she was feeling guilty about since she had more then made up for whatever it was she had done to him that he was clueless about.

Later on after the class assignment had been handed out and Rory had finished it in under ten minutes, Tristan leaned forward to look over her shoulder to see what she was doodling in her notebook this time.

"Ror, why is that car on fire?" he asked pointing to the first sketch.

"It'a a 1978 Dodge Nova"

"Well that explains that one...And whose those stick figures dancing around it."

"Some Germans"

"I see. Is that a chef chasing somebody"

"Yep, my grandpa"

"Why?"

"Because the chef's box of unpasteurized cheese was late getting to the restaurant."

"This have to do with that stuff that you had to wait on for your grandfather Tuesday?"

"Yep."

"...Rory just how have you Gilmore's avoided being weekly guest stars on Cops"

"Be damned if I know."


	48. Chapter 48

Saturday Afternoon(warning a bit of a history lesson of the Gilmore family)  
Gilmore House 

Lorelai stumbled down the stairs looking like death warmed over. "Mom have you been eating those expired potato chips again, you know the ones that you won't let me throw out?" Rory asked looking over the back of the couch.

"No I finished those off last week." Lorelai grumbled, "and for your information, it was a 'suggested use by date' not an actual expiration date."

"Way to defend yourself." Rory snickered under her breath, "those things 'suggested use by date' was last year."

"What was that?" Lorelai glared.

"Nothing." Rory said and flashed her angelic smile.

Lorelai didn't buy it but wasn't feeling well enough to complain. "Never mind, so my little spawn, what are you doing today?" She made her way over to the couch, sat down next to Rory, and stole her half-full mug of coffee from the coffee table. "Nothing really, I'm probably going to get ahead on some of my school work." Rory shrugged. "Maybe go rent a couple of movies."

"Not going to hang out with Tristan today?" Lorelai asked between sips of coffee.

"I can't." Rory laughed, "Grandpa caught them both early this morning at Janlan's and somehow talked them into helping him with another one of his 'Projects'. Though why he drug Tristan into it I don't get?"

Lorelai raised her eyebrow contemplatively hearing that bit of news and had a good idea why he had, " I think I can answer that, you do know that most of Richard's money came from his 'projects' right?" she said figuring she better start from the beginning.

"The hell?" Rory squeaked and looked at her mom in wide-eyed shock.

"That's why Emily lets him go his own way about most things. Oh, sure she puts up a good front for the masses but truthfully she knows about every underhanded dirty deed he's ever done."

"But...but...but..."Rory stammered.

"Careful there sweets you're starting to sound like a sick outboard motor." her mom smiled and continued on, "See it's a bit complicated. Grandmother Lorelai was a Gilmore and married a Gilmore he was no relation, thank god or we might have been more screwed up then we already are. It was an arranged marriage so the poor man wasn't around to see the us Gilmore's in all our glory because he was away at school, learning his father's business and junk like that. His Parents didn't care about the rumors going around about our family since we always had money and none of us had been prosecuted for something underhanded so they never paid much mind to our comings and goings. I'm told most that marry into our family have that same trait. Anyway, Grandparents get married. Occasionally Lorelai got caught acting up but her husband thought he had her well in hand like most men did back then and dismissed it as hormones or something. His little world was turned on its ear though the day his teacher brought Dad home from school when he was six years old because he had won clothing and money off of just about every boy in his grade level and the next up, playing poker. Grandfather Gilmore was extremely angry and sent the teacher on his way with the promise that he would take care of it. He was about to introduce to Dad the fine art of standing up while eating when Lorelai chose just that moment to breeze into the room. What followed between them wasn't pretty; the whole study had to be remodeled afterward. She told him in no uncertain terms that if he every had a problem with something that she taught her son then to take it up with her because she was big enough to fight back and would. Their marriage was never the same after that because he started to question the old timers and listen to the gossip about the family whereas he hadn't before. Grandfather Gilmore then pretty much washed his hands of both of them having been brought up that those with money had to be an act a certain way and if they wouldn't then..." Lorelai shrugged.

"He was a major butt munch huh?" Rory said staring into the blank screen of the TV, "And let me guess your little quip about Grandpa's money being from his 'project' and such is because his father cut him off?"

"Yep that happened because when Richard announced that he was marrying Emily Bluntz." Lorelai went on to explain, "Grandfather Gilmore was less then pleased because he'd had his heart set on Richard marrying the youngest Geller girl. Not as if Dad had ever listened to him, in the first place so it was no skin off his nose. Lorelai who had, had a rather large stash of money from her side dealings gave it all to her son as seed money. In the time between Dad's announcing his engagement to Mom and getting cut off financially to when they got married after her finished college he had amassed his fortune."

"Hmm, alright that's interesting and all but how does that explain why he took Tristan with him this morning." Rory asked looking confused.

"Grandmother Lorelai loved her husband and he though he loved her back he couldn't handle her let's just call it her Gilmoreness." Lorelai shrugged, "So I think your Grandpa wants for you what he has with Emily and what I thought that I had with Christopher and he's testing Tristan...Either that or he needed a look out and Tristan was just there at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I guess we'll find out when they show up huh?" Rory sighed and climbed to her feet, "want me to fix you some soup?"

"Naa." Lorelai yawned and stretched out on the couch, "This hang over's a killer. So I better sleep it off and next time give me more warning about a book of your's getting published so that me an Sookie don't have to resort to wine in a box to celebrate because the stores are closed."

Rory was so shocked that her mom had found out she walked into a wall. "You're not the only one your grandpa calls at odd hours Sweets." Lorelai muttered as she drifted off to sleep.


	49. Chapter 49

A/N This chapter is gonna be short just got the new Harry Potter book and I won't have another chapter up until I finish it...So probably look for a new one Monday.

Sunday Morning

Gilmore House

Glancing at the clock in upstairs hallway as she passed by, Rory groaned seeing that it was a quarter till eight. 'Who ever is knocking at this time of morning better have a damn good reason.' she grumbled loudly. Behind her she heard Lorelai's bedroom door swing shut. 'Way to go worrying about your offspring there Lorelai. Your mother of the year award will arrive in six to eight never.' Rory continued to complain.

Swinging the front door open with a bit more force then needed but her tirade she was going to deliver died before the first syllable was uttered because she found a very disheveled Tristan standing there. "What are you..." she started to ask but he held his hand up cutting her off. Handing her a paper sack containing small teddy bear and a jar of maple syrup he leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, "Vermont is now one of two places that I'm banned from stepping foot in." he told her sheepishly

"And the other?" she asked.

"A mini-mart in New Jersey now has my picture up next to its cash register. The owner wrote 'Shoot to Maim' underneath it."

"Uh-huh. By the way nice leaves." she snickered pointed to the leaves stuck haphazardly in hi hair.

"I thought so, it's what all those fleeing from old lady's wearing night gowns are wearing." he told her smiling back.

"You look tired do you want to come in for a nap?" she was very amused.

"Sure, I could sleep." he answered and followed her into the house relieved that Rory had offered because otherwise he would have slept in his car in their driveway.

After getting a sheet, blanket and a pillow from the hall closet she fixed the couch up for Tristan while he went and remove some of his foliage in the guest bathroom.

"Well do you want the long story or the short version?" he inquired after lying down on the sheet she had thrown over the couch.

"I think you better tell me the short version because you look about done in." she answered as she covered him up with the blanket, "I also hope that in the short version you can explain why you have a squirrel tail sticking out of your shirt."

"Okay, short version. Umm...alright I've got it! To sum up my time with our grandfathers; I played Daisy Duke to their Beau and Luke. As for the squirrel tail it's still attached to one of the tree dwelling rodents, I've named him Binky."

"Binky?...I'm going to bed now." Rory told him and slowly backed away from the couch, "And I'm probably going to dream about you wearing short shorts and Grandpa doing a hood slide on his Rolls...Remind me to thank you later for those images."

"'kay," Tristan yawned and was already asleep by the time Rory reached the top of the stairs.


	50. Chapter 50

A/n Well what do you know I finished the book already and my thanks to those that read and those that reviewed that puny little previous chapter.

**Sunday Afternoon**

**Gilmore House:**

It was an odd sight that Tristan stumbled upon when he awoke and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. Lorelai was standing near the refrigerator with a digital camcorder filming the battle of wills going on at the kitchen table.

Binky was down on all fours; his tail held high and had an unflinching stare.

Rory had her hands planted on the table top, was leaning forward slightly and was returning the squirrel's gaze. Her hair had a slightly frizzy bed-head look. It took Tristan a moment to realize that neither girl nor rodent was blinking.

Edging around the pair afraid that if he called attention to himself that it would be like waving a steak in front of hungry pitbulls; Tristan made his way over to Lorelai.

"What's happening?" he whispered.

"I don't know." Lorelai answered in the same hushed tone, "This was already going on when I got here about ten minutes ago. So I decided to film it and send it into a show that has home videos and news bloopers to try and win the grand prize."

"Is it the one that's grand prize is a bass boat and a gallon of deer musk?" he asked looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

Lorelai smirked and nodded, "And they throw in a couple of tee-shirts too."

Looking thoughtfully back at the scene in front of them Tristan absently scratched his stomach, "Put me down for a medium sized green one."

"Can do." Lorelai muttered and zoomed in.

In the background the dryer suddenly buzzed signaling not only the end of it's cycle but also the beginning of the fight the likes of that which is only seen on late night cable shows shown on third rate networks because not even Fox would touch them.

Later sitting tailor style in the chair next to the couch eating a bowl of ice cream Rory waited for her mom and Tristan to some and sit down on the couch with their own bowls of ice cream. From his nest made out of Tristan's shirt atop the TV Binky curled his tail over his muzzle and went to sleep paying no mind to what the humans did and in his little paw he clutched a small tuft of Rory's hair as added comfort.

"You know," Tristan remarked sitting down on the end of the couch nearer to Rory, "girls usually drool when they see me without a shirt."

Rory looked at him confused, "Sounds a bit like rabies to me. And my mamma told me to stay away from delusional things that foam at the mouth, didn't yours?"

"...Some days I hate you." he told her dryly and ate a large spoonful of ice cream while glaring at her.

Lorelai snickered at the pair of them glad that she would never be bored again as long as those two were together. "Alright," she clapped her hands excitedly "story time and you better make it good DuGrey."

"Fine, you two want to hear about yesterday...Well I got dragged into it because I had to stay the weekend at my Grandfather's place because my parents hired some paranormal investigators and I was deemed to be in the way since they wanted to set up their command post in my bedroom because all the 'incidents' seem to mainly happen on the second floor..."he began

_It was 1a.m. when the door to the guestroom opened slowly and a shadowy figure slipped inside the room closing the door quietly behind them. Quickly moving across the room the figure made its way to the sleeping blond haired boy and shook him awake._

_"Quiet," Janlan hissed before Tristan utter a sound, "I think he somehow made a key for the new locks and is in the house."_

_"Who?" Tristan asked a bit scared thinking that it was a burglar._

_"Richard Gilmore he..."whatever Janlan was going to say was interrupted by the __bedroom's door being flung open and there in the doorway stood Rory's __grandfather wearing green camouflage from head to toe._

_"Good idea Jan, the boy will come in handy. I'll meet you two out front." he said __simply and walked away whistling what sounded like O'Canada leaving behind __one very un-nerved looking man and a confused looking teenager._

_"Better just do as he says boy." Janlan sighed in defeat, "Because when he gets like this there is no stopping him...believe me state troopers HAVE tried."_

"After that we drove to the airport and boarded a private plane. It had a goldfish wearing a bikini painted on the side. Normally I don't think that I would have noticed it but because it was still the middle of the night and it was painted in day-glo colors, I did. Anyway I decided to go back to sleep after we took off and a while later I was woke up by the Captain announcing that we were about to land. You know, for a man that just a little while before had looked like he was going to his own execution Grandfather was looking suspiciously chipper. A pea green colored gremlin was waiting for us in front of the airport and until I saw it with my own eyes I'd thought that those cars were a myth; you know like mermaids and getting an A+ on a book report. Richard called shotgun and I was relieved because that meant Grandfather was going to drive...I won't be making that mistake again." here Tristan shrugged apologetically, "I'm sorry that I can't tell you how we got to the old lady's house that they painted a giant red colored A on her front lawn, mainly because while we drove down back roads to get there I had, had my eyes closed because I was praying that I would live to see my next birthday or at the very least Rory naked."

**SMACK!!**

"Ouch! Rory!"

**SMACK!!**

"Will you quit?!"

**SMACK!! **"I will when you stop saying crap like that!"

"Lorelai will you stop laughing long enough to get her off of me?!"

**SMACK!!**

"Don't you want to hear how I had to run through the woods to get away from that crazy old lady that was wearing a hot pink teddy while Bevis and Butthead made a clean get away! And about how I rescued Binky from her cat or that there's a very irate store owner in New Jersey that takes Star Wars way too seriously?!" he said quickly hoping to distract Rory from hitting him again.

**SMACK!!** "I just did, you idiot." Rory snapped and hit him again.


	51. Chapter 51

Sunday Afternoon

Gilmore House

After wrapping his arms around Rory and forcing her arms down at her sides, Tristan waited out her out burst of temper. Fifteen minutes later he felt confident enough to let her go. She stomped away from him and plopped down in the chair she'd lunged out of in her attack and glared at him Five minutes after that Lorelai picked herself up from the floor wiping the tears off of her face.

"You know," He said cocking his head slightly to the side as he gazed at his newest pet so he didn't burst into laughter at the angry look on Rory's face, "I think that Binky had been somebody's pet."

"No really." Rory said sarcastically and sat back crossing her arms over her chest and put her feet up on the coffee table, "because all the time on Wild Kingdom Jim was always getting squirrels coddling up to him and following him, you know right after he was made to prod them with sticks."

"Oh," Lorelai squeaked excitedly, "Animal planet's showing classic Wild Kingdom reruns?"

Rory shook her head sadly and wondered to herself if it was too late to run away and join the circus, 'Hey I can scrape crap up off the bottom of cages just as good as anybody else.' she reasoned logically to herself then said aloud, "Yes mom and before you ask, I have been taping them for you."

"I knew I loved you for some reason." Lorelai beamed.

"Yeah because we all know being able to work the TIVO is a requirement for being loved and appreciated." Rory told her dryly.

"It is in this house." Tristan shrugged.

"Shut it squirrel boy." Rory griped.

"Now, now you two." Lorelai chided in a motherly voice, "If you keep acting like this, just how and I going to get grandchildren."

Tristan groan and covered his face with his hands and Rory looked at her like she had lost her ever loving mind (Lorelai knew that look well having first gotten it aimed in her direction when she was just four years old and informed Emily of her goal to become the beer drinking champion of the world or a stripper.)

"Mom you have Sim grandchildren." Rory said slowly, "Remember them? Remember little Hellion and Spawn Boy?"

Lorelai's eyes grew wide, "Oh my god!" she shrieked, "I've let them run in the background on my computer for two weeks without checking on them!" She scrambled to her feet and ran up stairs to her bedroom where she had transferred her Sims to her PC from her laptop.

"OH DAMN! Tristan and Rory heard her scream a few moments later. 

"They're dead aren't they?" Tristan asked eyeing the staircase wearily.

"Yep, probably set something on fire and ran to gather around it and point and panic like the little tools that they are and burned to death…either that or starved." Rory shrugged; she was starting to get bored and wondered if it would be worth picking a fight with him.

"Tell me again how you survived and grew up with Lorelai Gilmore having been in charge of your feedings and diaper changes?" he asked still not taking his eyes off of the stairs.

"I think I screamed the house down when I needed one or the other, making it impossible for her to get sidetracked." she answered in a bored tone.

"Thank god for your lung capacity huh?" he smirked.

"Yeah thank god." She muttered then perked up. "Hey Tristan what saw we test it out?"

"How?" he asked her confused about how they could test something like that, he supposed they could time how long she could hold her breath.

"Wanna make out?" she grinned in response.

Tristan finally turned to look at her, "Rory you mean to tell me that after trying to knock out one of my teeth for making a remark about wanting to see you naked not even thirty minutes ago, you now want to make out here where your mom can and probably will walk in on us and taunt and tease you for no less then a week about it; just to see how long you can hold your breath while kissing?" he asked her sounding incredulous.

"Yep." Rory shrugged.

"…And I have no problem with that." He told her smirking and was pounced on a second later by his not so bored anymore fiancée.


	52. Chapter 52

**Sunday Afternoon  
Gilmore House **

Lorelai clearing her throat from the the landing of the staircase had Rory chuckling because of the way Tristan had leaped away from her and fell off of the couch in the process. "Sure DuGrey," she smirked down at him "You talk a good game but..."

"But nothing Rory." he hissed interrupting her, "I had my hand..."

I was Rory's turn to interrupt, "I'm well aware of where your hand was." she told him rolling her eyes and turned her attention to her very amused mother. "Did you need something mom?" she asked her and managed to flash Lorelai a completely innocent looking smile.

"No I'm good." Lorelai shrugged and was proud of herself for laughing at Tristan, "I was just wondering if you two wanted me to go get some burgers from Luke's since I get hungry after eating ice cream I thought that you might be a little peckish too."

"Sounds good mom." Rory nodded.

"Yeah," Tristan said climbing to his feet and looked anywhere but at Lorelai, Rory was right he did _talk_ a good game but a small part of him was afraid that Lorelai would get annoyed at him for doing something she didn't like and figure out that he wasn't good enough for Rory.

After Lorelai left Rory looked at Tristan oddly, she didn't much care for the way he was acting. 'He knew mom walking in on us was pretty much a given, we had just joked about it so what is his problem?' she wondered silently and waited until he situated himself in the chair she had occupied**  
**earlier before climbing off of the couch making herself at home on his lap.

**  
Tuesday Night  
Gilmore House**

**RING...**

**RING...**

**RIN... "**Hello" Rory muttered into the receiver.

"Rory?"

"No Tristan this is her pillow, Rory's asleep right now since it's one..." Rory squinted at her clock and any hope that she had seen wrong died, "one thirty-six A.M. would you like to leave a message and where you would like your remains to be buried after she kills you for calling so late, again."

"Sorry Ror but this was...is important." Tristan said sounding sheepish.

"Fine, fine." she grunted, "Go ahead."

"Okay I was talking to Finn at lunch today." he began, "And well it came up after he said some stuff that you and I haven't done now what I've done in the past with girls that I knew a hell of a lot less about and was no where near being engaged to. And then he pointed out that maybe you might decide that since we haven't _you know_ that I don't love you or something else just as stupid and I just wanted you to know that I do love you and that's why even thought I may make certain comments I haven't really tried to take our relationship in that direction because I thought that maybe we should wait at least until we were nearer to graduation or even like maybe our wedding night. But we will sooner, if you need me to prove that I want you more then I ever wanted any of the others."

"..."

"Rory? You still there?" Tristan asked uncertainly.

"Yeah." she answered and buried her head under her covers wishing the whole conversation was just some funky late night snack induced dream.

"uh, So you have any thing to say about what I just told you?"

"Oh, I've got a lot of things to say about it but I'm going to limit myself to three." she sighed and rubbed her twitching eye with her free hand. "One: You're over analyzing things again and are sounding like a girl. Two: Nothing good can ever follow the statement 'I was talking to Finn'. And three: How did you make that last bit sound kind of sweet in a very twisted way?"

"So," Tristan drawled thinking about what she had just told him and ignoring her question because he had no idea how to answer it, "you think my idea that we wait is good?"

"Yes, I think your idea that we wait is good." Rory answered and began to silently plan making Finn's life a living hell for making Tristan second guess himself where she was concerned, "I'm very proud of you."

"Okay," Tristan beamed hearing that she was proud of him and figured he better quite while he was ahead, "I'll let you get back to sleep then."

"Thank god." she muttered under her breath then said aloud "'night Tris, love you."

"Goodnight Rory." he chirped, "Love you too."

Turning the phone off Rory reached over the side of her bed and dropped it on the floor, "Finn prepare for pain." she growled.


	53. Chapter 53

**Thursday Afternoon  
Chilton Prep**

From the moment Finn stepped foot through the school's front doors that morning he felt like he was being watched and it wasn't in the 'Hey look at that major Hottie' kind of way. The hair on the back of his neck was standing on end and he felt like a band of ice was wrapped around his spin. While futilely trying to find the source of his discomfort he wondered if this is what a dingo's prey felt like as it rand for it's life because by fourth period he had no doubt's that he was being hunted. Of course that might have had something to do with the Ken doll's head he found hanging in his locker that have X's drawn over its eyes. He had thought briefly about going to the principle but then his 'manliness' kicked in and he reasoned that he could take on whichever little trust fund baby had decided to tangle with him. "Heh, it's not like it's Rory Gilmore." he scoffed and after shoving the head in his pocket went off to his next class.

A blond haired girl and a brunette peered around the corner and watched him saunter off. They had been close enough to hear what he had said and they had shared and amused look. The blond had taken his picture without him noticing.

"For easier identification encase they find him walking down the highway wearing a ballerina costume and ranting that the peonies are out to get him." she justified when the brunette shot her an amused look.

"Please." the brunette snorted, "I know that that picture is so going to be Photo Shopped and his head is going to be on a pigs body by morning."

The blond looked thoughtful a moment then smiled. Her companion refused to ask, preferring to be pleasantly surprised. "Lets go, we've got class and he's got an ass kicking coming after school so I've got to get my home work for all my classed finished before hand." she smirked. The blond smirked back and the pair moved off together.

Sitting down in the seat next to her co-conspirator Rory was glad that Tristan wasn't in that class with her and Paris it made their plotting easier to do with out him knowing about what they were up to.

"So you have Tristan ditched after school?" Paris asked looking over her notes.

"Yeah, I told him I had some stuff to do for the paper." Rory answered, " He was pretty adamant for me not to ride the bus home. So the best I could do though was talking him into going and getting us some burgers and then coming back to get me. I got us at least a thirty minute window after the last bell."

Paris sighed, "Well it's not as good as I had hoped for but I'm pretty sure you can do some damage in that time frame. Besides Tristan's right, you shouldn't be out alone like that...Summer got kicked out of boarding school and was seen lurking around the neighborhood."

"Paris, I'm planning to beat the living daylights out of a guy bigger then myself without a second thought, so the day that I can't take on that anorexic toothpick and walk away I want you to promise me that you'll put me down."Rory snorted disbelievingly.

"I, promise." Paris nodded solemnly, " I promise, the minute you get your ass handed to you by any underfed-model-wanna-be...I'll call you a scrawny little piss-ant and take your picture in all your wussified glory then post it on a myspace bulletin for all my 'friends' to see and taunt you also."

"You truly are a good friend," Rory told her giggling.

"Yes I am." the blond said seriously, "But does anybody appreciate me? Nooo. I mean how hard was it for Maddie to just hold onto the ostrich for five more feet huh? I was going to give her a cut of the winnings but she girlyed out and I had to get Brad to ride it in the next heat."

Rory looked at Paris oddly a long moment after her rant ended, "Paris, you might want to seek professional help. I'll give you my Grandpa's number. I think he might be able to help you with your jockey problem."she told her and handed Paris her cell phone, "It's in my phone book under G. Richie."

Paris shrugged and took the offered phone figuring that it couldn't hurt, she'd heard rumors about Rory's grandfather but with her just starting out she wasn't let in on a lot of gossip of the back dealings happening in Hartford. 'Maybe if I do get in with Gilmore I'll be able to make enough cash to pay for college myself and be free and clear of any financial impute from my parents or scholarships.' Paris mused to herself as she jotted down the number in her planner.

The last bell rang and ninety-six percent of the students left. Those that did stay had a lagitmate reason; after school tutoring, teacher conference, elective attendance and then there were the three. One was standing as look out, one was waiting in the Medina's empty classroom and the other was strolling down the hall to meet up with the girl whom he had met the mother of the night before when she had caught him underneath her daughter's window singing songs only heard in the dankest of pubs in Australia, but it was the thought that counted and his accent did make them sound exotic Mrs. Geller had assured him.

Walking into the classroom like a king the tune he had been whistling died on his lips mid note when he saw who was waiting for him. "Oh shit!" he yelped and made for the door. Paris took great pleasure in making sure that he saw that it was her that closed it in his face trapping him with a very pissed off looking Rory. Looking from the advancing girl that was cracking her knuckles to the closed door he closed his eyes and called out to Paris on the other side in a shaky voice, "I know it's not your fault sweetheart, I forgive you." Rory's fist connected with his mid-section a heartbeat later making him double over and drop to his knees. Through the door Paris called out for Rory to knee him in the nad's for her. Finn looked up hearing Paris' voice muttered Rosebud and fainted.

"Oookkaayy."Rory drawled a little weired out and stepped over him. Opening the door she found Paris standing there with her camera out. Letting the happy blond by Rory watched as many pictures of Finn from different angles were taken. "I somehow thought that you would have been longer." Paris remarked offhandedly.

"So, did I," Rory shrugged, "But I guess when he claimed last week to be a lover and not a fighter he wasn't lying."

"But he did do that thing to Brad when he had your neighbors underwear." Paris argued not understanding.

Rory thought about but came up with nothing either, "Well to be fair Brad isn't exactly gladiator material." she reasoned.

"True," her friend smirked and put away the camera in her bag, "I'm done here. Want me to wait with you outside for Tristan?"

"Sure." Rory nodded and took her offered book bag from Paris and lead the way out of the classroom.

After the door clicked closed behind them a hazel colored eye opened slowly. It's owner wanted to make sure the pair was actually gone. Seeing that they were, Finn picked himself up off of the floor wincing a little from the blow he had taken. Vowing to himself to never do whatever it was that made Rory come after him again(he just had to figure out what it was first), Finn patted himself on the back for his quick thinking and acting skills; he'd seen what Rory had done to Summer and he was not going to be found in a garbage can by the cleaners. He did have _some_ pride left.


	54. Chapter 54

-1Wednesday Afternoon

DuGrey Mansion

Rory sat tailor style in the middle of Tristan's bed watching as he coxed his newest pet into wearing a small band of elastic with a tiny bell attached to it, around it's neck.

Looking over his shoulder at her he flashed her a smile, "I'm letting him go into the walls tonight in the vent near the baseboards outside my parents room. I won't be getting much sleep since I have to be up so early to get him back before anybody else is awake though." he explained.

"Then I really should be getting home." Rory tried to reason with him, " So you can catch a nap."

"I can sleep just as well with you here if I want to...as long as you move over a bit. Otherwise you'd become my new pillow." he told her and wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

She knew she wasn't getting out of this talk that he had insisted on them having after school but she had to try. She opened her mouth to pick a fight with him allowing her to flounce out of the room in a huff and make a run for it. She then noticed his smirk and another escape plan failed to make it off the board, it joined jumping from his moving car in the trash bin in her mind.

"No go?" she sighed resigned, he knew what she had been about to try, she just knew it.

"No go." He answered and let Binky go before standing up and making his way towards the bed.

His Rory had been depressed all day and he was going to fix it. She was going to hear some hard truths but in the end maybe next week would go better for her, if she would just listen.

Rory knew his TALK was coming and if she couldn't stop him she was damn sure going to try and stall. "You never did ask me about my book." she threw out. The surprised look on his face made her grin smugly.

"I uh, um." he stammered, "Just, uh figured that either you would tell me about it or I could just buy a copy."

Tristan watched as Rory shot him an annoyed look because of his come back, "I hit Finn yesterday." she told him proudly.

He didn't even raise an eyebrow at that one, "Did he deserve it?" he countered.

"Yeah. I think he did." Rory shrugged unashamed.

"Then I'm good with it." he grinned and made a motion with his hand for her to keep them coming after his first little stumble her was more than ready for her.

She decided against another pathetic attempt at a verbal distraction she threw one of his pillows at him in annouyance. "You suck!" Rory complained having run out of any good things to use, she was sure he didn't want to hear about her dad's ex girlfiend Lulu trying to sue him for support for the pillow.

Ducking the pillow Tristan dove onto the bed and knock Rory backwards she looked up at him unamused.

"Rory, you need to let it go sweetheart." Tristan smiled encouragingly down at her, he shifted around slightly until he could lay his head on her stomach.

"But, but it ended so soon." Rory whined and looked away not wanting to see him laughing at her.

"Ror, it the nature of the business, these things happen." Tristan tried to reason with her and not laugh out loud at the same time, "Besides he had to lose someday."

"It's just not fair, just because he was an idiot I lost that bet with my mom. So I now have to design my own family of Sims and tell her how they do." Rory grumbled.

Raising his head up he looked at her weirdly, "Rory you and Lorelai actually **bet** on a professional wrestling match? You DO know that it's fake, right?"

Rory glared and refused to say another word to him. Binky peering out of the closet decided he was lonely in there, bound out of it and leaped onto the bed with a grace that only squirrels posses. Tristan and he were in agreement that Rory **was** comfortable enough to use as a pillow for an afternoon nap. "I hate my life." she groaned and swatted Binky's tail out of her face. "But you **love** us." Tristan muttered as he drifted off.


	55. Chapter 55

**Wednesday cont. Evening  
DuGrey Mansion**

It was an odd sight that greeted the maid, that had been told by her employer's wife to go and inform their son and his guest that dinner was ready; A squirrel's front half was laying half on the pillow the girlfriend's head was resting in and the other half of it's body was on her head. Each of it's little feet was going in a different direction and it's tail was drooping down in the girl's face.

An odd keening noise woke Tristan up. Turning his head towards the door he and found a maid standing there with her hands over her mouth and her face was a bright scarlet color. Sitting up he glanced down and cringed when he spotted the wet spot he had left on Rory's tee shirt from where he had obviously drooled while asleep. 'She'll never let me live that down if she notices it. Better distract her when I wake her up.' he mused.

"Yes?" he asked finally turning his attention to the maid.

"Dinner is served, sir." she squeaked from behind her hand, her restrained laughter was almost too much for her to handle.

"Fine, fine." he waved her off making a mental note to get his parents to screen their new hirings better, because that one seemed to have a breathing problem and shouldn't be walking up the stairs if it was going to cause her problems.

After she had gone, Tristan not wanting Binky to panic when he picked him up reached out and flicked his tail. The young squirrel raised his head and looked over the top of Rory's head at him. Smiling at the half-lidded glare the squirrel was giving him Tristan gently picked him up and climbed off the bed.

Making his way over to his dresser and placed the scrawny tree rat in a drawer, Tristan had fixed up for him the night he had brought him home lined with some old clothes.

Binky knew the human male was trustworthy so within moments after being moved the rodent went back to sleep confident that he was safe.

Picking the pillow up from the floor that Rory had thrown at him earlier, Tristan made his way over to the bed. It was a no brainer of how he was going to wake her up because it sure would distracted her enough not to notice the drool puddle. The pillow made a muted whomp sound when it connected to her head. He made a loud OMF sound when her fist connected to his chest knocking the breath out of him.

Ten minutes later after his vision cleared and he could breath easy the pair to made their way down to the dinning, passing a fortune in art hanging on the walls and standing in the corners. "Tristan." Rory said in a low tone and tugged on his shirtsleeve to get his attention just outside the dinning room's open ornate double doors.

Tristan couldn't bring himself to even feel the tiniest of aggravation or malice towards her for hitting him mainly because of the way she had fawned over him afterwards when she had woken up good, so when he heard the uneasiness in her voice he turned to her immediately to fix whatever it was that was bothering her.

"Yeah Ror." he answered in the same hushed tone.

"Don't take this the wrong way but your house...it's kind of creepier then before." she told him looking around wearily, "And not in the gardener is really a shape shifting beast come the full moon kind of way. It's more along the lines of the father is going to go nuts and after building a shrine to his dead mother kill the rest of his family."

Looking around he _did_ notice a few things were different and it had been nothing that he had done. Not many lights were turned on making the corners look darker and some old things he remembered seeing in their attic and basment had replaced some of the more modern art that had been displayed around the mansion. She was right it was looking creepier.

"...Thank you so much for that, I think me and Binky will sleep in my car tonight, in _your_ driveway." Tristan sighed and grabbing her hand lead her into the dinning room behind him promising himself that he would look into whatever was going on around the house later because it just didn't set well with him that somebody was being sneaky and screwing around with people's minds and it wasn't him.

Rory smiled at his back, "Just make sure you put on a pair of pants before you come inside for coffee if you do." She warned him and hoped to lighten the mood she had unintentionally caused with her observation of his home decor, "Ms. Pattie has taken up jogging to Babbette's for breakfast and mom wants some pictures of you shirtless to put up on her Myspace account. Say's she gets bragging rights for you being better looking then most and for being her son-in-law to be, because and I quote 'A uni-brow wearing, trailer park ho poser, living in Napa that thinks her trog of a daughter is gonna flaunt the fact she's dating some buck-toothed prince from a country known for diddly and squat, over Luke's dead body."

Seeing the look he was giving her Rory shrugged, "I think they went to school together."

"We can hope." he remarked grimly, "Otherwise she's expanding her annoyance radius to random strangers on the net."


	56. Chapter 56

**A/n another idea from Lathan Lover I've run amok with.**

**disclaimer:I don't own the Gilmore Girls. shudder Can you imagine with my luck just who would have been cast as Tristan if I had. EWWW!!  
**

**Saturday Afternoon  
Gilmore House**

While watching the pair of them napping on the couch Rory had the strong urge to hug Tristan and the smallish grey squirrel curled up on his stomach until they both turned blue because they were just so cute. Before going to check on the laundry, she settled for kissing him on the forehead and running a finger gently down Binky's side. "I am such a fan-girl." She chuckled as she walked away and her feet were once again encased in her special bunny slippers with the eyes that lit up which added a perky bounce to her step. Tristan had looked less then pleased to see them on her person when he showed up that morning to hang out. She wore the same look when she saw Binky stick his head out of Tristan's open shirt collar. Though a short time later after Lorelai had rushed out after getting a phone call from Emily Binky redeemed himself to her when he leaped down from Tristan's shoulder and climbed onto her foot and began to play with one of the slipper's crooked ears. Tristan had looked horrified.

A couple of hours later Rory and Tristan watched as a nervous looking Lorelai traipsed in. "What's wrong?" Rory asked bluntly. Tristan started to murmur to his pet in hushed tones about how to avoid Gilmore drama and how it was good in theory but useless in practice.

Shaking her head at the whole mess, "Dad left Emily." Lorelai replied as she set her purse down and moved to sit on the couch.

"Left as in when to the store for a loaf of bread and ain't coming back. Or left as in, was in a hurry and drove off without her unintentionally?" Rory asked suspiciously.

"Loaf of bread...kinda. Because he IS coming home at some point after he's done what he set out to do." Her mother answered slapping Tristan's feet to make him move them off the couch out of her way.

"What'd he set out to do?" Tristan asked finally entering the conversation and moved his feet.

Binky decided to visit the nice woman who smelled like peanuts. Lorelai stroked the squirrel's tail, pulled a small pack of his most favorite nuts out of her jeans pocket, and opened it for him before answering, "There was a slight hitch in Mom's plan of making my Dad jealous."

"Oh, I get it. He left her because of her trying to manipulate him." Tristan nodded understandingly.

"Nooo," Lorelai drawled shaking her head, "He went to find Janlan and beat the hell out of him."

Sitting up quickly from his slouching position "Grandfather?!" Tristan squeaked, "But…but…but."

"But nothing," Lorelai smirked and was in her element as she explained, "Mom got Janlan to agree to help her and they decided to carry out their half-assed plan at a dinner at the Gellers last night. Dad might have let the whole thing go since he can smell a set up a mile away and settled for ragging Mom about her finally crossing over to the Dark Side because of her plotting against him but your Grandfather got grabby. Dad saw the hand on Mom's butt; Janlan realized what he had done and took off for parts unknown leaving Mom behind to try and explain herself."

When she was finished explaining Tristan lowered his head and stared at the floor a long while. So long, in fact that Rory and Lorelai began to worry about him. Each had figured the news that Janlan had to flee for his life because of Emily's idea was the cause of his silence. They were partially right.

"I am not going home." He suddenly announced firmly, "After this gets out, **and it will**, Mom and Dad are going to be even more hell to live with. So, get the guest room ready 'mommy' I might be here a while."

"Longer then you think." Lorelai muttered under her breath, the only one hearing what she said was Binky who thought they were all a bit off, but they had the best tasting food so what did he care.

Turning her attention to her favorite male at that moment Lorelai nodded her agreement knowing that his world was about to get a hell of a lot more weird before the day was out if the rumors that Emily had told her were true. Sadly Lorelai had found the odder something sounded having been happening in Hartford the truer it turned out to be. "Besides," Lorelai told herself as she realized that there was a bright side to the situation, "as long as he's living here Emily can't come begging a place to stay claiming she's lonely. It's a win, win for all of us."

The sound of the doorbell being rung a moment later had her frowning and wondering if he had not only crossed the path of a black cat but had also run it down. The thought that it was somebody coming to see her or Rory never crossed her mind. Getting to her feet she set the squirrel down in her place, "Tristan would you get that for me while Ror and I go see about making the guest room fit to inhabit."

Neither teen argued and did as she asked. Tristan was still a bit in shock and Rory had wanted answers to why Lorelai did not put up a fight about Tristan staying with them, she had actually looked relieved when he had dropped that bomb on them.

Stepping into the small room off the kitchen Rory placed her hands on her hips while Lorelai glanced at everything in the room but her under the guise of making sure everything was in place. "All right mom spill."

For a second she thought Lorelai was going to balk but hearing Tristan suddenly "WHAT?" had her talking. "That's him finding out his folks are gone too I'd wager, took off this morning. His mom has…debts. They've been selling stuff to pay them off but…"she shrugged and her mouth was twitching as if she was trying not to smile.

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance at her mom's antics Rory looked over her shoulder, "What like gambling debts or something?" she asked.

"Yep. Bingo to be exact." Lorelai smirked.

Wondering if she had heard wrong. "Bingo debts?" Rory squeaked.

"Bingo debts." Her mom nodded.

"…Well…Damn." Rory said shaking her head not knowing what else she could say that wouldn't sound insensitive to Tristan situation.

"Exactly what I was thinking. Now do you want to help me flip this mattress? Or do you want to go out there and see about your boyfriend?"

Shooting her mom and look that said she thought Lorelai was crazy Rory stepped over to the bed to help her flip the mattress "Do I look stupid? I am staying right here until he comes to find me because his grandfather is gone. His folks are gone. He's going to be staying here with us probably until one of his family members decides to come slinking back or until we drive the poor thing insane and he has to be tied to the hood of Luke's truck and driven out into the woods where he'll eat grubs and worms for the rest of his life and become the leading story of fourth rate tabloids all over the world after being spotted by a convention of half-drunk rednecks." Rory ranted.

"...When you put it like that, think we should barricade ourselves in here?" Lorelai mused aloud tapping her finger on her chin thoughtfully and eyeballing the small dresser in the corner.


	57. Chapter 57

**Saturday Afternoon cont.  
Gilmore House**

It had been about hour since Lorelai and Rory had barricaded themselves in the guestroom. Neither were afraid of Tristan in anyway despite how it might look to others, they just weren't eager to listen to him go nuclear about the situation he had found himself in.

"Rory?"

"hmm."

"It's been an hour and he hasn't started yelling yet."

"So?"

"Don't you think that you should go check on him? Because I've been thinking since you're going to marry Tristan maybe you should be a bit more empathetic towards him."

"...You have to go to the bathroom don't you?"

"Yes."

Sighing Rory moved towards the door, "...Help me move the dresser."

While her mom sprinted to the bathroom Rory made her way into the living room and found another fan girl moment; Tristan was stretched out on the couch again and was staring up at the ceiling, Binky was sitting on his stomach looking upwards to trying to spot what had the human's attention.

Without looking at her, he began to speak, "Parents are gone. The lawyer Mr. Killjoy; hand to god his real name, said Mom pissed off some old church ladies and they're supposed to be running from the Bingo Mafia. That's a pile of bullshit by the way because it seems my parents bought a van, got a Great Dane puppy and have been taking private investigator courses at the local JC. Our gardener who brought some of my stuff over with the lawyer ratted them out. The house is in my name now, I have a large allowance coming to me every month from a trust grandfather had set up encase Mother and/or Father ever went squirrelly; no offence Bink. I'm going to be emancipated I think, lawyer said to get back with him on that one. My school tuition is paid up until graduation. My fish is in its bowl on your kitchen table and...I really need a hug, maybe a cookie or two wouldn't hurt either."

Knowing that it was a bad idea she crossed the room and hugged him. "Want me to strangle your dad with the ascot you just know he's gonna be wearing when you see him again?" she asked ignoring the fact Tristan had his hand on her butt.

Saturday Night...Late

Gilmore House

Rory watched Tristan pace the guest room and mutter under his breath. He had been at it for four hours. Stopping in the middle of the floor Tristan suddenly turned towards her to run an idea he had just had by her. Seeing her reclining against the headboard watching him having been waiting for him to calm down with Binky laying curled up in her lap made him smile.

"Rory if none of the bastards are back by the time school lets out for the Summer do you think your mom will be up for a road trip?" he asked.

Rory couldn't help but smirk thinking about her mom's reaction to his light bulb moment, "Tristan mom just hit another one of those whacked out yard sales of hers and has geared up on some pretty high tech gadgets so I don't think that I'd be going out on a limb when I say answer yes. She's just itching to use her new GPS." she answered.

**Monday Morning  
Gilmore House**

Tristan had tossed Rory his keys when she came down for breakfast and told her she could borrow his car because he didn't feel like going to school. Rory looked at her mom and they shrugged each figuring he deserved a break.

Lorelai ruffled his hair on her way passed and Rory gave him a simple hug knowing that he'd turn anything more into something that would make her late for school.


	58. Chapter 58

**Monday cont.  
Chilton Prep**

After pulling into Tristan's usual parking spot and grabbing her things of the passenger seat Rory got out and examined the scratch on the driver side door. While she was bent over and running her along it a shadow fell over her.

Looking over her shoulder she flashed Paris a nervous smile, "Think he won't notice?" she asked hopefully.

Sending her friend a disbelieving look Paris glanced at the 10-inch long scratch and shook her head, "Only if he's suddenly struck blind...Got a naked picture of my grandmother I can lend you if you want to try that route."

"Well as much fun as making my boyfriend hysterically blind I think I'll pass." Rory said straightening up and edging away from Paris a bit as they started for the schools front doors, "I think I'll see if I Louis or Maddie might have that nail polish color...And I know I'm going to hate myself for asking this but here goes, Paris _why_ do you have a naked picture of your grandmother?"

Paris smiled proudly. "That my dear was my first stint into starting an alternate financial source." she answered and slung her arm over Rory's shoulder. "See, it started way back when I was twelve. My mom and dad had refused to pay for Violin lessons, they wanted me to join cheerleading so I had to do something to nip that kind of pressure in the bud so after talking to Nanna about it, and we came up with the most horrific thing that would scare my parents into compliance."

"And you two came up with a naked snap shot of her that you'd do what with?" Rory asked cringing.

"Put posters of it like those for lost pets on every telephone poll in Hartford that said, have you seen this woman? If not move in closer." Paris said proudly. Rory couldn't see it because they were at Paris' locker and the blond had her head inside it but she was pretty sure Paris was smiling.

After they were done there, the pair headed for Rory's locker, which was in the same direction as their first class.

"So since I answered yours how about you answer mine? How did you scratch Tristan's baby?"

Shaking her head Rory pried the locker's steel door open, "I'm not sure." she answered, "I mean I know that it wasn't there when I left this morning but it was when I came out of the coffee shop I stopped at to grab my morning cup. I wasn't gone long and I didn't hear any kind of collision of any kind so I don't know how it got there."

Paris' eye's grew wide, "Oh shit." she hissed and grabbed Rory by the arm and halting her mid-step. "It was keyed. One of those old bats keyed his car."

"Paris what the hell are you talking about?" Rory asked confused.

"Don't play stupid with me Rory, I know what went down this weekend. That's why I didn't say anything about him not being here and you driving his car. Since it's understandable under the circumstances." Paris huffed.

"What circumstances?" Rory groused, "Janlan bolted because my Grandpa's going to kick his ass and Tristan's parents ran off to play Scooby Doo."

"No they didn...Okay they might have done that because they were repressed enough to finally snap and go all cartoony I suppose" Paris conceded reluctantly, "But what I'm talking about is the Bingo Mafia. His mother was into them for some serious ducats."

Rory's eyes were wide with surprise, "So you mean to tell me that both rumors can be and are real?"

"Looks that way." Paris shrugged and looking around saw that the halls were not packed with students yet, them having been some of the first ones there. "Tell you what you take off and go home. Babysit him and keep him away from sweet looking old ladies. I don't know who is all involved with them so keep an eye out, warn your mom too. They don't do physical damage to people but those blue haired grannies can throw a mean rotten egg."

A vision of a roving band of moo-moo clad seventy year olds on the streets of Stars Hollow searching for Tristan had Rory **_running_** down the hallway and out of the school. "I'll get Tristan and yours school work for you and bring it by later." Paris called after her. When Rory was out of sight Paris pulled her cell phone out of her purse and hit speed dial..."Hello Emily this is Paris Geller, I am a friend of Rory and I thought you should know..."

**Gilmore House**

After driving back home in a less then half the time it had taken her to drive to school Rory had ran into the house. After triple checking that she had locked his car and set the alarm and shook him awake. It took a good ten minutes to make him understand what she was telling him because she was using Gilmore speak and those words that would never be seen gracing the pages of any dictionary kept stumping him.

Sitting up in the bed when she was finished getting him to understand, Tristan realized from the way her eyes were sparkling he would have to be the calm one. "Call Lorelai." he said and happily noticed her slight blush at the sight of his shirtless state, "I'm going to go shower and shave. And maybe by the time I'm done one of us might have come up with something to get them battles axes to back off. Because I damn sure ain't paying them one penny."


	59. Chapter 59

**Monday Evening  
Gilmore Mansion**

After an afternoon of preparing, Emily finally was able to make her way up to her private sanctuary the not even Richard dared to go. She carried with her a large empty suitcase. The two small travel bags she had decided to take with her were packed and sitting in the foyer next to the front door ready to be put in the car.

It was at the end of the second story hallway near her and Richard's rooms that with one expensively manicured hand she pressed a fake bit of molding and caused the non descript panel slid open. Offhandedly she wondered what Rory's reaction would be to the real reason she always wanted to investigate DuGrey Mansion, "That place has more hidden bolt holes and hidden passages then and Egyptian tomb. I Guess that's the good fortune of having a house built by rum runners during prohibition." she muttered to herself and mounted the staircase that was behind the now open portal.

Switching on the overhead light she took stock of her supplies laying on various tables along the walls of the hidden attic room. She felt butterflies in her stomach because the day of reckoning that had been a long time coming for the 'Bingo Mafia' was now at hand. They who were nothing but a bunch of bored rich women who like to dress down and slum in the poorer parts of Hartford to get their adrenalin rush were going to regret ever hearing the name Gilmore.

Emily's eyes narrowed as she remembered how her pretty, little red mustang that had been a wedding present from her mother-in-law had looked and smelled after those bingo bitches got a hold of it in an act of mistaken identity.

She had been heart broken and had refused Richard's offer to buy her a new  
one since the dead fish smell never did come out if it, no matter how much they  
had it cleaned or what they had replaced.

Opening her suitcase, she refrained from just sweeping the whole lot of it in and being on her way. Instead she took a deep calming breath and carefully packed her paintball gun, body armor, a pair of green fatigues, helmet, regular goggles, night vision goggles and the huge container of ammo that wasn't filled with the usual washable paint like one bought from the store but with the permanent ink  
she'd paid a hell of a lot extra for.

"Go after my family will they." she smirked and fought the urge to laugh maniacally. Then she realized that aside from a fake fichus sitting in a corner there was no one else around to see and a second later a loud _MUAHAHAHAH_ filled the air.

Down stairs in the kitchen, the cook made a mental note to have the air conditioning checked because there were weird noises coming from the air vents.

Making sure the panel was back in place and still undetectable Emily lugged her suitcase back downstairs. Her instructions to the staff were simple and to the point;

No parties and don't set the place on fire and after pointing out that she could get a security feed sent directly to he laptop to check up on them to make sure that they were doing their jobs, she carried her things out to the car.

Ten minutes later as she headed down the highway towards Stars Hollow Emily hoped that Lorelai's couch was more comfortable to sleep on then her own settee was since she was going to her daughter's newest unexpected boarder for a good long while.

**Monday Evening  
Gilmore House**

Blissfully unaware of her mother's plans Lorelai brought out some snacks for the three teens doing their homework around the coffee table. Well, two of them were since Rory had finished hers in half the time and was offering help to the other two when they got stuck on something Tristan more so then Paris much to his annoyance. Unlike the two girls he had never felt the need to ever read Jane Eyre and didn't care that it had been assigned reading or not. When Rory gave him the basic plot, he had looked at her as if she had lost her mind. Twenty minutes later as he flipped through Lorelai's dog-eared copy picking out things to quote in his report he was still bitching about Jane's spinelessness and Lord whatshisname's over all weenieness factor.


	60. Chapter 60

_A/n I still own nothing of the Gilmore franchise and it's almost too hot around here to think straight enough to get any kind of writing done…almost being the key word_

**Tuesday Morning  
Gilmore House**

As Tristan and Rory were leaving for school she realized that there was something very unnerving about seeing one's grandmother sitting on the front porch with a loaded paintball gun. Though the twig-covered helmet _was_ a good touch.

As Tristan turned onto Main St., he saw Kirk speed by on his 'ride'. "Looks like Ms. Pattie snitched on Emily."

Turning in her seat Rory watched Kirk putter down the street, his prized mo-ped leaving a ribbon of black smoke in it's wake, "About what?" she asked confused, "And why?"

Tristan absently slapped Rory's hand away from the radio dial before answering, "Its payback pure and simple. See I got a first hand glimpse of Ma' ma Bear Gilmore in action this morning while you were in the shower and I have to say, it was not a pretty sight seeing Emily go all Martin Sheen 'Deer Hunter'. I thought Ms, Pattie was going to mess herself when Emily jumped out of those bushes demanding; "Just who the hell do you think you are? Jogging in front of my daughter's house this early of a morning and wearing a pair of shorts so small a Barbie doll wouldn't even be able to feel her legs if she was wearing them? And does B64 mean anything to you?" After that Pattie was crying and Emily was still interrogating her mercilessly until Lorelai slinked out and sent Ms. Pattie on her way with a handful of tissues to Babbette's."

Rory stared at him a two whole minutes in stunned silence.

Snapping out of it when the car hit a pot hole, she leaned towards him as far as her seat belt would allow, "And you are just telling me about this now?" Rory demanded loudly and poking him in the ribs with her finger. Then in a sudden act of revenge for being left out of the loop and before he could stop her, Rory pressed the radios on button and the whiny twang of the latest number one country tune blared at ear bleeding decimals. She took great delight in slapping HIS hand away from the radio all the way to Chilton Prep because the songs got progressively whinier and twangier.

Climbing out of the car Tristan gave her an evil glare. And quickly realized that it was no use since Rory either was ignoring it or was being oblivious to it when she skipped around the front of the car, grabbed his hand and drug him into the school behind her.

Paris was waiting at her locker for them because her's was closer to the front doors. "Morning Paris." Rory chirped and let go of Tristan's hand when the blond haired girl fell into step with her.

"Morning," Paris greeted back, "Although I had thought that you wouldn't be speaking to me today since you found out last night that it was me who informed your grandmother of the situation Tristan's parents had left him, and by association you and your mother in with the B.M."

As they walked down the hall he only half listened to the two girls talking, occasionally he would nod or raise his hand in greeting to one of his friends in passing. They were close to Rory's locker when Tristan narrowed his eyes at an obviously new boy who he saw looked to be being egged on by Finn watching Rory as she walked passed like a lion does a wounded gazelle. Adjusting his stride he caught up to her and Paris easily and throwing his arm over her shoulders, he tucked her up against his side. Rory automatically slipped her arm around his waist and kept talking to her friend/rival about an article for the school paper Paris wanted Rory to write.

Paris rolled her eyes at Tristan's possessiveness but kept her mouth shut on the subject since Rory hadn't voiced any objections. She did however turn around and flip Finn off for being an Instigator of Stupid. Paris then brought out her digital day planner from where ever the hell she had it hidden and marked that daily task off the list below it was a reminder for her to get the tee-shirt with the bull's-eye on the back she'd had made up for Finn from the customizing shop.

Tristan looked down at a very amused Rory. "You saw all of that right?"

"All of what?" she asked innocently.

"The leering guy that Finn was talking to. Paris flipping off one or both of them. And where she hides that damn planner." Tristan answered smirking, "Because I wouldn't want you left out of the loop. I don't think my hearing could take it again."

Rory looked thoughtful a moment before shrugging, "I did notice Finn talking to somebody but I didn't notice him leering at Paris. I just thought Finn might have made a new friend since Brad kind of hates him right now because of restraining order Finn had him served with last week. And yes I saw Paris flip them off and no I can't say where she hides her day planner."

Blinking at her obliviousness about certain things he shrugged it off to think about later, preferably where there were cookies nearby as comfort food "...Close enough I guess." he answered and was rewarded by a bright smile.


	61. Chapter 61

**Monday Afternoon  
Chilton Prep **

Rory hadn't asked where he had gotten it, or why he had gotten it. She just gave Tristan a hug and offered to carry his backpack out to his car when he showed up at her locker after school, wearing what was already promising to be one hell of a black eye.

And Tristan hadn't asked where they had gotten it or why no one in charge was objecting to Paris using a toilet plunger to force Summer into Finn's locker. He just shrugged and added his weight against the door to get it to close.

Both Tristan and Rory knew that there were just some things one did not ask about if one wanted to have a headache free life.

**Gilmore House**

Sadly, their new unvoiced mutually agreed upon 'Don't ask. Don't tell policy' was shot to hell because when the car pulled into the Gilmore driveway Kirk could be seen tied the tree in Rory's yard. A pitcher of water could be seen suspended from a lower branch and hung near his head with a large neon green colored bendy straw sticking out of it's top making it feasible for Kirk to get a drink of water when he needed it. Tristan then noticed that in the middle of the yard there was a smoking mass of twisted metal. He tugged on Rory's shirtsleeve to get her attention and wordlessly pointed at it.

While they were sitting there staring in wide-eyed shock at the sight of Kirk bound to the tree's trunk with what looked to be a rope made out of linked bras. And also what they guessed what was left of his mo-ped, the front door was flung open and Lorelai ran out of the house as fast as the combat boots Emily had forced on her earlier that day would allow. Twigs and leaves had been woven into her hair making her look like some demented homeless woman who lived in the park by choice, not circumstance and called the pigeons that roosted in he shopping cart at night her babies.

Slung over her shoulder, Lorelai had a large empty duffel bag. Making her way to driver's side, she stuck her head in the open window, "I'm going to Luke's for more supplies. You two are in charge until I get back...And if anyone asks about it; that was not an explosion they heard earlier. And you also have no knowledge of who wrote FU on the Have a Nice Day sign outside Taylor's store. Babbette and Ms. Pattie might be coming by with a few more things for the command post they and Emily are setting up in the attic. Oh and Ror one more thing, until further notice Tristan will be sleeping on your floor...See ya later!"

After her mother turned the corner and was out of sight Rory feeling a bit over whelmed hung her head and covered her face with her hands. "Well now. Isn't that interesting?" Tristan drawled and unbuckled his seat belt. Without having to look she knew he was wearing what could only be called a 'shit eating grin' just from his tone alone.

"Is it too late to for me to put myself up for adoption?" she whimpered.

"Yep," Tristan nodded opening his door and climbed out of the car, "now come on. We have a squirrel and a sleeping bag to move into your room."

"But, it's only 4:30 and nowhere near time to go to bed." Rory complained.

Tristan stuck his head back into the car through the still open door. Rory by that time had removed her hands from her face and was looking in his direction. Much to her annoyance found that she had been right about his grin because Tristan was still wearing it. "Now we wouldn't want me to have to rush around come bed time now would we? I might just forget something important...like my pants and then you would get to see me in all my shirtless boxer clad glory."

Watching her scramble out of the car and run up the drive way he just couldn't resist one more tease, "Did I tell you that I got a couple of new pairs? I can model the smiley face ones for you tonight if you want me to." he called after her. Rory's response was to slam the front door closed behind her.


	62. Chapter 62

**Monday cont...  
Gilmore House**

After being informed by Emily and her 'subordinates' that the less that they were involved the less the cops could try and charge them with the teens decided that they were right and decided to go about their lives as normal as possible.

Standing in the doorway Rory watched as Tristan who was lounging on her bed flipped through her photo album. Binky was perched on his shoulder and seemed to be looking at the pictures with the same amount of curiosity and bemusement as his owner was. His fish bowl was already set up on her desk and his sleeping bag on the floor. What she was a bit unnerved by was the fact that she had been gone all of five minutes to run a pitcher if ice tea up to the attic and not one article of clothing or at the very least one of his pencils had been in there before she'd left.

Shaking her head Rory stepped in the room and cleared her throat to get his attention. Tristan didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed. He just did that smirk that had her wanting to slap the taste out of his mouth. For a second she could have sworn the damn squirrel had smirked too.

"It looks like you've settled in nicely." she snarked and went over to her desk to finish her book report that was due in two weeks.

"Well you do want me comfortable don't you?" he shrugged and went back to looking at the photos since it didn't look like she was going to attack him with anything other then words.

"I guess I should just count myself lucky he's wearing clothes." she muttered under her breath and got to work. Her pencil was posed over her notebook when a thought occurred to her from out of the blue, the ire she had been feeling left her and she felt like smacking herself in the forehead for not thinking about it before. "Tristan, does it bother you that we never actually dated, dated?"

"Nope." he answered promptly without looking up.

"Seriously?" she probed.

"Seriously, it's actually a relief." He answered and smiled at the picture of a four yr old Rory in a biker get up, "Because you don't really expect anything from me except for me not to be a dumbass and pay any bail money you might need. And anyway we go out for pizza and to Luke's sometimes and that's close enough like dating for me."

"Ok, if you're sure then..." she smiled and turned her attention back to her work.

Ten minutes later Tristan decided to drop his gossip bomb since she was looking relaxed, "Hey did you know Lane went to a concert at the Hartford Civics Center last week with Logan to see a local band perform and she ran off with the bass player named Zack hoozywhatis afterward the show was over.

They're shacking up in his mom's garage and Mrs. Kim's not going to call the cops because she wants to take care of it herself so she's camping out in the yard across the street from them in a tent. Logan said she's got a lead pipe and is ready for the first sign of any part of Zack's body."

Rory sat silent a long moment and shook her head sadly, "And yet that still isn't as bad as having the JUST-US League living in your attic."


	63. Chapter 63

Thursday Morning

Gilmore House

It was a solemn time at the Gilmore's that foggy morning because one of their own had been lost in a tragic accident.

Standing next to Emily on the back stoop Tristan stood with his arms crossed over his chest as he watch Rory and Lorelai fill in the hole they had dug a little while earlier. The pair then stood shoulder to shoulder when they were done and looked down at the small-unmarked mound sadly.

Sipping her tea Emily said between sips, "Lorelai always was the sentimental type. Never would or could I guess, let _anything_ that she loved go easily. That's how I knew she didn't love Christopher the way she thought she did. When he ran off the day of the wedding and she didn't hunt him down like a rabid raccoon and drag him home where she felt he belonged like I had expected she would told me all I needed to know without her having to say a word."

Tristan nodded understandingly he had wondered about exactly why Rory had bitched him out at the play about being sent to military school. It was a relief to hear that her answer that she 'owned' he'd when he'd asked her why she was doing all of that stuff to him was her backhanded socially inept way of telling him she liked him, liked him even back then when he was a major asswipe.

"I wonder how far Rory would have taken it **try **to get me 'home'?" he mused aloud and kept a watchfull and eye on his mourning family from a safe distance.

"Tristan, "Emily sighed shaking her head, him using that one word told her he still didn't completely get it. "There would have been no **TRYING**. If Rory really wanted it, you would have been home within the week. And before you ask, no her grandfather nor I would have gotten a chance to get involved in whatever she'd schemed until after the fact and then only being delegated to funding the clean up...I'll only tell you this once and if you ever repeat it to Lorelai I **will** break your kneecaps. I'm glad Rory's out there in this miserable weather standing over that grave paying her last respects because that means she's not _too_ much like my side of the family nor anything at all like her father's...Did you know Rory's could easily test out and graduate high school tomorrow if she wanted too? Did you know Lorelai was the same way, and that they do take THAT after my side of the family? I had an older brother Michael, he went down to South America took over a VILLAGE a week after arriving just to impress a local girl he'd met his first night there and then went all 'Bugs Bunny Villainy' for lack of a better term on the bounty hunter my parents sent after him. He mailed the man back in a wooden crate; it at least had air holes that time. A year later my sister Anna packed her bags and ran away from home. She went down to Cuba and helped put Castro where he's at today all because our new Cuban Gardner looked like Dezi Arnez and was a Castro sympathizer. So you see for Lorelai and Rory the Gilmore lazy weirdness balances out my family's smart insanity. Well, that and my side of the family's a bit obsessive and they did get a bit of that also. Anyway do you understand NOW?"

Tristan lowered his head, thought about their earlier conversation a few weeks before, and nodded. He really was starting to understand the bigger picture, that no matter which way she had gone Rory had no chance at normality being around so many nut jobs. Of course, who was he to cast stones? His Grandfather was running scared from his childhood friend all because of a scheme gone wrong, he has a Grandmother that he'd thought was dead but had really been lost in the literal sense of the word and his parents were running around in the a green van with their new puppy solving mysteries.

"There wouldn't have been man or building left standing at the military academy if push came to shove would there? And her digging a grave and saying a few words over a ruined coffee pot is a good thing." he said slowly and then had to smile at the ironic situation he'd gotten himself into because HE had pretty much stalked her through the halls of Chilton wanting her to notice him. And Rory hadn't disappointed had she? Because Tristan now found himself, so deep into her life of oddness and pointlessness that there was no hope of escaping mentally unscathed and with all his body parts. Pathetically, he would have it no other way. Sitting on his shoulder Binky flicked what was left of his singed tail, he would not be chewing on any electrical cords again that was for sure.

A/n…Sorry this is later then I wanted it to be but I couldn't log in for a while there. Hate to say it but I thought I'd give you peeps a heads up, I'm getting a pit-bull puppy soon and I might not be posting nearly every day since I want to start training it's little butt as soon as possible so I don't have any problems out of it later on.


	64. Chapter 64

**Thursday Afternoon  
Gilmore House**

He knew the fragile truce between Rory and Bink was over the moment he stepped through the door returning from a pizza run after dropping Rory at the house after school. The living room looked like a riot had happened in the thirty minutes that they had been left alone, chairs was over turned, the coffee table was propped up against the wall, the sofa's cushions had been tossed around the room haphazardly and the table lamps were laying on the floor with bent shades next to the broken end tables.

After taking all of the destruction and fearing what the rest of the house might look like Tristan sighed wearily, backed out of the still open front door because there was no way in hell he was going to clean it up.

When the front door clicked closed the little used front closet's door eased opened slightly and two sets of eyes peered out of the crack. "Do you think it's safe to come out yet?" a voice whispered fearfully. There was an equally low toned chittering answer. "Yeah, I didn't think so either." the first voice replied and the door was pulled shut gently.

**Friday Morning  
Chilton Prep**

Rory Gilmore shuffled down the hallway following in Tristan's wake. Sadly, she looked as tired as she felt having only gotten an hour's worth of sleep because she was up all night cleaning up the mess she and the tree rat had made in their fight. She might have gotten help from either her family if she had fessed up to what had set them off on each other again but she had been tight lipped and had refused to answer. "Just how do you admit that you were more willing to fight a squirrel for the last pretzel in the bowl instead of just getting up and going into the kitchen for another bag?" she asked herself and shook her head at her own stupidity.

Thirty minutes after the lunch hour began Rory and Paris stood before the principle's desk. She was not going to let either one of them sit their food covered selves down in the limited edition chairs the office was decorated with because the cleaning bill alone would be almost as much as what was paid for them.

When asked why she had felt the need to scramble over the table bring Summer down with a flying tackle Rory blamed it on her lack of sleep the night before due to nightmares of a chorus line of high-kicking Summers wearing squirrel costumes...It sounded better in her head.

When it was Paris' turn to be interrogated as to why SHE had felt the need to brain Brad who was standing in line front of in the serving line with her food tray. Without missing a beat she shrugged and said it was because of Rory's lack of sleep the night before due to nightmares of a chorus line of high-kicking Summers wearing squirrel costumes. A long moment of silent followed afterward.

The principle looked at them sternly and drummed her fingers on her desktop. And just when Rory was about to crack under the pressure and ask if they should start planning to put the school's address down as their new permanent address because of how long they were going to be incarcerated in detention, the principle smiled brightly.

"Sounds like you two have plausible reasons for your actions." she told the shocked pair, "Now please feel free to call your parents and take the rest of the day off."

Not willing to press their luck by asking her 'What the Frack?' and 'What have you been smoking?' Rory and Paris shared a look then made for the door at an almost run. "If you will, please send in Mr. Finn and Mr. Tristan." the principle called after them "I do hope Finn's excuse as to why he started the food fight the cleaning crew is going to be spending weeks removing the traces of from the ceiling and Tristan's as to why he felt the need to suspend Dean Marino, I believe his name was, spread eagle in front of the soccer net is as entertaining as you two's was."


	65. Chapter 65

**Disclaimer:**Figured I better add one of these again at some point. I do not own any rights to the Gilmore Girls. The only right I do own and use frequently is my right to remain silent. **  
**

**Saturday Morning before Day Break  
Gilmore House**

Waking from her dream in a cold sweat, Rory sat up and threw her covers off. Knowing that after having a dream like that one she would not be getting any sleep anytime soon so she carefully climbed out of bed and skirted around Tristan who was sprawled out on her floor. Then opening the door carefully slipped out of the room.

An hour later Emily found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring into her half full cup of coffee. Hiding her worried look behind a pleasant smile Emily poured her own cup and took the seat across from her granddaughter. "You're up early." Emily remarked offhandedly and took a sip from her cup.

Rory shrugged " Couldn't sleep." She then had to stifle her giggles at the look on Emily's face after getting her very first taste of coffee that Rory had brewed. It was a cross between the pursed lips of having bitten into a lemon and the wrinkled nosed incredulous look you wear after having a dirty sock shoved under your nose and being asked 'Does this smell funny to you?'

"Something wrong?" Emily asked a few moments later after recovering and tryed to downplay her reaction to the strong brew. She had to add a pretty good helping of cream and sugar to her coffee to make it drinkable.

"Bad Dreams." Rory sighed tiredly and closed her eyes.

"Would you like to tell me about them?" Emily probed and eyed her coffee wearily before taking another sip from the cup.

"I guess." Rory answered slowly, "I mean it's better to tell you I suppose then Tristan or mom since they'd probably...well end up acting like themselves about it."

"That's the spirit." Emily encouraged smiling brightly.

Rory looked at her confused, what having the spirit had to do with anything was beyond her comprehension at the moment. Brushing it off as Emily just being a morning person she started talking...

"I'm only going to tell you the main details, since everything else just didn't make sense you know like sometimes happens in dreams. Any way I was starting Yale and there was this mix up about my dorm mattress that like took forever to figure out. Then I found out I was rooming with Paris, which wouldn't be so bad except it was some whack job version that was abnormally attached to her nanny and had also drug her life coach with her to college. Our other two roommates were even more nuts. There was some naked guy living in the hallway who kept wanting to borrow my bath robe. Mom had separation issues and had an on again off again relationship with Christopher. You and Grandpa nearly divorced at one point. I had gotten a lowly proofreader job on the school paper. Then I ended up dating and getting engaged to Logan. His family didn't like me and instead of beating the snobby little bastards into the ground like a good Gilmore would, I pouted and at some point later on I stole his dad's boat to show my displeasure of the situation. Not his car or wallet but his boat! Thankfully I woke up after that." she finished feeling ashamed and lay her head down on the tabletop.

Emily looked at her a long moment with one of her eyebrows raised, "You're right. I wouldn't tell either your mother or Tristan about that dream...They would never let you live it down or eat another whole cheesecake before going to bed ever again."


	66. Chapter 66

**A/N Sorry short chapter, this is what happens when I've had a migraine since Friday... **

**Saturday Night  
Hartford**

After coming out of the stuffy movie theater, the night air was a welcomed relief. Tristan and Rory had to stop by Lorelai's jeep to get the empty gallon jug out of the back before continuing with the errand they were doing for Emily under threat of exposed baby pictures.

Two block from the theater stood the very same church Emily and Richard had been married in. Looking around Rory felt kind of creeped out by the graveyard that's front entrance was on the right side of the church. Trying the ornate oak door Tristan flashed her a smile when the knob turned. Slipping through the small space, he had opened Rory slipped into the shadows inside. "Alright." he whispered coming up beside her, "Emily said that the Holy water would be in it's basin to the left of the alter."

"Okay." Rory whispered back, "Do you want to be look out or do you want to fill the jug?"

"I'll be look out." he answered and was glad that she couldn't see the sheepish look he just knew he was wearing, "Seeing as how I haven't been living with you Gilmores long enough to grow a pair of brass balls yet."

Rory snorted and took the container from him, "It's not brass balls Tristan, it's just that unlike some people I actually have a plan just in case there is a such place as the fire and brimstone Hell preachers, padres, deacons and priests threaten people with from their pulpits."

"hmm, is it how to make Hell freeze over?" he wondered aloud.

"...No." she answered sounding pleased as she moved away, " It's how to take it over."

"Of course." Tristan sighed and took his lookout position near the empty confessionals.

Ten minutes and one very confused priest later the teens were on the road heading back to Stars Hollow. The old milk jug filled with the stolen water sat on the floor between Rory's feet.

"I still don't understand why we just didn't get some tap water and tell her it came from the church." Tristan complained.

"Believe me, Emily Gilmore would know." Rory told him with conviction, "I think it's having been married to my Grandpa all these years that's made her BS detector more sensitive then most."

"Guess you're right," he shrugged. "And besides if she is right and the only thing that will remove Mrs. Feldman's makeup is Holy water then Emily'd know right off what we'd done or didn't do in this case when the woman still wore that surprised raccoon look after getting splashed with a cup full of this stuff."

Rory nodded, "Yeah and I would not want to be around when that happened. Feldman is going to be pissed off when grandmother and Ms. Patty catch her outside her backroom Bingo Parlor with their super soakers. And having a very unhappy Emily Gilmore on top of that would be grounds enough to pull what your parents did."


	67. Chapter 67

Sunday

Gilmore House

Emily and Tristan watched bemused from the kitchen table as Rory and Lorelai readied themselves for the town meeting scheduled for that night.

"I don't see what the big deal is." Emily remarked when Lorelai started the popcorn popper.

Standing in the doorway and holding up two pairs of socks to get her mom's opinion of which pair to wear Rory explained, "Grandmother, this may come as a surprise but this will be the first time WE have actually been put on the flyer as being a planned topic."

Lorelai nodded towards the purple pair with the green monkeys flipping the bird, "Yeah and Luke is pissed about it to. Because he wanted to try to make Taylor move back into the store, Rory destroyed when she took out Dean, by bringing up some obscure business law in the Stars Hollow charter Luke found when he was looking into buying Taylor's original one next to his diner."

Looking a bit confused, "When you say WE, you mean you and Lorelai right?" Tristan asked.

"Nope." Rory smirked, "When I say WE I mean the whole family as in you, me, mom, grandmother and Binky."

Hearing his name Binky bounced into the kitchen making the two sitting at the table do a double take.

"Ror, why is my squirrel wearing a purple cape?"

Rory shot her fiancé' and annoyed look, "It's not a purple cape.," she told him firmly, "It's a miniature set of royal robes."

Sharing a look briefly Emily decided to ask the million dollar question since Tristan was beating his head on the table top, " And why then is it wearing a miniature set of royal robes?"

"Because he's going with us tonight and they came free with miniature crown I bought him." Rory explained in a 'well duh' tone, "Now if you will excuse me." she continued on with a more haughty sounding tone, I have to go finish getting ready."

Tristan raised his head up in time to watch his pet stick his nose into the air and scamper after her as if he had been offended.

Lorelai having finished the popcorn and had put it into the paper bags to bring with them washed her hands in the sink, "I'm going to go finish getting ready too." she told them over her shoulder.

"But isn't it a bit early to be getting dressed." Emily tried to reason, "It's only five o'clock and the meeting doesn't start till eight."

"Yeah," her daughter nodded, "but it takes a while to make a rat flail. Especially if you use a live rat...So see you later, I'm going rat hunting."

After she was gone, Tristan looked over at Emily, "I'm confused. If she was going to hunt down a rat, why did she wash her hands?"

Narrowing her eyes at her future grandson, Emily didn't know whether to pat him on the head or shake him. "Tristan of all the things, that's what's confusing you?"

Tristan offered her a crooked smile and shrug as his answer.


	68. Chapter 68

**Sunday cont.**

The four didn't know it but when they walked into the town hall a line was drawn in the sand. On one side were the Gilmores and their friends; the other,

people wanting conformity at almost all cost.

Lorelai was looking particularly trampy in her thigh high suede boots, black leather mini skirt, teased out hair and a shimmery red tank top that declared her the Bitch Queen. The drunk rat tied to the pool cue she was carrying just made it worse.

Tristan was next in a pair of tight black jeans, black boots and a white open throat long sleeved dress shirt. As he passed, Luke handed Ms. Pattie a napkin to wipe away her unsightly drool.

Rory wobble slightly on her three-inch wedge heeled sandals when she tried to adjust her white cotton calf length skirt so that the side slits were in the proper postions. Binky who was sitting on her shoulder was all decked out in the royal purple robes and tiny crown clung to the material of her white peasant top,.

Emily strutted in last and had done as Tristan had by deciding that if you couldn't beat'em, join'em. Lorelai was a bit sad when she realized that for Emily to have an exact repleca of Jackie O's pink skirt and jacket combo complete with pillbox hat that she had to have already owned it and had brought it with her when she invited herself into Lorelai's house.

Poor Luke didn't know whether to laugh or cry because...I did mention Lorelai had a drunk rat tied by its tail to a pool cue didn't I?

In passing Rory who was glancing around saw Dean looking at her starry eyed and smiling. Tristan had seen bag boy as soon as he stepped through the door reached back for her without breaking stride and interlaced their fingers when her smaller hand slipped into his. Mrs. Kim was there with a dark look on her face aimed thankfully at Lane who was sitting on another row. Rory was surprised and confused to see Finn sitting next to

Lane with his head down looking kind of pale and fiddling with a pale yellow

baby booty.

Lorelai decide that the perfect spot for her family was up front on the first row were nobody else was sitting. After taking their seats, Sookie, Jackson, Babbette, Ms. Pattie, Luke, Lane and Finn moved to take the seats behind them. Binky made a hissing noise at the demented looking garden gnome Babbette was holding in her lap.

Her response was to smile brightly at the squirrel and wink.

The meeting started with Taylor calling order to the tittering crowd. "Now first on the agenda is what I deem unbecoming behavior by a family here in our quaint little town. A family that if not stopped will bring shame on us all a family that..."

Having heard a variation of that speech before where Luke's name was used in place of the word family Rory tuned the ranting man out and turned her attention to the tic-tac toe game she and Tristan were playing on the back of a flier he had picked up off the floor. In three minutes, he was up three games to zero.

After the page was filled Tristan crumpled up the paper and offered her a handfull of his popcorn because Emily had stolen hers and was sharing it with Binky as they watched Taylor try and turn the town meeting into an old time revival. Walking back and forth in front of the crowd and raising his voice and free hand heaven wards he started t name very violation Lorelai and her family had ever done to his way of thinking. Luke looked a bit put out until Taylor started throwing in things people known as current and passed friends of Rory and her mother, had done that pissed him off.

"You think he's going to want us burned at the stake?" Tristan wondered aloud.

"Let'em try."Rory snorted, "Because I laugh in the face of death."

Tristan smirked, "I thought you laughed in the face of those big headed team mascots."

Rory's amused look turned sour, "No. I wet my pants and scream like a girl when I see those."

"Well, that's good to know." Tristan said dryly, "Note to self, bring a gag and a bag of adult diapers if I ever take Rory to a school game."

"...Note to self kill Tristan in his sleep tonight, thus ending engagement without

having to hear him bitch and moan at me until I take his sorry ass back out of a

desperate need for peace and quiet." she hissed under her breath loud enough

for others to hear her.

By then Taylor had moved onto how Lorelai conducted herself in business and Sookie's husband Jackson was trying to hold her back from lunging at Taylor and exhibit for all to see her mad bar bouncer skillz. All the while Lorelai was trying to touch Taylor with her rat on a stick when he stomped passed their section.

Through it all Emily sat like she was queen of all she saw not going to give any of those people the power to make her feel bad about herself or her daughter and granddaughter's choices in life, "Besides that little twerp Kirk started it." she justified to herself.

Five minutes before Ms. Pattie leaped and twirled through the crowd that rushed the stage to either beat the hell out of Taylor or defend his right to be an idiot, he pointed at Rory telling how she was 'shacked up' with some high school Lothario and accused her of being the bad influence that caused sweet innocent Lane Kim of getting pregnant by some Australian man-whore she'd met at a party  
instead of the boyfriend she'd gone there with.

As the four humans, squirrel, and drunk rat crawled along a far wall literally on their hands and knees trying to avoid being spotted by rioting crowd Lorelai found a Sponge Bob Square Pants moneyclip with twenty-five dollars and a piece of notebook paper that said "If found please return to Kirk care of Luke Danes". So instead of doing as the note asked Rory, Tristan, Binky and the drunk rat headed back to the house while Emily and Lorelai took the money and bought two boxes of doughnuts, a six pack of soda, a pack of cheese crackers for the rat and a lottery ticket with the change that was left over. On their way back they did put the now empty moneyclip along with it's note into Luke's mail box for him to find in the morning. Their conscience was clear because Kirk's note did not specifically ask that the cash be with it.


	69. Chapter 69

**A/n hope the imagery was describe clear enough for people to understand it was kind of hard typing with a chick sitting on my arm like it was a falcon(_sigh _Note to self build Tater Tot a perch.)  
**

**Tuesday Evening just after dusk**  
**Gilmore House**

Slipping an arm around the petite girl laying next to him Tristan grinned. "I always knew we'd end up like this the first time I saw you shooting spit balls in Paris' hair."

Raising her head up from her make-shift pillow Rory shot him an annoyed glare," You mean to tell me you had a premonition that we'd end up hiding under my bed, cowering like scared cockroaches from being recruited by three irate old ladies, that are hell bent on starting some kind of geriatric gang war? And you didn't have the decency to warn me! You ass-crack!"

In the dim light cast by her Mickey Mouse night light she saw him shake his head sadly, "Romance is lost on you isn't it?"

"...Damn straight it is." Rory countered, "Either say what you mean or ask for whatever it is that you want but keep that chic flick mentality the hell away from me. Because it's too easy to screw up when you think and talk like one of those knights in shinning armor."

"I see." Tristan said wryly, "So you won't watch Titanic or anything staring Anne Hathaway and your grandmother has watched The Warriors and Kirk Russell's Escape From series one time too many...You do know you Gilmore girls are messed up right?"

He got an elbow in the ribs for that one. "Hey remember, my family tree actually branches off." Rory complained, "Because unlike somebody's who shall remain anonymous, my grandmother didn't marry into her own family no matter how distant, family is family."

"Ok, two things. Number one; for the last time my family tree does to fork and number two; do you mean that if it was found out that were like twentieth cousins you would drop me?"

"Yep, just like I did P.E." Rory answered promptly.

Tristan snorted and grumbled under his breath, "Like I'd let that happen."

Rory lay her head back down making sure she could see if somebody managed to make it passed the dresser and desk they had shoved in front of it, "You say something?" she asked suspicious.

Before he could come up with a lame ass answer, a noise coming from the direction of her window caught their attention. It was the unmistakable sound of an aluminum ladder being raised and leaned against the house. Wordlessly Tristan rolled out his side since it was the side farthest away from the window allowing him to be virtually undetectable. He rolled his eyes and made up a very imaginative cuss word when he saw who it was about to knock on a pane.

"It's bag boy." he grumbled when he reclaimed his spot next to her.

"What does he want?" Rory asked confused and ignored the gentle tapping Dean was doing on the glass.

"Don't know. Don't care." Tristan shrugged, "Wanna make out? It'll keep me from bitching about anything else tonight." he offered as an incentive.

Rory beamed at him proudly, "See when you say it straight to the point like that it just makes me so happy and yes I would."

Outside on the ladder Dean wondered where Rory could be. He could see that her bedroom door was barricaded; "Probably to keep DuGrey out." he reasoned and kept on tapping. He needed to talk to her ever since his psychiatrist told him that he was in denial about their relationship. Dean had agreed that he was after thing on it a moment and had decided that he was going to set the record straight as soon as possible. He was no longer going to deny that Rory was his soul mate and that unlike what he had believed before about her really meaning it when Rory told him to leave her the hell alone, he was prepared now to be the bigger person and forgive her and take her back.

So intent was he on his delusion driven task that he didn't notice the crown wearing squirrel climbing up his ladder until it bit him on the butt. Sharp strong teeth tore through the heavy denim and into flesh. Letting out a pain-filled shriek Dean automatically swatted at his butt with one hand while holding onto the ladder with the other. His frantic swiping caused him to unbalance the ladder and introduce it to Mr. Gravity.

Binky chittered happily, as he watched from the windowsill he'd jumped on as the teenage boy lost his fight to remain upright and fell ladder and all into the big azalea bush in the neighbor's yard. Sadly aside from a few bruised and scrapes Dean was fine, a white haired society lady from Hartford that was doing recon unintentionally broke his fall with her own obscenely Louis Vuitton accessorized person.


	70. Chapter 70

**Wednesday Afternoon  
Stars Hollow**

In the alley, running beside Luke's Diner the fight had been over before it began. It had been the ever classic I hit you, you hit the ground situation. Standing at the mouth of the alley Rory and Tristan were just glad that it wasn't their situation.

Looming over Logan's unconscious form Finn smiled down at his former friend grimly. Hearing the clapping he looked up and noticed his audience. Finn waved cheerfully, "Give me a hand?" he then asked as he bent down and slipped his hands under Logan's arms to lift him up. Tristan shrugged and went to help by grabbing Logan's legs. "Now love if you would be so kind as to open the dumpster for us?" he directed at an amused looking Rory.

Rolling his eyes Tristan snorted, "You are not going to say some lame ass line like, "I'm taking out the trash." Or something equally as bad are you?"

Finn shot Tristan an annoyed look as they heaved Logan's dead weight over the edge and into the bin letting the garbage cushion his fall, "I am no THAT cheesy DuGrey."

"If not for the fact that tossing him in the trash like this does give you some sort of right to use a bad one liner then why do it?" Rory asked confused

Finn smirked evilly, "He has an OCD about garbage. So when he wakes up and finds himself in a half-full skip he's going to go around the twist."

"…Interesting." Tristan mused thoughtfully. "Rory, does bag boy have any kind of phobias?"

"Yeah, he does have a couple." Rory answered giggling, "Lets see, there's French mimes and those goldfish crackers; he says he doesn't like how they look at him."

"In all fairness Rory, mimes ARE almost in the same class as clowns and a lot of people do have phobias about them." Finn shrugged wondering what she'd found funny about that.

"He was talking about the goldfish crackers." Rory clarified still giggling

Sharing a pained look both boys shook their heads sadly, "Rory tell me the truth, why in the hell did you ever go out with him?" Tristan asked wearily.

Rory chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully a moment before explaining herself, "Would you believe me if I said it was part of some elaborate dare mom came up with at the start of the school year?"

"After seeing you lot in action at the town meeting the other night," Finn smirked, "Yes I can. How about you Tristan, do you think her mum would instigate something like that?"

Giving Finn a look that suggested Tristan thought Finn WAS dumber then he looked the blond haired boy crossed his arms over his chest, "Man I live with the three of them. One's chaos incarnate, one thinks she's Solid Snake from that game Metal Gear and this one," he said nodding towards Rory, "put her father up for auction on EBay last week, so yeah I believe it."

Hearing a slight rustling noise coming from the open dumpster caused the three teens to make for the street, so they wouldn't be caught at the scene. Or be witness to an embarrassing breakdown Logan was sure to have if Finn was right about his OCD trigger.

Wordlessly Finn headed one way and Tristan and Rory another. "Are we going to hide under your bed again?" Tristan asked when the house came into view.

"What say we go get a pizza instead?" Rory suggested as an alternative and had to quicken her steps to keep up with him, "That way we might be able to use it as an alibi if we need to."

"Alright, sounds like a plan." Tristan agreed flashing her a smile and left her standing in the driveway by his car while he sprinted into the house to get his car keys.


	71. Chapter 71

**Friday Afternoon  
Gilmore House**

You never really notice how strong of a smell something has until you come across a large quantity of it in one place. Rory learned that lesson when she skipped down the stairs after she'd finished rewriting Tristan's history notes into something legible and found him sitting in the middle of the living room with boxes of cheese flavored goldfish crackers stacked on the coffee table.

Slowly making her way into the room Rory saw that he was carefully tying a loop around each crackers tail and stringing them together with fishing twine. He looked up at her and smiled proudly, "I'm making a goldfish cracker curtain like those beaded ones hippies had and then I'm going to hang it over bag boy's front door...Then his bedroom window, and put a string or two of them in his car."

"Well, it's nice to see that you have a new hobby." Rory said amused and watched as a small grey furred paw reached around Tristan's leg and with lightning fast reflexes snatched a cracker from the pile he'd made when he had emptied a box of them onto the floor for easier access.

"Yeah, one can only toss rocks at bee hives for so long before it turns into a FOX special...Think Kirk will be able to sit down anytime soon?"

"Tristan I think Kirk's ass problems aren't so much cause by the bees that you knocked down on him but the fact he was looking into grandmother's bedroom window and she tried her damnedest to shove her 5 and a half Nike up it when she caught him." Rory smirked.

Tristan pouted because of her not giving him the Props he thought he was due and pointed towards the front door, "You're distracting me from my important work...go blow something if you're so bored that you have sunk to destroying my delusions of grandeur...Now get!".

"Alright, don't PMS out on me." Rory snickered at his antics and headed for the door, "Grandmother wanted me to go with her to check on her house anyway."

Three hours later in Hartford he stood next to a wide eyed Lorelai on what used to be her childhood home's front lawn. Both were in shock at sight of the pile of rubble that had been the Gilmore mansion. Off to the side near the police cars while the firefighters made the rounds to make sure that there was no longer a fire hazard Rory and her grandmother were giving their statements.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Lorelai shrieked at the pair after they finished up with the police and made their way over looking no worse for wear aside from the slightly frizzy hair both were sporting.

Sharing a resigned looked with Rory, Emily then asked in a calm almost bored sounding tone, "Would you believe after our maid Maria set off some bug bombs in the basement to deal with a silver fish infestation, lightning stuck the air conditioner unit outside and that caused an electrical fire; then not more then two minuets after everyone got out and I called the fire department when we got out to the street for safety, sparks from the fire off the gas from the thirty bug bombs she had activated and then house blew up?"

Tristan looked up at the cloudless sky while Lorelai looked at her mother in disbelief knowing that there was no way in hell her mother's house had any kind of bug infestation, "No." they answered in unison.

"That's really too bad." Emily said shrugging, "Because the other answer I could have given makes mention of a hamster worshiping cult that was secretly living in the basement and how they blew the house up because they thought Rory is El Diablo and was coming to toss their rodent gods in a stew and eat them. Now, which explanation do you think is going to be in the papers?"


	72. Chapter 72

Friday Night

Gilmore House

Sitting in the middle of her bed tailor style Rory watched as an agitated Lorelai paced the floor. Again, her door was locked and furniture was shoved against it to keep anybody from coming in. But this time it wasn't to keep her grandmother from 'volunteering' them for another one of her supply runs because Tristan was sitting laying on his back on the floor staring up at the ceiling and Emily was sitting on the end of Rory's bed typing furiously on her lap top.

"Why can't I get stalked by anybody?" Lorelai asked throwing her hands up in the air,

"Is it too much to ask that at least one of my ex-boyfriends be your run of the mill crazy? Or that I've got some group like those hippies that calls themselves the Rainbow Family pissed off at me to the point that they've set out to make me more extinct then their perceived need for soap?!...Mom has the Bingo Biddies; my own flesh and blood has her own sissy stalker AND the Hamster Acolytes on her ass so what about me? What about Lorelai?"

Emily looked up from the laptop screen and regarded her daughter a long moment with a disbelieving look on her face, "Lorelai," she said slowly "those Bingo Biddies as you call them were gunning for Tristan before I stepped in and MADE it my fight. I thought I taught you better then this, I thought me and your father had instilled the belief that if you want something bad enough and believe that you deserve it, that you take it and make it your own."

Lorelai stopped pacing and thought about what her mother had just told her. Her eyes suddenly began to twinkle with a look that Emily knew well, Richard always got that look in his eyes when he was going out 'finding' things.

Coming to a decision and taking a deep breath Lorelai roared while punching her fist up towards the ceiling, "DEATH TO THE HAMSTERS!" and attacked the stacked up furniture she had put in from of the door as a barrier between Rory and the rest of the world. "I'll raise an army of cats and we attack the whole lot of them at dawn...or as soon as I get the psychotic fur balls trained to do my bidding. This shall not go unpunished...whatever the hell it was that offended me! TO THE CAT CAVE!"

"Oh like trying to blow your only daughter up and destroying your childhood home hasn't registered yet?" Rory quipped ignoring her mother's muttered ramblings of how she was going to outfit The Cat Cave. Finding that she was being ignored by all, Rory then picked up the harmonica that was lying by her bent knee. It had belonged to her great-great grandfather and had nearly taken out the eye of her grandmother's new gardener when it flew from the house like a missile when the house blew. She wondered which would happen first; her learning to play it, or the neighbors complaining about the noise she was making with it?

While his fiancé was making mental notes to check for harmonica guides on the internet after her family vacated her bedroom, Tristan quietly rolled under Rory's bed leaving her alone with the insanity of her family. "Doesn't anybody with the last name of Gilmore have any inclination of calling the police for anything else besides filing false reports on their neighbors?" he asked the half asleep squirrel who had scampered under there as soon as Lorelai had tossed him in the room earlier. "I mean a house WAS blown up by a group of weirdoes and it seems like I'm the only one worried about my car's safety," he added in a weary tone.

Binky yawned in reply and picked a piece of blue jean material from his front teeth with his little paw. The floppy haired idiot had come around again while the family was gone and had skulked under the little squirrel's favorite tree.

Too bad Binky couldn't tell his human about how the boy that screamed in a tone that hurt the dogs' ears on the next street and had run down the road with Binky hanging from his left hind quarter. Only to be freed of the irate rodent when Dean shed his pants and continued on his way running as fast as he could on the palest legs on a human that Binky had ever seen.


	73. Chapter 73

Monday

Chilton Prep

Tossing Tristan's car keys up in the air as she walked Rory made a mental list of the things she and Paris would need for 'their' project. It was the perfect time to stop by the more of shadier pawnshops to get the stuff because Tristan wasn't going to be with her asking asinine questions. Because he was riding home with Finn to help pack up and load up Finn's things. His parents were throwing him out because he had gotten Lane pregnant at a party that Logan had ditched her at to go running off sniffing after one of his older sister's friends who was there.

After they were finished at his house he and Tristan were then going to swing by Lane's and collect her and her things too because she leaving home after her mother had informed her that Lane was going to have to give her baby up for adoption if she expected to keep living under her roof.

Lorelai was spending the day with Sookie and was fixing up and cleaning out the Gilmore's garage for the two newly homeless teens to live in. That had not been a fun conversation to have with Rory the morning before. Tristan and Emily learned the cuss words of no less then six-diffent languages. Tristan took notes and Emily who was looking over his shoulder corrected his spelling when needed.

It wan't until Lane promised that if need be she'd step in as Lorelai's sidekick during the up coming 'war' Lorelai was going to have with the Hamster Cult if Rory found herself otherwise engaged, before her former best friend stopped fashioning the crud voodoo doll she was making with the hair she'd gotten from Binky's little paw after he's attacked Lane when she'd stepped out of the kitchen on Lorelai's signal.

It only took her a few moments to calm down after extracting that promise from Lane and getting it in writing. Rory wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth because much to her mom's annoyance SHE had already fired the first shot so to speak after getting fed up with the whole lot of them after finding that they had a picket line out side Luke's Saturday afternoon when she's gone to get herself one of his burgers. Blowing up her grandparent's house was one thing but to mess with her food was going just that one-step too far. Rory had then decided that if they had thought she was the future annilator of their hamster savior, she would give them exactly what they were expecting.

An hour later, sitting on the hood of Tristan's car on the other side of the street from the Diner wearing all black and a pair of combat boots she blasted the Blue Oyster Cults "Don't Fear The Reaper" at a deafening level. She noticed that the street cleared of 'everybody' not just the probably plague infested cult members right after the final notes of the song faded. Luke stuck his head out of the door, gave her a thumb up with one hand, and showed her the monster-sized hamburger he'd made especially for her, as payment for doing what the law wouldn't let him do because of the restraining order, with the other.

Shaking her head and bringing her thoughts back to the present, she tossed her things onto the passenger seat and started the car. As she started to pull out of the parking lot she saw a large blue plastic Fifty-five gallon drum sitting to her left on the grass about five feet from the street. Rory also noticed that a good-sized rectangular slot was cut into its side allowing whoever was inside of it to see out. Stomping on the gas pedal when she saw the drum start to move she left a pretty pair of skid marks in the parking lot. Rory knew that it was either Summer or Dean in the drum and she didn't have time to stop and play because she had some second hand tools and stolen jewelry to buy.


	74. Chapter 74

A/n I have finally emerged somewhat worse for wear and a bit irate from the area of hell dedicated to those that are dealing with a computer virus and/or malicious spy ware that got passed numerous anti-_**everything**_ programs.

**Monday Afternoon**

At a Place better to be forgotten about if confronted by the cops, but that unfortuanantly suits Rory and Paris' purpose.

The small shop dimly lit and as Rory walked down the main isle towards the counter she really didn't want to search and find out what kind of objects the people of Hartford deemed Pawn Shop material. The cheap looking rings in the glass fronted show cases were bad enough one their own and she shuddered to think of what would happen if Babbette or Ms. Pattie ever found their way there because it looked like a shipment bound for QVC or another of those home shopping channel's warehouses had been high jacked and sold to the owner (For a cookie and a leer was Rory's guess). Guitars hung on the walls here and there. A Saxophone lay proudly on one of the display cases with what looked like the dent from somebody's head because as she passed by it there was hair still caught in the slightly crumpled metal. A drum set sat stacked up at the end of the isle and the top drum had a whole punched threw it, it also smelled like urine, which added to the shop's over all smell of mildew and dust. "I am bathing in Lysol when I get home after I've sprayed myself with Raid." Rory muttered under her breath while fighting the urge to check and make sure that there were no bugs of any sort crawling on her, she didn't think the owner would be to receptive of her if she flailed about shrieking "Get them off. Get them off!"

Twenty minutes later and a few hundred dollars poorer, Rory smiled a smile similar to the look a shark wears at the bald, rather on the short side, pasty skinned man as he stuttered and stammered while trying to avoid her innocently asked question about how the jewelry she was buying was acquired. She slapped down a handful of twenties on the counter "There's more of this from me and my friend if you can get more of this from 'that little old lady who HAD to sell her heirlooms to pay her cat food bill'." she told him and pushed the cash in his direction.

"I-I'll call Doyle-I MEAN Jenny and see if he-SHE can uh, find some more laying about the house." he sleazed and with eyes gleaming, reached greedily for the money. "Good." Rory nodded while shoving the numerous gold necklaces and three silver rings into her purse. "My friend will call sometime tomorrow afternoon, her name is Paris Geller. And she's probably going to ask about a lock gun because she's had her heart set on one since she read about them on the net a few days ago, so if you could also tell her were she can buy one of those she might throw more business your way."

"Can do." he said confidently and watched as she all but ran from his pawn shop, "It's good to see that there's at least a few left that's willing to overlook certain acquisition techniques some employ." he smiled thoughtfully and turned to go to the back room to finish the filing he had to do on the new inventory his main supplier had brought in the previous night.

Twenty miles from the pawn shop at the same moment Rory was making her purchases Tristan was watching amused as Finn's mother was fussing over her 'baby boy' as they carried the last of Finn's things out to the mini-van he had traded his jade green Jaguar for since he was going to be a father in a few months. Eliza had caused Finn's father flee the house in fear for his life when she snapped and lit into him with a cricket bat

moments after Finn and Tristan had carried out the first boxes. Eliza had in no way condoned her husband making their son choose between either stepping up and being a father to his and Lane's unborn child or ignoring it and it's mother's existence and be allowed to stay in the family home. It was the hands down dumbest ultimatum she had ever heard somebody make.

After Finn and Tristan were gone and she was left alone in the huge house Eliza stormed into her husband's office and started to rummage in his desk looking for the telephone book she knew that he kept in there. "I wonder if I can claim that having cartoon characters like Donald Duck and Bugs Bunny as the background on his computer screen is some sort of porn perversion since their pants less and use it as grounds for divorce?

Because that would so make the tabloids and shame him and his family even worse then the time at our wedding reception when his great grandmother got drunk and claimed she was a descendant of Lady Godiva and made her way naked as the day she was born through town on a kangaroo ball she stole from an eight year old." she chortled as she flipped through the phone book looking for the number to the immigration office to find out what it would take to get Herbert's green card revoked and him deported. She was more then willing to pay some less the law abiding people to get her the supplies and equipment to frame Herbert for having one of those meth labs in the storage room over their garage if her alternative porn idea wasn't believable enough to work.


	75. Chapter 75

A/n: Can't seem to let Friday go can I? Anyway thought I'd just throw this out there, I don't own anything connected to the Gilmore Girls…and on the off chance somebody somewhere wants to use Binky go ahead.

Friday cont...  
Gilmore House

Lane had reasoned logically that dinner with her new family would be a bit awkward after everything that had happened.

Too bad for her logic though a useful thing to have when 'dealing' with anything Gilmore or Gilmore by choice i.e. Tristan DuGrey, wasn't a good thing to have when it came to having to coup with them on a 24/7 bases. A more useful thing to have when found in that kind of situation was a bit of insanity and a healthy dose of paranoia. It only took a day and a half for Lane to quickly long for the days when her pregnancy was over and she could return to her full doses of meds.

There were no less then three conversations going on at once at the dinner table that night. Lane realized in a bit of a daze that aside from herself everyone else was able to keep up with not only what they were talking about but were following what the others were saying and were contributing their thoughts on the other peoples plans and ideas.

While eating one pea at the time she found was able to focus her mind and sort out what everyone was talking about to some extent...

Lorelai was complaining to Tristan about the odd looks and restraining order she had received from the local animal shelter when she went and tried to adopt all of their cats and kittens, she also mused that maybe she shouldn't have used the words Cruella Deville and hamster furred coats in her nervous ramblings when the manager of the shelter had inquired suspiciously about what she was planning to do with the thirty felines up for adoption.

Rory was telling Emily how it wasn't a morality issue she had with stealing from another church; it was the priests she was taking exception to because they kind of creeped her out. Emily told her the church she had in mind wasn't Catholic affiliated and the only thing they had to watch out for might be a gun toting Deacon. Rory looked relieved and readily agreed to go along with Emily's plan after hearing that.

Finn asked Tristan if thought that his father would be alright left alone with his mum. Tristan told him that he didn't know and Rory told Finn that he might want to call his old man and warn him about...well anything like all the lights being turned off in the house including and outside lights and any shadows that felt like there was someone lurking in them when he grew his balls back and returned home.

Emily told Lorelai that she had talked to Richard and he and a recovering Janlan were going to stay a bit longer in Mexico selling anti-Chupacabra amulets to some locals where there had been some mysterious happenings in the livestock fields. Tristan interrupted and asked her if she could, ask them to send him a box of the amulets next time she talked to either Richard or his grandfather.

As Emily was making a note to herself to do as Tristan asked her to in her new PDA Rory wondered aloud asked about the Gilmore mansion getting rebuilt anytime soon? Emily shrugged and ate a bite of meatloaf before answering that she was thinking of getting one of those doublewide trailer things she had seen on television, one of those publisher clearing house winners had been living in one. Finn piped up wanting to know if Hartford was zoned for the allowance of one. Emily informed him while wearing a self pleased smirk that for his information the Hartford planning commission made no mention of any kind of aluminum based home being prohibited for the area.

Deciding that she'd heard enough to last quit a few lifetimes Lane pulled her attention from the room letting the conversations better left to professionals of psychiatry to figure out, to fade into the background a white noise. Looking down at her still flat stomach she rubbed it gently and murmured her very first warning to her unborn child." Well kid after the stuff your going to learn around here any indication, you'll be well schooled on how to take down somewhat organized religions and if I understood correctly, little old ladies who think they are in a Mario Puzo novel."

While talking to her baby, Lane didn't notice the small grey paw reaching up and grabbing the biscuit that was sitting at the edge of her plate. Binky had learned his lesson about taking the food from Rory's plate after she caught him the last time and after shoving him into a sock were only his head stuck out she put him on Lorelai's old record player and turned it on to play a 45 for a good five minutes before letting him go and watch him stagger off drunkenly. But this new female didn't seem to be as squirrel like in her food hording as his human male's female did so he chanced it. And as he had reasoned Lane did notice it's absence a few minutes later though when she reached for it and shrugged it off, thinking that she must have and had already eaten it and got herself another one from the plate in the middle of the table.


	76. Chapter 76

_A reviewer has asked that you see something else from me...Don't know how many readers of this story have read Harry Potter but I've got a couple of chapters of and idea I had for that universe up. Warning:If you do go and read **Luniverse** since I am pretty much reinventing the whole HP universe it will take a long while to hammer out all the details**  
**so the story might be a bit slow going._

** A/n I don't own the Gilmore Girls and please if you do rob a place of worship don't leave and evidence behind allowing you to be tracked down and arrested because if you're going to do something illegal at least do it right.  
**

**Saturday Night  
Somewhere in Hartford**

In the small graveyard next to the unassuming church Rory watched from behind one of the gravestones, amused and a bit in awe of the dexterity Emily showed as she climbed through the open window she had paid one of the sweet little ladies, that helped clean the place before Sunday services, to leave unlatched. The whys and how's Emily was going to attach the plain four foot wooden cross she was in the process of stealing to the hood of the Bingo Biddies' leader was a mystery to her grand daughter.

"I really would like to know what is up with people I know having no qualms about flinging religious stuff left and right." Rory muttered to herself as she waited, "First it was Tristan calling me Mary and I think it just went downhill from there_. sigh_ I just knew Tristan was a carrier for something but religious indifference had not been on my list to have him checked for."

While Rory was trying to figure out if anybody in her family warranted being smacked up side the head with the family bible to get them to respect organized religions or at least show some fear the various sects Leaders (the Church of The Golden Hamster of Light did not count as an recognized religion in her opinion and thus was accepted, inside the church after finishing her task Emily shoved the large cross into a gunny sack and slung it's strap over one of her shoulders. "Rory was right." she told herself silently as she made her way out of the pulpit and headed for the front doors she planned to slip out of forgoing going through the window again out of respect for her knees. "These places ARE creepy when nobody is here...Did that saint in that picture over there just wink at me?!"

"Ready to go?" Emily asked sounding slightly out of breath, having slipped up behind Rory who was muttering about some list under.

Clutching her chest as she waited for her heart to calm down Rory shot Emily an annoyed look. "Woman do not sneak up on somebody in a graveyard in the middle of the night." she complained. "Especially when they know what you just did."

Emily smiled and shrugged, "I did not do anything except remove a woodworm infested object and leave behind a very ornate and expensive replacement...And what list were you muttering about?"

Knowing that in the faint light cast from the street lamps that Emily could see the look she was wearing Rory fought the smirk her mouth was bound and determined to do, because she had just been handed her bargaining chip, "Tell me yours first." she countered.

"Mine?"

"Yes yours." Rory nodded, "I want to know your plan for the cross and why you are so hell bent on using religion in this fight."

"Oh that." Emily waved her off and motioned with a jerk of her head for them to head for the car, "I'm going to put the cross on her antique Bentley's hood then use some fiberglass and rosin to adhere it to the metal. It'll take nearly an act of god to get it off after it sets and since she's gone to her oldest daughter's dogs' wedding and won't be back until sometime Monday according to her butler, there will be plenty of drying time.

As for why I'm using religious stuff in my tiff with the bitches; it's because the head hussy Millicent BoDengle is an atheist and she's one of those intolerant types that doesn't respect others right to believe the way that they deem appropriate for themselves. So this stuff gets right up her nose when I use it on her under bosses."

Using the remote on Emily's key ring to unlock the doors Rory looked over the red jaguar's roof at Emily a long moment before climbing in, "A simple she's a scared of religion and I'm gonna glue this to the car with some stuff, would have worked too yah know and would have been less wordy," she drawled then adding in the normal tone she used when weirded out, "And what the hell kind of name is BoDengle?!"

"The forefather of her family's that came over from 'The old Country' had been named Beau Denglebarrie and they after his death for stealing gypsy children and using them as workers on his chicken farm his son's understandably wanted to change the family's last name," Emily explained and started the car, "But his widow wouldn't hear of them completely cutting him from their lineage so BoDengle was the compromise."

"Some compromise." Rory said rolling her eyes, "And I guess I've got to be fair since you answered mine so I'll answer yours. The list I was talking about was a check list that I had made soon after meeting Tristan back when I still thought he was a nothing more than a man whore in training..."

"No need to go any further, "Emily interrupted smiling."I made the same kind of list myself when I first met your grandfather. My best friend Rose and I secretly had a bet going on about how many refills his prescription of penicillin was going to have on it when his first STD was diagnosed because they were easier to treat back then mind you and that man had more tramps hanging on him then a stray dog has fleas."

"...Grandmother please stop talking. Because you telling me that Grandpa was a _ladies_ man is damaging my belief that mom was an immaculate conception."

"Oh no," Emily grinned smugly, "There was sex where that one is concerned because you just don't get one like Lorelai without there having been one or two sins involved. And I suspect the same could be said of the night you were created."

Rory's horror filled LA-LA-LA-LA-LA chant was over shadowed by Emily's laughter.


	77. Chapter 77

Sunday Mid Morning

Gilmore House

It was an un-natural and eerie sight that Tristan woke up to. Bodies lay here and there on the front lawn; a few were even hanging in trees with little nooses around their necks. Where she had found all of those dancing hamster dolls and when Rory found time to litter the yard with them was a mystery he did not want to figure out. The fact that she was sitting barefoot on the front porch in a rocking chair, wearing a green tank top under pair of overalls, with a thermos of coffee at her feet and Binky laying on the steps like a faithful hound was already more then he ever needed to know and see.

"Her journey to the dark side is complete." Lorelai wheezed coming up behind him.

Stepping back into the house and closing the door he looked over his shoulder and found that Lorelai smiling brightly despite the fact she was coming down with a cold. "I can see that," he said dryly. "I can also see is the only thing she looks to be missing is a shotgun and a piece of straw to chew on."

Lorelai's smile grew and from behind her back she brought out a BB Gun in one hand and a toothpick in the other. "This is the best that I could do on such short notice." she shrugged, "But after I help Paris with her thingy today I'll get right on getting Rory that piece of straw."

Tristan looked confused a moment, "That's right I thought that Ror was in with Paris and you were taking on the cult." he said suspiciously.

"Yeah, well Paris said that since I was still in the contagious stage of my cold that I would be more help to her then Rory and her tendency to snap and beat the hell out of whoever it is that's made her mad." Lorelai explained looking more proud by the moment if possible.

"Uh huh." Tristan nodded understandingly, "So what you're saying in your round about vague way is that I'm the voice of reason for the foreseeable future."

Stepping around him to take Rory her things Lorelai patted him on the shoulder as she passed, "Pretty much." she said in a sing-song tone, "But I saw a big blue plastic barrel over in Babbette's yard last night, so I'll tell Rory and mom to leave Dean alone because he's yours if that'll make you feel better."

"...Better then nothing I guess." Tristan sighed. "Besides I think that if I give her chocolate Rory will let me at least kick one of the hamster lovers after she's knocked them on their ass."

"That'a boy!" Lorelai said over her shoulder as she opened the front door, "I knew you'd find a brightside.

Shaking his head at his family antics he went over to the couch and after kneeling down on the floor felt under it blindly. A few seconds later he pulled out a slightly dented aluminum baseball bat. "It's not so much _finding_ the brightside." he chuckled, "It's more using whatever you can get your hands on and m_aking_ it better to be _**you**_ then the other guy."

Emily who had just come into the room heard what he said, saw the baseball bat in his handds and stopped mid-step. "Tristan, is this going to be a bad time to talk about maybe buying the DuGrey Mansion from you?"

Climbing to his feet Tristan regarded her silently a long moment, "Depends on a couple of things." he finally answered.

"What things?"

"Like how willing you would be to supply me with a six pack a week until I'm twenty-one and if you know where a big blue plastic barrel might currently be?" he explained smirking.

It was Emily's turn to look at him a long moment as she thought of her reply, "Let me get this straight, you are going to sign over the deed to your family home for, a six pack a week until your twenty-one and the whereabouts of that big blue plastic barrel that smells like a NY City homeless man in July?"

"Got it in one." he answered and rocked back and forth on his heels waiting patiently for her to either except his offer or make a counter one of her own.

Coming to a decision she crossed the floor and after spitting in her palm held out her hand to shake on the deal"...In the alley behind Taylor's store. And I'll get you my first payment on the house tonight."

Without giving it a second thought he grasped her hand and pumped it twice. "Then it looks like we got a deal." he smiled and she stepped out of his path do that he could be on his way, "Tell Ror and Mom that I might be late for dinner, depends on how far and how fast Bag boy runs when he sees me."

"Alright," Emily nodded and then looked thoughtful, "and I think I'll stick around the house today to keep an eye out on things. I don't trust that pair inhabiting the garage to have my grand-daughter's back if those rodent molesters buys a clue and try to pull something halfway smart."

"Good thinking." Tristan complemented and started for the back door after giving Emily the required parting kiss on the cheek. "And I'll be keeping an eye out for anybody weirder then usual around town while I'm out."

She waited a full minute after hearing the back door close before Emily went over to the couch and turned the TV on. She hadn't exactly lied when she said that she was staying around the house to be Rory's backup if she needed it but she hadn't offered him the full truth either not since she caught enough flack from Rory and Lorelai to make her rethink her previous belief that high school had been the worst time of her life. "So I think Gene Autry's a hottie, so sue Me." she grumbled and settled back to watch her shows on the Western Channel.


	78. Chapter 78

A/n sigh, it took under an hour to reinstall the O/S and it looks like it's going to take days more to get Windows critical updates...Dang outdated drivers...grrrrr!! Sadly this is more along the lines of a filler chapter.(stalks off grumbling about how little Billy Gates needs be made to attend a refresher course in wedgie survival until he learns to put patches out on ALL his O/Ses not just his new fangled junk)

Sunday Night Late

Gilmore House

Rory raised her head up from his pillow when her bedroom door was eased open and he slipped into the room.

"What are you doing on my bed?" he asked her amused by the sight of her wrapped in his blanket cuddling

his pillow.

Through half open eyes she sniffled, "A better question is, what is that smell?" she countered slowly, still half asleep.

In the dim light cast by the lava lamp on he desk she saw him puff out his chest proudly before answering.

"That is the smell of victory." he told her gloating.

"...Well victory needs a bath." she yawned and closing her eyes started to go back to sleep.

Tristan looked at her incredulous, "Aren't you going to ask me anything? Who? What? Where? and Why?"

"...No, because I figured out earlier that you must have went and hunted down Dean and did something that mom would be proud to call you son for and wonder aloud why her own flesh and blood child hadn't done it to him before." she said sleepily, "Oh, and watch Binky, he's kinda in a mood since he missed his launch."

Curious Tristan crossed his arms over his chest and asked, "Why and how did the little furry garbage disposal miss lunch?"

Rory sighed loudly when she realized that from his tone he was not going to go away until she talked. "Not lunch, launch." she corrected, "See he tried to attack a guy wearing a brown and white worm rat costume that

was pacing the sidewalk in front of the house, but when he leapt from the tree the guy ducked and Binky over shot. Landed on the hood of a passing car and when the driver slammed on breaks Binky did _another_ bird impression(even think he flapped) and thankfully landed in a garbage can a few houses down where a very large slobbery dog

decided to adopt him. It took me three hours of shaking the weenie in the costume like a chew toy at her for her to give Binky back. Got an arm cramp and had to go get a tetanus shot after it was all said and done, little bastard bite me."

"Binky actually bit you?!" Tristan squeaked.

"No, idiot in the costume did. When I turned my back on him to walk off with Binky, he tore away from the dog sacrificing the 'Sacred Outfit's' arm in the process and got me in the butt."

"..."

"_**And**_ before you ask it again, I'm in your bed because I'm letting Binky have mine tonight as a reward." Rory added between yawns. "Because after I back handed him to get him off my ass, Binky did things to that man that looked more at home in a Tyson-Hollifield fight instead of nature. People that owns the house with the dog just moved in and aren't very familiar with the towns quicksand have been video taping up a storm to

send into some internet home vid contests and they promised to have mom a copy of Binky's attack by this coming Thursday."

Shaking his head Tristan went over to the closet he shared with her and got himself some clean cloths to put on after his shower, he really did stink." Where was Emily or Lane and Finn while all this was going on? I though that they were going to be watching your back."

"Oh, they watched something alright. Right there on the front porch they watched with one of mom's digital cameras. Think they took so many pictures that if you down loaded it to the computer and set the slide show on fast that it would look like you were doing one of those old fashioned flipbook thingys."

Tristan frowned and shook his head after hearing of the family's antics and was glad the Binky at least was trying to look out for her when he couldn't. "...Look guess I better go take a shower and wash the Dean cooties off of me before I get infected and become uncurable so either move on downstairs to the couch or be prepared to scoot over and share." he warned her.

Her response was to snuggle down under the covers after blowing a raspberry in his direction.


	79. Chapter 79

**Tuesday Afternoon**

**Gilmore House**

The day had not gone as any in the house hold ever could have predicted because lying on his stomach on the couch Tristan glared at the red faced woman who was desperate to do his bidding. "Can I get you something?" she stammered and wrung her hands, "Anything? A pie? Some juice? Lobster Thermador or a steak perhaps?"

In the doorway to the kitchen Rory was leaning up against the door frame sipping on the glass of lemonade she had planned to bring him but instead decided to watch his assailant start her mental holiday months before Lorelai had predicted "Pregnancy makes you nuts." Lorelai had snickered weeks earlier with an unholy glee dancing in her eyes. "And as tightly wound as she is when she goes it's going to be a doozey...hmmm better go warn her baby daddy before he wakes up dead in a ditch somewhere..."

"Woman, how is feeding me going to make up for the fact you shot me in the ass with a blow gun?!" he ranted, "And who the hell gave YOU the blow gun in the first place?...It was Lorelai wasn't it? She was watching that damn Tim Allen movie again wasn't she? Bastard should be beaten with a pipe wrench unconscious for that TV series of his. Did you know she's planning on organizing an underground riding lawn mower races in the park after this mess with the bingo bitches and hamster lickers is over with? Woman has even been practicing her manly grunts and NOT in the privacy of her bedroom. For god's sake she's getting Finn to wear flannel work shirts and reading tool magazines. So today it's Home Improvement and Jungle to Jungle and what tomorrow she's going to shove a pillow under her shirt and claim she's Santa Claus?!"

While he continued to rant and rave about Tim Allen's work needing to be investigated for subliminal messages Rory stepped back into the kitchen and found her mother flipping through a shoe catalog. "He's still mad?" she asked making it sound more like a statement then a question.

"Yep." Rory nodded and hopped up on the counter.

"...Get the dart out of his butt yet?"

"Nope."

"Think it might be why he's still pissed?"

"Well, it isn't helping his mood any but I think it's more of the fact that she actually shot him that has him mad."

_snicker_"Worked out good for me from the sounds of it what with him thinking I'm under Timmy boy's spell and not truly responsible for my actions."

"You _do_ kind of give off an 'I'm easily swayed' aura."

"Do I? I had no idea...Think we should be worried about Suki?"

"Nah, he can't feel his legs so as long as she's stays out of reach she'll be fine. Now his yelling on the other hand might scar her for life."

"Hey she's going to be a mother soon so she's gotta learn to buck up and learn to tune out the screaming and cruel taunts."

"Cruel taunts? Kind of like you had to do when you had me?"

"Sweets, I was a sixteen yr old unwed mother who had been raised by Richard and Emily Gilmore, meaning it was my birthright to be the one doing the screaming and taunting...Stars Hollow didn't know what hit them."

"I'd rather have been bequeathed a parcel of land or maybe even an over due library book instead of that obvious ego disorder, but that might just be me." Rory snorted and looked towards the living room. "Want to go grab some burgers at Luke's? Tristan's 'what-ever-the-hell-was-on-that-dart-tip spawned irrationality' is starting to give me a headache."

"Sure." Lorelai readily agreed and after marking her place set the catalog aside and climbed to her feet. Rory who was following behind her as they headed for the front door stopped and turned her attention to the still ranting teen and the now thoughtful looking cook. Rolling her eyes she stepped around the coffee table and plucked the small brightly colored dart from his left blue jean clad butt cheek. It had been a one in a million shot and for it to still have enough velocity to be able to pierce the jeans material of his pants after ricocheting off of the TV and the Front Closet's door hinted at the speed at which it had initially been launched.

"We'll bring you back something."Lorelai called to the oblivious pair over her shoulder. "He better not start something I have to finish." Rory grumbled under her breath and followed her mother out the door.


	80. Chapter 80

**A/N (Uh am I the only one to ever have trouble crocheting because your pet chicken wants to nap in your lap?)I also own nothing Gilmore related.  
**

**Wednesday Morning**

**Chilton Prep**

Tristan moved carefully down the hallway snarling at anyone that dared cross his path. Rory followed behind carrying his book bag along with hers shaking her head. Paris spotted them and started to make her way over but then she caught sight of the look on his face and thought better of it. Sending Rory a sympathetic look she beat a hasty retreat pocketing the pictures of Summer in all her arrested glory as she sneezed on the cop who was finger printing her, she'd share them later when Tristan wasn't quite so bitchy.

During first period Rory ignored the boy as he kept fidgeting in his seat and continued on ignoring him after class was over and they headed for the lockers to get their things for their next class, "I know you think I should have stayed home." he snapped not liking the silent treatment she was subjecting him to, "But I'm fine and my ass is fine."

"Mr. DuGrey." a familiar sounding voice chastised from somewhere behind the pair. Tristan looked over his shoulder and Rory leaned back enough to see around the taller boy to see who was dumb enough aside from herself to risk calling her fiancé's attention to themselves. The VP stood there with his arms crossed over his chest looking stern. "First it's you and your family forking and now are singing the praises of your fine ass I have half a mind to..."

He was cut off mid sentence by the Headmaster's horrified shriek. The rules of conduct that the teachers and faculty were supposed to follow flew fast and furious from the Headmaster's red lips as the small waif like woman backed the paling VP up against the lockers. No one in the hallway moved a muscle until she turned her attention from the shaking man to Tristan who was looking a bit stunned himself. He knew the VP had gotten it wrong once again but to actually hear the over weight man with the bad comb over, voice that last little tidbit of misunderstood dialog was just a smidge traumatic for him.

"Please excuse us Mr. DuGrey, Miss Gilmore. I will handle this so you may go on to class." she told them kindly.

Shaking her head and trying not to laugh at him, Rory grabbed Tristan by the hand and led him off which signaled everyone else to reluctantly go on about their business. "You know it's really sad that back when I thought you were king of the bastards you didn't get sexually harassed by the faculty but now it looks like you've got a bull's eye on your ass."

"...You are sooo nowhere near funny." he grumbled and let her continue to lead him down the hallway to their next class. "And another thing since we're in public and you have a phobia about leaving witnesses; don't think your mom didn't rat you out for five of those cookies Suki brought over as a peace offering this morning."

"Rat me out?" Rory asked innocently, "About what?"

"About the fact that when you were eight you wanted to grow up to be a Peruvian Headhunter and Lorelai being the overly supportive mother that she is went and found you a blow gun and no less then three boxes of authentic pre-poisoned darts to go with it."

Rory stopped and flashed him a bright smile that slowly faded into a look of fear and pointing at something over his shoulder shrieked "GODZILLA!"

Rolling his eyes he turned to see what she was going on about and in that moment she let go of his hand and ran off down the hall. Slowly turning his head and looking at where she had stood no more then half a heart beat before raised his fist and shook in the general direction she had gone, "You may run and you may hide but remember I have at least six different kinds of homemade cookies Suki made as a peace offering so you will be back and then I shall have my revenge!" When his MUAHAHAHAHAs filled the air his peers out of a habit born of their sanity's need for survival started to give him a wide berth of no less then six feet.


	81. Chapter 81

A/N Another short chapter but the imagery is kinda…well I tried to warn you.

Tuesday Afternoon

Gilmore House

Tristan took great delight in slowly eating the short bread cookie in front of a defiant looking Rory. Stretched out on the sofa with a very soft pillow under his tinder tushy looking for all the world like he owned it she fought the urge to beat him unconscious with the gift she'd go out and gotten him as a "I'm sorry but not real sorry that I said something that I kind of did mean to sound like it did." present...bribe, whatever.

"I told you that you'd be back." he sing-songed and ate another cookie after licking his fingers clean of the previous one's crumbs.

She was just a bit put out that he knew her so well. "Yeah, yeah." she grumbled and tossed him the plastic shopping bag she had loosely dangling from her fingers. Catching it easily he opened it and pulled out a round red pillow that had a whole in the middle.

"I know it's not exactly for what happened to you but it was the softest one that the salesman at the pharmacy said that they carried." she explained, "And he told me about how last year when his dad was shot in the ass with some bird shot while duck hunting, that the old man swore that if he hadn't had one of those just like that that one that he couldn't have sat through the trial."

"What trial?" Tristan's mouth asked before his brain caught up.

"His wife's. It seems she trained a monkey in secret to slip into his blind while he was intent on bagging his bird limit and shooting him in the butt with his spare gun."

"...Oh god." he groaned wearily, because monkeys were one of his less like things they were before Dean but below gun on the bottom of his shoe, "It was that Samurai Simian case wasn't it?"

"Yeah. Although why they called it The Samurai Simian trial I'll never figure out since she had him dressed more as a ninja then anything else."

"...And let me guess, you clipped and saved every article on the case didn't you?" he asked rubbing his temples.

"No." she answered defensively and crossed her arms over her chest, "Mom did because I had finals and didn't have time to read the newspaper that week."


	82. Chapter 82

Friday Afternoon

Gilmore House

Tristan and Rory sat on the porch swing and watched as Emily was nearly run down by Lorelai as she carried more of her mother's things she had acquired since moving in with her family out to Emily's car. So far the ratio was Emily one box for every five Lorelai had not only packed but had carried out to her half packed car.

Looking down Rory eyed his house payment sitting in the cooler Tristan was resting his feet on. "What are you going to do with that anyway?" she asked curious.

He set the swing into motion and closed his eyes. "This is going to be the start of my fortune." he answered, "After hearing how Richard made his fortune and how my Grandfather managed to re-amass his after my Grandmother donated almost all of it to charity, I figure I'm just as underhanded and dirty as they are so I plan to do it too."

Now Rory was really confused, "But why? You're already rich."

"Because at some point Mother and Father are going to get hauled in and put in a psycho-ward for the mandatory three days at the very least and then they'll either snap out of it or be sent home by the authorities and I am NOT going to go back being dependant on those two." he growled.

Rory regarded him a long moment, "Alright if that's the way you want it." she shrugged finally, "Want some more capital to get started? Because the publishing house sent me an advance by direct deposit and you can have access to my savings account if you do."

Now _that_ had his undivided attention. Sitting up he reached over and pulled her into his lap. "You'd do that for me?" he asked cuddling her and decided that Rory was a hell of a

lot better to hug like that then his stuffed chicken Clucky had ever been.

"Sure why not. You can even use me as a cover if you need to."

His enthusiastic response to her offer had Lorelai grinning with misplaced pride and Emily blushing.

Saturday Morning

Gilmore House

After stepping over Tristan who was still asleep and making her way down to the

kitchen she found that not only was Lane and Finn not up yet nor was her mom or Emily.

So she started the coffee brewing and got Binky's silver tea cup down and filled it with chilled bottled water. Sitting it down on the floor she tossed him a pinch of her doughnut every once in a while as she waited for the coffee to stop brewing.

Ten minutes later, Rory sat on the front steps drinking her cup of coffee and watching Binky scamper in the trees. So he was the first to scent the trouble coming their way. She was clued in a minute later. Setting her cup down quickly Rory covered her nose with her hands and looked around for the source of the stench. The mystery was solved when she saw Dean making his way up the sidewalk carrying some poster board tucked under one

arm and what looked to be an artist's easel under the other.

Not once did she think of fleeing back into the house as she waited for whatever half-assed plan he had come up with to blow up in his face...again.

"Rory I need a moment of your time." he called out sounding like he had swallowed a cultured old matron from Hartford instead of the inbred tape worm she suspected that he was.

"Just get on with it, though after I tried to bury you under Taylor's stock I thought that you had wised up." she said dryly.

"What! Oh that, that was just an accident." he grinned, "It's just like you to blame yourself when somebody you love gets hurt."

"And I just know god will accept 'Because he _**NEEDED**_ killin' because **He**'s all forgiving like that." she reassured herself and did the math in her head and figured out that if he at least came within five feet of the porch that she would have just enough time to dart back into the house grab the much used baseball bat that was leaning against the wall by the front door and still be able to beat Dean unconscious before he made it to the street.

"Like I said; get on with it." she sighed discussed.

Five minutes later he was ready and using the broken part of a radio antenna as a pointer began his lecture.

"I went to one of those numerology people that live under the over pass out at the interstate a couple of weeks ago and she gave me some cold hard facts to present to you about use being soul mates. This pie chart is how compatible we are, see how the red which represents you is in equal proportions to the pink which represents me." Reaching out he toss that poster board to the ground and exposed the one with a line graph behind it, "This red line is my potential lifetime earnings working for Taylor, it dips every time a kid is factored in, but see how well we'll do when combined with the purple line, that's you working for Luke by the way." Again he tossed his chart to the ground and exposed another piece of his EVIDENCE. "And this is the star chart of the day you were born." and yet again showed her another chart this one like its predecessor was drawn on some black colored poster board. "And this is mine. She swears that our life together was written in the stars. See her notes here about how mine fits with yours."

Not bothering to cover her yawn she absently scratched her head, "Well if your finished I'd like to make one or two points if I may? One," she continued not waiting for his reply, "you are an idiot. Two, you are an asswipe. Three, that's Tristan's name you've written you're own over on that star chart. And four, while Binky's trying to chew off one of your ears I'm going to go get mom's bat."

Dean's slack jawed disbelieving stare was quickly redirected from Rory to the chittering noise coming from above him. His girlish scream filled the bright morning air as a grey blur launched itself off of the porch roof at his face.

When Rory came back with the bat she found that Binky was getting creative and had somehow gotten in Dean's pant's while she was gone. He flailed around slapping at himself shrieking that his penis was going to get rabies from the tree rat. It gave her an idea.

Stepping off of the porch she held the baseball bat out to see if he was as dumb as she thought. Sadly for his mother's dashed hopes of ever having grandchildren he was.

Because after grabbing the bat from her out stretched hand Dean began to hit himself.

Binky who had vacated the pants as soon as Rory stepped off of the porch scurried up Rory careful of his claws and perched on her shoulder. Both watched "The Dance of the Loon" until he fell unconscious from his self inflicted injuries.

"That boy needs to be locked up." Babbette called out suddenly and startled the pair. Looking over Rory found her kind hearted and a bit annoying at times neighbor removing a tape from her camcorder, "After I make a few copies of this I'm taking one to his mother. Something needs to be done before he kills himself. Imagine beating his own pecker with a ball bat because he thinks it's got rabies."


	83. Chapter 83

**Monday Morning...Early  
Stars Hollow**

The sun had only been up an hour and few were stirring in the town when, after dropping off the copy of Dean playing his own version of 'Wack a Mole' she had made for Lorelai and dropped the one she's made for Emily in the mail, Babbette in all her hot pink track suited glory marched down the sidewalks of her home town with the confidence one has when they KNOW that they are doing what's right.

After the second knock the front door of the tidy yellow house with rose bushes lining the front walk, opened and Babbette stumbled back in shock.

Dean stood before her in all his moronic glory, wearing a long sleeve flannel shirt, dark colored blue jeans, a pair of tennis shoes, a metal colander on his head and a pie tin tied like a cod piece from that show Jackass attached to the front of said dark colored blue jeans with duct tape. "See that that, that Gilmore has reduced him to!" his mother shrieked shoving him out of the way and pointed an accusing finger in Babbette's face, "He can't go outside like that and it's all her fault that he wants to in the first place! Do you know how much the other kids are going to taunt him when they see him but will he listen to me? But nooo, Mr. Smarty pants over there says that they won't care that he'll have a case of colander hair."

Taking a deep breath Babbette prepared herself to run away if necessary before commenting, "He might have a point there. Because from where I stand having colander hair as you call it looks to be the least of his problems."

"Well of course it is, "his mom huffed, "But I'm just saying don't go borrowing trouble."

"Borrowing?" Babbette muttered, "Boy **can't** borrow anything more because he's so far in trouble with Tristan he's about to be foreclosed on."

"Did you say something?" the woman formally known as something else but was calling herself Merly(for no other reason then she thought that it was the most exotic name she had ever heard) asked suspiciously. Merly's mouth was in a firm line and one eye was squinty giving her a grizzled 1800's prospector look when combined with her bed-head.

"Just wondering to myself how much manure I am going to have to use to be able to see my roses bloom again next year." Babbette smile weakly and edged back a few feet.

"Well," Merly said helpfully, "We use at least a ten pound bag on mine."

Babbette nodded and smiled brightly as Merly went on and on about which kind of manure was best for HER roses. 'Well, now we have an eye witness account that it's genetic. And at the next town meeting that hundred bucks is so mine and Luke's.' she chirped silently to herself after having tuned Merly out soon after she'd started in on how much red tape she had been looking at when she had ordered some Chupacabra dung from Mexico but how Gil-Grey Inc. the company she had gotten it from had contacted the authorities and had told them that it was only some droppings from a blink one eyed bat _WINK WINK_ allowing her to take it home a few minutes later.

Fifteen minutes later, Babbette made her way down the sidewalk heading for home, the tape she had made of Dean's dance still in her hand, thoughts of what she was going to do with her share of the betting pool and a pretty blue eyed stalker who could have been no more then eight who was planning on living under Mrs. Bells house because anything was better then the place she was running away from. In the bag she drug behind her was some MRE's she'd gotten off of the internet, some clothes, a couple of bed sheets, a reflective shock blanket, a sleeping bag, her pillow, a cell phone she'd bribed her best friend's brother with pictures of Merly clipping her toe nails to buy her and pay the bill as long as she supplied the pics, Dean's used only once lap-top(clicking on the start button to shut down was his down fall) her pillow, her school books so she wouldn't be stupid like her family and finally a rubber chicken to shake at people who piss her off.

Making her way up her drive Babbette wondered if she should call her lawyer and start the proceedings to get custody of Dean's baby sister first or let her settle in where ever Cindy was planning on hiding and coincidentally leaving a plate of those cookies she'd made the night before out where the puny little thing could get them.

Watching from her window Rory called Tristan over. Both watched as after Babbette went inside a young blond haired girl looked left and then right before moving across the lawn as fast as she could; What with being hindered as she was with the large suitcase on wheels that she was dragging behind her. Seeing a hole in the lattice skirting near the corner of the porch that a gnome had made when Rory punted it she made a beeline for it and looked to have dived through it. Her stuff was a bit more difficult and the teens watched amused as the little girl somehow mangaged to drag it in behind her after a few minutes of fighting with it.

"What the hell was that about?" Tristan asked chuckling.

"I'm not sure but I do know that that was Dean's sister so if I had to guess I'd say that it looks like she'd rather live like a troll then live with one."

"Smart kid." Tristan grinned and stepping behind Rory hugged her from behind resting his chin on her head, "And speaking of smart kids...Think you can come up with a way we don't have to go to school today. We can sit around the house eat junk food, get on the net and sign Mr. Medina up for some free Depends samples(A/n really did do that to aneighbor of ours, came in plan brown packaging too. Mum nearly busted a gut when he came over complaining about not knowing who had signed him up for it.)

"You KNOW you had me at Depends." Rory chuckled and after giving him a quick kiss on the check walked over to the door and stuck her head out. "Mom Tristan and I are going to pretend to be sick and you're going to pretend to believe us, so call the school 'kay."

"...Alright." Lorelai called happily up the stairs a few moments later.

"And another plan comes together." Rory said smugly as she turned back around and moved towards her bed.

Tristan shook his head in amusement at her plan and tackled her to the floor.


	84. Chapter 84

A/n; darn it still not as long as I was hoping for. Blame it on my personality melt down.

I've thought myself a metal head for years with the occasional foray into the oldies when I needed cheering up. And I never really went in for the angst ridden 'Why Me?' rock of

Gen X. But lately (I'm blaming this my mother for being a borderline Hippy and the singer Amy Winehouse) I find myself spiraling back into the days of the music my mom played on her eight track player more and more. Bob Dillon, Donavan, Cher(when her long hair was real...as were her boobs)Dr. John, Dr. Hook, Grand Funk Railroad, CCR, Herman's Hermits, old Mo' Town ect...I'm telling you this as a heads up because I'm thinking that this story might have the tone changed because of my music choices. In other words it might just be getting weirder.(I was listening to Henry the Eighth by Herman's Hermits when I wrote chapter 82 if that tells you any thing.)

**Tuesday Afternoon**

**Gilmore house**

Lorelai used a laser pointer to point out what she had done to the guestroom to turn it into a nursery for Lane and Finn's baby. Of course you would have had to have been blind not to notice that the room had gone from country cozy to Arabian Nights gaudy in the span of a day.

"I'm starting to fear what her inn is going to look like." Tristan said leaning down to whisper in Rory's ear.

"I know. I heard her on the phone last night with somebody trying to wrangle 60 plumage feathers from their Ostriches." Rory whispered back, "From what I gathered she was trying to trade a few of Babbette's gnomes for them."

"...Babbette was actually going to give mom some of her gnomes." Tristan remarked scratching his head confused because he knew first hand about Mrs. Bells un-natural attachment to her lawn ornaments.

"Are you new?" Rory huffed, "Babbette doesn't just **give** her gnomes away."

"Then what did she want for them?"

"Pictures of my dad, semi-nude. She's wants to trade them to Ms. Pattie for dancing lessons for Dean's baby sister whose still living under her porch even after Babs got an Emergency Child Custody Placement order after convincing a judge last night that her former home was to unsafe."

Tristan snorted, "Hell I don't see why it took the kid this long to run. If that had been me I'd have called Social Services the minute the little ass-wipe wanted me to 'pull his finger.' And do you mean to tell me that your mom just happened to have risqué pictures of Christopher lying around here? Here, where I might have stumbled across them when I'm snooping in your things and thus would have been rendered hysterically blind?"

"Oh, hell no! Mom would rather go buy a pink, see through, teddy for **Luke **to wear to a Town Meeting before seeing dad even wearing a pair of shorts.** But** Dad's ex did coincidentally have a few _he _(the ex) hadn't posted on the net and was willing to part with one or two of them in exchange for a nice pillow sham."

"...Okay this conversation is starting to creep me out about as much as this nursery is. So

how about we go, get some takeout from Luke's and see if Paris' new boyfiend Doyle

has a cockroach race scheduled for tonight."

"Alright, but if you try and make me bet on another 'sure thing' that's missing a leg again you're going to need to use those diapers before Lane's baby does when I'm through with you Mr. It Just Means There's Less Weight It's Having To Carry."

"Threat dully noted sweetheart, lets go."

Slipping out of the room un-noticed by the others the two teens quickly grabbed whatever they wanted to take with them and fled the house before anyone could asked their opinion about Lorelai's decorating style.

In the attic sitting on the forgotten table of Emily's former command post Binky sat chittering at the semi circle of squirrels that had cautiously slinked in through the open window earlier. A pudgy mud brown to his left reached for the little crown Binky wore on his head out of curiosity. Binky snapped his teeth at the reaching paw and slapped it away. The pudgy one pouted but settled back down when Binky changed the tone of his voice. When he finished a few moments later, as one the squirrels turned and looked out the attic window. They watched silently as Rory and Tristan ran from the house tugging on light jackets and in Rory's case also hopping on one foot trying to get her shoes on. Binky's new friends' tails were twitching excitedly.


	85. Chapter 85

**A/N...I AM SO SORRY!!** I thought that I had posted this chap. already but when I went to tweek on a MASH fic on I'm working on there it was in all it's glory in my Edited file. :(**  
**

**Wednesday Night  
Gilmore House.**

Propping herself up on her elbows, Rory watched the conga line of tree rats position themselves on the foot of her bed. They were eerily quiet and because she had left her lava lamp on, in the dim red light it cast they looked like they had just stepped off of the set of a B-movie. Binky sat dead center of them flicking his tail merrily to and fro. Each side stared at the other a long moment before Rory narrowed her eyes. "Fine but if he bitches and moans about me waking him up you lot are sleeping in the oven; him included." Grabbing her lady bug shaped pillow she rolled out of bed and knelt down by Tristan who was dead to the world.

Five minutes later Tristan turned his head in her direction and cracked one of his eyes open, Rory's incessant prodding him in the side had finally woke him up. "Yeah?" he muttered.

"Move over."

"Why?"

"Because there's like fifteen squirrels in my bed."

"...'kay. Just don't hog all the covers."

"I promise nothing."

**Thursday Morning  
Gilmore house/Chilton Prep**

After informing Lorelai about Binky's new posse' and having her run right out on a peanut run for them, Rory accepted the cup of coffee Tristan had made her and then both stood back near the back door and watched Lane have another hormonally driven break down.

"Why the hell couldn't you have gotten deported like your dad you thieve'in turd?!" she screamed at a cowering Finn who was holding out the last bagel from the bag, out in front of himself like it was going to ward her off like a cross does a vampire. "And another thing," she continued to rant, "about your dad; I swear to all that's chocolate and puddingy that if you have to register as a sexual deviant and inform the neighborhood Furries's(a/n for those that don't know what a Furry is...um remember that convention on a CSI episode a season or three back and that's all I'm going to say about it, because what you look up on your comp. is ya'lls business) when we move in because of it, the authorities will have a hard time finding all your body parts what with them being spread over six or seven states!"

_**Later that morning after their daring escape from Pregzilla..**._

Sitting in first period Rory refused to look up from her test as the classroom went on red alert. As her ex-nemesis/sort-of-friend she'd be damned if they were going to use her as a witness against Geller. Tristan had been smart and had refused to step foot in the class after catching sight of Paris sitting at her desk red faced and muttering under her breath. Knowing that Rory wouldn't ditch class on the day they had a test scheduled for nothing less then a bomb threat (and then he suspected she'd have to actually see the bomb before leaving) he didn't even try to talk her into going with him. So he kissed Rory on the forehead, told her that as long as she didn't make eye contact with the blond terror that she should be fine, he added under his breath that he'd have bandages ready, just in case and then ran off in the direction of the library, knowing the aside from Rory nobody else would ever think to look for him there.

Ten minutes later their teacher Mr. Medina was really and truly hiding under his desk. Max chose that course of action because he didn't want to go to the Headmaster about Paris' behavior, not after tangling with the Geller's housekeeper the last time he'd called her family about her attitude.

Rory did note as she looked every where but in Paris' direction that there were no less then three girls who were sitting in the back crying and most of the boys in class were sitting with one hand over their crotch, the other clutching their pencils like shivs. It was funny in a 'Sadly I'm surrounded by wussies' kind of way because Paris hadn't lain and hand on anyone. But Rory guessed that her tone of voice coupled with the threats she was using geared towards Doyle, were being just as effective in traumatizing their somewhat sheltered classmates, as if she **had** beaten somebody nearly to death with a sock full of quarters in front of them.

As she sat there trying her best not to listen and remember anything specifically that Paris said, her lifetime sentence of having Lorelai as her mother worked against her and Rory unconsciously sifted through the ranting and ramblings and figured out that what had set Paris off was that Doyle had called her pretty. Not Smart. Not Devious. But Pretty.

'Yes your honor.' she imagined Paris would say in her 'I'm talking right now, so shut the hell up.' tone, as she stood before the judge at the defendants table wearing her day-glo orange jail issued jumpsuit like a badge of honor, 'I did string him up by his ears after I gagged him with his gym socks and tied him up with duct tape and yes I did tell some blind children that he was a piñata full of candy goodness...Why did I do it?...Well you see your honor I did it because the little Irish bastard called me pretty.' Shaking her head in amusement at the very thought that Paris would ever be seen in that shade of orange Rory forced herself to concentrate on the test in front of her.

Twenty minutes, 15 answers and a hell of a headache later it was the smell of something burning that snapped Rory out of her happy place. Sighing wearily she set her pencil down and had to count while taking deep breathes because Paris was making it very hard for 'Plausible Deniability' to be Rory's friend. It was only after she'd counted to twenty in three different languages that she trusted herself enough to calmly gather her things and make her way up to the teacher's desk. Addressing Max's shoes since that was the only part of him she saw Rory informed him that she was done with the test and was leaving early. She added in a dry tone that he might need to keep an eye on the small effigy Paris was burning at her desk because it was made out of tissue paper and there might be a few embers that gets away from her. Rory took his 'Mommy' whimper as an indication that he understood and would act accordingly.

Then after not making any sudden movements and calling attention to herself, she slipped out of the classroom leaving her sheep like peers to whatever fate Paris dealt out.

After the door clicked closed behind her, she heard the small sing-songy tattle tale voice that she could have only inherited from her father. It had decided to make its presence known. Rory stood indecisive only a moment about what would be the responsible thing to do in that situation before the voices of self-preservation and gilmore rose up and squished sing-songy like a bug on a windshield. For her that meant hunting down Tristan in the library to see if he wanted to find someplace to make out won it hands down over slipping an anonymous note under the VP's door and getting Paris in trouble.

Tristan was more then happy to go along with her idea; after he finished the article on some newly found Howler Monkeys he was reading about in a National Geographic.


	86. Chapter 86

A/n Having computer problems still so please excuse the typo's and less then stellar grammer in this chapter. P.S I't kind of on the short side but I didn't want any body to think I wasn't still working on it. There will be editing later after I get a better word processor program.

Friday...

It was horrible.  
It was dangerous.  
It had nothing to do with Lorelai coming out of her bedroom that morning wearing a sexy squirrel costume and announcing to the family that she was going to go it into Hartford to fight crime at night on her off days. "Hey littering is a serious crime!" Lorelai said all serious like when Rory fell out of her chair laughing at the thought of her mom actually doing something that involved a civic duty that she hadn't been blackmailed into. Tristan had just shrugged at Lorelai's announcement and stole the half eaten bear claw from Rory's plate. "Better Secret Squirrel then Deputy Dog I suppose." Lane reasoned aloud and handed Finn a napkin to wipe the drool from his chin. At his questioning look she added with a smirk, "Well if she was using Deputy Dog as her inspiration just which two of us would be her Opossum side kicks?"

No, the most horrible and dangerous thing had nothing to do with Lorelai. It had to do with the nut case that had thought giving Rory and Tristan a potato to care for was a good idea. Said nut case was going to teach the privileged children of Chilton Prep another life lesson; this time it was in the form of Home Economics. And after having looked over Rory's file she had seen that Lorelai Jr. was from Stars Hollow which was about as far in the teacher's opinion from Hartford as one could get. So with the reasoning the Rory at least would be competent in the kitchen Ms. What-the-Hell-Was-She-Thinking named Rory Gilmore as her special helper.

Walking out to the car after classes was over with a pensive looking Rory by his side, Tristan was making a mental list of what the first aid kit would need and wondering were he could get a full haz-mat suit by Monday.


	87. Chapter 87

**Friday Afternoon  
Former DuGrey Mansion**

Rory sat in the car while Tristan went into his former home to get the house payment from her grandmother. She was taking the opportunity to reset most of his preset radio stations to talk radio and that feminist station that scared the hell out of him. He'd had nightmares for two weeks after hearing their tribute song to the Bobbette woman on the anniversary of the beheading.

After putting the six-pack of beer in the trunk to be dropped off at the retirement home where his newest lackey was a residing, Tristan slid into the drivers seat. "Emily's started to redecorate and on a very large scale." he told Rory sounding amused.

"Really?" Rory asked interested, "So, what's she going with? Modern? Victorian? Bohemian Eclectic...Red Neck Married to Cousin?"

"Batman."

"Batman?"

"Yep it's starting to look just like that old show from the seventies." Tristan chuckled shaking his head, "Right now she's having and a pair of fireman poles tucked behind a false bookcase that when used leads to the house's huge basement."

Rory put her face in her hands and whimpered, "What is up with my family and old TV shows? Can't we at least do something that writers that weren't addicted to scratch and sniff stickers had no hand in scripting?"

Tristan reached over and slipped an arm around her shoulders to offer comfort, "Hey look at it this way my mom's off solving crimes I'm pretty sure she and dad are setting up to begin with to make the native yokels of what ever backwoods burg they ran out of gas in think that they're da bomb. Your's is just going to wear a revealing squirrel costume and trench coat while prowling around a park at night...I'm not really helping am I?"

"No shit." Rory grumbled and sent and elbow in the direction of his ribs, "Just sit there and look pretty."

"Can do." he chirped ignoring her muttering something about 'Da Bomb' and buying him a clue.

"By the way, Tristan what does that old man at the home do with the beer you give him?" she asked him couriously.

"It's kind of complicated," Tristan shrugged, "and I don't know all the ends and outs and quit frankly I don't think that I want to know, but it all boils down to him and his friends trading the extra pudding cups they somehow end up with when the dickering is all said and done, for some action with a couple of the retired prostitutes up on the third floor."

**"...**So umm, eww. I think I'll just stay right here in the car like I did at grandmother's."

**Saturday Evening  
Gilmore House**

Rory who was sitting on the couch opposite end from Tristan and absently flipping through her history book looking for typos, found it interesting that Tristan barely glanced up from the ledger he was looking over when Lorelai came bouncing down the stairs looking like a Japanese fan-boy's wet dream. Finn had looked ready to pass out when she had to bend over and pick up her tan fedora that she'd dropped. That's when Lane looked from the uninterested Tristan to her baby daddy and grabbed Finn by the hair on the back of his neck and announced that it was time for them to go on a pizza run after strutting back and forth in front of her parents' house for twenty minutes.

Tristan did take notice when Rory set her book down and tucked herself next to him. He really noticed when she slipped her hand under his tee-shirt and started to lightly scratch his stomach. "Keep that up Ror and I won't be held responsible for my actions." he said dryly and turned the page of his book.

Lorelai giggle at the sight of them thinking that they were just too cute for words, "Well I'm out. Be back sometime around midnight I think so don't wait up."she chirped as she skipped out the front door.


	88. Chapter 88

**a/n grammar is still crap but at least it's posted:) **

**Tuesday  
Chilton Prep**

The look on Rory's face said that she had thought the teacher had lost her ever lovin mind. Her voice asked what she'd obviously been smoking. Their teacher just laughed and handed Rory her apron after calling her up to the front of the class.

Tristan wisely slipped out of class and stole a fire extinguisher from outside the science lab. He made sure Rory saw that he had it sitting next to his seat. She smiled at him greatfully and was further relieved when the teacher told the class that they would be starting out simple so as not to over whelm themselves with a complicated recipe. The first assignment was something so easy a drunk chimp could figure it out.

Twenty minutes later Rory's name was being cursed to levels of hell not known about outside the Vatican by the Headmaster and exalted to the heavens by her fellow students.

Tristan's obvious amusement did nothing to help her mood and add to that the fact that it seems he won the pool Paris had about how long after their first cooking lesson would it take for Rory to get the school shut down, had the petite brunette looking for a rock big enough to crawl under. Her earlier argument that it was NOT the tuna salad she made that had people fleeing the class room had fell flat when she noticed actual green fumes drifting up from it's container. It was when the plastic container started to melt that outside authorities were called because the school custodians refused to come near the classroom it had been made in.

Summer gleefully pointed out to a man around Rory's grandfather's age Rory's hiding place behind Tristan. He removed his Hazmat suit's helmet and right glove as he walked over. Tristan narrowed his eyes in annoyance and decided that it was time he waded in Rory's fight with the bleach blonde.

Reaching behind himself he grabbed Rory and made her stand next to him with his arm across her shoulders keeping her in place.

"Lorelai Gilmore?", The CDC man greeted holding out his hand.

"Sir?" she squeaked and shook the offered hand.

"...You're related to Emily Gilmore aren't you?" he asked after a moment of studying her.

"Yes sir." Rory answered confused, "She's my grandmother."

"Well darlin' you just won me 300 bucks." the man suddenly grinned and looked over his shoulder at another hazmat suited man who was over seeing the removal of her 'project'. "HEY EARL IT IS ONE OF THOSE GILMORES. THIS ONE"S EMILY'S GRANDDAUGHTER. SO PAY UP YA CHEAP BASTARD!"

"HELL HANK, DIDN'T THEY BAN ANYBODY NAMED GILMORE FROM COOKING ANYTHING IN HARTFORD WHEN THAT GILMORE GIRL BACK IN THE SEVENTIES PULLED A LUCY RECARDO WITH SOME HOMEMADE BREAD AND SHUT HER SCHOOL DOWN FOR A WEEK?" Earl yelled back.

"I GUESS SOMEBODY GOT A CASE OF THE STUPIDS." Hank shrugged, then turning his attention back to the mortified looking girl and what he was assuming was her pretty boy boyfriend motioned with his head towards the student parking lot, "The headmaster told me to tell you two to go on home. She is going to call your mom though, so you might want to kiss your boyfriend here goodbye because after she gets through I don't think your mom's going to let you out of the house much after this."

Looking to the school where a cleaning crew was now entering with canisters of industrial strength cleaner to the man standing in front of her and Tristan she smiled. Her good humor was returning as the nasty fumes she'd ingested cleared from her head, "I think my mom was the girl from the seventies." she offered proudly.

Hank walked away laughing so hard he was stumbling.

Watching him go Tristan was interested in the fact that it looked like betting on Gilmore behavior reached far beyond the students of Chilton Prep.


	89. Chapter 89

A/n I'm livin on the edge. I'm livin dangerously. I'm gonna be stuck in car for six hours Thursday with my mum and uncle(heres hoping my mum speeds like a baggy pants wearing idiot trying to outrun the cops because of unpaid speeding tickets:fingers crossed:)...Anywho psyhco moment over with...Warning: This chapter hasn't been spell checked or grammared(Is that a word? Well it is now:)

Tuesday Evening  
Gilmore House

"What the hell do you mean I'm not allowed back at Chilton?!" Rory screamed, "And Stars High won't even let me on the grounds?!"

Tristan went into the classic duck and cover position to make it easier to kiss his butt goodbye if she turned her rage in his direction.

Lane hid in the front closet.

Finn banged on the front closet door trying to get Lane to unlock it and let him in.

Binky sat perched on Rory's shoulder his tail twitching in sympathetic anger.

And Lorelai held the the telephone out so that the headmaster would be subjected to the same rant as Rory's family was. If the woman was to dumb enough not to hang up then whatever she heard she deserved to hear.

"I mean I had to go over to grandpa's and grandmother's for family time for nearly a year! Doesn't my commitment to getting a better education cancel out any oopies I might have done and will do in the future?!"

There was some Charlie Brown type mumbling coming from the phone and Lorelai lifted it to her ear to listen, "Well, sweets they're offering to let you test out and graduate high school early." her mom smirked at the desperate sound in the headmaster's tone.

Hearing the school's offer Rory took a calming breath and rolled her shoulders. "But Tristan doesn't graduate for two more years so what am I supposed to do until then? I didn't want to go to college in the first place but I did promise to go when he did."

"Write another book," Lorelai shrugged, "or come to work for me at the Dragon Fly, we're almost ready to open. I'm just waiting on the last shipment of beaded curtains for the honeymoon suit and then we'll be good to go so I could use the extra unpaid help."

"Fine, alright I'll test out." Rory grumbled, it had occured to her while her mom was talking that if she was out of school that she'd actually have time to deal with the idiots in her life hopefully once and for all. Because the weekend beat downs just wasn't getting the message across to them.  
"Tell them I'll be by Friday to take the test."

Lorelai relayed Rory's message and listened a moment to the reply and shook her head at the lengths some people would go through that bordered on the unethical just to keep clear of a Gilmore "No can do Babe, Ms.Stick Up Her Ass says that they'll e-mail it to you."

"But then couldn't I cheat and look the answers up on the net?" Rory asked confused.

"I don't think they care at this point." her mom offered sounding amused.

Rory rolled her eyes heavenwards "You shut one school down with a biological threat and they don't let you forget it do they?" she snarked and stormed from the room, Binky still on her shoulder. "Tell them to send it on and lets get this over with." she called back as she headed up the stairs to her bedroom.


	90. Chapter 90

A/n This is for those that has had a really crappy Holiday.

Saturday Evening...

A month had gone by since Rory tested out and had graduated High school early with very high scores. Sure life had to be adjusted with a few tweaks here and there but it did go on. After a few days of boredom, Rory stepped up and helped out at her mom's inn without Lorelai having to ask her to. She had also surprised Tristan with the her aptitude with swinging a hammer and general handymaness. Rory had just shrugged off his shocked look the afternoon when he showed up to take her out to lunch and told him about how she'd grown up in little more then a shed that Lorelai had fixed up and made into a home. He'd smiled at the look she'd worn while talking about those first years in spent in the home her mom had fashioned for them and snuck away when she'd turned her attention back to the shelf she'd been putting up in one of the Inn's bedrooms. A little over a hour later he watched as her and Lorelai's first home was placed on the new Inn's back lawn. Also in that month Lane had gotten larger and had stepped up the taunting of her parents, she'd taken to putting copies of her ultrasound in their mailbox. Finn had taken to sleeping in a tent in the backyard and had become friends with Dean's sister that Babbette had taken in; both Finn and Cindy had started to watch Babbette's lawn gnomes suspiciously and wouldn't tell anybody why.

Lorelai's inn The Dragon Fly was finally finished and instead of a grand opening party she had drug Rory off to a comic book convention early that morning. Tristan had begged off because he was studying for his own test to get out of High School early, because not having Rory around to keep his eye on had given him an ulcer.

Deciding to take a break Tristan turned on the TV to watch the evening news. What he saw ten minutes later had him lunging for the telephone to call Luke to warn him.

Scared looking Field Anchor: Good evening, we come to you tonight from what the police has deemed the worst ComicCon Ever. Sometime today the nerds gathered into their different clicks and declared war on each other, in one part of the convention center the Lord of The Rings people barricaded themselves behind a wall of DVDs and in another section Star Wars fans built what they are calling the Death Star out of numerous used food containers and cereal boxes. Star Trek fans known to the world at large as Trekies have been speaking at length with the media, since it looks like they had the good sense to make their escape at the first sign of trouble.On a personal note a direct quote from one has summed up this whole mess in mine and everyone else's opinion in the news room by stating that "Those people just ain't right." We now go to a live security feed in the convention center...

Three Legolases(or is that Legolasi?) could be seen holding a spork in each hand and had five storm troopers cornered near a Dr. Pepper machine. A bit further away somebody dressed as Aragorn was swinging a scrawny Darth Maul around airplane style by his underwear's waist band.

Over by a pokemon table an Episode 2, Anakin Skywalker stood back to back with a pimple faced Luke Skywalker and was using their plastic lightsabers to smack any Orc that got too close. After one of the previously 'smacked' ggathered together a band of Orcs with the reasoning that the pair couldn't take them all out. It was then that a guy weighing no more then 120 pounds tops and was dressed as Boromir let out a mighty roar and jumped the whole lot of them from behind. Faction alliances fell after his sacrifice and som kids that were dressed as Tatoon Sand People swarmed the Orcs that had been knocked down and started to kick them viciously.

An older Episode 4 Obwon Kenobe was going head to head Gandolf neither giving any ground until some Battle Star Galatica old school Cylons decide to stick their noses in it and sharing a look that was clear as day to the audience watching at home the pair dropped their weapons and turned their attention from each other and to the intruding busy bodies, meaning to do the tin canned wonders serious harm with their mad Tae Bo skillz. After knocking them over like dominoes Obwon and Gandy turned their attention back to each other and picked up their ornately decorated broom sticks and started to wail on each other again.

Amidala from Episode 1, stood seething at the woman wearing the squirrel costume, hands on her hips she yelled at the dark haired woman and motioned off to the side of a stage were a normally dressed petite brunette had just choke slammed a Episode 4 Princess Leia on a nearby table before turning her attention to a scared looking Episode 5 Leia who was dressed as Jabba the Hutt's sex slave. What ever Amidala had said made the Squirrel woman's pack of Teenage fanboys mad and they took after the robed woman like lions after an antelope, leaving their new queen clutching her sides and falling to the floor laughing.

Sex Slave Leia didn't get very far before being tackled to the ground by an Erowyn who Tristan noticed looked exactly like Paris Gellar. After the shock of seeing that wore off he quietly turned the TV off and waited for the inevitable phoned call requesting he come down to the police station with bail money.

Another A/N; If I've gotten my Star Wars peeps mislabeled let me know in a review and I'll fix it promptly.(I will get a grammar checker soon...Promise.)


	91. Chapter 91

Saturday Late Gilmore House

Tristan had been sitting in the dark for three hours after Rory's phone call thinking. He wouldn't be able to go and collect her and Lorelai until the next day. There was going to be a large fine imposed on those arrested but the court was willing to let it go at that.

And while he had been sitting there thinking on how he could get the Summer situation taken care of once and for all before he left Chilton he suddenly had a light bulb moment but he would need expert help so he called Finn's mother seeing as how she'd gotten rid of her ex-husband he figured that Matilda would be the perfect person to get advice and a couple of phone numbers from.

Sunday Mid-Morning (backtracks a bit)

The day before at the convention center after choke slamming the mouthy bitch on the table Rory had gone after the girl's Trekie boyfriend who had been the riot's catalyst with him spouting off to any body that would listen that Dragon Ball Z was better then Naruto, Mean while Paris took down the other Leia wanna-be with a flying tackle, she'd been eyeing Doyle who was dressed as Sam Wise. After the tear gas cleared Paris, Lorelai, and Rory had gone with the police peacefully, much to the cops▓ relief after witnessing the damage those three alone had inflicted on people that crossed them during the fight.

Sitting in an adjoining cell, Lorelai 'Squirrel Revenger' Gilmore looked over at her only child who was bruised and snarling at anything that came within five feet of her. She was still mad because the police had deemed her attempted destruction of anything Leia and Leia related was unlawful, though justified after meeting those at the ComicCon. And since Rory had been placed in an eight by eight jail cell with five other people, each one had been dumb enough to get between her and her prey either unintentionally or by some misguided sense of heroism brought on by being possessed by whatever costume they were wearing; the Xena's had faired the worst.

Paris had been let out earlier, having been released to her parents' custody and Rory was waiting for Tristan to show up.

Forty-five minutes later Tristan smiled when he saw Lorelai bouncing through the door leading back to the holding cells, clutching some papers to her chest, he smiled even bigger when he saw Rory following behind her at a slower pace. He had to wait until some papers were signed and a stern looking deputy lectured them before he was able to throw his arm over Rory's shoulders and lead her out of the police station.

Gilmore House

The ride home in Tristan's new car a '65 Mustang was uneventful and had been filled with Lorelai's enthused retelling of what had happened at the convention. Rory had added a few things but on the whole had just sat there half asleep and watching the scenery pass by.

She waved off Lorelai's offer of a cup of coffee in favor of taking a nap and was halfway up the stairs when Tristan dropped his bomb shell of having been inspired by Paris planting questioningly acquired jewelry and Rory's arrest and had gotten not only Summer arrested by the FBI but her whole family was hauled in too. Planting two families of illegal immigrants in a locked shed on their property had gone just that extra step further then Rory, Paris and even Lorelai had ever thought to go...Lorelai was so proud and did her happy dance. 


	92. Chapter 92

Tuesday Morning  
Gilmore house

His day had started as usual.

Get out of bed.

Beat Lorelai to the shower.

Laugh as the door closes in her face.

Shriek loudly because she's picked the lock and flushed the toilet in retaliation.

Make Rory a cup of coffee.

Prove to Finn that he is not whipped and drink half of Rory's cup of coffee.

Quickly refill said cup of coffee when Finn's back is turned so Rory doesn't make him sleep in Finn's tent.

Remove the pink tutu or whatever else embarrassing outfit Lane had put on Binky before heading out the door to school because the crown Lorelai and Rory had given him was bad enough.

Afternoon  
Chilton Prep

Peering around the corner Tristan looked fearfully down the hallway to check and see if Paris was lurking anywhere ready to inflict herself on him.

"This is so not fair!" he complained under his breath, "I finally get rid of Summer. And now Paris decides that since Doyle told her she needed to tone down her editorial because it was too preachy that, that proves that WE were meant to be because only I understand her and her vision of a better world and to hell with Rory. Bitch is going to be in for a world of humiliation if she doesn't back off."

"Tar and feather." a voice whispered in his ear. "Tar and feather."

Looking back over his shoulder at Finn who was claiming to be ditching class to hide with him in a show of male solidarity he resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at the aussie. Finn's thinking that it was okay to cower from Paris and her childish antics when she didn't get her way but that you were a wuss if you so much as flinched when Rory was ready to beat you unconscious with your own arm, astounded Tristan.

"What is with you and "Tar and feathering?" he asked him in annoyance, "You've been on my ass about it all morning."

"Oh come on," Finn whined, "give me something to brighten my life. Oh, sure I'm going to be a dad and the kid will have to unconditionally love me until it wises up when it's about five that I'm a total prat but until it's here I'm living in a tent for god's sake because it's mum is bat-shit crazy."

Tristan B.S meter went off because he knew that there was more to it then that; with Finn there always was "...You're just still pissed because Paris ditched you at that party where you hooked up with Lane aren't you?" Tristan asked accusingly.

Finn snorted annoyed at having been caught out knowing that it would do no use to deny it, "Hey, judge me after you go through a complete personality change and become the man Rory says she wants only to get slapped down a few days later with 'I'm sorry but you're still just not quite enough, MAYBE if you'd go get some work done on your chin and nose we could try this whole boyfriend thing again. Oh, and I'll see myself home because I've got to go check on the results of a hamster race that because I've put my nanny up as a wager, it was either her or my car."

Tristan took a moment and put himself in Finn's place, "...Fine but we use honey instead of tar. It'll be easier to obtain because we can get it from the dinning hall. The ladies back there will do just about anything for a gallon or two of ice cream and some sprinkles."


	93. Chapter 93

Tuesday Morning continued...  
The Dragon Fly Inn

Hanging up the telephone Rory ignore the irate look and angry muttering Michele was directing towards her, all because she had taken a personal call during work hours. Grabbing her bucket of cleaning supplies up from beside the front desk she went in search of Lorelai before getting started on cleaning room 13 because she knew that her mom would get a kick out of the scam Paris was going to pull on Tristan to get extra credit from the drama teacher.

As expected Lorelai was amused by Paris' plan but she also figured that Tristan might just be a bit traumatized by Paris acting like she was into him again so she made Rory promise not to pick on him...too much.

Cleaning the newly vacated room took Rory no time and left her with time to kill since that had been all her mom had needed her to do so she grabbed her laptop and went into the empty dinning room to get started on another chapter of her new book she had started working on a few days before. As she opened her preferred writting program and seeing the date stamp at the top of the page she realized that her publisher would be sending her a few advanced copies of her book soon and she closed her eyes in silent prayer that Tristan would forget all about it . 'Maybe if I get arrested and end up facing real jail time that would keep his mind off of it?' she wondered hopefully, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that if he ever read her book that he would never let her

live it down; his ego wouldn't let him.

Her peace was shattered a couple of chapters later when Michele

ran through the room wearing nothing but his underwear and socks

yelling that he WAS the Lizard King. Lorelai and a much slower Sukie was right on his heels. "Who knew he was a Morrison fan?" Lorelai quipped as she darted pasted Rory's table.

"Sukie what the HELL has Michele been smoking?" Rory asked the huffing woman.

Sukie stopped her fast waddling and put her hands on her hips.

"Oregano and grass clippings. _Your _mom made a joint out of those fancy tissues, Oregano and grass clippings and then left it for him to find, just to prove that he wasn't the completer tightass we've all come to know and loath.(sigh)Anyway he now thinks that he's..."

"Jacked up on wacky weed." Rory finished in a strangled voice as she tried not to laugh afraid that as annoyed as Sukie looked that it might get her a time out in a corner if she did.

"Exactly." Sukie growled and stormed off as fast as her pregnancy allowed.

"Thank god all the guests have checked out until tomorrow." Rory snickered and went back to her writing."Because there is no way in hell Luke would EVER let that French fry live this down."

Tuesday Evening  
Gilmore House

Plucking a feather out of his hair Rory leaned over and rested her chin on Tristan shoulder as he sat at the kitchen table playing around on Lorelai's borrowed laptop. She stayed like that a good ten minutes and watched silently as he killed a sim that looked like Paris and then had the Tristan sim call the Grim Reaper and have her brought back to do it all over again; his favorite method of death looked to be the satellite falling from the sky and hitting her like frozen blue pee from a passing plane.

After seeing what he was doing to sim Paris and suspecting that the lonely headstone in the center of the otherwise empty lot belonged to a sim Finn. Fearing for sim Rory's pixilated life, she was not about to let on that she knew what had gone down at Chilton either that morning with Paris' half assed thought out one woman play, or about when he and Finn dumped honey and a bag of feathers from the drama department on Paris ala 'Carry' at lunch time which ended for the two boys about as well as it did for the high schoolers that had crossed the bullied Stephen King character.

"Going to take that test to graduate early this Saturday right?" she asked, watching as he made sim Paris eat some bad food.

"Yep." he answered and directed sim Tristan to call the Reaper, this time Paris was brought back as a Zombie.

"Good." Rory said wearily and decided she'd seen enough. "I'm going to go shower, call up when mom's gets home with the burgers."


	94. Chapter 94

A/n I own nothing Gilmore related. And a word of caution if you're going to keep a grown chicken in your bedroom be prepared to spend the better part of an hour while cleaning up after it each day;and with that said I think that I've now gone into levels of redneckdom rarely seen outside of a bayou…yeah me!

Saturday Afternoon  
Gilmore House

Since Dragon Fly was closed for repairs after Suki had smashed the dinning room to little more then kindling with her iron skillet after a guest had repeatedly sent back their toast claiming that it was dry and crunchy, that freed Rory and Tristan some time up to stand on the back stoop and watch as Cindy and Finn went about setting up a type of digital camera used by park rangers and people trying to capture pictures of Bigfoot his cousin that Stink-Ape creature in Florida. All the camera's were being pointed towards Babbette's house or more specifically her yard.

"What ARE they doing?" Rory asked wearily because she was more then half afraid of the answer but curious just the same.

"Beats the hell out of me." Tristan shrugged, "Lorelai told me she saw them putting flour down on the ground around those creepy little gnomes a couple of days ago. I'd heard that people researching hauntings will do that."

"Why?"

"I don't remember exactly..."He said scratching his head, "It was either to prove that

SOMEBODY was pulling a scam because their footprints would be left in the flour on the floor or to see if the 'entity' left any evidence of themselves behind after a paranormal

incident."

"Evidence like, oh I don't know...something like a footprint perhaps?" she asked rolling her eyes at people's stupidity.

"Hey I never said that their logic made any kind of sense." he said defending himself.

"And neither does that." Rory argued, pointing to the small blond haired girl as she started to take measurements of an ant hill with a tape measure. Finn was writing down her findings as she called them out.

He'd opened his mouth to make some noise of agreement when he was cut off by Lorelai shriek of "HE'S GONE! AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

Ignoring the questioning look on Tristan's face Rory stepped passed him and stuck her head in through the back door, "Okay Mom one; Luke's been gone two days and it's sad that

you're just now noticing that and two; he only went on vacation. It's not like he had grown a pair and was actually trying to escape this burg of wondrousness we call Stars Hollow."

Lorelai, who had fallen to her knees hugging a glass she'd stolen from Luke's Diner years before, looked up at Rory hopefully, "Really? Just a vacation? So he'll like be back in a week or so?"

"Yes." Rory sighed and wondered to herself if Lorelai EVER read Taylor's 'Star's Hollow's

Happenings', or did she just go right for folding it into a cootie catcher as soon as she pulled it from the mailbox? Everybody's business was printed in that pastel green newsletter twice a month(including the details for Luke's upcoming cruise) special editions were put out if somebody was doing something monumentally stupid; It went without saying that Lorelai and Rory had been mentioned religiously every printing and had had a couple of special editions dedicated to them too.

"Oh, then what am I panicking about." her mom grinned and climbed to her feet as if she hadn't just been two breathes away from hyperventilating. "...So, you and bible boy wanna go get us lunch...and maybe some pie...and some chips?"


	95. Chapter 95

Thursday Evening

Gilmore House

It was an odder sight than usual that met Lorelai and Roy when they came home from the inn.

Tristan was rolling on the ground laughing;

Finn was doing handsprings and cartwheels across the front lawn;

Dean was in the fetal position in the driveway and Lane was standing over him beating him about the head with what looked like her shoe.

Rory turned her head slowly to look at her just as confused mother.

"I'm guessing that you're just as clueless as I am huh?"

"Yep." Lorelai nodded then turned thoughtful, "I hope Tristan doesn't hurt himself rolling around like that...I'm going to need his help stealing Independence Inn's vacancy sign tonight."

"What you're not going trolling for litterers tonight?" Rory snorted in disbelief and opened jeep's passenger door.

"No, I had to send my costume out to be fixed." Lorelai explained, "Some homeless guy grabbed my by the tail other evening, when I was over there by the Burger-Trough a few blocks from that church you and Tristan stole the holy water from, and he wouldn't let go. He yelled something about 'them' having answered his prayers and then he yelled for Pam Anderson to come and help him skin out the big-ass squirrel he'd caught 'cause they were gonna be eaten good tonight. When I saw some big boobed blonde chick heading our way I just ripped the thing off and made a run for it."

Climbing out of the jeep Rory shook her head in amazement that her mom literally seemed to have weirdness stalking her.

Coming up beside her Lorelai cocked her head to the side taking in the scene, "Which one you want? Angry pregnant teen? Nearly unconscious-laying-in-his-own-piddle ex-boyfriend? Way too happy moocher? Or laughing his cute little ass off fiancé?"

"...Happy Moocher" Rory shrugged after a moment of thought, "Haven't ruined anybody's fun lately."

"Good call." Lorelai said approvingly, "Think I'll go interrogate Lane."

"And by interrogate you really mean?"

"Hold Dean down for her if he tries to make a run for it."

"Gotcha."

Making her way over to the happy back-flipping teen she watched him a moment before calling out to get his attention.

"Finn a moment please." She said pleasantly and started to tap her foot on the ground.

Startled by her voice Finn missed his mark and fell in a heap...a happy heap but still a heap. Grinning up at her slightly putout expression he laughed, "Rory! Lane's pregnant."

"No shit." Rory said dryly crossing her arms over her chest, "And here I thought she was just constipated or something."

"Nope she's pregnant," Finn giggled drunkenly oblivious to Rory's sarcasm, "and here's the rub...it ain't mine. Her doctor before, was off by a month!"

"..."

"It...It's...BAGBOY'S!!" Tristan managed to get out between gasping for air.

As what Tristan said sank in Rory felt all feeling drain out of her legs and she collapsed to the ground. Staring up at the sky the horror of what was happening settled in her stomach making her feel queasy, "Oh god! It's breeding!" she wailed.

Tristan laughed.

Finn giggled.

Lane hit...hard.

Lorelai waited ready to pounce if looked like Dean was regaining enough consciousness to start twitching.


	96. Chapter 96

**Thursday evening  
Gilmore House**

Lane could be heard sobbing in their room. No one made a move to go and comfort her, Lorelai and Tristan had loaded an unconscious Dean into the wheel barrow and she had _said_ that she was taking him home.

Rory decided to keep her distance because she didn't think Lane needed the taunting was due her...at least not until the baby was born Tristan refused to go comfort her with the argument that he now knew she was tainted and he was fresh out of holy water for Lane to bath in to remove the 'Stench of Dean'. Finn wasn't going either, not that he was trying to be mean or anything it was just Rory was making one of two things that she could without it resulting in a visit from the fire brigade and he was not going to miss out on it.

The microwave dinged and Rory immediately removed the cup she'd placed inside it a minute earlier, after two shakes of the packet she'd picked up from the counter she tore the top off and dumped the powder into the cup of hot water. A few stirs and the hot chocolate was ready. So after making her way over to the kitchen table carrying three identical cups on a serving tray, Rory set one down in front of Finn, the other on front of Tristan and saved the last one for herself.

After witnessing his laughing fit it went without saying that Finn was still amused by the revelation that the baby Lane carried wasn't his, and that confused Rory. She knew that if Tristan had been in Finn's place that honestly not knowing or not, Lane Kim would have been a marked woman.

"So you moving back in with your mom?" she asked couriously and took a sip of her drink.

The teen looked at her oddly like she'd just said that the Easter Bunny was shaking kids down for their teeth becasue he was envious of the tooth fairy's leotards and glittery wings...but mainly the leotards, "No why?" Finn grinned confused.

Tristan and Rory shared a look "Because the kid isn't yours." Rory said matter of factly.

He waved her off and took a sip from his cup, "I figured it'll be like on the show King of the Hill except you know I'll know the kid isn't mine. Besides I've kind of gotten used to the thought of her and me growing old together and raising hell in the old folks home when we're bored on the days we can't guilt the lil' wanker into visiting us.

It took Tristan a couple of moments to figure out the first part of what FInn had said and when he did he was a bit un-nerved, "You want to be Dale Gribble?" Tristan asked slowly and carefully.

"Well yeah." Finn answered in a tone suggesting that Tristan was being slow again, "He's not so bad. Loves his wife, loves his kid. And you know I've looked some of the things up that he's mentioned on that show and he sort of makes sense."

"..." Rory lowered her head to rest on the kitchen table not knowing what to say or where to begin in the first place.

After a moment of thought Tristan suddenly shrugged the whole mess off, "Alright but if you start yelling 'The grassy knoll!' I'm beating you unconscious and dumping your sorry ass in a ditch somewhere."

"Fair enough mate." Finn nodded, "Now if you'll excuse me I've gotta go con somebody into believing that an alien used my 'essence' to knock her up after having taken the form of a floppy haired ass-crack."

Rory kept her head down until he had left the room. "Tristan?" she asked her voice sounding small.

"Yeah?"

"Why is it that just when you think somebody is a decent human being they open their mouths and you suddenly just want to smack them, hard?"

"Beats the hell out of me Ror, but you have got to admit Finn's right about him being the better father figure for the kid, budding conspiracy nut or not."

"...Guess your right. Hey, and maybe Dean'll start stalking Lane since she's carrying his spawn."

"He might." Tristan said smirking, "That is if Lorelai let him survive the trip home."


	97. Chapter 97

**Sunday Night  
Gilmore House**

After giving the bedside table another look over to make sure that he'd have everything he needed while she was gone, Rory adjusted the covers of her bed making sure that Tristan couldn't easily kick them off.

In his medicine induced sleep Tristan muttered something about a singing octopus needing its rabies shot. Shaking her head in amusement at the stuff her came up with Rory slipped out of the room Binky right on her heels. Her mom had been standing just out side the door and was wringing her hands. "Is he alright?" she asked worriedly.

"He's fine mom. You CAN go in and check for yourself, you know." Rory told her rolling her eyes and headed down stairs to finish getting ready.

"I know it just I'm afraid he's mad at me since it was my cooking that layed him out."

"Mom he knew the risk involved with eating your cooking." Rory countered in a tone bordering annoyed.

A thought suddenly occurred to Lorelai and she stopped mid-step and grinned, "Hey can we blame it on Luke coming home married? After all how was I supposed to keep my head straight enough to cook when that little bomb was dropped on me yesterday?"

"You might have." Rory snorted, "Except that your first reaction was to laugh and point when we finally figured out what Luke was blubbering."

"Hey! It's not everyday that no-you-can't-do-that-because-that'll-look-weird-Luke-Danes does something this big and this stupid. "Lorelai said defending herself.

"That's true."

"...So going out with mom?" Lorelai asked as she followed her daughter down the stairs.

"Yeah, Grandma says she's got a fool proof way to get rid of the Bingo Mafia."

"I've heard that one before." Lorelai smirked, "I think I was about eight and dad had gone out of town for the weekend. Emily came home wearing about five gallons of craft glue, some leaves stuck in her hair and huge bow made out of police tape on her butt. She never mentioned them again until they went after Tristan."

"Well I think this time she might just be onto something." Rory shrugged.

Lorelai started to giggle, "Yeah, what's she going to do call the cops?" she asked jokingly knowing that involving the police was usually the last thing on a Gilmore's (either by birth or marriage) mind.

Rory paused with her shoe halfway one and looked up with an un-holy grin, "Worse."

"Worse?"

"Yep, think along the lines of every one of those old ladies grandchildren being anonymously called and informed about their inheritances being frittered away one B14 at a time, the jpegs she also e-mail them helped prove her case."

"Oh, that is evil. I see in home nurse care and iron clad power of attorneys in their futures."

"Knock wood." Rory chuckled, grabbed her purse that Binky had climbed into while she finished getting ready and Tristan's car keys. "Be home late so don't wait up."

"Okay see ya babe. Oh, do you have the camcorder in case Emily's plan goes boots up?"

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes once again, she nodded "Yes mom I've got the camcorder, bye."

"Alright have fun! Or at least be highly amused!"


	98. Chapter 98

A/n warning this might be disturbing to...well, anybody with taste. I had to take a muscle relaxant because of a problem with my neck so um forgive some of the imagery.

**Sunday Night cont.  
Somewhere in Hartford**

There was nothing dignified about how those uptown ladies acted when their bingo parlor was raided by their families. Leading the charge was Father Dugan a Catholic priest who had been on the hunt for whoever had been undermining his charity drives.

You would have thought that their leader at least would have gone out with some sort of dignity, but when she's kicking and screaming about there being somebody plotting and planning against her and that there was a squirrel over there under a street light giving her the evil eye and wiggling it's butt at her she kind of was looking to be mentally beyond the whole "I didn't do it or I'm innocent" phase and into "An alien done got me pregnant". Her family was standing off to the side quietly talking about what color straight jacket to put her in.

Her daughter-in-law was trying to talk them into a gold lame' job, with purple rhinestone encrusted buckles.

Rory motioned for Binky to stop taunting the old lady and come on over to where she and Emily was hiding. He did one last wiggle and scampered over to Rory and climbed atop her head. Emily looked at both of them oddly; Ror knew exactly what had weirded her out "What? He's been watching Grease all week." Rory said in his defense. From the look on her grandmother's face she realized that her explanation of his dance moves helped nothing. "Look I think that one wet herself!" she whispered excitedly to distract Emily.

'Sheesh, if mom got those looks on a regular bases then it's no wonder she ran off as soon as she could.' Rory silently mused.

The woman had in fact wet herself, although it hadn't been from fear. Before they were raised she had just bingoed, winning 20 bucks a fedora reputed to have belonged to Jimmy 'Frog Licker' Callahan, the creepiest enforcer the real Mafia refused to speak of because of his questionable shake down tactics. Because to them breaking fingers and knee caps was one thing but to make a mark lick a toad or eat live worms if they refused to pay up was something completely different.

The third old lady lead out was Mrs. Glick a creepy un-naturally pale woman who always wore plaid and her hair in corn rows; she was waving a chicken foot in the air muttering something under her breath that Rory and Emily were glad not being able to hear. And to bad for the chicken that the foot was still attached to that it could and had its wings tied down so it couldn't escape.

Fourth and fifth was a pair of geriatric twins wearing matching purple mini skirts and singlets. The Chihuahuas they each were dragging behind them looked terrified when the pair stopped abruptly and the little canines got within up-skirt range. Emily quickly moved to cove Rory's eyes when those two were lead out. 'And you couldn't have done that ten seconds ago." Rory complained scared that she was now scarred for life.

The sixth one brought out was a rotund woman wearing a mink coat and a baseball cap pulled down over her face and on her feet was similar pair of slippers that Rory had once owned that scared the hell out of Tristan. From angle and shadows that Rory now saw them in, she understood his fear.

"Grandma?" Rory whispered as she drew back behind the dumpster.

"Yes Rory?"

"Why the hell do they look like that?" she asked confused, "Because I know they each have more money then you and Tristan combined so why the weirdness?"

"I told you before, they are superstitious to the point of stupid...or was that some other granddaughter of mine that stole a cross and holy water for me." Emily snarked and turned her attention to the eighth, ninth, and tenth old lady being shoved out the bingo parlor's door by an old with a cattle prod and a vocabulary that would make a marine blush.

'That's Tessa Trueheart her daughters Mina and Lessa the old man one with the bovine incentive device is her husband John; he's been waiting over thirty years to get some dirt on them. Listening to the man's tirade it seemed that he was livid that they had been lead astray by the devil's game.

"I thought that was poker?" Emily muttered confused.

Rory shrugged, "Me? I thought it was monopoly."

Even Binky had to look at her oddly for that one. "What?" she grumbled and

crossed her arms over her chest, "Like it's natural for a woman who can barely

make a cup of instant soup to be able to not only get all the railroads but the

utility too and all in on go around the board."

"...You know Richard always does the same thing to me." Emily complained.

A few minutes later it looked like that was all the members of the Bingo Mafia. But just to be sure they waited just to make sure the large group of 15 to thirty-five year olds and the occasional aged spouse that looked like they stepped right out of and Abercrombie and Fitch catalog had rounded up all the members of the "Mafia" and had left before Rory and Emily started back to the car. Binky slipped into Rory's shirt and curled to sleep, while she fiddled with the camcorder to find the off switch.

They were nearly to the highway when Emily broke finally the silence. "How's Tristan? I'm assuming he and Finn will not be using Lorelai's cooking as a double dog dare again."


	99. Chapter 99

Monday Morning  
Gilmore House

Even though it was morning Rory was in a particularly good mood. Tristan was scared and mad himself a small of a target for the immanent lighting bolt that was sure to hit one of the family at any moment.

Lorelai just shrugged it off but the other two had yet to learn, "What the hell are you so happy about?" Lane growled into her bowl of nutritious mush. And for a moment looked like she was going to throw a fit worthy of a two year old because it want the piece of chocolate cake she really had wanted.

Ignoring Lane's surly attitude Rory reached around Tristan and stole his cup of coffee, "I'm happy O' Wide and Pregnant One, because out in the big wide world there is now one less crazy band of freaks out to get me and mine."

"Yeah now there's only half a dozen and at least three countries left to deal with and them she'll be all foe-less and normal like the rest of us." Finn muttered under his breath load enough for Rory to hear.

Lorelai raised her eyebrow in annoyance, "Look you little area 51 punk who you trying to claim is normal in this house?" she snorted into her mug of espresso.

Finn had to concede that she did have a point about that, "Binky maybe?" he offered weakly. From his makeshift nest atop the refrigerator the little squirrel raised his head and made a hissing noise at the Aussie before killing over again in a dead faint; late nights were not in his immediate future, no matter how amusing human people seemed to act at that time of day.

Thirty minutes later, Lorelai and Rory were headed off to the Dragonfly, Lane and Finn were on their way to school and Tristan was getting ready to get to his new job at Luke's; He was bound and determined that there was going to at least one person in his family able to cook a meal that didn't make people wish that they were dead and despite Luke's current situation with his new wife Rory and Lorelai fully supported Tristan's plan of keeping them out of the hospital and fed.

It was mid morning when the storm clouds rolled in bringing with it the lightning Tristan had feared earlier but at least now it had a completely scientific reason for being there instead of his feared 'Act of God'.

Luke was hiding in the kitchen from the wife that had followed him home and insisted that they try and make their marriage work. The lawyer Luke had hired had been no help in telling him how to get rid of her by legal means(although he had hinted at a few that sounded painful and more appealing by the day) Sadly for Danes Lorelai wasn't the only one in town happy to see Mr. YouAreToStupidToLive get what some believed was his comeuppance. Kirk went out of his way to be front and center each morning to watch the drama unfold, as were Jackson, Ms.Pattie, and Dean's mother who that month was calling herself Mary Sue Higgins. What had blown Tristan's mind was the fact that Taylor was the one who left his door unlocked each night incase Luke needed a place to hideout from his amorous wife till morning. As he moved around the diner gathering up used dishes, not for the first time since moving in with Rory Tristan thought about having the water tested for mercury or lead to explain the…uniqueness of the people who live in Stars Hollow


	100. Chapter 100

**A/N guess I should get around to doing another one of thesesigh...I don't own anything Gilmore Girls. Not even the series on DVD. **

**Wednesday Middle of the Night  
Somewhere in Mexico**

"I HATE YOU!!" Janlan screamed as he dodged another thrown tomato and threw back the ear of corn that had hit him in the side of the head.

"WHAT WAS THAT SUNDANCE? YOU WOULD LIKE ANOTHER BEER." Richard yelled back intentionally misunderstanding him and his bad mood bad mood. Taking his eyes off the road for moment he reached into the back of the small wagon to get a beer from the cooler.

"YOU ASS!" Janlan yelled back and reached to take the loosely held reigns from Richard

hand.

The one of the 'galloping' donkeys pulling them looked back over her shoulder hearing his insult and bared her teeth at him. The other three just charged on ahead hoping to be rid of the two idiots that had stolen them that afternoon. That along with the flashlight (because they were modernized and educated)and vegetable welding mob running

behind them was a great motivator for little the beasts to keep running for the border.

**Thursday Morning**

**Gilmore House**

The room fell silent when Finn finally emerged from the bathroom. Seeing how he was dressed there was no question of whether to laugh or to cry because it was laugh hands down. His metamorphosis into Dale Gribble was a complete as it was going to get unless he decided to shave most of the hair off the top of his head.

"You must be so proud." Rory giggled and nodded in his direction.

"Same to you." Lane grinned rolling her eyes and pointed to Tristan who had been caught in the middle of balancing a jelly roll end-up on his nose when Finn made his big entrance.

Rory shook her head in defeat, "Fine but you rag on mine and I'll rag on yours."

"Deal." Lane nodded and looking at Finn a moment began to question her own sense of style.

Rory and Lorelai didn't trust the gleam she had in her eye. Tristan hadn't notice much of anything after falling out of his chair to the floor laughing at Finn; he was rolling on the floor trying to get Binky off of his face because the squirrel was trying to lick residual jelly roll goo from the tip of his nose.

The telephone rang a few moments later and no-one in the kitchen made any move to answer it. Each one had learned in their own way that nothing good came from phone calls that came before nine in the morning or after eight o'clock at night.

The answering machine picked up the first of three messages for Lorelai...

"Lorelai, it's your father Richard. I need you to wire some money to Modesto Texas. I hate to ask you for the cash but your mother is some how getting my calls forwarded to some weird ass strip joint for monkeys in Columbia. See we lost a wagon wheel and need to get it fixed...and some chicken feed our roster Chupacabra is getting down right testy._beep_."

Ten minutes after that.

_**Ring, ring, ring:**_

"Lorelai, this is your mother I'm calling to let you know that your 'job' as the Litternater has been taken over by some transvestite that has a pillow as a sidekick,

puts it in a little outfit and everything...Anyway my point is sweetheart it would be in

your best interest to just let he/she...it keep the job since after witnessing first

hand how they handled themselves against those hungry homeless men that thought

he/she...it was a giant squirrel that you would end up in a serious world of hurt if you

tried to take your hobby back, so just go out and get a new arch enemy, okay honey?

_beep_"

Five minutes later.

_**Ring, ring, ring:**_

"LORELAI! This is Christopher. I'm just calling to let you know that I AM NOT A EUNCH. And I have proof.

I'm now the daddy of the cutest little baby girl EVER! Oh god that makes it sound like I think Rory was an ugly baby doesn't it? Don't let her hear this alright? Because I don't want her to start thinking that I'm and idiot that don't care about her or something...hmmm I know! I'll secretly send you some pictures of Gigi and let you decide for yourself which one of us has the cutest daughter, that way it'll be all on you.

_beep_"

"Mom," Rory said in a strained voice and her hands clasped together in front of her, "Please I'm begging you again, tell me you were a drunken slut and just pulled the first name you thought of out of your ass when Grandpa demanded to know who knocked you up. Because the thought that I could carry that much stupid in my genetic make-up is the seeing Don Knotts naked kind of scary."


	101. Chapter 101

**Friday Morning **

**Luke's Diner**

After finding Luke hiding in the pantry and being threatened with bodily harm if Tristan let on he was hiding in there; Tristan went about his job. A lot of the morning customers were disappointed to not being witness to the usual marital fight between Luke and his wife who sadly no-one had bothered to learn the name of, everyone just called her Luke's wife and she seemed happy with that.

It was around noon when the bell rang over the door signaling another customer. He came out from the back after bringing Luke some lunch thinking that it was Rory who said she was going to try and get some time to stop by and taste test a cake recipe he was working on. Who he found was his grandfather.

Janlan looked over his shoulder wearily as he approached the counter looking like he was expecting to be mugged. Tristan said as much to him and was rewarded with a withering look.

"You just keep that up boy and next time Richard gets an idea you'll be going with him and I'll stay here." the old man growled impressively.

Tristan shrugged the threat off, "Been there done that and have a psychotic squirrel as proof...Beside I thought he'd chased you to Mexico to kick your ass for hitting on Emily."

Janlan shook his head at his grandson's gullibility and sat down even though when it came to Richard Gilmore he was guilty of the same thing, "It was all part of Richard's plan...A plan he failed to tell me about till I was cowering in an alley outside a cantina in Mexico City. Bastard even took pictures, said it was to remind me to always remember he had a plan. And that there's a woman in Russia ready and willing to accept me as a third class delivery and her new husband and she wanted new photos of me."

"Russia, huh?" Tristan smiled and started to wipe the counter down out of boredom, "I'll make sure to buy you some of that really thick underwear, just in case." He saw Janlan visibly cringe and only had a moment to wait before his grandfather and the only blood relation he could stand to be in the room with started to explain why he had reacted like he did to what Tristan had just said.

"Uh son, that's what I came here to talk to you about; you buying stuff." his grandfather said nervously and started to tug on the button on his cuff. "See I kind of got into some trouble down there that surprisingly wasn't Richard's fault. In fact if I had listened to him we wouldn't have had to leave like we did but what's done is done and there's no changing that right?"(Never said he didn't beat around the bush did I?)

"What did you do?" Tristan sighed and started to rub his temples.

"I kind of talked some prostitutes into quitting and going to college."

"And?" Tristan pressed.

"Their pimp was pissed and threatend to put ME to work on the street cormer if I didn't pay him the money that they would have made for him in a years time...plus interest. Their customers were not as understanding."

Something clicked in his brain and Tristan reached for the baseball bat Luke kept under the counter to swing a Dean whenever he dared come into the diner"...You took my money didn't you?" Tristan growled and lay the bat on the sparkling counter.

"Now son to be fair it was my money first." Janlan weakly defended himself with, "and I really, really needed it."

"You're just like the rest of the hyenas in this family. Get out."

"Now listen here." Janlan exclaimed annoyed that Tristan was comparing him to the others.

"You heard the boy, get out." Luke snarled stepping through the kitchen door.

Fearing for his safety because of the look in Luke's eyes and Tristan who was coming around the counter looking ready to maim, Janlan beat a hasty retreat.

"I'm going to take a break." Tristan said dully and headed for the door.

"Okay, kid. See you in about thirty." Luke called after him. And as soon as the door closed behind him Luke reached for the telephone and called the Dragon Fly.

Ten minutes later she found him sitting on the bench near the tacky fountain in the middle of the park. He watched as she added the whole container of laundry soap she'd brought with her to it, before sitting down next to him.

"Luke called you didn't he?"

"Yep." Lorelai nodded, "He told me what happened I'm sorry."

"Does Rory know?"

"Yeah I told her and that's why she didn't come with me."

At Tristan's stricken look she realized it sounded like Rory was mad at him for being poor and hastened to set his mind at ease, "Oh no, no, no, no." She said waving her hands, "She's gone to help Richard send him to Russia. Dad didn't know he'd drained you dry and when I told him he was not in his happy place."

"Oh," Tristan sighed in relief and relaxed.

Lorelai tilted her head upwards and watched the clouds a few minutes before imparting her own bit of wisdom, "I know this changes things for you because before even though you were out on your own you had money to fall back on and now you think that it's just you but wrong about that. You have me, Rory, my parents and if you're desperate Luke."

"...Thanks for that but it wasn't what I was thinking about." Tristan chuckled.

"Then what had you looking all thoughty?"

"I was just wondering how much worse Ror is going to be now that I'm a poor bad-ass as opposed to a rich bad-boy." he answered smirking. "I'm thinking that we might have to move the wedding up if I want to preserve my 'innocence'."

Lorelai had to agree with him on that one, "You're right she's going to be handful. Good luck with that." she chirped and got her feet. "Bring home dinner." she added over her shoulder.

Tristan watched as the soap bubbles overflowed the fountain reservoir till it was time to got back to work and wondered if he could find a cheap chastity belt for men on eBay.


	102. Chapter 102

A/n This one is shorter then I wanted it to be but my family has decided to come down with a virus that's been going around and I've been staying up till 4 to 5 in the morning to help out. Then getting back up a few hours later at nine to get started on taking care of the house chores and my pets, I've been doing this since Friday so it's amazing I'm not declaring myself Queen of the leprechauns and doing the hustle in the front yard...oh wait did that last week BEFORE they got sick, crap now I've gotta figure something else to do when I lose my mind.

Saturday Afternoon  
Dark Warehouse

Not even Rory's father had ever pissed her off as much as Janlan had when he turned on Tristan to save his own ass. She knew that her mom would reduce Stars Hollow to a pile of ruble with nothing but a sledge hammer and cuss words used by pseudo Klingon's before letting one of the family suffer in her place.

Richard stood back and was content to watch as the small part of Rory's personality she had from her grandmother Emily was allowed to run free, he was just glad it wasn't directed at him.

Wearing night seeing goggles Richard and Rory searched for their prey in one of the warehouses still owned under the DuGrey name. Richard carried a net gun and Rory carried the tried and true rat flail made by her very one hands instead of having had Lorelai do it for her. He was also proud of Binky who was acting as their bloodhound.

They had been searching a good ten minutes when Rory decided to get Janlan's attantion on her and give Binky a chance to ferret out where he was hiding. Climbing atop a stack of boxes she called out in her creepiest voice, "Janlan DuGrey I'm going to see you in hell...or on your way to be married to a fat chick in a foreign country before the night's over."

"Mother, is that you?"

Rory jumped down from the boxes and had to wonder just how screwed up had Janlan's childhood been for THAT to have been an actual threat he'd heard before.

Richard led the way to where he had spotted movement after Rory had done her threat thingy.

Janlan's loud whimpers soon followed.

Saturday Evening  
Gilmore House

He heard the front door open and stepped out of the kitchen leaving Lorelai to stir and only stir the can of vegetable soup he had put on a few minutes before.

Tristan smiled at the sight Rory made. Her clothes were a torn mess, her hair looked like she'd been attacked by a weed whacker, there were smudges of dirt all over her and she wore the biggest shit eating grin he'd ever seen. Binky jumped down from her shoulder and headed for his nest on top of the television.

"Janlan?"

"On his way to fill a lonely lady's order, by way of container ship." she said bouncing happily on her toes.

"Container ship?"

"Well it's not like we could fed-ex him now could we?" She huffed and sniffed the air to see if there was anything set out for dinner.

Tristan opened his arms for a hug and to also distract her from the still cooking food. Happily she obliged. "Bet you and Richard tried though didn't you?" he probed and rested his chin on her head.

"No we didn't try to fed-ex him." she grumbled defensively. And even though she had her face pressed against his side, Rory just knew Tristan was giving her a look. A look that she had a hard time lying to although technically this time she wasn't lying...Six heart beats later she cracked; "But, we just kind of can't go into the UPS store on Roseland Ave in Hartford any more, at least until they get a new manager and take our pictures down from the front of the store." Rory finally confessed.

"Umm Tristan. I think the soups ready." Lorelai said nervously from the kitchen doorway, "It's bubbling and stuff so I took it off of the eye."

Rory looked up at Tristan in awe, "You let her near cooking food?" she gasped, "That either makes you very brave or very stupid."

"Lets go with brave until we know one way or the other if it's still edible." he chuckled knowing that in reality he was the latter since because that was the third attempt he'd made that evening of leaving Lorelai alone a few minutes with their innocent dinner. It had resulted in three new pot graves out in the back yard near the dead coffee pots plot that they had set aside complete with little head stones for each of the dead appliances.

"Hey Tristan?" she asked sweetly making him tense up.

"Yeah?" he replied suspiciously.

"Now that your broke wanna earn some extra cash?" she purred.

Tristan rolled his eyes, Lorelai had already warned him this might happen." Rory, I am not helping you clean toilets at the Inn tomorrow." he told her firmly.

"...Damn."


	103. Chapter 103

**Sunday Afternoon  
Gilmore House**

It was the sound of nearby hammering that had finally woke Tristan up. Rolling off of the couch where he had fell asleep watching a Paulie Shore movie.

He shuffled into the kitchen. Somebody, more then likely Lorelai, had left him half a pizza and a pint of root beer. There didn't seem to be anybody else home not even Binky so it was the perfect time to plan his and Rory's wedding. She had told him that it was

all on him and he was fine with that although being broke kind of made his choices limited because he was NOT going to hit her family up for the cost, he still could sell his car if he had to.

Going over the refrigerator he grabbed the pad they wrote down the grocery list on and started his list of things that needed to be looked into, finger foods weren't on the list because he didn't wasn't to die on his wedding day...maybe some quarter pound

hamburgers would be acceptable to Lorelai as the first course?

The backdoor opened and Rory walked in. She was wearing old clothes and looked sweaty and dirty. A toolbelt hung loosely around her hips and he realized that she either had, had something to do with the hammering that had woke him up or was the direct cause of it.

"What's up?" he asked smiling, he was still amused by her inability to cook but give her something complex of the handyman nature and it was done under an hour most times. "I thought you were going to be cleaning toilets today?"

Grabbing herself a bottle of water from the refrigerator she drank over half of it before answering. "Suki tried to set Jackson on fire this morning after he told her that she might rethink eating another box of doughnuts so while mom was busy dealing with that  
I made a deal with Finn and Cindy, if they cleaned the toilets at the Dragon Fly for me today, I would build them a treehouse/telescope platform in that big tree in Babette's backyard. Complete with tethers to tie themselves to the railing with so that it will make it harder for the aliens to beam them up."

"..."

Snickering at the look on his face Rory grabbed a half eaten box of cookies for Binky who was keeping her company and headed back out hoping most if not all of the frame work done before dark.

**A**cross town Mary Sue Higgins was stalking her newest prey, the woman that had come between her, Lorelai Gilmore and Luke (she was willing to share Luke with Lorelai when he was in one of his pissy moods because Mary Sue Higgins was all about the sharing) Wearing a homemade gilly suit made of trash from her own garbage, figuring that it was better then her son's attempt with a urine soaked cardboard box.

Mary Sue expertly crawled along the sidewalk as the horse faced red-haired woman did her weekly shopping around Stars Hollow; sadly no one was any wiser to her name, not really caring to asked so she was just called Luke's wife it was funnier that way anyway because he got this look when somebody said those two words. The look was a cross between him having a stroke and diarreah.

Lorelai had been over heard to say that it was because he didn't know which to do first, crap himself or die. And a lot of people agreed with her, there was even a betting pool about it ; Rory was in for the stroke if his wife just happened to accidentally walk in on him showering at Taylor's where he was pretty much living full time, Lorelai was abstaining mainly because all the good slots were taken and only 'Bad case of indigestion for having seen wife naked' was left, Tristan had to literally fight for 'Crap then heart attack because wife ends up pregnant after night of drinking' he'd had to give Kirk a wedgie and toss him out of the diner for it. That had lead directly to a new wager of the odds of Kirk pulling his pants down in public to remove his under-roos from his crack...Lorelai won that one easily because she had little faith in his shame. Rory screamed she was blind, Ms. Pattie took pictures and started muttering about Kirk being her precious much to Babette's unease, Tristan and Taylor scrambled for the diner's restroom at the sight of Kirk's stained and baggy briefs, they shoved and tripped each other on the way. Taylor won because of all the years fighting with Luke had conditioned him for such things.


	104. Chapter 104

_A/N again I own nothing Gilmore but I am willing to rent Binky out for a cookie;)_

_Sorry this one is so short but after, two comp shut downs because of the lights going out, mum's cat spraying me twice, my 55 pound too smart for my own good, bulldog puppy learning to mug people, having an electrical cable short out that caught some leaves on fire and then a large hickory tree falling about eight feet from the house I figure I'll just post this chap and move onto another because I'm starting to think this one might be cursed._

**Tuesday Morning  
New Gilmore Manor**

Emily Gilmore shuffled into the kitchen, making Richard grin at another of the traits that the females in his family seemed to share. Wordlessly he handed her a cup of coffee and watched as the smell of it seemed to wake her up.

"Good morning Richard." she yawned and sat down in the breakfast nook.

"Morning Emily." he greeted back and got a thoughtful look on his face,

"Emily about Tristan…"

"Yes?"

"Well, since he's only got a couple of hundred dollars in the bank and his parents are now on the run from the Canadian government I think that maybe I  
should help him out in regaining his previous wealth. I admit that he has done well on his own with hi startup plan with the beer but he and Rory are marrying soon and if she's anything like the other Lorelai's in the family she's going to get worse afterwards because of the fact he kind of has to always be there to take care of any messes she makes, it's usually in the prenups. So he's going to need a lot more money."

"...Couldn't WE just give him the seed money?" Emily asked confused because to her it was a simple solution.

Richard shook his head, "No. He's more like I was at his age and is thinking about the larger picture."

"Oh," Emily nodded and smiled warmly, "He wants to be his own man and do it himself."

The look Richard gave her suggested that he thought that she had lost her ever loving mind," Nooo," he drawled, "He's thinking that the less people in on it, the fewer there are to be brought in and used as state's evidence against him." and with that said he opened his newspaper and started to look over the sports section.

A few minutes and half a cup of coffee later Emily just had to ask the burning question, "Just what DID the DuGreys do that made them wanted by the Canadians. They are the most tolerant of the United States neighbors. Hell look at how many times they have let you go."

"Tristan's mother was over heard to say in a local diner in Ottawa that she thought Celine Dion sounded like a herpes infected frog trying to burp the alphabet when she sings."

Emily thought to ask something else but changed her mind "uh, no, nevermind," she shuddered," I don't really want nor do I need any more imagrey so I'm shutting up now."

Richard lowered his newspaper enough to peer over the top of it, "You can actually picture in your mind a frog on stage in a low cut sequin gown singing can't you?"

Emily closed her eyes and nodded her head, Richard continued in a very amused tone "Well if you think that's bad, Rory actually had Tristan put it to paper and let me tell you the three inch stilettos he has it wearing tramps it up to new levels I always thought Lorelai would reach."

As Emily fled the room before he shared anything else with her, she worried that he would e-mail her the picture Tristan drew and made a mental note to have anything from Richard automatically sent to her trash file for the next month.


	105. Chapter 105

Thursday

Gilmore House

It had taken her a few days longer then she had wanted to finish the tree house/telescope platform but after tightening the screws down on the tin foil dispenser so that it would be easy for them to make their little hats, she was done.

The job had taken days longer because after that one day working for Lorelai at the inn Finn and Cindy had refused to go back. Both kept looking over their shoulders and muttering something about twitchy Frenchmen and booby trapped ficus.

She was putting her tools away when the bushes separating the Gilmore back yard from Babette's haven for creepy gnomes started to shake slightly. Closing her eyes in annoyance she reached down and grabbed the super soaker Lorelai had fixed up for her.

Without really aiming for any one thing she shot the bushes and a second later three people wearing robes with little ears on the hoods staggered from the foliage howling, rubbing their eyes and one was even gagging. "Mom will be so happy her homemade soup is good for something other then weed killer." Rory grinned evilly and finished gathering her stuff together.

By then Babette had heard the noise the cult members was making and came out swinging her broom, she then chased them to the street and stood on the sidewalk waving her weapon that was the bane of every mouse that had dared to come into her house, and jumping up and down cursing whatever had spawned the three goobers into the level of hell reserved for Hitler and whoever had come up with that Head On commercial.

Stepping into the house Rory was greeted by two pairs of eager eyes.

"Alright go on." she told Finn and Cindy, "It's finished, but don't come bitching to me if you two end up probed."

"We won't." they answered in unison and nearly ran her down as they raced outside, one was carrying a large telescope with tripod and Finn had the porcelain tea set Lorelai had gotten for them at a yard sale a few weekends before.

She was rooting around in the refrigerator for a snack when Tristan walking into the kitchen looking for her, "Hey Ror."

"Yeah?" she replied and looked around and found him looking pensive, he had a small legal pad in one hand and a chewed on pencil tucked behind one of his ears.

"Are you opposed to getting married in your cotillion dress?" Tristan asked wearily, he found himself having to ask because there wasn't enough money for food _and_ Rory a new dress.

Rory looked at him oddly because she had thought that he understood that the "Who the hell needs an uberly expensive dress you'll only wear once." rant she had done a few months before, when Lorelai brought up her needing to go look for a wedding dress, meant that she was all in favor of recycling what was in her closet if possible.

"No." Rory finally answered slowly in a tone suggesting she thought it was a good thing he was so damn cute because he was being stupid again.

"Okay, good." he grinned and turning on his heel he headed back upstairs with a bounce in his step.

"...Dumbass." she muttered and went back to trying to find herself and after lunch snack

Binky, who was sitting on the counter eating some birdseed mix from the large heavy bowl they kept filled for him, looked up interested in the exchange and chirped at her.

"Don't worry about it Binks, your owner is just being an over thinking weirdo again." Rory grumbled. "It's like when he was obsessing on whether or not I'd still marry him after I found out his middle name is really Lester."

Binky chirped and clicked at her and Rory took it to mean he agreed with her unvoiced opinion that Lester was a pretty sucky middle name and Tristan had been well within his rights to lie about it. "See, you get it. But the great Twitchy One went all girlie on me and it took two hours to convince him I wasn't mad at him for lying about his full name...like I said, dumbass."


	106. Chapter 106

**Saturday Morning  
Gilmore House**

Just to be sure that she and Binky were the only ones left home Rory waited a good twenty minutes after she heard her mom's jeep pull out of the driveway before climbing out of the crawl space under the house, with a mom like Lorelai you couldn't be too careful about things like that; the woman was not above climbing onto the porch roof and waiting for your unsuspecting self to creep out from what ever hidey-hole you made for yourself.

_Tristan sadly hadn't moved fast enough when Lorelai announced that morning that she was going to hit the yard sales two counties over and Finn who Lane was making go also, was able to take him down with a leg sweep and drag the blond kicking and screaming to the car, because there was just no way in hell Finn was going to go with the those financially strapped shopaholic females, alone.They would bargain with the devil himself if it meant getting a used blender for twenty-five cents less._

After dusting herself off Rory smelled something in the air. It was the smell of stupid, so she hurried into the house to get the present Tristan had gotten for her two days prior as and engagement gift because if her morning had been any indication of what the rest of her day was going to be like then she was going to need it.

Two hours later she was sitting on the front porch watching Binky chase a rather large and very scared looking German Shepard down the sidewalk. The dog's owner was standing gob smacked by the sight of his eight hundred dollar guard dog having messed itself and running off in terror from a slightly over weight squirrel.

"Better go get your puppy Mister." Rory called out amused, "Last dog that tried to crap in our yard had to be sent to one of those dog psychologist things after Binky was done with it and the poor thing still wets herself when she sees anything even slightly rodent looking." that taunt seemed to jolt the dog's owner into action and he took off after his pet yelling something about his wife having his balls mounted to the wall if anything happened to her precious 'Snooky Woo Woo'.

"Dog doesn't need to be running from Binky." Rory chuckled to herself, "With a name like that he needs to be running into traffic." Ten minutes, a glass of lemonade and a phone call from Tristan asking for her to send help for he and Finn, Binky came strutting up the drive. Suddenly he stopped and looked around wearily.

"What is it boy?" Rory asked concerned, "Is it Timmy? Are we going to need Luke's brother-in-law's services again because you tossed him down the well again?"

Standing up on his hind paws the little squirrel started to chitter excitedly and got that unnerving predatory look in his eyes one normally associates with hunting lions or Lorelai on a yard sale junket.

Picking up her present Rory got to her feet and stepped off of the porch, " 'ware all beasts." she intoned gravely, "Something moronic this way comes."

Binky heard the unknown footsteps approaching before Rory did and he ran to place himself between her and who ever was coming up the street, she knew he just wanted first crack at who ever it was because last time she seen Dean, Binky wouldn't look at her for three days afterwards; because she'd grabbed up a feral cat from an open garbage can and had thrown it at the unsuspecting boy who at the time had his back turned towards her and was tying his shoe; Rory knew Binky had just mad because she hadn't thrown him instead.

Christopher smiled at the sight of his oldest child standing at the foot of the porch steps, and wasn't that just the cutest little squirrel sitting there at her feet. 'I wonder how long she's had to stand there like that before that cute lil' fella decided to get that close?" he wondered silently to himself and started up the drive.

**Saturday Evening  
Gilmore House**

It was a sorry sight to see the two healthy teenage boys stagger into the house using each other as a brace as they shuffled across the room and collapsed onto the couch and floor. They were asleep within moments and Rory winced in sympathy.

Lane waddle passed in a hurry heading for the bathroom after greeting Rory with a quick Hi and Bye.

Lorelai was bringing up the rear and was easily carrying their bags and bags of purchases, "Sweets, why is your father unconscious, laying tied to the ground spread eagle in his underwear and twitching."

Rory who was sitting in the recliner eating a bowl of ice cream and watching the original Hairspray movie spared her mom a brief glance. "Used my cattle prod on him after Binky had had his fun by running up his pant's leg making dad striped all his cloths of trying to get to him." she said almost offhandedly.

"Why cattle prod him in the first place?" Lorelai asked then quickly answered the question herself, "Alright I can see why. There's a oodles of reasons why, so never mind."

Rory decided to go ahead and get it over with, "**He's** the new owner of the Independence Inn. That other guy you've been pranking is just the manager."

Lorelai looked at Rory blankly a moment before dropping all her things and making a bee line for the kitchen, "Honey's on counter and I went and got you a couple of mason jars full of sugar ants out on the back steps. Figured the feel of the little buggers with drive him crazy...well crazier." Rory called after her. Coming back through a few moments later carrying all the stuff her child had gathered for her Lorelai beamed, "And I take it that you've called Ms. Pattie and told her she needs to do you a solid by taking care of your injured father...starting tomorrow?"

"Yep, said she'll be by first thing in the morning." Rory grinned back and watched her mom skip from the house to do her own mischief.


	107. Chapter 107

Monday Evening

Luke's diner

It was nothing short of a war council that Lorelai had gathered. She paced back and forth in front of the counter where her people had gathered to watcher her...well pace back and forth.

"Look peeps this is serious so some crap has to be done. You!." she said pointing at

Lane, "Get over yourself and make nice with your mother, I'm going to need HER since you haven't lived up to your sidekick agreement. And you!" she said turning to Finn, "Get a job because you might need to think about moving Lane and yourself out. I know that this is going get ugly and I don't want you getting in the cross fire. Christopher's family is the third richest in Hartford and his father just died leaving him everything."

"Nope, ain't gonna happen." he answered in a weird Australian/southern hybrid accent.

"They stood at the Alamo and I'll stand here against who ever the hell's ballsy enough to come after us." Beside him Lane was nodding her agreement with what he said.

Lorelai stared at him a long moment before smiling proudly, "Good, you start work at the Inn Friday...and bring Cindy she's got a teacher's workshop or something that day."

She then narrowed her eyes at Luke who was lurking behind the counter, "You make up your mind one way or the other." Luke nodded knowing that he really should get around to either being all for Lorelai and her family or keep up the drama with his wife. But it was just so much fun jerking the town around making them and her(his wife) believe that he was afraid of her, him and Taylor hadn't had this much fun since the "Great Parking Wars" of '92.

Finally Lorelai looked at the last two, "Tristan do something about that weird ass cult once and for all because as amusing as they are, they're a distraction for Rory and I need her icy for this. And Sweets I know Dean will never completely go away what with him obsessing about you and now being the daddy to Lane's baby but find a way to occupy him."

"And now before we go and start on our assignments I'm announcing that Tristan and Rory's wedding has been moved up so that Christopher can't make a nuance of himself. I've got my parents working on getting the necessary paper work making it all nice and legal so nobody can go behind our backs and try to have it annulled. So keep tomorrow afternoon open...Dismissed."

Slowly the teens slipped off of the stools, their amusement had been replaced by weariness. And as a huddled group they backed their way towards the door not wanting to be taken by surprise by anything else Lorelai might have planned.

Outside Rory shared a look with Tristan who in turn looked at the other two, "So who is going first?"

Lane shrugged, "I guess I am. Better go and get some of that tea mom likes and talk dad into cutting the grass in the backyard."

"And you think that'll set things right with your mom?" Tristan snickered.

"Well yeah. It's what she put in her letter of demands she sent last week." Lane answered confidently and headed for Taylor's grocery store next to Luke's to get the tea for her

mom and the whiskey by way of delivery for her dad, knowing that drunk was the only way he'd be brave enough to go into the backyard and attempt to mow it.

Finn grinned and pulled his baseball cap down over his eyes, "I'M going to go recon my new job. Maybe annoy that frenchie if I get time. Suki said last time I was up there if I

made him cry in front of her at least once she'd bake me a pies for a year." then he too

was gone with an odd swagger; his cowboy boots were still stiff with newness and his jeans were too tight.

"And then there were two." Tristan shrugged and jerked his head towards home, "I'm heading off with Binky, got an idea on the cult thing. Want me to pick you up something?"

"...How about a girl low enough and desperate enough to be willing to go after Dean?"

Rory asked hopefully.

Leaning over Tristan kissed her forehead, "Sorry Ror, but I buried all the numbers I had of the _really_ desperate girls I knew, in my backyard the first day I met you."

Rory chewed on her bottom lip and looked thoughtful a moment, "Where at in your backyard?" she finally asked.

"What are you going to do Rory sic one obsessive person on another?" Tristan laughed and said aloud the most asinine thing he could think of, believing she was just throwing stuff out there while brainstorming.

She had been, but hearing Tristan's much better idea caused Rory to grin and rub her hands together. "Ohh, "she squealed "that's much better then me tricking him into blind dates until on girl catches his fancy. So again, where exactly did you bury the numbers?"

Shaking his head at his own stupidity for giving her ideas, he slung an arm over shoulders and started to lead her away heading for home, "Alright, I know better then to argue but if I help with this then you have to help with mine...In fact I can put off the cult for a few days if I **do** have help besides Binky."


	108. Chapter 108

**Wednesday Morning**

**Gilmore House **

A pretty little red bird sat outside on a window sill glad to be alive and singing it to

the world. That is until a cranky squirrel slipped under the cracked open window and tried to pull each and every feather from its tail section.

After watching the startled bird fly off in a tizzy, the squirrel slipped back into the house and made its way back to the bed and to the pillow he had commandeered the night before from the girl after she fell asleep.

"Thanks Binky." Rory muttered from her side of the bed, and dropped the shoe she'd been planning to throw at the bird, not caring that she'd have most likely have broken her

window in the process.

She was more then half asleep when the bedroom door opened and Tristan walked in, he'd been up for hours already laughing at the 'Scavenger Hunt for Forgiveness' that Lane's mother had her doing. Her fulfilling her mother's previous demands had been met with acceptance but Finn figured that she needed to be told the truth about the baby's paternity since Lane had refused to believe his whole alien abduction story. Mrs. Kim had been less then pleased by her daughter revelation of her baby daddy name; hence Lane's current set of tasks. Finn though, was now Mr. and Mrs. Kim's favorite because he had been willing to claim the village idiot's child as his own to save it from the shame of it's true parentage; or that's what Mr. Kim said as he clutched the half full bottle of whiskey to his chest as he and Finn looked out over the weedy jungle of the Kim's backyard while back in the house the women in the Kim family screamed at each other in Korean and Klingon.

Leaning over Rory Tristan reached out and tugged on the pony tail she'd put her hair up in the night before. "Hey Ror."

"hmmm..."

"I found your cotillion dress."

"hmmm..."

"I'm going to have to go get an advance from Luke and go buy you something else."

"hmmm...why?"

"Because I'd forgotten how butt ugly I thought the thing was the first time I saw it and

it kinda accidentally caught on fire after I tossed a lit match on it after using it to

soak up some spilled gas."

"...'kay."

"And since it's the first and last time you're getting married I thought you might wanna

come with and pick it out."

"...Time is it?"

"8:30"

"...In the morning?"

"Yeah."

"...Get'em Binky, he ate the last of the potato chips last night."

His head snapped up and he found himself nearly nose to nose with an angry looking

squirrel, jumping back from the bed Tristan bolted for the door with Binky half-heartedly

snapping at his ankles, "I'll take that as a no." he yelped and slammed the door closed

behind him making the squirrel slam into it.

Shaking his head to clear it Binky went back to his pillow where Rory reached over and covered him up with the small blanket she'd made for him. "You can have his dessert for

the rest of the week." she smirked and after hearing her offer Binky fell asleep chirping

softly under his breath dreaming of cookies.

A couple of hours later Lorelai opened the door and let the smell of pancakes waft in to wake Rory up.

Lifting Binky from her head Rory rolled out of bed and barely managed to keep from hitting the floor with a thud, shuffling out of her bedroom she grabbed the offered plate her mom was holding out to her and made her way down stairs.

Lorelai decided to fill Rory in on the mornings happenings while she ate "Richard and Emily are here, Lane's mother has gotten the place half-way wedding like, Tristan got

back about half an hour ago with your dress and the minister is getting his obligatory

drink on so he'll be five sheets to the wind in no-time."

Rory looked up from her food and looked at Lorelai a long moment before sitting down on the couch "...Mom is obligatory a real word because I'm still too sleepy to tell."

"Eh." Lorelai shrugged, "Might be, know it sounded like it fit in the sentence in my head."

"Well as long as you can live with your word choices." Rory smirked and turned her attention back to her food.

"Anyway," her mom continued, "Do you need to talk about anything, since tonight's your wedding night?"

"Like one of those mother daughter talks about wifely duties and such?" Rory asked squinting at Lorelai oddly.

"And such" Lorelai grinned.

"...Fine, then how much C4 does it take to blow a 6x6 hole in a cinder block wall?"

"Oh good lord he went and got me a Scarlet O'Hara costume." Rory groaned and regarded the green and gold corded monstrosity wearily, "Please tell me he rented this thing?"

"Nope." Lane chirped and flitted around the room as much as her protruding belly would allow, "He asked what your favorite book was and I told him Gone with the Wind...isn't it romantic?"

"...Lane Gone with the Wind is YOUR favorite book." Rory growled.

Lane's eyes grew wide and she backed out of the room stammering, "Oh, um yeah, I forgot about that...oops."

"So what are you going to do now Sweets?" Lorelai asked amused from where she was lounging on the bed.

"I'm going to do whatever I have to, to retain my dignity. Wearing one ugly dress a year is my limit." Rory answered and went over to her dresser.

"Meaning..."

"You'll see."

**T**ristan's laughter filled the air when Rory stepped out the back door wearing a pair of sneakers and one of his shirts that hug down nearly to her knees.

As they walked down the 'aisle' Lorelai leaned over, "And this is preserving your dignity?" she asked in a dry tone.

"You DID see that dress right?" Rory countered and quickened her pace. "Beside it's not like a pair of black cargoes and black tee are exactly the latest in groom's wear."

Lorelai did have to give her that one, "He is wearing a shiny wallet chain." Lorelai argued, "That's kinda...no, no it's not."

As they waited for the Minister to find the right page in his book Tristan leaned over, "You just won me a hell of a lot of money Ror." he whispered grinning like a loon.

"Explain." Rory sighed.

"For some reason every female here excluding Lorelai, thought that you would be thrilled with that dress. Kept saying how romantic it was; so I offered them a wager on it."

"Romantic? It's based on something from a book about a lying nympho, who made it her life's goal to have things that weren't hers to have and when somebody DID come along dumb enough to love her despite her flaws she threw him away and only wanted him back when there was little to no chance in hell he'd ever want her again." Rory ranted in low tones.

"I TOLD them you thought the book was a piece of useless tripe but they didn't believe me." Tristan sing-songed and then notice the Minister was ready to start.

"**D**early beloved we are gathered here to witness the joining of these two underage children in the bonds of holy matrimony and blah blah blah, look you two promise not to have me arrested or sued for this later on?

"We promise." Tristan and Rory answered in unison.

"Good then skipping all that stuff few people if any believe in anymore, put the ring on each others fingers and I'll pronounce you husband and wife because frankly you lot have scared me into sobriety and I need to get to my first AA meeting."


	109. Chapter 109

A/n Sorry for being so late getting this chpt out. Having bad allergy attacks and even the non-drowsy meds make me sleepy for some reason and then I can't think straight when I'm finally forced to take them by my mum and BDB(Big Daddy Buffy, step-father extrodinair, for those that haven't read my myspace blog).

Lorelai reveled in the silence of her home. Lane and Finn were over at the Kim's and  
she'd sent Rory and Tristan to the Dragon Fly for the next two days while Luke finished  
the attic up for them as a larger bedroom so Tristan could finish unpacking his clothes  
from the duffle bag he'd brought with him when he'd moved in.

After getting herself situated at her computer, she double clicked the Sims2 icon and waited for the game to load, she had restarted the game after the Sim Dugreys had lost three of their children to the social worker during one night of play because the kids would not do their homework and Sim Tristan refused to lecture them about their bad grades...

_Sim Rory looked down at the three green bottles littering the kitchen floor that had green smoke drifting up from them and sighed. The garbage needed to be taken out, the fish tank cleaned and the garden weeded. Cleaning was NOT her favorite thing to do, it wasn't even in the top ten things she liked to do but somebody had to clean the place before the social worker showed up._

_Sim Tristan cuddled his first born and made cooing noises at him as the toddler grew more and more tired. He gently lay the toddler down and watched him a moment to make sure Mikey was down for the night before turning his attention to the crib across the room where he had placed the newborn after his bath. (When Sim Rory had been in labor with that one she'd actually hissed at Sim Tristan when he'd started to cheer.) Sim Tristan had been slightly disappointed that it had been a single birth, so next time he thought Sim Rory might be pregnant he was feeding her cheesecake for dessert every chance he got. Baby Richie looked up at his father and gurgled sleepily, Sim Tristan smiled down at the baby and made sure he was all set for the night also, before heading off to spend time with his wife. _

_Walking into the kitchen Sim Tristan found Sim Rory wiping down the counters making then shine, he felt guilty for not helping much with the house work but his job as a Lab Subject wore him out; just the other evening after getting home from work he had fallen asleep in his own pee on the side walk. _

_Wordlessly Sim Tristan went over to the refrigerator and took out dinner, he now had three and three quarter cooking points so he could at least make more for dinner then sandwiches or instant meals._

_Sim Rory fixed herself a cup of coffee and watched the thing above his head fill up with blue light as Sim Tristan cook dinner, telling herself that they already had a toddler and a newborn so there would NOT be anymore WooHooing anytime soon, no matter how good he looked while cooking. He turned from the stove and flashed her a knowing grin that had her glowering at his back as he served the food._

_After sitting down to eat he started to tell her about his day and the rumor he had heard about another burglar being in the neighborhood. Rory smirked remembering the ass kicking the last one had gotten when she had broken into their house soon after Sim Tristan had gotten a bonus at work although she was more amused by her husband growling at the police officer that had been flirting with her after coming back from arresting the crook to give them the reward for the burglar's capture. Sim Rory realized he must have remembered the police officer when Sim Tristan started to mutter under his breath about how a cop might just need to die by flies if he didn't keep his lame ass come-ons to himself._

_Unbeknownst to those inside Sim Dean was lurking around outside just waiting for the perfect time to steal the DuGrey family's gnome as a souvenir._

Lorelai grinned evilly, hit pause and got the command prompt up on the screen, then after typing in the boolprop cheatsenabled true cheat spawned the tombstone allowing her to remove problem sims and unpaused the game...

_Sim Dean looked at the large tombstone that had suddenly appeared next to the front steps a long moment before shrugging because it didn't look very useful. He was reaching for the gaudy lawn ornament when he suddenly found himself on his back looking up at the night sky; he heard the whistling noise first and then pointed excitedly at the large object hurtling towards him from space. "Fu Gen Shnot." he muttered a second before the satellite hit him. _

_The Grim Reaper suddenly appeared and chuckled at the smoldering mess he'd found. And as the despondent sim's ghost hovered nearby, the Reaper marked his death down on his scroll. He'd been eagerly a waiting that ones death for a while._

Lorelai paused the game again and exited the house without saving, she was thinking of wiping the neighborhood and rebuilding her Stars Hollow Neighborhood, because she was thinking of sending Sim Rory and Tristan to college so that they would be qualified to earn more money at their jobs next time around and that would allow them to comfortably have even more children and hire a maid **and** the nanny to help out around the house.


	110. Chapter 110

Wednesday continued...

While Lorelai was running Sims lives like she wanted to run her daughter's but knew better then to ever try, her parents Emily and Richard were in high spits as they drove home without incident; or at least that had been the plan. A large hair covered humanoid crossing the road at a leisurely pace ten yards in from of their car kind of changed those plans right quick.

Slamming on the breaks and causing the car to skid to a halt Emily looked over at an equally stunned looking Richard.

"Did you see that?" she gasped and leaned forward over the steering wheel to peer into the darkness after the creature.

Richard not trusting his own voice not to sound like a scared nerd at a seeing a real live naked girl for the first time, nodded his head so fast he was in danger of giving himself a case of whiplash.

They sat in silence a good twenty minutes with their car stopped right in the middle of the road, "I think I'm going to mark this spot and we'll come back tomorrow to see if we

can pick up its trail." Richard said finally shattering the uneasy silence; he had regained his sense of self, somewhat.

"How are you planning to mark this area? We don't have any thing like paint in the trunk, spray or otherwise." Emily whispered, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles were white.

Realizing that she was right he thought fast, "Give me your bra." he told her in an equally quiet tone and was glad Emily still seemed to be in shock because at any other time he would have been inviting a world of hurt to visit his person for daring to say that to her. (See scars from their first date as evidence to the fact.)

With a deftness and skill only a females seem to be able to exhibit, Emily removed her bra without having to remove her shirt and handed it to him all the while still staring into the dark woods where the Thing had entered them.

Emily locked the doors as soon as he had exited the car and waited anxiously for him to

return from where he was tying the red lacey underwear to a sapling much too close to the

woods for her liking. And it was only after he had his hand on the door handle before she reached over and manually unlocked the passenger door. As soon as he had sat down and with the door still more open then closed Emily stomped on the gas peddle and the BMW shot forward leaving another pair of skid marks behind.

"We're going to need some hiking equipment, a dart gun and a couple of digital cameras."

he told her later after they had returned home and had drank a large brandy apiece.

Hearing the 'we' part had Emily looking at him sharply and narrowing her eyes. "...Fine, YOU carry all of that. Me? I'm taking a shotgun loaded with buckshot and I also want a rat flail and the rat IS NOT to be drunk or drugged." she told him firmly.

Richard knew from that tone that it would be in his best interest to give into _her_ choice of equipment, so after checking the house to make sure it was shut up for the night, after Emily had gone on up to bed, he set off in search of a large slightly crazed looking rat that was hopefully inhabiting their basement because he was not looking forward to going outside in the middle of the night to look for one in the wilds of their back lawn.


	111. Chapter 111

Thursday Morning, Early.

Dragon Fly

When Tristan fell out of the bed and hit the floor with a thud and a yelp, Rory looked

over the edge at him sleepily. "What's wrong with you?" she yawned and then moved back to snuggle down in the warm spot in the bed his body had left.

"I forgot for a second there that I can see you naked now." he chuckled.

Rory's reply was an unintelligible grunt but he suspected that she'd called him an idiot.

Slipping back into bed under the covers he chuckled at the sight of her glomped onto his abandoned pillow.

"You know Ror, usually it's the girl complaining about there not being cuddling after sex." he said wryly and moved towards her.

Rory raised her head up and looked over her shoulder at him, "It's 6:30 in the morning and you kept me awake till 4:20 something," she growled, "and I do love you dearly but

hush up and GO TO SLEEP before I have to explain to the authorities just why you needed killin' ." Sadly her bed head ruined any menacing look she was going for and just made him more amused.

"Please, like there would be any kind of authority figures involved. If you DID murder me, my ass would by in no less then three barrels of sulfuric acid and those would be buried in two states four states away from here.." he tease. "And anyway you're really just pissed because I won the last slice of pizza last night when we were playing go-fish."

"Bastard." she grumbled, "I still say you palmed those fives."

Tucking her up against him, he fought back a snicker when Rory abandoned the pillow so that she could snuggled even closer dispite her being annoyed with him.

"You know Rory, you're mostly naked what with only wearing my shirt and I'm only wearing a pair of boxers so..." he trailed off suggestively.

"Again, you kept me up until 4:20 something Tristan," Rory complained, "And if that's the best you line you can come up with, two words; Purple Nurple." she ended in a growl.

Tristan was just as sleepy as Rory but the opportunity to jerk her chain had been too

great of a temptation and also for him to test the waters to see if their relationship

was going to change like Lane and Finn's had after they had fornicated while both were

still sober. "...Understood. Sleeping now." he yawned and settled down to go back to

sleep, hearing Rory still threatening bodily harm for waking her up released a tension in

his shoulders he hadn't realized was there and he was asleep within minutes after closing

his eyes.

Somewhere Outside Stars Hollow...

Emily adjusted the bandolier of shotgun shells hung over her shoulder and gave her rat flail a good shake to agitate the rat Richard had found in the mansion's attic the night before, after seeing that it still wanted to attack her she slipped it and the lead pipe it was tied to into the heavy leather bag she had made for it.

Richard shook his head as he watched her setting aside her "ratbag" and start to load the shotgun she'd brought. She had not been joking that those were the only things she would consider bringing. So that left him to carry everything else, although has _was_ thinking of using the extra heavy backpack as a shield when she found out that he had also packed two pool floaties to use as air mattresses and a two person tent so that they could camp out and live off of the store bought supplies and the land because he was planning for them to be hunting the creature they had seen for a couple of days.

As they headed off into the woods Emily eyed the backpack Richard was carrying, in annoyance. "If he thinks I'm staying out here tonight, sleeping on a pool flotation

device in little more then a pup tent I'm introducing him to Spanky, that tazer gun

Lorelai picked up for me at that last yard sale she went to." She muttered to herself and patted her jacket pocket where she had slipped Spanky into earlier.


	112. Chapter 112

Friday Afternoon

Somewhere in the woods

Couldn't you have just had a heart attack like a normal man your age?" Emily hissed and re-adjusted her hold on Richard.

"How is me dropping either dead or near dead because I had a heart attack better then this?" Richard countered.

"Because you not only brought this on yourself but I'm going to have to listen to Lorelai's endless taunting of you." Emily shot back annoyed.

"How in the hell is this my fault and why would she taunt me about it?" Richard asked confused and a second later bite back a moan of pain.

Emily just shook her head and continued to help him back to their car.

Two hours later Lorelai rushed into the ER and looked around for her mother, spotting her near a potted ficus in the corner near the magazine rack.

"Mom, what happened?" she asked as she rushed over to the very tired looking Gilmore matriarch.

Emily barley spared her a glance, "Your father had an accident in the woods." she said

simply and continued to read the article in Rural Monthly on who to contact and how to

act saner then you probably are when the authorities that you just called show up and you

show them your mysteriously mutilated livestock.

"What kind of accident?" Lorelai pressed worriedly.

"The kind like you think you've sat on a snake and been bitten on the ass." Emily shrugged.

"OH MY GOD!" Lorelai gasped and sat down into the chair next to her mother, "Is he going to be alright."

"The doctor came out a few minutes ago and said that they got the splinter out and that he'll be able to go home soon."

"Splinter? From what?"

"The log he sat on."

"Okay, but what about the snake bite?"

_sigh, _"There was no snake bite."

"But you said..."

"I said that he THOUGHT he'd been bitten by a snake."

"How does one go from sitting on a log and getting a splinter in the butt to thinking that they've been snake bite instead?"

"One gets that way after forcing your wife to spent the night in the forest because you

got them lost while looking for Bigfoot that in the end turned out to be nothing more

then his ex-best friend's Russian bride who tried to eat SOMEBODY'S rat flail when they

were attempting to get a good camera angle of the slap fight said bride's husband and the

wronged spouse's ass-crack other half were having in front of the shack the bride had

built." Emily ranted waving the magazine she'd unconsciously rolled into a tube in the air like a baton.

"...meaning; after he sat down and yelped, you screamed 'snake' and pointed didn't you?"

"Yeh," Emily smirked, her sudden burst of anger fading fast leaving a sense of accomplishment in its place "works every time."


	113. Chapter 113

**Saturday Afternoon**

**Dragon Fly Inn**

As she hammered in another nail into the shingles she had had to replace because of shoddy work from the original contractor, Rory sat back on her hunches and tried to think back to when this handyman thing became part of her job description. She was consoled by the fact that her mom was taking the initiative and was in the process of re-painting one of the rooms that had developed a bad case of poetic scribbles exalting Johnny Cash's musical talent soon after Michele spent a recent evening sharing cheap beer and equally voicing cheap shots at the females in their lives with Jackson and Kirk.

Inside Lorelai was taking a break from painting and was serving Mrs. Kim some tea and cakes Tristan had baked at home and had sent with her so that she wouldn't bother Sookie for a snack.

"Thanks for coming Mrs. Kim," Lorelai said gratefully as she sat down across from her pregnant boarder's mother.

Mrs. Kim looked down at the cake she had chosen from the pile, "My daughter said that you need my help with a potentially dangerous element."

"Yeah," Lorelai nodded and clasped her hands in front of her and rested them on the table, "There's a weird ass cult that's after Rory. First they blew up my mother's house and then when that didn't work they've been stalking her almost as bad as Dean. I'm afraid that the first time her guard is down that they'll retry the whole murder thing."

"I see." Mrs. Kim said thoughtfully, "Tell me what did she do to in cure their wrath?"

Lorelai shrugged and looked as clueless as she felt, "From what I understand, breathing. They think that she's the one fore-told of that will kill their savior The Golden Hamsters."

When she finished her explanation Lorelai watched interested as Mrs. Kim's face first paled in obvious shock and then turned red in anger, "Those little bastards are HERE?!" she yelled and slammed her fist down on the table with enough force to make the tea pot jump. "My father had dealings with them when those morons ensnared my brother with their pseudo-pagan cult-wanna be teachings. I had thought that that was the end of them, I mean he did sic an army of exterminators on them."

"Exterminators huh? Yakuza or Triads?"

"Orkin."


	114. Chapter 114

**Monday Evening **

**The high grass un-mowed grass in the front yard of a non-descript house in a suburb outside Hartford.**

Laying on her belly waiting for the losers in the house to get tipsy on 'near beer' which was a miracle in itself almost worthy of involving the Vatican, Rory squinted her eyes and tried to see animal shapes in the cammies Mrs. Kim who was laying not far from her was wearing.

"Why don't they drink the real stuff?" someone in the surrounding weeds whispered, they sounded as confused by the cults doings as much as Rory was.

"Because to them it's either mind over matter, or the fact they don't want to be busted for giving alcohol to minors." somebody whispered back.

That conversation such as it was amused Rory for all of five minutes...

"Why am I here again?" Rory whispered somewhat annoyed and bored.

Mrs. Kim looked over her shoulder at Rory and rolled her eyes,

"...Because this is probably one of only a few times in your life that you are part OF the mob of torch welding villagers instead of running FROM them."

The other members of Mrs. Kim's church heard her answer to Rory and snickered quietly, the her mother Lorelai already had her picture posted in many pulpits across the state and Rory was quickly gaining, Tristan wasn't doing so bad himself in the "Watch this person like you would an old man in a strip joint' department either.

Three hours later the half asleep group of seven made their move; one carried the lock picking tool of a misspent youth, another a camcorder to capture their victory on film, Rory carried a small stuffed life-like toy hamster she had bought off of EBay and had painted gold and Mrs. Kim was bringing up the rear with a vacuum cleaner.

Entering the home they found the Hamsterites laying passed out around the living room, quietly they readied themselves. One stood by the front door under the guise of being the look out when in fact she was ready to be the first one out even if she had to trip her sister to do so, one went and plugged in the vacuum cleaner, two others were in charge of moving the makeshift alter from a candle lit corner, to the middle of the room, the one in charge of the camcorder was getting into position for getting the best shots, Mrs. Kim was riffling through purses of the female cult members looking for money she could place in the collection plate come the next church service she attended and Rory

was placing the golden hamster onto the gaudy scarf covered card table

that had been moved to the center of the room.

Stuffing the 'donations' in her pockets Mrs. Kim moved over to Rory and handed her the vacuum's nozzle. Holding her right hand up high she splayed her fingers out and after a moment curled a finger down with each heart beat. As soon as her index finger was down she stepped on the on switch and bought the vacuum to life. It was and older model from the days before mother's gave a damn about wither or not it bothered their children who where doing their homework because they had house work to do so either move out of the room if it's bothering your concentration or shut your pie hole...

The Hamsterites jerked awake and sat stunned at the sight that greeted them; it was the golden Hamster, Leader Ermine foretold of after he ate some bad grape jelly.

"Well peeps, looks like you were right," Rory grinned evilly and held the vacuum nozzle over the toy, a second later it disappeared up it and there was a loud fooosh, thump noise from the vacuum cleaner. "Because oops. Now just look what I did." she continued to taunt them.

When the cops arrived half and hour later after being called about the noise coming from their house, the police found the cult members clutching each other and crying hysterically.


	115. Chapter 115

Sunday Night

_A/N Sorry this is late but between the "why in hell am __**I **__depressed" state I find myself in, my crazy ass dog, my numerous cats dropping kittens, the parents building a new house and leaving me to take care of this one while they are down at the other property working on it, and the fact that if I see Chad M. in anything other then the Gilmore Girls I loose interest in writing him, it was a bit of a struggle to get this one out._

**Sunday Night**

**Stars Hollow**

Binky was a squirrel on a half assed mission.

The Dumb One had come around that morning and made smug sounding noises at the newly mated pair. The One Who Found Binky did his best to make the dumb one go away with words at first and when that didn't work he hit The Dumb One in the face and knocked him out. The Dumb One had come awake after The Nest Mother turned the hose on him and he left in a hurry.

The One Who Found Binky was now sitting in one of those human cages well away from home because of The Dumb One's mother who had returned not long after her young had fled and had brought men in dark clothes and loud cars.

Now a few hours after it had happened The Cookie Stealing One, who was mated to The One Who Found Binky was in a rage and was following a few yards behind the twitchy squirrel as he bound down the sidewalk. He thought that it had been stupid of The Nest Mother to take The Pregnant One and The Funny Sounding One with her when she went to get The One Who Found Binky back from the men in who had come and taken him away and thus leaving The Cookie Stealing One alone. Alone to plan and plot with Binky being the only voice of reason and since she couldn't understand his chirps and clicks he gave up and decided to at least help in his own way otherwise she might get offended by his lack of faith and then he might wake up dead or worse, because there was nothing more pathetic looking then a squirrel that had had the fluffy removed from it's tail and he had seen her eyeballing his tail once when he had sided against her for the reward of a cookie from The Nest Mother.

After making sure nobody was home and slipping inside the house through an open window (open after Rory threw a brick through it): there was the dumping of the cleaning products from under his bathroom sink into Dean's toilet that she then covered tightly with plastic wrap to trap the fumes and hopefully give him on hell of and enema if it worked like the anarchists bible said it would. Next she went into the garage got some gasoline, the lawnmower that was rarely used. Rory then made homemade napalm with it in a metal bucket she had scrounged up. She quickly poured the noxious mess around sofa and chairs in the hopes that when anyone sat down in them the floor would be weakened enough to cause them to crash through. Sure it smelled bad but she was counting on the fact he was suffering from a broke nose and his mother was having a major allergy attack hence making her nose stuffed up and useless.

Rory then as a final act of revenge, before he and his mother returned from the hospital, set some mouse traps in a couple of strategic areas around his bedroom. The shrine she found in his closet disturb her and it wasn't really so much that he had sculpted her likeness in rotten fruit and used and old mop head as her hair that had her backing out of the space slowly, it was the fact that he was burning stripes of fried bacon instead of incense that had her creeped out.

Binky had sat and watched her calmly from his perch atop The Dumb One's dresser after leaving a pile of droppings for The Dumb One under his pillow. After having witnessed first hand the danger of the things she was laying around The Dumb One's bedroom Binky scrambled up onto on her shoulder for safety while she finished up with them. He thought the two she had put into The Dumb One's bed was a stroke of genius and if The Dumb One lay down just right there would no longer be the fear that he would sire anymore of his kind. In Binky's mind the little one The Pregnant One carried was not really being counted as The Dumb One's since The Funny Sounding One was claiming it as his own even before it was born.


	116. Chapter 116

A/n See I'm not dead

A/n See I'm not dead...Just stupid for deleting my saved stories folder without having backed it up first (wiped out not only my rough draft of this chapter but my 100mb of saved fanfiction stories and trying to remember what I had and where I had gotten it from has been more aggravating then me before I've had my daily four cups of coffee).

Sunday Morning

Gilmore House

'There will be pain, a lot of pain.' Tristan growled under his breath as he flexed his hand. In his mind echoed the rantings of that ass-clown and it just made him madder. Lorelai had told him that with that one punch he had broke Dean's nose and knocked out two of his front teeth.

'Don't know what's worse, him saying what he did or the fact he honestly believes it?'

"I'm just wondering how much school paste he had to eat to come up with that one." Rory chuckled and handed him a bowl of ice cream. She and the neighbors had been awakened by a scream only heard in medieval torture chamber's the night before and all her anger towards 'Mary Sue' having Tristan arrested was leeched from her psyche as it echoed through the air.

Tristan was no where near that state yet, "Gallons is my guess...I mean my gawd, telling me that I was only with you because I couldn't have HIM?"

Deciding to keep quiet Rory was halfway finished with her snack when a thought occurred to her and she looked at him confused, "Tristan?"

"Yeah."

"If you think about it, he backhandedly insulted me didn't he?"

"...Guess so." Tristan shrugged.

After that Rory grew silent again and sat back to finished her ice cream, "Tristan?" she said thoughtfully looking at the wall in front of her blankly, or at least Tristan was hoping it was blankly because if she was becoming enamored of the autographed picture Lorelai had of Liberace she had acquired when she blackmailed the singer Paul Anka out of it a couple of years earlier.

"Yeah." he answered wearily, the unholy gleam that was twinkling in her eyes did not bode well for him if he dared answer differently.

"He just got his car back from the mechanic." Rory informed him happily.

"And?" Tristan probed despite his inner voice of reason telling him he might want to step away from the conversation slowly and not turn his back on her for the next day or two.

"Do you think Paris might know some people that can help with its destruction and or relocation?" He looked at her disbelievingly and then squinted at her like he was trying to see if she were sick.

"Look," she huffed defensively having guessed exactly what he was thinking," I don't want him to start to get suspicious that it might have been me that 'altered' his house the other day, so just this once I am willing to outsource the project, but _they better listen_ to my idea."

Tristan nodded dumbly and reached for his cell phone to call Paris.

Two days later Dean and his neighbors were treated to the sight of his car atop his porch roof, with a life like stuffed sheep tied to its hood, dressed in bondage gear, wearing a scared look on its face and a sign claiming that it was Dean's Bugga Boo.


	117. Chapter 117

A/n Halleluiah!! The squirrels are singing and the dogs are tossing kittens in the air like confetti!! I have managed to actually sign in instead of getting that damn error page!!

**Thursday Evening**

**Gilmore House**

There were only a few things Rory DuGrey was really afraid of; Seeing her father in a kilt underwear less on a windy day; Finding Luke singing Karaoke stone-cold sober and having her mother give her the sex talk again were just some of the few she had figured out and made note of. The mangled eared, half starved, broken tailed, tabby that Binky had led into the house that morning, as the family was leaving for their different projects, was two seconds away from being added to the fear list(written in ink no less).

"Is that really a cat?" Tristan asked in wonder as the cat sat atop the TV glaring at anything that moved with its good eye. Binky was right there next to it happily curled up and asleep.

"Mom said it was." Rory shrugged, "Although to me it looks more like the baby of one of those Orc creatures from Lord of The Rings."

"Hey, she might hear you." Lorelai complained as she stepped back into the room carrying a saucer with an opened can of tuna sitting in the middle of it. "Don't you listen to her SnookyPoo." Lorelai cooed disturbingly at the cat as she placed the food next to it. "You are just the sweetest looking thing. Yes you are. Yes you are."

Tristan was disturbed by his mother-in-law blatantly lying to the pitiful looking creature to its whiskerless face "Wanna go see what Lane and Finn are up to?" Tristan asked backing out of the room heading towards the kitchen.

Rory snorted and turning on her heel headed in the opposite direction for the front door, "What and either listen to Finn's whack-job conspiracy theories that he disturbingly has proof supporting or be lulled to sleep by Lane's reading aloud from that damn book of baby names…again?" she countered.

"So then what would you rather be doing?" he drawled wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'm going to go get you a fortune since your "Hey lets listen to Richard" way is taking too long." she answered and rolled her eyes at his sadly veiled innuendo.

Tristan looked at her wearily a long moment. "B-but it takes time to make contacts

and learn the ins and outs of backroom deals." he argued, "You just can't go out and amass a fortune like Janlan embezzled from me, overnight without drawing attention to yourself."

"The hell I can't." she answered and flashed him a cat-that-just-ate-the-canary grin over her shoulder. Opening the door and came face to startled face with Paris Geller who had her fist raised to knock.

Twenty minutes, two thrown cups and a half-assed explanation later Lorelai was handing Paris another cup of tea on the off chance the girl wouldn't throw THAT cup and actually drink the bitter brew.

"So the let me see if I've got this straight; Doyle who had lent all of us a hand in our less then legal dealings was in fact nothing more then a college student doing research on "unusual" personalities for a paper due this term?" Tristan asked shaking his head at the other boy's ballsiness(1).

"Yeah the little troll's psych professor somehow connected me to the fictional name Doyle had used and figured he had better give me a heads up about what my boyfriend was really up to." Paris answered in a growl. "And before you ask it wasn't to hard for the Professor to find me since the only fact my future murder victim changed was my name, he called me London Feller."

"Aww, hell." Rory sighed and slumped back in her seat, "I bet the dumbass pulled the same with the rest of us too?"

Paris nodded and sipped her tea the unholy gleam still in her eyes, "Named you Arura Gilly-Gray; Tristan became Stan Gray; Lorelai was Lorrie Gilly. It's the same for everyone else."

"Okay, that explains somewhat _how_ his Professor found you." Lorelai nodded to herself, "But why did he feel the need to contact you instead of just letting Doyle's scam run its course and flunk him if nothing else, if the Professor was having a problem with Doyle's tactics. Because hey, it really is no harm no foul as long as his paper doesn't get any kind of media notoriety."

Paris' look darkened, "Oh you are going to love this. It seem the moralistic Professor found it 'reprehensible' for Doyle to have stepped out of his roll as observer and became a participant." Paris growled, "He then stated that I should come forward so that Doyle could be dealt with as was fitting his 'crime' seeing as how since I am from an affluental family anything that dumbass documented either must have been a lie or he lead me and then by association you two astray."

"So who do we hit first, the Professor or Doyle?" Lorelai asked breaking the silence that had fallen over the room when Paris had finished her rant.

The grin that lit Paris face had Rory adding her to "Rory's List of Things that Scare Me." (Paris was now two spaces above the creepy cat but a space below Lorelai's cooking which had squatter's rights to spot number three.)

(1)This word is actually defined on Google; it is sooo being added to my MSWord dictionary. Why it wasn't already there I have no idea, freakin' thing has eBay listed.


	118. Chapter 118

A/n

A/n...Peeps, remind me never to attempt to play Animal Crossing DS again, darn thing takes forever to get anything done (unless you fiddle with the DS's clock setting) so much so that I felt brain cells wither and die due to boredom. And also a reminder that I also don't own the Gilmore Girls would be another welcomed reminder.

Saturday

Gilmore House

Rory had to grudgingly admit to herself that it was a good plan that Paris and Tristan had come up with. Her problem with it stemmed from the fact that it was more of a long term plan wereas her idea of 'Drag that meddling Proffessor and Doyle into a dark alley and beat the teacher unconscious with Doyle's bound with duct tape, leprechaun like body, because it would play hell with the investigation when the police tried to figure out what kind of weapon was used in the assault' was hindered because she couldn't figure out which alley to drag them into.

Rory also had to admit to herself that she was feeling a bit jealous about how close Paris was sitting next to Tristan as they looked over her outline for her revenge plot.

Lorelai sent her an understanding look from where she was sitting, because in that moment she saw the same gleam in her daughter's eyes that she suspected that she

must have had the night she came up with the whole 'Luke Gets Married To A

Complete Stranger While On Vacation' plan also known as "Luke got Pwned".

Lorelai knew that she was in denial about a lot of things but one thing she wasn't was delutional about her and Rory's bitchyness, so she kept her mouth shut when Rory slipped out of the house leaving the family behind as she headed off to enact her own brand of revenge, figuring that her daughter would also need some alone time to think of something to bring Paris to her psychological knees.

As she made her way down the sidewalk Rory addressed her two companions, "Well first we need a disposable sidekick if we get caught; Luke would be missed the first time mom got the craving for one of his burgers and Kirk is out too because without the village idiot I'm afraid the next town meeting it would end in a slap fight between Barbara and my mom. Both have been eyeballing that title since they found out that it was a real designation and comes with a monthly allotment of a box of snack cakes and a thousand dollars. So my little furry minions, that only leaves one person."

So ten minutes later after letting Binky and the Cat use the sand box at the park as a toilet the three found themselves in front of Dean's house. The three had similar looks of mischief on their faces as she raised her fist to knock...

"Hmmah cossha meepah?" Dean mumbled as best he could which was a pretty good feat considering his jaw was wired shut and his lips deadened by a topical pain medication his doctor was experimenting with.

Rory called upon the time her mom had her jaws stuck together after eating a pound and a half of salt water taffy to figure out what he was trying to say.

"Look I'm only going to explain this one more time," Rory huffed and watched

from the corner of her eye as Binky positioned himself on the car seat

between her and her former boyfriend who was driving, Cat was sitting on the back seat glaring at the boy's hair like it was afraid the brown locks were going to attack first. "I need you to help me set up water balloons filled with permanent ink in a couple of places and in return I talk Tristan into not hitting you AGAIN until your back to fighting health and I'll also set you up with Paris Geller, she'll be looking for a rebound so you are sooo in. By the way I hope you remembered to bring that blow up sheep that some unknown persons left on your roof and remember we've also got to stop by a sex shop and get a couple of those blow up dolls."

"Umpah deel ki heef coo?"

It took Rory a few minutes to decipher that one, "I told you don't worry about it, you do this and all dumbassness you've exhibited after our break up is forgiven; just don't do it again. Or if you just HAVE to Moronville again at least do it in front of a camcorder so I can send it into one of those home video shows and make some money out of your stupid ass."

"Hubah nerk geembah jah?"

"Yeah it does sound like I want to pimp like a common Ho doesn't it? Anyway never mind that take a left here, Pete's Dungeon of The Beast with Two Backs is down this street right next to Pizza Hut."

The following morning no less then twelve sexual harassment charges were brought against Doyle and his now purple skinned Professor because of the objectionable way an inflatable sheep and two inflatable sex dolls were displayed in the courtyard outside Doyle's dorm. How you maybe asking yourselves did the insulted women know who to blame for the tasteless display? Why that ones easy, see there was a piece of cardboard leaning up against one of the dolls legs that said "Courtesy of Doyle and His Journalism Professor". Sadly Dean lost five bucks to Rory because he had thought that the women would have been smarter then that. After all, the Professor's name wasn't even used.


	119. Chapter 119

A/n I own nothing Gilmore Girls, nor do I own any kind of sense: I have just finished going page by page here at FFnet in the

A/n I own nothing Gilmore Girls, nor do I own any kind of sense: I have just finished going page by page here at FFnet in the Tenchi and Sailor Moon archives trying to retrieve the fics I lost in the 'Great Delete of 2008' which even a retrieval program couldn't find on the mess that is my hard drive. I am now going to go into YYH area to try and find my lost favs of that show...weep for me and donate a bit of belly button lint to the poor dust bunnies under your furniture in my name.

A/n addition; my extended family sucks and if they were young enough I would put them up for adoption...in another state under fake names but damn it they are decades too old.

**Wendsday**

It had been a week since Rory had drug Dean along with her to take care of Doyle and his teacher.

Paris found her sitting on a park bench watching the fuggliest cat she had ever seen chase Binky around the swings.

She sat down just out of slapping distance that is if Rory didn't want to make the extra effort and lean over. "That Dean boy asked me out when I was coming back from a hamburger run for your mom from Luke's." she said a bit dazed.

Rory smirked and leaned back against the bench's back. "Really?" she smirked, "Guess he liked that picture I got from your housekeeper more then I thought."

"Yeah well I am assuming that he asked me out because otherwise, he wants me to go dig up Orville Redenbacher." Paris frowned.

"...Okay I can totally see how he garbled his words enough for you to have come to that second conclusion." Rory nodded slowly and inched furtherer away from the blond.

"He does have a broken jaw and fractured nose Rory." Paris huffed.

Rory looked at Paris confused, "Fractured nose? When the hell did that happen? He was fine the last time I saw him."

"From what some guy named Kirk told me while I was waiting for your mom's order, he tried to order a milkshake at Luke's night before last and well some woman named Pattie who was sitting at the counter next to where he was standing, thought he said she was a geriatric perv who in her younger years was more then likely the inspiration for the book Lolita, so she hit him in the face with her purse."

Rory's eyebrows rose and she snickered, "Paris if that's what Ms. Pattie thought he was trying to say, than he probably did. She goes after anything with a pair of balls. Hell she's even hit on mom's lackey at the Inn."

"...That French guy?"

"Yep, I'm thinking of trying to get him to go after my dad." snorts "At least this time there won't be any surprises in the land down under unlike with my dad's last girlfriend."

"I wasn't sure that guy was gay, after all he was talking about soccer all manly like the other day."

Rory's shoulders fell disheartened, "I'm not sure he's gay either to tell you the truth but it'll make mom happy as hell to see the look on Christopher's face if I CAN talk Michael into at least stalking him a bit for a week or two...maybe she'll lay off the 'So I was thinking, if you two had kids now I'm still young enough to enjoy them without smelling like Ben gay and sipping my Metamucil from a thermos."

"Ouch." Paris winced in sympathy, "Makes me glad my old nanny is the only human contact I have at my house now."

"Hmmm, about that, Lane and FinnBob, as he wants to be called now," Rory said rolling her eyes heavenward, "are thinking about moving in with her parents before the baby is born. Mr. Kim and FinnBob have been bonding as they hide from their respective mates and lets face it between me, mom and Tristan our combined compassion towards Lane and her "Feeling fat" moments wouldn't fill a thimble."

"But, why should you HAVE to validate her?" Paris wondered aloud forehead wrinkling, "After all SHE was the one to get drunk and get knocked up by her best friend's boyfriend...or was he your ex by then...Oh never mind he should have been off limits either way."

Rory shrugged just as confused, "Beats the hell out of me. And uh, you know its Deans huh?"

"He wrote it down on a napkin from the burger bag after his confusing invite. Said he wanted at least ONE relationship where he had laid out all his cards." Paris grinned thinking back to the look of concentration on the boy's face as he tried to write small enough for it all he wanted her to know to fit. "I might as well tell you he said that he swears he was the one drunk that night not her and in the middle of their...you know...he's pretty sure he called her by your mom's name. And that he was happy Finn wants to raise the kid as his own seeing as how the baby might truly BE Finn's since Lane went skipping off from him when they came out of the room and drug Finn off into another empty bedroom. Said he stumbled home afterwards feeling a bit dirty because he figured he was being used especially after seeing some guy named Zack's underwear's waistband when he bent over to pick up his dropped beer."

"Alright I'll bite, what was up with Zack's underwear." Rory asked after waiting a long moment of silence for Paris to finish.

"It was Lane's. See not only did it match the bra she was wearing's color perfectly but her name was written on the band."

"Sooo," Rory drawled slowly, "if he's telling the truth she hooked up with Zack, got Dean when his inhibitions were low and then pounced FinnBob who by the way remembers nothing of the encounter probably because he was drunk off his ass and she did it all in one night at the same party."

Paris nodded "Uhuh like the ghosts in A Christmas Carol." The girls looked at each other wearing the same disgusted looks, and their shared "EWWWS." startled cat and squirrel making them pause briefly in their game of chase.


	120. Chapter 120

A/n Sorry about the lateness of this chapter, extended family is still ticking me off and now my dog that I raised from a puppy and owned for ten yrs decided to go off somewhere in the woods and die, leaving me angsting about her final moments and hoping it was quick...anyway I'm apologizing now in case this chapter isn't as humorous as I envisioned it being...

Saturday Morning Early┘real early.  
Gilmore House

Rory was dead tired when she trudged into the house a quarter to 1.

Tristan who had decided to wait up for his wondering wife was sitting in the butt ugly but strangely comfortable recliner Lorelai had bought the weekend before at an estate sale. The book he had 'found' buried with a stack of others in the Gilmore appliance graveyard lay open on his lap. He had planned on gloating that he was reading the book she had tried so hard to keep from him but seeing the state Rory was in gave him pause.

"Tough night?" he asked raising one of his eyebrows in a way that always drove Rory nuts because she couldn't do it with quite the same 'Vulcaness' as she called it.

Blinking at him with sleep heavy eyes she shuffled over and tossed a piece of paper with and eleven digit number written on it, onto his lap as he answer.

Now he really was confused what with not being psychic or anything, "What▓s this?"

"Offshore account number." she yawned and flopped down face first onto the couch.

"For?"

"Your new fortune." came her muffled reply.

"uh Okay." he said slowly, " I am assume that getting this has been where you disappeared to this morning leaving me to play nice with that French roasted-nut at the Dragon Fly, so how did you get it and how much we talking about here?"

"...Great grandmother Lorelai called grandma and them grandma called mom who came and woke me up. I was then informed that grandpa was too busy with helping the migrant workers living in grandma's trailer park to be of any use to ▒Nanna▓ so I was elected her sidekick after the dart landed on my picture.sigh I▓ve been in Chinatown all day playing 'War' in some dank dark basement with a bunch of gap toothed, baggy pants wearing, teenagers who were trying to earn the respect of their highly amused elders so that they would be allowed into the Migung dens. And its ten million more then you had before. We had been playing with yen and I got confused about the dollar yen ratio somewhere around hour five so when we were done I was figuring on a couple of thousand at the most, now go call the bank and quietly do your idiotic happy dance after you hear the amount and let me sleep in piece, 'kay?."

Taking his silence as a yes Rory settled down to sleep and Tristan was really and truly glad that he had kept his mouth shut instead of giving her grief about her book that had a character that was obviously based on him as it▓s anti-hero. 


	121. Chapter 121

A/n...nope still not dead just run into a ruff patch in life; Probably lame by other peeps standards but for me a it was a rough patch. :( Also having a case of chronic insomnia and refusing to take meds for it is so not helping matters but I would rather wait it out then become addicted to those things the Doctor wants me to use, short term it's as annoying and exhausting as hell but in the long run I won't be whispered about in the same tone as my cuz who "claims" to have PTSD, idiot actually used the plot from an old Chuck Norse movie as a recovered memory and the psychologist believed him. I don't know whats sadder him or his psychologist?

I also haven't been able to access my e-mail due to the fact I had 3 computer viruses and there was no way I was taking the chance of accidentally infecting someone else with those things that took me 15 hours collectively to remove them so as a kindness I wasn't uploading diddly and or squat because nobody needs that kind of hassle...

BTW I'm thinking one more chapter and then in the inspirational words heard in Korn's Twisted Transistor "Lets anesthetize this bitch". Already got started on another Gilmore fic. It has nothing to do with this one, meaning it's going to have whole other crazy...you have been warned.

...

Rory knew she loved Tristan and if turning a blind eye to the notebook with his outlined plans to trick her into signing college forms wasn't a clue to that fact then she didn't know what was.

In fact his twisted plots were less disturbing to her then what the desk clerk formerly known as Micheal had been up to with her mother in the little used Gilmore kitchen the week before. Where they came up with the patience to actually color each little tic-tac was beyond her. Although coloring them brown and then planting them around the Independence Inn and then calling the health inspector was...well it was sick but inventive she would give them that.

Rory was glad the pair hadn't realized squirrel droppings looked similar to rat because Binky was already acting weary of the humans he cohabited with after Lane(who lasted all of three days at her moms house before waking Finn up in the middle of the night and making him haul their six over stuff suitcases back to Lorelai's) forced him and the raggedy alley cat have a wedding, officiated by an amused Taylor.

Lane's argument was that the pets were living in sin and she since was afraid that how her baby was conceived already had a hindered the kid from being something other then the inspiration for a movie on Lifetime it didn't need any more immoral influences around it. Lorelai had been the voice of reason, telling her family to suck it up; the girl was pregnant and hormonal so sit back, take pictures for the wall of shame and enjoy the ride.

What none but Paris and Rory knew was that the wall of shame had gone digital and the web site the pair had set up was averaging a thousand plus hits a day, not bad for a dinky little free hosted site in their opinion. Both were waiting eagerly for Lane's confusing logic and asinine projects to make their appearance so that they could get some really good shots, Dean's history of stalking was going to be put to good use in that regard. They were saving a video of Tristan's happy dance as an anniversary download if the site was still up in a year.

Later that evening Lorelai stood in the prime location to witness the happenings of her family and took a deep breath hoping the weirdness exhibited by them would help calm her nerves; Lane was sitting in a corner near the TV rocking from side to side after waking up from a nightmare caused by a birthing video her mother had made her watch during her short stay at the Kim abode. Finn was attempting to put together some baby furniture and kept having it collapse "mysteriously" when he stepped back to admire his work, the need to actually read the instruction manuals didn't register with him...at all; Tristan bless his hopeful heart, was sitting at the kitchen table filling out college applications for him and Rory.

Giving herself a fortifying shake she made her way over to the couch were Rory was slouching down watching an old Marx Brothers movie, "You going to tell him about the "No way in Hell" letters you've already gotten from both Yale and Harvard when Richard inquired each school about how much yours and his tuition would be?" Lorelai smirked weakly and offered Rory a doughnut from the box she had brought home.

Rory shrugged, "You going to own up to Luke yet about him not really being married anytime soon?"

"Thinking about." Lorelai nodded, "Might be the smallest shock he gets this year." she added under her breath and looked nervously thoughtful, making Rory weary, Lorelai had worn the same look when she had decide they needed to have 'The Talk'. "um Ror, you know how Grandmother Lorelai's visiting with Emily and Richard right?"

"Yeah, she wanted to meet Tristan but Gran told her she'd see her in the sixth level of hell before she let her meddling ass near "The best thing Rory could ever have hoped to marry, what with her being all crazy and stuff."

"Oh good so you know already how she likes to 'fix' things to suit her own agenda." Lorelai sighed in relief.

"umm hmmm." Rory hummed and waited.

Lorelai was now wringing her hands, "Um, okay, this will be hard to explain but all in all it IS a good thing, just remember that I was young and stupid alright. See, I have gone to a going away party for my friend Abigail a month before my sixteenth, Abby was using her party as a last ditch effort to hook up with something other then Christopher because she thought he was the slime trail left after humans crawled from the primordial ooze. Anyway, the party was boring as all get out, the guys were idiots and a bit inbred acting so I got drunk and woke up the next morning in her pool house alone and wearing one of the waiter's shirts...I know I know big surprise."

Rory crammed the last big piece of her doughnut into her mouth and looked at her mother squinty eyed, "And that means what to me?"

"Well, back then it wasn't widely know to us somewhat sheltered girls that it takes something like 24 hrs for you to actually be pregnant, and I didn't know until Lane left out a pamphlet from her doctor that you have to be preggers for more then like two days before any test can be absolutely positive and that's with these way more advanced ones of today." Lorelai choked out.

"Yet again, that means what to me?"

Lorelai hung her head, "I took a home pregnancy test the DAY after I slept with Christopher and it was positive."

A few heart beats later it registered what Lorelai was trying to tell her "You mean to tell me, you got drunk slept with some random guy and are now just realizing that, that Christopher thing, might not be my actual father?! Wasn't there a DNA test? You told me that there was a DNA test!" Rory shrieked making everybody look up from their various projects. "You promised that there was a DNA test when I was six and pleaded with you to tell me he wasn't really my father!"

"Now, now Sweets breathe...that's my girl. Anyway come to find out after some snooping it was only a general blood test because Lorelai senior didn't want it to go any further, she wanted you to be claimed as his in some half ass revenge plot she had going at the time, mom overheard her talking to her BFF Hattie Winslow about how his parents, especially his grandmother had been horrified to have a Gilmore spawn related to them." Lorelai took a deep another deep breath and forged on ahead, "So the down and dirty version is; I slept with somebody else, took the test and it came back positive when really it shouldn't have if Christopher WAS your father, my grandmother is a manipulative bitch still hung up on the fact her high school crush refused to drop his girlfriend and take up with her no matter what she tried to do, and the final nail in that proverbial coffin is I'm an AA, Christopher is an AO and you're...an AB."

While digesting everything she was just told and ignoring the shocked looks on the eavesdroppers Tristan, Lane and Finn's faces Rory failed to realized Lorelai was making for the front door. "Who was he? Or do you know?" she suddenly called out before her mother made her escape.

Lorelai hung her head and opened the door, her fight or flight instinct was screaming at her to run; fight was silent having already taken off leaving nothing but a dust trail, "Yeah I know who it was, I still have the shirt and his name was/is written on the inside of his shirt on the tag, I guess the catering company laundered them for their employess or somethingsigh Luke Danes Babe, the shirt says Luke Danes."


	122. Chapter 122

A/N Yeah! I'm not dead...my computer on the other hand got down right critical for a while there sad part was it wasn't even a virus that did it, unlike the horror that struck my mums computer two days after mine went down anywho this is the last chapter of this story but fear not! I'm already working on another and will be posting soon...that is unless this thing pretending to be a piece of advanced electronic doesn't object(Operating system died wouldn't reload in any shape form or fashion, had to wait to get an upgrade for some dumbass reason known only to the gremlin living in it-both were forms of Vista-and now my modem is acting a bit buggy so I guess the little green beasty is still mad)

I'm also sorry this thing was done in only notepad...office 2007 is being a pain to get loaded says a dll file can't be found and guess what the sucker is sitting right there next to the *sigh* I might redo this fic at a later date and make it flow better from one chapter to the next...

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Staring down at the thing on the bathroom counter Rory felt a bit conflicted. She had been entranced by it for hours and on the one hand she was horrified and on the other she was a bit impressed; the last time she felt like that was three years before when Tristan informed her that she HAD in fact been accepted into Yale because of a loophole he had found. Not that her actually being there lasted that long(honestly what in their collectively Ivy league brains made them think anything spawned from Lorelai Gilmore should be allowed within 20 feet let alone inside a chemistry lab.)

Downstairs the noise of the family gathering for the Sunday dinner that Lorelai had insisted everyone attend was mere back ground noise to Binky and Rory at that point. The squirrel wasn't sure what caused his human's mate's near state of catatonia but he reasoned that it must have been something bad, so in a showing of solidarity he adopted the odd look on her face as his own.

Cat who had wandered into the bathroom after getting her fill of snacks from Luke squinted her good eye at them and then jumping up she lay down on the back of the toilet waiting to see what the pair was up to. Last time Rory looked like that that Tristan fella had to hide in the tree out back for three days meaning there was extra food for Cat and Rory's mother.

"Rory dinner's ready!" Lane called up the stairs. Behind her, her and Finn's daughter along with Suki and Jackson's children were in the living room reenacting "How daddy got his boo-boo because mommy's gonna have ANOTHER baby" for Emily and Richard who were clutching each other in laughter. On the porch Janlen was passed out drunk and his 'wife' was knitting a sweater out of some moss...nobody asked because nobody was really brave enough to hear her answer to "Why? Just...why?".

Lorelai was waddling around the kitchen stirring the bowl of instant pudding Luke had deemed even Gilmore proof, not that anybody was going to be dumb enough to try and eat it. She was getting some very odd cravings as her pregnancy progressed, she was even spotted in Taylor's grocery store eating some fresh broccoli. Dean who was having his own fits out of a two days over due Paris had the good sense to run when she discovered that there wouldn't be anymore until the next produce shipment in two days. Taylor wasn't so lucky and it took Ms. Pattie twenty minutes to find someone willing to help him remove the waste basket from his head seeing as how she couldn't do it because she was too busy filming.

"Freakin water supplies contaminated Binky, there's no other explanation." Rory grumbled having decided to go with "Irate" instead of "weepy and why me" then grabbing up the newest bane of her exhistance, stalked from the room and hoped that at the very least Tristan would do the normal thing and pass out instead of his 'victory dance';last time he did it in public Kirk wanted to take him to a hospital thinking that the DuGrey boy was having some sort of spastic fit brought on by years of aristocratical inbreeding by Tristan's forefathers.

Noticing that the girl/woman had left Binky chirped a "Wait for me" and bound after her leaving Cat to wounder why a blue plus on that plastic stick that smelled faintly of pee was so important.

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Another A/n Sorry if this seems a bit rushed but we're moving in a couple of weeks/a month and a half at most; we've been living here for nearly 20 years so not only am I going to be having to swing a hammer to help finish the new house I'll be sorting through all the crap I've amassed over the years also.


End file.
